A Bad Prank
by faith5bye5
Summary: Harry plays a trick on Snape,but is horrified by his extreme reaction.Major Snape angst.Revelations from his past and childhood.shows motivation behind our tortured potions master's quirky behaviour.Child abuse,insinuated rape.Gory descriptions& language
1. the road to hell

The Bad Prank

My first fan fic - please be gentle!

Harry tries to play a trick on Snape, but is horrified by his extreme reaction. Major Snape angst. Revelations from Snape's past and childhood. My interpretation of why our tortured potions master behaves the way he does.

Warning : Child abuse and insinuated rape in later chapters, but nothing graphic. Some gore

-R&R please!

Set pre OotP

**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;0_

Snape staggered through the forest towards Hogwarts Castle. At any other time, he would be gliding through the trees, silent, elegant and dangerous, ready to attack at any sign of movement.

Tonight, his hurried, faltering steps and gasping breaths were easily distinguishable on the night air.

As he reached a clearing, Snape fell to his knees and clasped his fists in the front of his torn robes, another wave of agony shooting through his gut.

The death eater meetings were becoming steadily worse as Voldemort, in growing paranoia, searched ruthlessly for the traitors in his midst.

Snape closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply through his clenched teeth.

A mirthless laugh escaped his lips, echoing through the trees; Lord Voldemort really was incredibly intelligent.

Of course, Snape had always known that, it had been his only reason for joining Voldemort in the first place. He had wanted more knowledge, more power; to prove himself to all the people who had used him or put him down and to show that even a Slytherin could rise to greatness.

Snape had never anticipated the sorts of horrors he would be forced to perform and endure in order to achieve such respect. That was where Voldemort had first lost his support, forcing him to do to others what had been done to him.

He couldn't do that.

The memories were too strong.

Snape hadn't realised in the beginning how willing Lord Voldemort would be, to abuse his skills of intelligence and intuition to find a person's greatest fears and weaknesses, and exploit them for his own sadistic pleasure and benefit.

He had found Snape's weak spot easily. Lucius had told his Lord the details of Snape's childhood at the first opportunity, in an attempt to higher his status in Voldemort's circle.

Voldemort seemed to derive a particular sense of enjoyment, in using Snape's specific type of torment to manipulate his followers.

A howl sounded from the depth of the trees and Snape inhaled sharply, filled with a new kind of terror. He shakily forced himself upright, wincing as he felt a trickle of blood run down his thigh.

Summoning the last of his determination, he stumbled onwards towards the school.

As Snape reached the edge of the forest he realised he could barely see for the blood in his eyes. He blinked and squinted, attempting to wipe away the blood with his robe sleeve.

He gingerly touched the deep gash at his hairline, which was bleeding profusely. It was by no means the worst injury he had received, but the blood loss was making him giddy and nauseous.

Pushing his soiled, black hair out of his eyes, he staggered on through the school grounds, barely visible in the darkness.


	2. paved with good intentions

Authors note. This chapter is a lot longer than the last one. Please read and review, constructive criticism is welcome (heartfelt praise is much more so;) and please inform me of anything that wasn't clear. I'm an English lassy so if people have any questions about the words/names I'm using for things please feel free to ask me. Any other questions will happily be answered too. This chapter is from Harry's POV. Enjoy!

I don't mind my story being linked to other pages, just please tell me where my babies are being taken, ok? ;)

Disclaimers: I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;)_

'I hate that bastard! Did you see what he gave me on that last essay? I spent all weekend working on that!'

'Ssh! Someone will hear us, Ron.' Harry glanced nervously towards the dormitory door, if they were caught up at this hour they would get into serious trouble.

'Naaw! Ron's right, Harry, he's getting' outta control…'

'I know, Seamus. We've gotta do something, and soon, otherwise Gryffindor will have no chance of winning the House Cup…'

Harry sighed ruefully, recalling the twenty five points he had lost, just for **_looking_** at his potions teacher in class today.

'What can we do though? It has to be something that'll wipe that bloody smirk off his face, and stop him acting so high and mighty all the time!'

Harry almost laughed at Ron's sudden enthusiasm.

'Alright! We'll make it something embarrassing, if he's really ashamed he might not even deduct house points! I mean, he won't want people to know that us five managed to pull one over on him, will he?'

'Uh…it'll just be the four of you.' Neville said quietly. Harry turned to see him sitting on his bed, staring at the floor uncomfortably.

'What?'

'Uh…I'm not going. I can't…'

'But Neville, don't you wanna get even? I mean, Snape took **_fifty_** points from you today just for sneezing!'

'Shut up Ron. He doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to.'

Harry took pity on Neville, he knew that _he_ would never have the guts to do something like this to the Dursleys, and Neville was even more scared of Snape than Harry was of them.

The others were all still staring at Neville in confusion.

'I…I'm sorry guys, but I just can't.' He looked away in shame.

'It's okay Neville. Dean, Seamus, Ron and me will do it. We'll let you know how it goes, eh?' Neville nodded in relief.

'Okay. So…what will we do?' asked Seamus, excited again.

'Maybe we should cut off his hair…

"…or dye it!"

"Well it's gotta be something that he can't cover up with those bloody robes of his…'

A sudden thought entered Harry's head as Dean trailed off. He looked up at the others and saw from their identical mischievous looks that they had thought the same.

'We'll take **_off_** his robes! He can't smirk at us then…'

'…the **_ultimate_** embarrassment!'

'But he'll hex us on sight!'

'We'll do it when he's asleep!'

'That's impossible! He'll wake up and…'

'…not if we tie him up or something! Then he won't be able to hex us even if he **_does_** wake up…'

'…but he'll see us! My invisibility cloak can't cover us all!'

'Hey Dean, we know a spell that'll work! Don't we?'

'Yeah! Me and Seamus used it to play tricks on Neville last year!'

'Hey!'

'Sorry, Neville…' Harry snorted as Dean and Seamus looked at each other sheepishly.

'That was you guys? I thought it was the Dementors!'

Seamus laughed, 'Come on Neville, what on earth would the dementors want with your Chudley Cannons collecting cards!'

Dean hurriedly interrupted before the argument could progress,

"The spell requires a lot of concentration, but quite frankly, I think the threat of Snape seeing us if we lose control will be enough to motivate us to keep it up!"

'Too right!'

'Okay! We have a plan. Man, none of us will ever be able to look at that git the same way again!'

'I'll never be able to keep a straight face when he yells at us in class…'

'Shame it'll just be us four that get to have all the fun!'

'Hey…' Neville stood up slowly, a delighted look on his face. 'Hey, guys, you'll never guess what I've got!' he crossed to his trunk and rummaged around, retrieving a small, square object that looked a lot like…..

"Colin Creevey's camera!"

Neville beamed, "Yep! He left it in here earlier, I meant to return it to him, but I doubt he'll mind you using it for such a **_worthy_** cause!" he tossed it to Seamus. Ron laughed.

"This is brilliant! We can send the photos all round the school! Snape will never live this one down!"

Harry smiled at his friends. "Okay, so this spell you know, Dean, you say it makes us invisible?"

"No, not quite, it just distorts your image and makes you look like a black blur." Neville mumbled something about dementors. "It's pretty cool actually! Snape will never recognise us."

"Great, so teach me and Ron. We'll do this thing tonight."


	3. lost amongst the ashes

Thanks to everyone who reviewed (I'll have your babies anytime) chapter 3 is up & we're back with Snape.

Read away……

Disclaimers: I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;)_

Snape sank into the shadows behind a suit of armour as he approached his rooms. He could see the stern silhouette of Minerva McGonagal at his door.

He couldn't face seeing her tonight, he never let any of the Professors, not even Poppy or Albus see him after the Death Eater meetings.

**_Nobody_** could ever see him like this.

He watched in silence for a few agonising minutes while McGonagal attempted to enter his rooms. He smirked despite himself, no one could ever get through his protection spells, even Albus had difficulty.

Snape slumped against the wall, exhausted. He could feel warm blood dribbling down his forehead again.

He couldn't imagine what a sight he must look right now, blood smearing his face and torn robes, unable to walk without limping and what felt like a dislocated shoulder keeping his upper body taught with pain and tension, not to mention all the minor injuries.

A sharp ache continued to throb in his gut and he screwed up his face, praying silently that Minerva would just leave and not wait for his return.

His plea was granted and he froze in the darkness as she walked swiftly past him frowning, clearly lost in thought. Once she'd rounded the corner Snape exhaled loudly and pushed himself off the wall with his good arm.

He swayed across the corridor and placed his fingertips on the door, muttering the counter protection spells under his breath. He almost fell into the room as the door swung open violently, but he caught himself at the last moment.

Avoiding the mirror out of habit, he made his way to the bed by the light of a tall candle burning in the corner.

He couldn't keep letting them do this. He couldn't keep going back to Voldemort; it was a joke on his part. He was sure the Dark Lord _knew_ he was a spy by now, and was just assaulting him each time to get at Dumbledore.

Snape felt a certain grim satisfaction, knowing that Voldemort's treatment of him was never discovered by Albus.

Although, of course, the Headmaster never failed to notice that he was shaky and more emotional for days after the Death Eater meetings, (it was so obvious that even his inane students often noticed) Snape had never shown Albus the true extent of his injuries.

He felt proud to be defying Voldemort so impertinently; thwarting his attempts to disturb Albus, who was, after all, their only real chance of victory against the Dark side.

Snape sat tentatively on the edge of the huge bed and tried to think calmly, wiping blood from his forehead.

He had not received any useful information for The Order in over six months now, something that Sirius delightedly berated him for, at every meeting. That bastard had no idea just how much he had to suffer just for the slightest chance of getting a snippet of information.

Snape sighed and stared blankly across the room, the familiar numbness of exhaustion setting in. A long, black wand was lying on the floor near the door.

He recognised it as his own and realised it must have fallen from his pocket as he had stumbled over the threshold.

He rose slowly and took a step towards it, but recoiled as the agony in his gut returned to its full potential. His injured arm flailed out, and collided with a potions vile, which overturned violently

The contents trickled away into the dark carpet.

Snape lowered his head and bit his lip in pain, tasting the familiar tang of blood in his mouth. Standing perfectly still, he looked down at his robes.

The heavy black material had been ripped up to his waist on the left side during his ordeal. He could now see part of his leg, cut and bruised from the attack.

An irrational feeling of exposure came over him and his hands began to shake.

He closed his eyes to wait for it to pass, but then realised he did not have the strength of will to overcome this feeling tonight. He reached carefully for the black drawstring trousers under his pillow and began the painstaking task of putting them on.

Finally done, he stood up and noted with satisfaction that his skin was no longer visible. He steadied himself on the bedpost as another wave of nausea hit him and the room began to spin.

There was a dark red stain on the bed where he had been sitting. He just had time to realise that this was bad, before it all went black.


	4. horrors in the shadows

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Disclaimers: I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;)_

Set pre OotP

Harry gave a shiver of sheer excitement as the four of them slipped through the portrait hole and hurried along the corridor to the main staircase.

It was strange to look at the friends beside him and see only three faceless, ominous black shapes. He noticed they had all grown much taller over the summer, and their blackened forms suddenly seemed quite daunting.

With a shudder he saw why Neville had thought they were dementors; they certainly bore more than a passing resemblance to the creatures. He shook his head.

No, there was no cold, sinking feeling in his stomach, no maniacal laughter in his mind. They couldn't be dementors. Especially as they were all giggling like morons. He snorted to himself.

"Shut up!" Seamus' voice hissed, "If McGonagal finds us we're dead!" but his warning was slightly undermined by his own uncontrollable sniggering.

They entered the Slytherin dungeons and Harry found himself hoping that they would encounter Malfoy or one of his cronies, just so he could see their expressions when they saw four 'dementors' in their midst.

As they turned the corner into Snape's corridor Harry stopped, struck by a sudden thought. What if Snape's rooms were guarded?

Everyone in the school hated the man, was it likely that he'd allow them easy access to the place where he slept?

NO!

Why hadn't they thought of this before? He covered his mouth with his hand. Hang on…**_his _**hand - he was perfectly visible again! Damn he had lost his concentration.

He closed his eyes tight and, clasping his wand, murmured the incantation to repeat the spell. Looking down he was relieved to see only a rough black outline of himself.

'Harry!'

He looked up quickly at the whisper and saw the others beckoning to him. They were standing right in front of Snape's door, about to enter.

'Wait!' he hissed in a panic, hurrying towards them.

He had to warn them, otherwise…but they had already pushed open the door. Harry waited in fear for a few moments, but nothing happened. He sighed, so much for his theory, it didn't look like the door had even been locked!

Snape must be more confident than he had thought.

Harry went silently into the room after the others.

The only light in the room came from a spindly candle balanced precariously on a tall, black candle stick in he corner. Waiting for his eyes to adjust to the gloom, Harry grinned, as certain similarities between the imposing candlestick and the dark potions master himself occurred to him.

Squinting around into the shadows, Harry made out the Snape's angular silhouette sprawled on the bed, fully clothed. He almost laughed to see his rigid potions master in such an undignified slump. A whispered discussion began as the others caught sight of him too.

"Man, this is too easy!"

"Is he really asleep?"

"Must be, otherwise e'd have attacked us already."

"ARGH!"

"SSSSH!"

"Shutup!" A stunned silence fell as all four of them held their breathe and cringed in suspense, expecting the worst. Surely Snape would have heard that.

Harry could almost **_hear_** the acidic insults, **_feel_** the pain of stunning spells…but none came.

He opened his eyes. Snape remained motionless on the bed. Dean was lying flat on his back in the middle of the room.

"Whoar! Bloody hell that was close!" hissed Ron.

"Sorry guys," Dean moaned, his Irish lilt full of shame. "I just tripped over that damn trunk!"

Seamus moved to help him off his hands and knees

"Hey look at this guys."Dean had obviously found something. Harry and the others tip toed over to him. He was holding an empty vial in one hand.

"Look, he must've drunk this, he wont wake 'till mornin' at least!"

Harry struggled to read the label over Ron's shoulder. It said **_"Draught of Deep Sleep"_** in Snape's delicate calligraphy. Harry knew that if Snape had made the potion it would certainly be effective.

This was perfect, Snape would never know what had happened!

He turned to Seamus, who had learnt the binding incantation whilst Dean had been teaching Ron and Harry the disguising charm.

"Go on then, do the spell."

"What, now?" Seamus looked uncomfortably at Harry as he nodded. "Look, man, I got no problem chaining up a naked professor, but chaining him to the **_bed_**? That's just wrong!"

Ron broke into muffled guffaws at Seamus' twisted reasoning, but Harry sort of saw what he meant. He frowned thoughtfully.

"Yeah…okay, that is a bit weird."

"Shall we put him on the floor then?"

"Uh yeah. Are you sure he wont wake up?"

"No chance, man, that stuff's **_strong_**."

"Alright then. We'll put him in **_that_** corner."

They took hold of Snape, and dragged him gently off the bed. Harry was shocked at how little he weighed; for a man as tall and imposing as Snape this definitely wasn't normal.

It was still dark in the room, despite the invading light from the candle near the door. They watched as Seamus deftly performed the binding spell.

Chains grew from the ceiling, the manacles flying to Snape's scrawny wrists and (to Harry's surprise) his neck. Snape was now suspended in a peculiar half kneeling position, hanging lopsidedly from his wrists, his long legs crumpled beneath him and his neck supported by the sturdy silver manacle.

"Okay, so now we've gotta take his robes off."

They looked at one another and simultaneously dissolved into fits of laughter.

Calming himself, Harry and the tallest black shadow (probably Ron) moved cautiously towards Snape. Dean and Seamus were still trying desperately to control themselves, by now bordering on hysterical.

Another tingle of excitement went through Harry as he knelt down and held the thin black robe between his fingers; they would be in _unimaginable_ trouble if they got caught.

At least none of the other teachers ever ventured down into the dungeons at night, so they only had to worry about Snape who had conveniently drugged himself to sleep!

Harry couldn't help thinking that perhaps they ought to have done this **_before_** chaining Snape up. They would probably have to rip the robe off now.

Dean and Seamus had just knelt down on either side of Harry when Ron gave a loud moan of disgust.

"Urgh… Oh my god, I think he's wet himself!"

"What!"

"You're kidding!"

"No, man! Oh God, it's all over my hands! Urgh…'

Harry couldn't believe this. He sat gaping in Ron's direction for a few moments in shock, and then realised that it was so dark that he couldn't actually make Ron out.

Why were they sitting in the shadows anyway? Snape wasn't going to wake up until morning. He raised his wand.

"Lumos!"

Light flooded the corner. Harry saw to his surprise that all four of them had returned to their natural forms in their shock. He looked over at Ron, who was staring at his hands, which Harry now saw were covered in something sticky that looked horribly like…

"Blood." Ron croaked, "There's blood everywhere."


	5. tears of blood

Keep those opinions coming please! 

Disclaimers: I obviously am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though.  
applause applause ;)

Harry stood up and backed away in horror. Gazing round the rest of the now lighted room, he saw the bed, stained with blood, Snape's wand, lying abandoned in the doorway, and finally understood why the door had not been locked. Snape must have been attacked!

Harry breathed deeply and leant against the wall, trying to calm down. It didn't matter what had **_happened_** right now. What was important was getting Snape help.

He may hate his potions professor, but not so much that he wanted him to die like this, in a pool of his own blood.

_No, just enough that you wanted to humiliate him utterly, in front of all the people that you know he's working hard to protect_ remarked a scathing little voice in Harry's mind.

Harry blanched, filled suddenly with an intense self-loathing. How could he have gone along with this stupid prank?

Oh, God, people would think they had done it!

No one would ever believe that the four of them had just **_found _**Snape like that, especially after dragging him into a corner and chaining him up for crying out loud!

A loud gasp broke the silence and Harry turned around, focusing in on the sound.

Dean had torn Snape's robes apart to find the source of the bleeding and was now staring at Snape's chest in plain disbelief.

Snape was thin to the point of looking anorexic. His ribs jutted out horribly and every muscle in his chest and stomach was visible through the skin. But that was not all.

The ivory torso was viciously marred by angry red welts and deep cuts, disappearing below his waistline, all oozing various amounts of dark blood. Malicious bruising coloured the entire left side of his taut chest and abdomen in merging shades of black, blue, green and yellow.

Harry was sure that the disturbing dents and bumps around his rib cage meant that Snape had at least three broken ribs, and the miscellaneous marks along his collar bone appeared to be the result of severe burns.

Harry had never seen anybody so disfigured before, but found it impossible to turn away in his revulsion. His eyes drank in the morbid scene before him, searing the image of the broken man into his memory.

His eyes followed a slight swelling upwards and Harry noticed that Snape's left shoulder was oddly distorted and twisted at a peculiar angle. With horror Harry realised that Snape's entire body was hanging from a broken arm.

He rushed forwards and put an arm around Snape's torso as carefully as possible to relieve the pressure on the injured shoulder.

The others were still gaping at Snape in silence. Harry looked down at his face. After the sight of his ravaged body, Snape's face looked almost beautiful, relaxed in sleep.

The haunting, dark eyes, that Harry so often found disturbing, were lost beneath thick black eyelashes. The distinct cheekbones and jaw line were less sharp than usual and seemed more delicate and elegant.

The thin mouth, constantly pursed in unease and faithfully prepared to deliver a cruel smirk or a cutting insult, was now composed and gentle. Even the hook of his renowned nose seemed an asset to his profile, adding interest to his features.

Only his thin black eyebrows betrayed any sign of inner turmoil. They twitched and flinched occasionally, frowning as he slept. Harry noticed Snape's erratic breathing and felt worried, did he have a fever?

"Do you think he's dying?" asked Dean shakily.

No one answered.

Ron bent down beside Harry, who had placed his hand on Snape's forehead. It was cool, not hot, but slightly damp with cold sweat. A strand of black hair fell across his hand and Harry swept it back across Snape's head, then recoiled in shock.

"Bloody hell…" Ron murmured, looking away.

The hair was matted and soiled by blood. Dry blood had crusted around Snape's forehead, but the hair was still wet with blood further back.

"Seamus for God's sake take the damn binding spell off him!"

Dean was shouting angrily, obviously distressed and unsure how to behave. Seamus stared at him in frustration, and said bitterly,

"I can't. If I could then don't you think I would have by now?"

Seamus shuffled uncomfortably as Harry looked at him in dismay.

"Why can't you take it off?"

"Well I didn't have time to learn how to do the spell **_and_** how to reverse it did I? I just figured we'd leave him there 'till morning and then one of the professors would undo it." He stared at his feet, "I didn't know something like this would happen."

They sat in silence. No, who could have imagined that this was how their joke would end?


	6. falling into flames

What do you all think of this chapter? We're back in Snape's mind again, these are his thoughts in his unconscious state. You're about to discover a lot about the enigma of his past…. And his reaction upon waking up chained half-naked in his own bedroom.  
Feedback loved and appreciated!  
Disclaimers: I obviously am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, I am penniless, and everybody knows full well that these guys belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is totally mine though. applause applause ;)

_The young women gently kissed the boy's cheek._

"_**Please don't leave mother. Not again."**_

"**_I have to _**_mea vita**. You know I do."**_

_She stroked his long, black hair, admiring the striking contrast of its ebony against the ivory of the snow._

"_**Please…"** he whispered, looking down at the floor. He tried desperately to stop his body trembling._

_She frowned. Her son rarely made a fuss about anything, something was certainly wrong. She placed a gloved finger under his chin and tilted his face up towards her._

"_**Severus. We will have a talk when I return."**_

_She spoke in the soft voice she always used to calm him. His dark eyes met hers and he nodded fearfully. She smiled. He was always so serious, so anxious to please her._

"_**I will return in time for your birthday, darling. Seven years old, Severus! I can hardly believe it." **_

_She smiled fondly and watched his small face light up. _

"_**I could bring back your cousins for your birthday if you like?"**_

_He cast his eyes down and shook his head quickly, recalling his memories of the boisterous older boys._

"_**I would prefer if it could just be us, mother."**_

_She looked at him strangely again. He stared down at the snow covering the ground. She didn't say anything. He knew she worried that he had no real friends, but he had never felt comfortable being with anyone but her. _

_She kissed him softly once more, then climbed into her travelling carriage. He had to restrain himself from leaping in after her. He watched her desperately through the window as she rearranged her black lace gloves and dress robes. She called quietly to him,_

"_**Be strong **mea vita**."**_

"I cannot be…" She had such faith in him, if only she knew how weak he was. She looked up sharply and held his gaze. 

"_**You can my love. **Nothing is so strong as gentleness, **and nothing is so gentle as true strength."**_

"**_Nothing is so strong as gentleness"_** _he murmured, trying to remember his mother's words._

_He looked back across the snow covered gardens to the old estate. Another sense of panic came over him. She would not return for another week. He would be trapped here alone with…_

"_**Mother, **please** don't leave!"** he cried shakily, turning back to face her. She leant out of the window to speak to him, but the magical coach had already began to move towards the gates._

"_**Please mother!"**_

_He began to run alongside. He could not keep up, no matter how fast he ran, the carriage was always just out of his reach. His long black robes threatened to trip him up, but he didn't stop. He couldn't breathe, tears were streaming down his face, but he kept his eyes fixed on his mother, shaking her head at him, sadly._

"_**Go back Severus! Severus, darling, go back to the manor. Your father will be waiting, he'll be worried, go back…"**The carriage was passing through the gates, if he could just make it through…but they were already closing and he was so tired, he'd never make it._

_He through himself against the wrought iron gates with all his might. Nothing. They didn't even flinch. Why was he surprised? He knew he was too weak. Perhaps he had just hoped that something would have changed this time._

_He watched his mother's face getting smaller and smaller through the bars._

"_**PLEASE!"** he shrieked, hysterical with fear, tears blurring his vision. He continued to whisper his pleas as his despair consumed him._

_He shrank to the ground, letting the darkness and the cold of the snow engulf him._

_Severus jerked his eyes up from the page of his book. He took a deep shaky breath and shrank further into the shadow of the heavy velvet curtains hanging around the window seat._

_His legs ached from sitting still for so long. It was dark now. He would come for him soon._

_He couldn't believe his mother had abandoned him here again. Did she not know? How could she not know? A whole week alone with Him. She had treated it like nothing. Was it possible that she had not noticed upon her last return? Surely she did not pay such little attention to his behaviour?_

_Maybe it was a test. His father often gave him those. But, what did his mother expect him to do? She had called out something before she left, what was it? He pictured her face in the carriage and tried to remember her words._

"_**You can my love. Nothing is so strong as gentleness."**_

_That was it! That was definitely it. Was that how she wanted him to stand up to his father? He rocked back and forth, his arms clasped around his legs thoughts spinning wildly around his mind. _

"_**Nothing is so strong as gentleness**_

_**Nothing is so strong as gentleness**_

Nothing is so strong as gentleness 

_**Nothing is so strong as gentleness**_

_**Nothing is so strong as gentleness**_

_**Nothing is so strong as gentleness…"**_

_The door creaked. He sat bolt upright behind the curtain and froze._

"_**Severus?"** the deep voice called playfully, **"Severus?"** _

_Each elongated syllable made the boy's skin crawl. The door clicked shut and the key scraped as it was turned in the lock. Soft footsteps circled the room slowly, echoing horribly through the large stone room. They stopped beside the window seat._

_Severus looked down, trying not to breathe. Two enormous black boots were poking under the heavy curtain. Strong hands seized his upper arms tightly. He let out a small yelp of surprise and as was hauled off the window seat and thrown across the room._

_He hit the floor hard and rolled across the floor into the wall. Stunned and wracked with sudden pain Severus just lay at the foot of the wall, staring up at his father in shock,_

"_**Get up you pathetic boy, even you aren't that weak!"** a fierce hand grasped his throat and yanked him up into the air slamming his body into the wall. He couldn't breathe, what was happening? A test, it was a test, his mother had planned it for him. **Nothing is so strong as gentleness…**but, that couldn't be right, that meant…_

"_**I'm stronger than you, father…"** he choked, fear rising in his gut._

"WHAT!" his father's hand tightened in outrage. The boy tried desperately to relieve the pressure on his neck, but his dangling legs could find no support.  
His thin body ricocheted as he was cast roughly onto the hard mattress, every part of him ached with terror and pain. He buried his face in the blank sheets of the bed and closed his eyes, grasping the sheets in his small fists.  
He couldn't fight back, that was what she had meant, he shouldn't fight against his father. It was a test of his character. Nothing is so strong as gentleness, Nothing is so strong as gentleness , Nothing is so strong as gentleness… 

"_**Nothing is so strong as gentleness, Nothing is so strong as gentleness, Nothing is so strong as gentleness…"**_

A fierce pain silenced him as his head was wrenched backwards by his hair. He tried to recoil as his father's harsh face forced itself within inches of his own. 

"I **_am stronger than gentleness, you worthless _rat_. I am strength itself. You are weak and vile, and you _**_shame** me."**_

_His father hissed the words slowly and deliberately, forcing the insults into his son's mind. Severus felt another tear run down his cheek. He knew what was coming next._

"_**You will be punished for your impertinence."**_

"**_No, please, father…" _**

_He yelped in surprise as he was backhanded into the headboard. A cold hand grasped both his wrists in a cold, iron like grip and forced them above his head. Another grabbed his throat, forcing his face down into the mattress. Blood was pouring from his nose onto the sheets, mixing with his tears and blinding him. He felt his robes being ripped away and a surge of dread and panic flooded his mind._

_It was important to her that he passed this test. Don't struggle, he thought desperately, she said you shouldn't. _

Nothing is so strong as gentleness 

_He braced himself for the agony. _

_None came. _

_He opened his eyes. Voldemort's thin red pupils were boring into him._

_Snape was standing in a dark room. A huge torch flamed in a bracket parallel to his head. The cold touch around his wrists and neck lingered._

_There was a long silence, while Voldemort's eyes studied Snape's body._

"**_Ah...Severus. You have always been something, of a mystery to me."_**

_A long, cold finger stroked his cheek. Snape didn't let his face convey the disgust in his heart. The voice spoke slowly, in an unnaturally deep tone. _

"_**One that I would have…unravelled…in time, naturally. However, a **faithful** servant has divulged to me, your…darkest… secret. Your **one,** true weakness."**_

_Lucius Malfoy entered the room, his long hair sparkling beautifully in the firelight. He stared at him in shock. Not Lucius, it couldn't be. **Lucius** had betrayed him? Well. It could have been no one else._

_The dark lord's eyes came to rest directly on his, and a burning pain shot through his left forearm. He gasped. The cold metallic grip remained around his neck and wrists. The slow voice hissed again._

"**_I have been informed of the…treatment… your father gave you. It appears that I have finally found a way to communicate with you. One that I intend to make use of…"_**

_A whisper of horror escaped Severus,_

"No…"  
But the Dark Lord was emanating with glee and already an arm was curving around him, ready to force him to the floor.  
"No!" 

He refused to go through that again.  
The scene before him disappeared.  
The feel of a carpeted floor beneath his bare feet flooded his senses. An intense feeling of pins and needles cramped his legs, and his head was swimming with nausea. His entire body screamed in pain.

The feeling of coldness remained around his throat and wrists.

He opened his eyes. The imposing, outlines of four people appeared before him, but wait…no, they were morphing into black, tall and malignant, like…how could this be? He had just escaped them!

He could feel his heart pounding wildly, the Death Eaters were coming closer, his neck and wrists were still being squeezed in a cold iron grip. His rattling breath was coming harder and faster.

He realised his black robes had been ripped off, they lay at his feet in shreds. Oh god, it would be just like before, they would touch him and curse him and force him to… 

"NO! No…" he desperately tried to scrabble backwards, but hissed as agony seared through his arm. A black shadow reached for him, its hand lingering on his face. He screamed uncontrollably, yanking his head backwards then gagged suddenly as the cold hand on his neck tightened.

"Don't touch me…" he spluttered, the figure drew closer.

"STOP!" tears ran down his face, the rest of the shadows closed in around him.

"I wont let you...not again…" he choked, managing to stand. He recoiled backwards, fighting against the coldness restraining him. His voice broke as his shrieked once more,

"I wont let you _touch_ me!"

He couldn't breathe.

His body was wracked with spasms and a fierce resistance met his wrists and neck. He shrank back further to avoid the frantic groping of the malevolent creatures, and slowly their presence faded into nothing.

contorted


	7. torrential minds

Ok my devoted minions, this is the flipside of Snape's waking moments, Harry's POV. Enjoy!

Please r&r!

**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;)_

"No…"

Snape murmured, and twisted fretfully in Harry's arms. At this abrupt movement Harry instinctively tightened his grip on the bare torso, while Ron Dean and Seamus leapt backwards in alarm.

"He's waking up! Why the hell is he wakin' up?"

"**No!"**

Snape's second desperate protest spurred them into action.

"Quick! What're we gonna do?"

"We've gotta go!"

"What and leave him like **_this?_** He's still chained up for crying out loud!" Seamus obviously felt responsible for that part.

"We could run for it and **get** help?"

"From who? It's like four in the morning! Any teacher will murder us!"

"So? He **_needs_** help!"

"Well hurry up, he'll bloody see us in a minute!" hissed Ron, hopping from foot to foot, anxiously.

"Everyone put the disguising spell back on. Quick!"

Harry released Snape, grimacing as he felt Snape's weight fall back onto his bad arm. He picked up his wand frantically as his teacher's eyelids began to flutter.

"Ok, when he wakes up, no matter **what **happens we keep our concentration on the spell, okay? Even in this state I'll bet he could take us all out!"

Whispering the spell Harry prayed that he wouldn't lose control of it.

If Snape found him here he would get Harry expelled.Probably tortured too.

_Just like Snape had been_

Oh God.

Snape would hate him.

**_All_** of them.

Harry swallowed bitterly. Snape had a right to.

For Snape to have people see him like this - it would be…unbearable.

He was such a private man. Now Harry knew why.

He hated himself.

God why had he gone along with such a **_stupid_** prank? It wasn't funny. It was sick. He deserved whatever he got.

Snape's eyes opened. He stared at them. Harry felt time stop.

Then Snape's breaths became harsh and erratic. His haunted eyes darted wildly between the four of them. Then his gaze flickered over the torn robes at his feet and his exposed torso. Snape's features contorted. His dark eyes, wide and savage, continued to stare at them in loathing. He shook his head violently. The chains rattled and his lank ebony hair fell across his sharp features like a veil.

Harry braced himself for the fury, the yelling and viciousness. He felt his disguise slip slightly, and swore to himself that he would not lose his control over it.

Harry staggered as an animalistic shriek split the air.

"_**NO!"**_

"No…" Snape was recoiling into the corner, his face filled with pure dread.He let out a sharp gasp and collapsed again, as the chains jerked his left arm upwards.

Harry rushed forward to help him; completely alarmed at his teacher's behaviour, but as soon as his hand swept over Snape's face, the man gave another heart wrenching howl of despair and wrenched his head back, away from Harry's touch.

Harry gaped in dismay, as the steel manacle around Snape's neck ripped a deep gash in the flesh and the man gagged in complete shock. Harry desperately tried to get hold of his teacher as he fought to regain his breath.

A wretched hiss made him hesitate,

"Don't touch me…" 

Harry stared at Snape in misery. He had to help him; he couldn't just let the man suffer like this. Snape wasn't in his right mind. He couldn't know what he was saying.

The ebony hair clashed with ivory skin, as it stuck to his gaunt cheeks, wet with tears.

Harry extended his arm again.

"STOP!"

This hysterical plea was so intense that the Ron, Dean and Seamus actually ran forward and physically yanked Harry away from Snape.

"You can't help 'im, man, you're just makin' it worse!" hissed Dean, urgently, shaking Harry with both hands.

"I wont let you...not again…" came the quiet, panicked voice, from the corner.

Harry whipped round and saw that Snape had managed to stand up. The skeletal man had recoiled so far into the corner that his chains were now completely taut. They were pulling on his wrists and neck, undoubtedly causing him agony.

Why was Snape doing this to himself? What had happened to him? What was he talking about? Surely he didn't mean…

The injured man drew in a long rasping breath and his raw voice crackled as he gave a final cry, filled with pain.

"I wont let you _touch_ me!"

A terrified silence hung in the air. Harry couldn't move. He just stared at the rabid creature before him with the utmost horror. What had happened to this man, that he had become such an abomination?

The man's wiry frame buckled and his muscles began to convulse violently. Harry's breath caught painfully in his chest at this pitiful sight.

How could it be that this ravaged wreck was the subject of such intense hatred by so many people?

A passionate fury, unmatched by any other, surged through Harry at the injustice of it all.

Snape was slowly strangling himself on the manacle around his neck. Harry didn't know whether this was intentional or not, but he would **_not_** let Snape kill himself in this deranged state.

The others must have had similar notions, because they all moved to help Snape at once.

Gasps filled the air as Snape tried frantically to draw back even further.

Harry had almost seized him, when a sudden, piercing white light flooded his mind and a torrent of mystical energy blasted his body backwards.

PLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASE REVIEW! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE…

(You got the message, right?)


	8. deep in the shadows of a glorious light

Argh! What just happened? Read on… 

(please!)

Please review, come on –you know you want to!

R rated 

**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;)_

Chapter eight! Harry's POV

Harry opened his eyes and winced slightly at the pain in his back.

Looking down, Harry saw to his horror that he now had four legs…

…Oh, no wait, those were Ron's gangly legs. Whew!

Harry realised that all four of their bodies were deeply entwined and stood up quickly. He discovered, to his surprise, that they had all been hurled through Snape's doorway and smashed into the corridor wall.

Harry had also finally lost control of the disguising spell, as had the others, who were all now perfectly recognisable and scrambling to their feet.

What the hell had just happened? He chanced a furtive look back into Snape's room.

The man was now unconscious, hanging from his wrists with his long legs crumpled beneath him. He was no longer in danger of throttling himself, but a small patch of blood was darkening the carpet beneath him.

Did Snape just attack them? How was that possible? The man was delirious with blood loss; did Snape really have that kind of power?

"Someone's coming…d'ya hear that?"

Harry looked at Dean. He was right. Hurried footsteps were echoing down the adjoining corridor. It had to be one of the other professors. Harry sighed in relief - someone would finally help Snape. But it also meant…

"Run…" breathed Ron, panicking, "run!"

Harry and the other three sprinted down the passage, back towards Gryffindor tower, away from the footsteps. As they turned the corner Harry paused and glanced back down the dim corridor, panting uncontrollably, but unable to leave without checking Snape was safe.

From behind the suit of armour, he saw the slim figure of McGonagal pause in Snape's doorway and gasp in alarm. She stood motionless, whispering to herself. Then cried, "Severus!" in a tearful voice, before rushing inside.

Harry retreated into the shadows and joined Ron, Seamus and Dean, waiting by the staircase. They began a frantic walk back up to the Tower.

"It was McGonagal." Harry explained.

"Oh, thank God." Dean moaned relieved, "She'll be able to help him. She'll tell Dumbledore."

"But what about the chains and stuff," asked Seamus quietly, his voice full of uncertainty, "Wont they…y'know…?"

Harry laughed miserably. "They'll never know it was us. There's not a student in this school who doesn't hate Snape for some reason or another."

An unquiet silence followed.

"We shouldn't have done that."

Ron murmured uneasily, "Did you see his face? The look in his eyes…I…" He swallowed and continued in a grimace. "I'll never see him the same way again. He looked so…weak…"

Harry had never viewed the castle so critically before. He glowered bitterly at the walls and tapestries as they passed.

All these beautiful rooms and walls, grand staircases and enchanted ceilings. No one ever saw the atrocities masked by this gleaming charade. The entire castle was built to conceal such things. Secrets hidden deep in the shadows of a glorious light. A light so inticing that none tore their eyes away to pity the wretches confined to the blindspot in the darkness.

Harry detested the untouchable optimism of this school that encouraged such ignorance. His stomach clenched with nausea as the image of Snape's tortured shell blazed in his mind, morphing into the scenery around him.

Harry climbed through the portrait hole, feeling centuries older than when he had leapt out earlier.

They traipsed up the stairs and entered the dormitory in silence. Neville jumped up smiling.

"What happened? You've been gone for an hour!"

An hour? Just an **_hour_**? Harry flung himself on to his bed and drew the hangings tight around him.

So much had happened.

So much had changed.

He smirked mirthlessly. No, nothing had changed - not for Snape. This was what he expected. This was his life.

Masquerading as a teacher, exploiting his knowledge, but so burdened by pain and nightmares that he alienates the people around him. Snape induces a terrible isolation to protect a secret that controls not only his own life, but could determine whether this war against evil ends in victory or defeat.

And he is hated for it.

So now Harry knew all this. It changed nothing; it was insignificant. Snape would not be rescued; his inside information could not be lost.

Nobody mattered in the grand scheme of things. In the fight against Voldemort, no sacrifice was too great.

Harry lay in the darkness, oblivious to the sounds of movement around him. He felt the world around him fade into nothingness, as the image of Snape burnt vividly in his mind.

_Author's note_

_Woah- got a bit philosophical on you there! I've gotta say that's not the way I had thought that scene would end._

_So did you like it? Hate it? Please review let me know._

Harry will be leaving the fic for a while now, enter McGonagol, Sirius, Lupin and Dumbledore……………………………

_Next chapter up soon!_

This was inescusable.

_dripping from his tongue_

Sadistic pleasure


	9. writhing on hands and knees

Hey everyone chapter nine is up! Another piece of the puzzle appears………oooooh! After this chapter things are gonna start moving real fast, lots more Drama! With a capital deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Of course we all know that NO REVEIWS MISERABLE AUTHORESS! You've all been wonderful at reviewing so far so please keep me informed of all you opinions and ideas! Thanks to everybody who has reviewed my work, it makes such a difference, I write much faster with inspiration! hint hint ;)   
**_Summary:_** Harry tries to play a trick on Snape,but is horrified by his extreme reaction.Major Snape angst.Revelations from Snape's past and childhood.My interpretation of why our tortured potions master behaves the way he does.Child abuse and insinuated rape in later chapters,but nothing graphic.Some gore-R&R   
**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;)_

Minerva McGonagall POV

Minerva McGonagall paced her room, listening intently to the ticking of the enormous, mahogany grandfather clock, standing opposite the fireplace.   
This room usually felt cosy, but tonight the rich red and gold hangings and cushions were crowding her.   
She needed space to breathe. Her nerves were fraught with anxiety. She had been awaiting Severus' return from his calling all night. The frustration and worry was starting to consume her. 

It was true that had never done this before. She had never really appreciated what a risk her colleague was taking.

She had always imagined that Severus just attended the meetings, made excuses to avoid going on raids, and listened to everything that was said, occasionally giving '_he_ _who must not be named'_ some scrap of information planted by Dumbledore.

She had never realised that Severus was himself interrogated and tested by Voldemort for any signs of treason.

It had never even crossed her mind, until… that day.

Minerva stared at the clock.

The scene replayed itself in her mind.

_She turned the corner into Snape's corridor. The place seemed even more imposing to her in animagus form. _

_Severus' door was open._

_She hesitated._

_She could hear voices._

"_**You didn't answer the question, Lucius. Why are you here?"**_

_There was a long pause. An ominous tension seethed from the room and Minerva recoiled slightly._

"**Well… Severus."** Lucius Malfoy's arrogant drawl oozed through the air**, "I have merely observed… that **some of us**, would appear to be less loyal to our master than others."**

_Another pause. Severus spoke, his voice slow and steady,_

"_**What are you saying, Lucius?"**_

"**_I _know_ you're helping Dumbledore, my…_**_friend." The word dripped from Lucius' tongue like poison, **"I can see it in his face. He has **faith **in you."**_

"No…no, Lucius you are mistaken, I…" "Expelliamus!" 

"_**Lucius, I…"**_

_Blue light burst from the room._

_Minerva started backwards as Severus flew across the threshold and his thin fame crumpled against the wall. Lucius strode out and yanked him up by his collar, slamming him against the stone wall._

"_**Perhaps I should let our master decide whether you are guilty or not."** Hissed Lucius._

_His ice blue eyes were locked with Severus' swirling black orbs. Lucius had both their wands clenched in his hand._

"_**Our Master already invades my mind, Lucius. Did you really think the Dark Lord trusted me completely?"** Snape said, darkly, his eyes burning into Lucius'._

"Ah, but he cannot interrogate you as…thoroughly, as he would perhaps like to, Severus."   
A cruel smile spread across Lucius' perfect face. 

"He has yet to discover your weaknesses." 

"_**I have none."** Severus replied sharply. **"I am close to no one, there is no one you could use to break me."**_

_Lucius laughed. A chill slithered down Minerva's spine; the thick fur along her back stood on end._

"_**No, Severus. I was not referring to someone you care about. That has never been an option when dealing with you."**_

_Severus gave him a look of pure loathing. Lucius tightened the pressure on Snape's throat and spoke again, very quietly._

"_**I've only ever seen you scared of one thing."** Lucius smiled viciously and purred threateningly**, "Severus, my dear Severus…**_

_**I think, I will tell the Dark Lord about your father."**_

_Severus' lean body went rigid against the wall. His haunting eyes searched Lucius' face, uncertainly._

"What?" 

"_**Oh, yes. I knew all about that."**_

_Lucius looked disturbingly gleeful. He continued in a soft murmur,_

"_**Come on, Severus, I spent half my life in your wretched mansion, do you really think that I didn't know **exactly **what your father did to you?"**_

_Severus' was now staring fixedly to the left, his jaw was locked and he seemed to be trembling slightly._

_Minerva was shocked, what had Severus' father done? She had met the man on a number of occasions, he had always seemed to be a gentleman, if a little intimidating, perhaps. God, what had she missed?_

_The collar of Snape's robes was still clenched tightly in Lucius' fist. Lucius raised the hand holding the wands up to Severus' neck and Minerva flinched automatically. _

_Nothing happened._

_She watched in suspense as Lucius gently brushed Severus' dark hair away from his face. He drew nearer to Severus and breathed subtly on his neck. Minerva shivered with disgust._

"I'd imagine that our Lord would make good use of such information, don't you? And who knows…" 

_He raised a finger and slowly caressed Severus' tense cheek, _

"_**we might finally break you…"**_

_Severus' fist slammed into his jawbone with a loud crack. Lucius staggered backwards, losing his grip on Snape's robes. He forced himself upright quickly and aimed both wands at the other man's heart._

_Severus was standing defiantly in front of the wall, his back straight, waves of fury emanating from his body._

_Lucius breathed deeply and slowly raised a finger to the corner of his mouth._

_It withdrew smeared with blood._

_Lucius smiled, but his eyes were stone cold and glittered oddly. His voice was tight and harsh._

"_**The next we meet…you will be **writhing** on your hands and knees before me."**_

_Minerva was horrified, she looked at Severus, but he was just shaking his head slightly, trying to look indifferent._

"_**You would never tell him, Lucius. You've always been a coward."**_

_The blond man tilted his head back slightly, smirking indulgently._

"**_Ah, Severus. You think you know me so well. But one can never predict these things. There may well be surprises ahead."_**

_The men stood tall, staring emotionlessly at one another across the corridor._

_They resembled opposing chess pieces, solemn and focussed._

_Black against white._

_Good against evil._

_Such cruel irony, that the white angel, of such shining beauty and physique, should be the herald of evil, and the gaunt, haunted skeleton of a man, shrouded in darkness and menace, should be appointed a protector of light._

_Lucius sneered despite his beauty. **"Goodbye… my **_**friend."**

_He ripped his eyes away from Severus and turned, walking swiftly down the corridor. _

_Severus stared blankly at the wall in front of him._

_Minerva backed into the shadows as Lucius' feet passed by her whiskers._

_There was a resounding thud as Lucius dropped Severus' delicate wand to the floor._

_The footsteps died away._

_Minerva turned back to look at her young colleague. His familiar, dark silhouette stood rigid and sharp. Severus' slender face had now turned to look at his wand._

_Gods, she wanted to transform and embrace the young man. She would never have believed Severus would have the spirit to punch Lucius like that! Especially with Lucius holding two wands. She was so proud of that boy. He had changed his destiny. It would have been so easy for him to continue on his path, be nothing more than a Death Eater… but no. Severus had fought against people's expectations and arisen victorious to fight for the side of light. He was a hero._

_But as she watched, her eyes shinning with admiration, his narrow shoulders collapsed suddenly._

_He sank his head into his hand and swayed, reaching for the wall, to steady himself._

_His fingers turned white against the stone._

_Minerva could have cried. She was such a fool. Severus was no hero. He was just a young man desperately trying to do what was right, struggling against pressure and anxiety, just like any other human being._

_This made him better than a hero; he was not some deluded saviour, with nothing more than a quest and a sword, no desire to do anything other than honourable deeds. He was a man. Menhave so many choices, so many weaknesses. And for a man who has suffered- as the one before her, to **choose** to be brave, well… that made him more than a hero._

_She could not watch anymore. He deserved his privacy; he deserved to be afraid. He deserved the respect of them all._

_Yet, he would never have it while this wretched war raged on._

_Minerva turned and padded away, back up the stone steps towards the safety of the light._

Minerva stopped pacing. She stared at the clock, then removed her glasses.   
That had been two weeks ago now. She had not spoken to Severus about what she had overheard. This was his first Death Eater meeting since that day. Minerva didn't know what to expect. She kept wondering what Lucius had meant about Severus' father. She had gone over and over it in her mind.   
She didn't think the boy could have been treated too badly - surely she would have picked up on it if Severus had been getting beaten at home. Still, she had a bad feeling, deep within the walls of her heart. 

Severus had been such a quiet child, always secretive; he would never have trusted anyone enough to ask for help. He had never had _friends_ to speak of. Minerva had not much liked him as a student; it had been so unpleasant to have him sitting in the shadows at the back of the classroom, a bony child, clad in black with lank ebony hair hanging down, shielding his face.

His manners, on the other hand, were so impeccable that they had unnerved her slightly. He held open doors for her and would address all teachers with the utmost respect when spoken to. He had also surprised her constantly with the amount of effort he put into every one of his homework assignments, always exceeding the required length and usually including a huge range of background information; facts that Minerva herself had sometimes not known.   
But Severus had been shrouded in so many rumours, proclaiming him an expert of Dark Arts, destined to be a Death Eater. Of course, Minerva had never been one to pay much attention to the rumours that consumed her students, but given Severus' background she considered it wise to keep him at a safe distance. She felt slightly angry, though. Severus should have known that he could talk to her, or any of the teachers. They all took child abuse incredibly seriously, no matter whom was the victim; they would have done _something_ to help him.   
But she didn't know what.   
Severus' father was a very powerful wizard, unless he had actually been seen doing his son harm by a reliable witness, then he could never have been accused of anything like that. Severus wasn't stupid; he would have known that. She sighed sadly; he had probably just wanted to save himself the embarrassment of having his home life become common knowledge amongst the students.   
It wasn't as though they didn't pick on him enough. 

Severus had had **no** friends. Now this is often said about people, but it is rare to find a situation where it is actually the case, especially at Hogwarts. Usually friendless people at least have others who are sympathetic towards them, but in Severus' world, it wasn't so much having no friends, that inspired such extreme isolation in the boy; it was having nothing but enemies.

Minerva suddenly realised that she had rarely seen him at meals in the Great Hall, she supposed he must have preferred to avoid the other students and go to the kitchens later or something. Maybe he just went without food for days at a time she thought She remembered seeing the boy arrive at class each day with a new set of bruises. That was almost the only way anyone could harm Severus.

He had been very skilled in the art of deflecting curses, considering his age, and he had never, to her memory, allowed himself to be poisoned by an unknown potion. The other students would resort to more physical methods: hitting him accidentally with their bags or tripping him up as he passed or, in Sirius Black's case, just punching him in the face whenever he was close enough.

She remembered the number of points she had been forced to take from Gryffindor for their actions towards Severus with a grimace. She'd been enraged that her pupils were willing to risk so many points, just to hurt an odd little boy.

She sighed. Who would ever have imagined that such a strange, twisted boy would later command so much of her respect?

Minerva could stand the conflict in her mind no longer. It had been almost an hour since she'd last checked Severus' rooms. She didn't want to wait in there, because if Severus returned and found her in his rooms he would probably think she had been poking around, and she knew how much he treasured his privacy.

She and Severus were very close now. He did not enter into companionship with all of the staff and she had felt honoured when he had accepted her offer of friendship. They never breached subjects of a personal matter, but had deep discussions regarding recent advances in the wizarding world and their long-term effects.

Severus' intellect, given his relatively young age, never failed to surprise her. He spoke twelve at least languages that she knew of, and his knowledge, although unmatched by any in the field of potions, extended to cover all aspects of wizardry. The young man was content to listen avidly as she discussed the most advanced points of transfiguration, and he had even recently confided, to her delight, that he was teaching himself to become an animagus.

Even with this close relationship, she had been unable to breach the subject of his childhood or his Death Eater meetings with Severus, despite her recent attempts. Severus had not divulged any information to her concerning his background or his involvement with Voldemort.

Whenever she tried to push the subject, the man would merely withdraw inside himself and make some excuse to depart. She had tried to relax him by talking about her childhood, but his eyes just glazed over and he become distant and wistful, but never hinted at or volunteered his own experiences.

She had only just, after all these years, managed to acquire the man's trust. She didn't want to lose that, Severus was such a unique person, but she couldn't help but feel that if he **had** been abused as a child, then a least a part of him had to resent her for not noticing, when she had a chance to stop it.

Minerva had been feeling guilty and ashamed since she'd overheard his conversation with Lucius. She had suddenly found herself unable to look Severus in the eye when they spoke and she was sure he was beginning to notice her unusual behaviour.

Making her way down to the dungeons via the staff corridor, she tried to prepare herself for what she might find when she entered Severus' rooms. Minerva reminded herself that she had the standard Mediwizard training and would be able to help if her colleague had been hurt.

She prayed that it would be nothing too horrific.

Though she didn't really see how it could be, Albus would have stopped Severus going to the meetings if he was being hurt each time.

Albus could never stand to see one of his children hurt.

She wondered if Albus knew what had happened between Severus and his father. Albus hadn't been the headmaster at that time of course, but he knew everything that went on at Hogwarts didn't he? But then, she couldn't understand why Albus hadn't informed her, if he himself knew. Minerva was Deputy Headmistress after all; she had a right to know all the facts concerning the Professors and students of Hogwarts.

Then again, it had been (and remained) up to _her_ to spot and prevent child abuse within the School. If Severus had been getting beaten, then it would have been her responsibility to notice it.

Had she been so blind?

God, Severus must hate her.

She shook her head sharply. This was getting out of control. Maybe she was just overreacting, perhaps she had misheard Lucius. She had been quite a long way from him in the corridor; he might not have said "father" at all.

Minerva pulled her tartan dressing gown tight around her shoulders and began to walk faster along the dormant hall, her wand clasped in her hand. She tried to tell herself that she was not worried, she was just checking on Severus to set her mind at rest.

But a nagging voice in the back of her mind knew that she was terrified, knew that with her feline sense of hearing she had heard Lucius say "father" and knew that **she** was responsible if Severus had been suffering abuse in silence.

Minerva was torn savagely from her thoughts as a rabid shriek ripped through the air, rising from the dungeon staircase.

She stopped dead in shock, her heart fluttering violently,

"Severus…" she murmured in distress, and began to run as fast as she could, cursing the fact that it was impossible to apparate inside Hogwarts. She could have been in Severus' rooms in a second, but instead she had to _run_ to his aid, and she was hardly in prime condition.

As she entered the long corridor adjacent to Snape's, another scream of pure terror rang through the halls. A flash of light erupted from Severus' corridor, followed by several crashes.

Her breathing was painfully jagged as she neared the turning. Panicked whispering and the sound of many running feet echoed into her passageway. By the time she finally burst round the corner into Severus' corridor, it was empty.

Minerva rushed to her young colleague's room and stopped aghast, unable to breathe.

"Mother of god…"

She grasped the doorframe, blanching at the sight before her.

Severus' emaciated body was hanging limply from heavy chains in the corner of his darkened room. He was not moving. The candlelight flickered across his naked torso to reveal the bloody gouges and lesions that marred the otherwise smooth ivory chest, one side of which was discoloured with bruising. His angular face was framed with matted black hair and blood was trickling down his face from a deep gash at his hairline.

The carpet beneath him was seeping with blood.

Did you like it? Did ya? Speak to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Sorry if I rambled a bit at the end there!

NO MORE FLIPSIDES

From here on story pace will pick up I promise ;)

Things are abouT to get……………...INTERESTING……………..……..

Mwah ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!

Prepare yourself for passion and DRAMA!

(sorry- I just REALLY like that word-SO meaningful…)

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(IT INSPIRES ME TO WORK MUCH FASTER I ASSURE YOU!)

QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, OPINIONS - ALL ARE WELCOME!


	10. too long in the dark

**CHAPTER 10!**

**sing**

**Here we go 'ere we go 'ere we gooooooooooooo,**

**Here we go 'ere we go 'ere we gooooooooooooo,**

**Here we go 'ere we go 'ere we gooooooooooooo,**

**Here we gooooooooo, here we gooooooooooooooooooo…….**

**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;)_

_Minerva's POV_

PLEASE REVEIW

"Severus…" she half screamed his name and her voiced cracked with emotion.

She staggered inside, hearing a loud crack as something broke underfoot, but she did not take her eyes off Severus. What the hell had happened to him? Had the Death Eaters attacked Severus here? How was that possible? Albus would have known if they'd got inside the school…wouldn't he?

She performed a number of spells in quick succession. Light burst from the ceiling, the chains disappeared and Severus was levitated onto the blood stained bed.

Minerva knew she had to tell Albus, he had to know, but Severus was close to death and she did not dare waste any more time. God, why hadn't she checked on him sooner? And what were the odds that this would happen on Poppy's weekend off, for Christ's sake?

The headmaster was highly skilled in the art of healing. Minerva didn't have the expertise to deal with internal bleeding, but she figured that by stopping blood loss from external wounds she would stabilise Severus long enough for her to get Albus.

She used healing spells to cleanse and close each of the lacerations in turn.

Then, scanning Severus' meticulously organised shelves, she located vials of Blood Replenishing Draught, Skele-grow, Burn Ease, Pain Preventer and various other necessary healers, which she then carried over to Severus, who was still lying on the bed, his skin almost translucent in the bright light.

The man looked strangely vulnerable and exposed with his room suddenly flooded with unfamiliar light. It seemed perverse to invade his personal sanctuary with this harsh light that he spent his every waking hour trying to escape. She lessened the light slightly with a flick of her wand.

She stared at her colleague's worn face. She knew people three times this man's age that had suffered less in their entire lives than he did in a week. Minerva had no idea how Severus handled it, but she intended to force Albus to make the boy stop this lifestyle. No one could survive in such circumstances.

She wracked her mind, trying to remember the correct dosage of each potion. It was ironic really; that the man lying there in such need of all these things would have known exactly what prescription of each potion was necessary.

Minerva decided to wake Severus up, he wouldn't appreciate being given potions without his permission and she couldn't risk making him more ill.

She leant in close to him and whispered,

"Enervate."

The cool black orbs of his eyes scanned her face as he drowsily came round. He seemed half blinded in the light. She stroked his hair carefully behind his ear and his eyes began to dart around the room.

"God, Severus, you have lived too long in the dark."

He gave a rasping cough, that in another life, might have been a laugh. His head rolled gently to one side and he caught sight of the bottles. She gave a weak smile.

"What do you need, Severus?"

He pointed to various bottles and recited dosages. Minerva measured them as accurately as she could manage and helped him to swallow, trying to control the unexplainable, compulsive gagging that inevitably followed. A thought struck her.

"When was the last time you ate Severus?"

He groaned and rolled his eyes, trying to sit up, to remove himself from the situation. She realised that he was already growing stronger. She was impressed; his potions had to be incredibly powerful.

"Answer me Severus, when did you last eat?"

"Not much of an eater really, Minerva," he smiled subtly and pulled himself up on the bedpost. She grasped his bony arm as he swayed unsteadily on his legs, but he pushed her away gently.

"There are other ways to keep yourself alive."

She didn't doubt it. Looking up at the towering shelves, sagging under the weight of hundreds of potions, Minerva felt herself believing that Severus could make _anything _possible.

"Where are my robes," he asked quietly, looking down at his bare chest. There were still some odd bumps under the skin, but the bruises and the cuts had been healed and she had cleaned the blood from his face and torso, although some remained in his hair. It looked disgusting, but no change there.

"Where are my robes?" he asked again savagely. She lost her temper. He was unbelievable sometimes!

"**Where are your _robe_s? I don't _know _Severus?"**She yelled in a patronising voice, laden with sarcasm,

"**I didn't stop to **_look_** for them, I was too busy saving your life!"**

He deliberately turned his back on her and opened a drawer, withdrawing a folded black robe.

"**I'll remember to find those _first_ next time, I'll just leave you hanging in chains with blood pouring from every orifice,"**

He froze suddenly, but she ranted on,

"**until I've ensured that _every_ bloody item of your wardrobe is in it's correct place!"**

The silence was deafening. Severus was still standing frozen with his back to her. She was panting slightly. He lowered his head and she sighed, feeling slightly ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Severus. It's just, when I came into this room…you were so…" she swallowed tearfully, "I didn't know if you were dead or alive. I didn't know what had happened…I _still_ don't…so I did my best to safe your life…you wake up and you ask what I did with your _robes_!" her voice had risen somewhat hysterically,

"God, Severus I was so scared…"

He nodded slowly and turned to face her, murmuring softly.

"Yes…I'm sorry Minerva, I didn't want you to see that…"

"Severus." She frowned, "I'd say it's lucky that I did see that, otherwise this night would have ended **_very_** differently."

The man shook his head sadly, "I'm sorry."

"Severus." She moved closer to the tall man, looking into his eyes, "This is not your fault."

He gave a bitter smile and began to lift his clean robes over his head, "That's debatable Minerva."

"Well, you know who's side I'm…" She broke off as he let out a hiss of pain, his robes stuck halfway over his shoulders. "What? Where does it hurt?" She yanked the robes down the rest of the way.

He groaned in frustration,

"I think I've dislocated this bloody shoulder," he touched it gingerly. She rested a hand on his chest to help him, but he winced again, "And possibly broken a couple of ribs too."

She snatched her hand back and smiled apologetically. "I only healed the external wounds, I'm not really qualified to do any more than that."

He nodded and smiled,

"…and you knew I wouldn't be overly pleased by any mistakes concerning my internal organs…"

"…**_and_** I knew that, yes..." She grinned and looked at him in sympathy. Then she let the smile fade away.

"What happened Severus?"

He drew back sighing,

"Minerva…"

"**_No_**, Severus." She followed him backwards, not letting him close in on himself, "You are **_not_** getting out of this, you are going to tell me what happened, if I have to keep you locked in this room until you do!"

"Minerva, please." Severus' dark eyes were morose and downcast, "You know I don't like to talk about that part of my life…"

"That **part** of your life! Severus, this is your life!" she was backing him into a wall, "Your involvement with them consumes every aspect of your being! Your heart and your soul and the very fires of your **_spirit_** are being destroyed and everyday your will to live diminishes that little bit more…"

She was just whispering now, her voice choked. Severus was leaning against the wall, his face contorted, his eyes closed, shaking his head in denial. She stared at his face, seeing what had become of the impulsive young man she had once known and a tear ran down her face. This wasn't right.

"I won't let him do this to you…" she whispered tightly. "I am going to see Albus."

She spun round purposefully and went to pick up her wand from the desk beside Severus' bed. She wiped the tear from her cheek.

"I wont stand by and watch you suffer like this. I will not let the Headmaster ask you to do this for him. It is too great a sacrifice…"

"What?" this voice was so cold that she turned around, just to check that it belonged to Severus.

"I've had enough Severus. It's getting ridiculous. You almost died…you can't even bring yourself to tell me what happened…"

"I **_can't _**Minerva…" he spoke through gritted teeth, his lips barely moving, "…I don't **_know_** what happened. I can't tell what's real and what's not anymore."

His voice died away. His pale hands were locked together. She could see the fingernails of one hand drawing blood from the other.

"It's alright Severus." She covered his hands with hers. "You stay here. Don't try to leave. I'll go and get the Headmaster, he'll be able to heal you properly."

"You can't tell Albus." His eyes were wide and out of focus, he shook slightly as he stared at the ground. Minerva backed away from the tall, unpredictable man before her. She could feel the power radiating off him. She wondered cautiously whether Severus had his wand or not.

"I must Severus, I have to stop this. It's destroying you. The Headmaster should have stopped it long ago. I'm ashamed of him…"

"He doesn't know, **_Minerva_**." He hissed her name like it was an insult.

"What?" She breathed in disbelief, "How could he not know?"

"It's quite simple."

His tone frightened her; he was focusing all his energy on the words, barely containing his emotions.

"I didn't tell him."

"Severus he has to know! If only he knew what you went through each time he wouldn't let you keep going!"

Severus just stared at her, she thought she could almost see sparks in the air crackling between them, filled with mystical energy.

"I'm going to get him." She backed away trying to subtly pick up her wand without making Severus feel threatened. She was filled with panic as he moved closer, his eyes blazing wildly.

" Severus, Albus **_has_** to know."

She was so close to her wand.

No sudden movements

No sudden movements

She was concentrating so hard, that **_his_** sudden movement caught her off guard.

Minerva found herself pinned up against the wall, Severus' right forearm pressing against her windpipe. The young man towered over her, his hair, tinted red with blood, clashed against the unnatural paleness of his skin.

She realised he had to be bleeding internally if the Blood Replenishing Potion had still left him this pale. She was terrified; she could feel the pulse in her neck beating frantically against Severus' bone.

"Severus, please," she croaked, her fingernails clawing against his bare wrist, desperately, "You need help, the Headmaster…"

"Minerva, let me make myself clear."

The coldness in his voice was emphasised as it rang out in the echoing stone dungeon.

"If you attempt to tell the Headmaster, I will kill you."

Minerva stopped struggling, filled with an absolute terror. She stared into his eyes and saw nothing but the endless dark of the deep black pools. He was on the very edge of reason, utterly capable of delivering this threat.

"Severus…" she whispered desperately, "this is **me**I only want what's best for you. You can't **_handle_** this alone…look what it's **_done_** to you!"

She gasped painfully as he cut her off, jerking his wrist sharply into her windpipe. His eyes swirled dangerously and she felt his passion, surging uncontrollably through his aura.

"What I **_can_** and cannot handle, Minerva, is not for **_you_** to decide." He spat viciously, "And this is not what made the wretched **_creature_** you see before you…"

His eyes flickered away as he tried to hide his emotion.

"I was already broken."

Minerva held her breath in trepidation. Severus just stared coldly down at his arm, still cutting into her throat. The wrist was now covered in raw, half moon cuts from Minerva's cruel fingernails. He showed no sign of reaction.

"I'm sorry." She moaned, her cracking voice braking the silence. The man looked up dejectedly.

"For what?"

"So many things, Severus. I should have helped you sooner." He frowned at her warily, as thoughts flashed through his mind.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" he murmured, his stance dismissive, obviously wanting to avoid the subject.

But it was too late now, she had to get these feelings off her chest; they were suffocating her. She caressed her throat with one hand. Her voice rose alarmingly in speed and volume as she spoke. Severus shook his head and began to back away from her.

" I should have been there, Severus. I should have noticed at school. I should have stopped him. I should have realised before, I…"

Severus roared,

"**_Why_** did you come here tonight?"

His eyes were livid and his hand was back at her neck, her body crushed into the stone. She wilted under his burning gaze,

"I… I saw you with Lucius."

His eyes filled slowly with realisation.

"I'm sorry." A muscle spasmed in his gaunt cheek and his wide eyes looked straight through her. She stammered on,

"I overheard what he said about your father and … I just couldn't believe it …had to see for myself that…oh, God, it's all my fault…I can't…now that I see what he did to you…"

Severus tightened his bony fingers and she gagged, unable to breathe. He leant in so close that their noses were almost touching and hissed, his face contorted,

"You have no **_idea_** what that man did to me."

His face was pure white and his neck muscles twitched dangerously. Suddenly Minerva found herself falling to the ground, as he threw her aside, roughly. She landed on her hands and knees with a jolt and drew deep, heaving breaths.

Then, raising her head, she saw Severus leaning heavily on the desk opposite with both hands. His thin back was turned to her. Worry flooded her mind, despite herself. Was he hurt? Or just regaining control?

Moving as quietly as possible she reached for her wand on the table, keeping her eyes fixed the unstable young man before her.

As she felt the wood beneath her fingers she stood up quickly, aiming at Severus' back. She jumped as his voice cut the tension.

"Do**_ not_** attempt to hex me Minerva. You will regret it, I assure you."

She slowly lowered her wand, hesitantly. She felt highly disturbed by the quiet confidence of this man, although she could not see how he could stop her. Minerva was afraid to be in such close proximity to him now; she had forgotten, before, just how violent he could be when he snapped. She had underestimated him.

Rubbing her bruised neck, she edged towards the door, realising how lucky she'd been. If Severus had lost himself completely, she could have been killed.

That man had such power.

She glanced behind her to the doorway. What had she been thinking of, confronting him, with his emotions in this state? And bringing up his **_father_**? What was **_wrong_** with her?

"You cannot tell Albus what you have seen tonight."

Minerva spun around again, but Severus had not moved. His voice was flat and emotionless.

"The Headmaster will forbid me to return to the meetings and I **_must_**. Without my information and Albus' best efforts, we will **_lose_** this war. The Dark Lord has been sending me back in worse and worse states in an attempt to distract Albus. He cannot succeed. I have stopped the Headmaster from finding out so far. We cannot risk Dumbledore losing focus. I will do all I can to help win this war, no one knows better than I what we will be facing if we lose."

He straightened up slowly.

"I can't let you take this duty away from me."

"Severus, you suffer too much…"

" You are **_not_** one to judge such things, you do not know what I have done. I can take care of my injuries; I have done so for a long time. Albus has faith in me and I will not fail him."

She did not know what to say. She shook her head sadly and turned to leave. Severus did not understand. His soul was worth as much as anyone's, and he was sacrificing it out of some misguided notion of debt.

Albus would not want that. He would want to know, but she could not risk losing Severus' trust, not now that she saw how truly in need of help he was.

"Minerva, if you attempt to tell him, I **_will_** kill you."

She had no trouble believing him. Yet, she could feel nothing but pity for the man at this moment. He was losing what little control he had fought to maintain over his life.

She watched as he lowered his head and gazed beyond her, his haunted eyes unseeing.

"Taking one life to save thousands is what I consider a reasonable act."

Minerva watched him for a moment, in silence, then backed out of the room, escaping the piercing stare of the tortured young man.

Wahey!

Snape went a lil' bit mental! Did we enjoy that? Poor Minnie ;(

Review!

Please!

The next chapter will involve more characters, and then we'll start really getting in on the action!


	11. bloodstains

**Sorry this took a while people! I had some school stuff goin on, but the next chapter should be up real soon.**

**Enjoy!**

**Read and review!**

**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;) **cough** don't steal it you mangy curs! grrrr_

cHAPTER eleVEn

Severus cursed himself. He shouldn't have treated Minerva like that, she was the closest thing to a friend he had, but she **_needed_** to know that the Headmaster could not find out what he had experienced, under any circumstances.

He smirked. Minerva probably hadn't believed his threat. But, Severus knew he was capable of killing her if necessary.

There was a reason he distanced himself from emotional alliances.

He shuddered.

**_More_** **_than one reason_**

Minerva would probably convince herself that his behaviour had been due to the impact of his physical state. She always had to be so damn **_rational_**. Although, looking down at his white wrists, he thought perhaps she was right.

His skeletal fingers shook violently and the luminous veins on his wrist were bulging unnaturally through the frail skin, throbbing with the invasion of healing potions.

Severus cringed as he recalled how roughly he had thrown Minerva against the wall. Without her wand she was just a frail woman after all. It sickened him to see himself abuse his power like that.

Severus would never torment his victims before he killed them.

He could never enjoy such demonstrations.

Of course, armed with a wand, Minerva was a worthy opponent. Minerva could transfigure him into anything she pleased and he'd be powerless to stop her.

He smiled smugly; on the other hand, he was perfectly capable of slipping Minerva a potion to keep her trapped in animagus form forever.

Not that that would be a good thing; that woman did enough sneaking around as it was.

Severus rubbed his eyes wearily. **_God_** it was bright in here- why the hell...?

Looking up, he saw that someone -presumably Minerva- had conjured a cloud of Lightdust, which was now hovering awkwardly above his bookshelf. Reaching for a tiny box on his ingredient shelf, Severus took a pinch of the powder and blew it gently into the air, muttering an incantation. The light subsided. Only the dull flicker of candlelight remained. He sighed softly, closing his eyes and returned to his thoughts.

He couldn't believe Minerva had found out about his father, after all these years.

**_Damn_** Lucius to hell.

Severus smirked bitterly. Where else could someone as malicious as Lucius hope to end up? The man probably had a **_reserved_** seat.

At least Minerva had not discovered the depth of his father's abuse; she had not thought to remove his trousers when she'd helped him, and the small trickle of blood licking his thigh was proof that he was not yet fully healed inside.

He swallowed shakily. If she ever realised the truth...he could not face that thought. He couldn't live with such shame. He would have to leave Hogwarts. Where else could someone like him hope to be accepted?

He shuddered at the possibilities.

Severus truly appreciated Minerva's healing skills, limited as they were. External wounds required a series of potions to heal completely and he usually had to stop the bleeding the muggle way in the meantime. Minerva had saved him a lot of pain and effort.

Catching sight of his gaunt reflection in the mirror, Severus realised that he must be bleeding internally worse than he had guessed.

He was white as a sheet; his lips were completely colourless and the blue tinted skin around his eyes made them look like they'd been hollowed into his skull.

Even his hair looked more revolting than usual. The dried blood made the hair near his head look thick with dirt and grime, the long ebony ends hung in greasy strands around his taut neck.

The Pain Preventer was starting to wear off too; sharp pains stabbed at his gut.

Severus tore his eyes from the mirror in disgust.

Overdosing slightly on the Blood Replenishing Draught he decided to start concocting some more Skele-grow to mend his broken ribs, which he knew from experience were dangerous injuries to sustain.

Then he would have to call a healer from the village to heal his internal injuries. It was easier for him to get someone else to help in that area and then destroy his or her memory of it, rather than attempting to heal himself.

Severus looked at the clock. It was almost six in the morning now. The Skele-grow was brewing in a cauldron suspended over the fire. He needed to call the healer **_soon_**. Wincing, he lowered himself gingerly onto the bed.

He would have to do something about those bloodstains.

Severus stared distantly into the flames, trying to recall exactly what had happened that night. Blurred images rushed through his mind.

The Death Eater Meeting...staggering home through the forest...passing out on the bed... nightmares about his father, who merged into Voldemort, then...

What had happened **_then_**?

He had woken up...he'd been in his room and then....

Severus remembered the cold hands on his neck, agony in his shoulder, the tall black figures, the panic, the screaming and ...

"**Severus!"**

He leapt half out of his skin as the Headmaster's bearded face appeared in the fire. Severus could feel his heart thudding erratically in his chest.

"May I have a word?"

God, that man had such **_perfect_** bloody timing.

The old man smiled indulgently at Severus. "Sorry, I know it's early, but I thought you'd be awake. Will you come to my office?"

Severus stood up stiffly, bracing himself against the pain in his gut and shoulder as he moved.

"Yes, of course Sir."

"Oh **_good,_** see you in a moment then!"

With a loud "pop!" the headmaster and his beard disappeared from the fire.

Severus groaned to himself. Minerva couldn't have told Albus could she? He'd been so sure that she wouldn't, after what he'd said.

No. She would never betray him like that.

He needed to turn down the heat on his cauldron. He looked around for his wand. Where **_was_** his wand?

His eyes swept the room rapidly and to his horror he caught sight of it, lying broken in the doorway. He rushed over in disbelief. His wand meant **_everything _**to him, how could it be broken?

Severus put his head in his hands.

The familiar drained feeling of exhaustion returned, as the effects of the "Pepper Up" potion drained from his body.

He slowly gathered up the splinters of mahogany and the dragon heartstring core. He placed the remains in an intricately engraved silver box on his bedside table.

All he wanted to do now was mourn the loss of his childhood wand...but **no**. He had _responsibilities_, he reminded himself bitterly. He had to go and relive the traumatising details of his Death Eater Meeting to Albus.

At least, he hoped that was what he had to do. Unless Minerva had told Albus...

In that case, he would be forced to endure a degrading interrogation from Albus as to what really happened to him at the meetings and why, which would **_undoubtedly _**lead to him finally revealing the truth about his childhood.

Just another thing the Headmaster would love to _pity_ him for.

Severus had no idea how that man could always make people confess their deepest secrets. Anyone would think he had the whole school drugged with veritaserum.

No, of **_course_** not. Not an honourable **_Gryffindor_** like Albus Dumbledore.

Severus' ribs were aching again. He wished he could take more Pain Preventer, but he couldn't appear drowsy in front of the headmaster. The internal bleeding would have to wait.

Dumbledore probably only wanted a short talk, he reassured himself, moving towards the fireplace, he could call a healer afterwards.

Severus sighed and prayed that Minerva had kept quiet, before throwing a pinch of floo powder into the fire and stepping into the flames.

Not a lot happened in that chapter-soz

I just wanted to give Sev's POV for anyone who was interested- loads more action in the next one!

Reda and reviewa pleaze!

(italian accent- bit random I know)....

To be continued......(in english accent)


	12. fraternising with the fragile

Hey people, the adults are coming on the scene! Next chapter should be right up...

**Enjoy!**

**Read and review!**

**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;) **cough** don't steal it you mangy curs! grrrr_

Lupin POV

ChapTer TwELVe

Lupin shifted uncomfortably in the red leather armchair opposite Dumbledore's desk. Sirius and he had been awake all night. He sighed - sleepless nights were not uncommon for Lupin, (an occupational hazard of being a werewolf) but this one had been particularly trying.

He focused his mind back on Sirius' angry voice, as his continual ranting grew especially loud. Lupin had no idea where Sirius got the energy from; after escaping the death eaters' attack – abandoning their hideout - flying from London to Hogwarts in the dark – and explaining their situation to Albus – Lupin was exhausted!

Sirius, on the other hand, had barely stopped yelling since the Headmaster had ushered them into his office. Sirius had decided who was responsible for the Death Eater attack on them just moments after it had happened. Remus had been listening to him rave ever since. He couldn't take much more.

"I MEAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE! – That bastard **_must_** have known that there was going to be an attack an me and Remus– he's so far inside you know who's bloody circle, he probably **_suggested _**the whole thing!"

"Now, come, Sirius..." soothed the Headmaster's voice, "I assure you Severus had nothing to do with this..."

"Where is he then?"

"I don't know. As I've already told you - he was **_called,_ **late last night and I haven't heard from the boy since..."

"The **_"boy"_**? The man's a bloody animal! – He probably attacked us tonight along with the rest of those murderers..."

"No, Sirius. Listen child, I'm**sorry** you were ambushed, but if Severus had **_known_** about the attack then he would have told us. This is not his fault."

"How long do those bloody Death Eater meetings **_last_** anyway? It's almost light! Does he stay there all damn night?"

Lupin watched with sympathy as the Headmaster sank his head into his hand and rubbed his eyes. Sirius was still standing, towering over the old man who was sitting in the armchair behind his desk.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said slowly, "I do not know how long each meeting lasts. It undoubtedly varies, but Severus always reports to me afterwards, or owls me if he cannot come himself."

Sirius moved to interrupt the Headmaster, but Albus continued firmly,

"...**_However_**," he sighed, "Severus is always a little shaken after these encounters, he needs to be given time to recuperate before..."

"So you mean _Snape_ might **be **here? **_Relaxing_** in his rooms? And you won't let us see him because he might be feeling a bit **_fragile_**?" spat Sirius in amazement, gesturing wildly with his arms,"WE NEARLY DIED!"

The Headmaster slammed his hand down on the desk and stood up suddenly. Lupin flinched.

"**What** I mean, **_Sirius_**, is that I will **not** let you see him if you are going to be **VIOLENT**!"

A silence filled the air. The Headmaster's anger was tangible in the atmosphere and Sirius visibly shrank back. Lupin stood up, feeling that this situation was now getting ridiculous. He addressed the men before him in a tired voice,

"Albus, we appreciate that Severus may take offence by our presence, and we know that he couldn't have known about the attack or he would have helped to prevent it..."

He threw an exasperated glare in Sirius' direction as the man snorted sceptically,

"...but if we could just ask him whether he knows why it happened, and if it is likely to happen again, then we will stand a better chance of protecting ourselves." Lupin sighed and shook his head dispiritedly, "Albus, we still have no idea how they found us."

The Headmaster nodded sadly, "I know, Remus. I understand why it's****necessary, but Severus will already have been through a lot tonight and..."

"Albus, you have my **_word_,** that will we not harm him."

Lupin looked sincerely into the Headmaster's blue eyes. Dumbledore stared back at him for a moment then, with a warning glance at Sirius he slowly turned and walked towards his fireplace.

Lupin looked imploringly at Sirius, praying that he wouldn't wind up Snape. Lupin had given the Headmaster his promise. If Sirius didn't respect that, he would be furious. This was serious; they couldn't afford to let Sirius' ego screw everything up. They weren't kids anymore; he didn't have to put up with Sirius' stupid behaviour.

Sirius was not looking at him. He was scowling at the floor, muttering darkly under his breath.

"**Severus!** May I have a word?"

Lupin turned around to see Dumbledore talking with his head in the fire.

"Sorry, I know it's early, but I thought you'd be awake. Will you come to my office?"

Lupin frowned, had Snape been asleep? What about the Death Eater meeting, wasn't Snape supposed to report to Dumbledore afterwards? He shook his head, Snape had probably just been resting or something.

"Oh **_good,_** see you in a moment then!"

Lupin doubted that Snape shared the enthusiasm that the Headmaster put into those words, but at least this meant he was coming. It was smart of Albus not to mention that he and Sirius were waiting for Snape. Snape might have refused point blank to come if he knew.

Dumbledore sat down in his armchair and removed a strand of thoughts with his wand tip, placing them gently inside his whirling pensive.

"Sirius," Lupin muttered, sidling over to him, "please don't start any trouble."

Sirius straightened up and looked him in the eye. The passion etched into Sirius' face made Remus feel nervous.

"**_What_**?" Sirius hissed through his teeth, Remus closed his eyes, realising he had been wrong to imagine that Sirius could control himself where Snape was involved. "Moony, we nearly died because of that slimy git!"

Remus put his head in his hand.

"Oh **_God_** Sirius! Why must you always be so obstinate?" He groaned in despair, "Have you heard nothing Albus has said? Snape had nothing to do with it! Don't you think the man has more important things to do than finding ways to kill you all the time? Just lay off him, okay? I mean it."

Sirius was staring at him looking indignant and confused but Remus didn't care. He'd been awake all night and he couldn't put up with Sirius' attitude right now.

Remus ran a hand through his hair and flopped back down into his armchair. He looked up to see Dumbledore was smiling at him, with what seemed to be a sort of respect. The blue eyes were twinkling.

What was keeping Snape?

the scene is set.........(dark scary voice)

What did ya think?

Review please!

I'm working on next chapter right now... DON'T DESPAIR! - not that you would

(Soon) to be continued...


	13. from amid the sea of black

**Zxd Ok people- Showdown!**

**Oooooo it's so exciting, I can't wait for feedback so please review! I really wanna know what people think of it- okay?**

**Disclaimers:** I _obviously _am not claiming to own any of these characters, so please don't sue, everybody knows full well that they belong to J.K. Rowling and are kept on a tight leash. The storyline is mine though. _applause applause ;) **cough** don't steal it you mangy curs! grrrr_

Lupin jumped to his feet as Snape stumbled through the fire. Sirius growled softly and shrank back into the corner. Snape straightened up and brushed soot off his black robes.

Lupin couldn't see him clearly; he remained in the shadows near the fireplace, but Snape's eyes glinted eerily as the dancing flames were reflected perfectly in the hollow ebony eyes.

Snape recoiled as he caught sight of Sirius and Lupin, drawing his robes tight around his thin shoulders.

"What are _they_ doing here?" Snape's intense gaze never left Sirius' face.

To Lupin's surprise, the dark voice held none of its usual spite; it was quiet and emotionless. He shivered.

Dumbledore stepped closer to Snape's sharp figure. "They are here because they were attacked tonight..."

Snape did not move. His eyes burnt into Sirius.

"...by Death Eaters."

There was a silence.

"And?" Snape purred dangerously. Lupin knew had to tread carefully here, Snape was obviously daring someone to challenge his loyalties, and if he or Sirius said anything insulting...

"We _just_ wanted to ask you a few questions..." Lupin spoke calmly, to avoid disturbing the uneasy tension between Snape and Sirius. Snape raised a hooked eyebrow sceptically.

Lupin could smell a distinct scent in the air now. **_Blood_**. The familiar tang washed over Lupin, and he was disgusted to feel himself shudder with pleasure. Was that smell coming from Snape?

Snape must have been making a potion with blood earlier, Lupin assured himself, but he could not help doubting that Snape often made potions before six in the morning.

"I think, Severus, that it would be wise for you to co-operate."

The Headmaster spoke quietly. He was sitting at his desk, leaning on his elbows, with his fingers inter-locked beneath his chin. Albus was staring at his pensive, avoiding Snape's gaze.

Snape watched the Headmaster for a moment then sighed almost inaudibly. Lupin thought Snape looked especially strange tonight. His robes were hanging somewhat awkwardly and he seemed unstable on his feet. Even his revolting hair looked different somehow. Maybe Snape was just tired; it was very early after all.

Snape looked at Lupin, his defeated eyes full of resent.

"What do you need to know?" 

Sirius snorted and mumbled under his breath,

"_Why you **did** it, you bastard_..."

Remus closed his eyes in misery. He knew what would follow.

"What are you implying?" asked the tight voice, bitterly. Snape's hands clenched on his black robe, Lupin eyed him warily: where was Snape's wand?

"Why did you tell them where to **_find_** us?" Sirius shouted angrily.

"Sirius!" Lupin cried, glaring at him. Snape was a much better wizard than Sirius: if they had an all out dual, he knew who would win.

"Did you go with them, **_Snape_** - were you one of our attackers?" Sirius spat, beginning to advance on Snape, fingering his wand. Snape was shaking his head; his eyes fixed on the floor. 

"No, I..."

"Where have you been all night? You must have known about the attack! Why didn't you warn us you **_bastard_**? We almost died!"

Lupin snatched at the back of Sirius' robes as he leapt forward, but Dumbledore had already stepped in front of Snape, shielding him from harm. Albus spoke in a clear voice that split the air with its intensity.

"That's enough, Sirius."

"Why do you always do this, Black?" came the harsh voice from the shadows, 

"What are you trying to prove? - that you're strong, is that it? That you have the power to threaten me?"

Snape gave a mirthless laugh, "I've never met anyone weaker than you Black, in either knowledge or will."

"Ha! That's rich, coming from someone who hides in corners, cowering behind their protector. You don't know the first thing about strength Snape..."

Dumbledore placed a hand on Sirius' chest, his blue eyes were cold.

"Only the truly strong can afford to be **_gentle_**, Sirius..."

"_**NO**!_"

Lupin started in shock, as Severus lunged viciously at Dumbledore's back, knocking him across the room to the floor.

"**_That's not true you LIAR! You have no idea what you're talking about..."_**

Lupin was astounded; he had never seen **_anyone_** attack Albus. To see the wizard lying heaped on the floor was unthinkable.

What the **_hell_** was Snape thinking? Dumbledore was one of the most powerful wizard's in the world – and the **_only_** one who trusted Severus.

**_Why_** did Snape just attack him for no reason?

Lupin rushed forward to help Dumbledore up, but as he did so, a slight movement caught his eye. Sirius had raised his wand to aim at Snape, but Snape was just staring down at Dumbledore in **_horror_**.   
Sirius began to say an incantation, but Snape hadn't even seen him yet, he was unarmed... "Expelliarmus!"   
Sirius' wand soared through the air into Lupin's open palm. 

"**_Moony!_** Give me my damn wand! Didn't you see what he just **_did_**? He attacked **_Dumbledore_**!" Sirius yelled at him, livid with outrage.

"Severus...?"

Dumbledore had risen to his feet and was frowning at Severus in dismay, clearly bewildered and hurt at his behaviour.

They all watched Snape in silence. Lupin felt inexplicably nervous. He clenched the wands tightly in his hand. His senses were tingling with the smell of blood. He could hear Sirius' heavy breathing and perceive the disconcertion and shock that distorted Dumbledore's auror.

Snape had retreated into the shadows again. He now had the rabid appearance of a cornered beast. His breathing was demented; his thin shoulders were shaking, as though something had terrified him. His wide eyes flickered fearfully around Dumbledore's feet and his voice was jerky and tense as he spoke.

"I'm...sorry, I..." 

Remus frowned in concern, his mind on edge – why was Snape acting so strangely? He had never seen Snape use physical violence before.

In contrast to his malicious attitude and sharp mind, Snape was **_physically_** fragile and delicate – **_weak_** would be Sirius' favoured word. Snape was tall, but he had always been so thin that he didn't have the muscle to be a physical threat. Lupin had never before seen Severus touch **_anyone _**during a fight; he always defended himself with his wand, using hexes and curses to bring down his enemy.

Maybe Snape didn't have his wand, thought Lupin, - he hadn't taken it out, not even when he had seen **_Sirius_**.

Remus scanned Snape's body quickly - wondering if the wand was concealed in his robes –he frowned – Snape's entire frame was shaking. Maybe Snape **_was _**bleeding – he seemed to be going into shock, and the smell of blood was becoming more prominent. Lupin considered mentioning this, but then realised that Dumbledore would also have noticed Snape's symptoms and if the Headmaster wasn't mentioning it, then he must have a reason for doing so.

Dumbledore remained silent, completely focused on Severus, awaiting some explanation for his irrational behaviour. Sirius, however, had waited long enough. He strode forward and Snape recoiled instinctively.

"**Sorry?" **spat Sirius, "You're _**sorry?** _Why did you **do** it you _**psychopath**?"_

Dumbledore raised his wand warily, "Sirius..."

Sirius turned suddenly on the Headmaster, gesturing wildly with his arms.

"**Why** are you protecting this **_monster_**? You trust him and protect him where **_no one_** in their right mind would, and he repays you by **_attacking_** you like this? _Albus!_ Nothing you do means **_anything_** to him, he..."

"That's **_not_** true..." Snape said in quiet desperation, his head was lowered, but his eyes were locked on Albus' face. Sirius spun round to glare at him, but Snape just gazed desperately past him, appealing to Dumbledore.

"I know, Severus," said Dumbledore in concern, moving closer to Snape, his arm outstretched towards him in a gesture of tenderness, "You're not yourself. Please, tell me what..."

"I **_just_**..." Snape interrupted with a hiss, and shot out a warning hand to stop Dumbledore's approach, then winced and closed his eyes in frustration, lowering his head and clenching his jaw,

"I **_can't_**..."

Lupin put a hand on Sirius' chest, pushing him firmly away from Snape, who was now in such an obvious state of distress and anguish that Lupin felt compelled to intervene. Turning back to Severus, whose outstretched arm now partially shielded his face from Dumbledore, Lupin stepped forwards slowly.

"Please Severus, just tell us what's wrong..." 

Snape gave a twisted smile and his eyes glinted maniacally as he staggered towards Lupin.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a choked, hysterical whisper, pausing inches from the werewolf's face, "What's **_wrong_**?"

The sweet smell of blood surged through Lupin's nostrils. Snape began to laugh; his hoarse voice rang painfully through the air. Lupin backed away; unnerved by this sudden display of insanity.

Snape noticed this, and stopped laughing. His black, haunted eyes caught Lupin's purposefully, and he whispered imploringly,

"What's **_right_**?"

Silence.

Lupin stared into the eyes of the defiant, yet pitiful man before him. They were the same age, but in Snape's eyes there was an experience and knowledge that Lupin hoped he would not live long enough to gain.

Never before had he felt such empathy for Snape, but seeing him like this, so close to the edge...there was something tragic and desperate about the man. It was not right for anybody to be used in such a way, suspended so precariously between light and dark, unable to find peace or refuge in either world.

But Snape had**_ chosen _**his plight, well, _agreed_ to it anyway. Lupin wondered if he could have done the same. He didn't think so; he wasn't prepared to sacrifice that much. Was Snape a better man than he? Of course he was, Lupin thought bitterly, **_he _**wasn't even a man.

The worst thing about being a werewolf was being shunned by half the wizarding world. Snape was a normal man though, who had chosen to project an image that made others hate him in order to help Dumbledore fight against Voldemort. Lupin could never have done that. He couldn't allow people to hate him for being something he wasn't. He couldn't even live with being hated for something he **was**.

The ebony eyes in the shadows, which had held his gaze unfalteringly until now, suddenly fluttered closed. Lupin started. Snape swayed and began to fall; Lupin rushed forward and seized the man around the waist. The smell of blood grew stronger. He was shocked at how light Snape was; his waist was the size of a child's...how could that be? Surely...

He found himself flying backwards, the breath was forced out of him as he collided heavily with the bookshelf and fell to the ground. Putting a hand to his stinging jaw he found a tender bruise swelling there.

"Severus!" shouted Dumbledore, angrily, somewhere above his head.

"You **BASTARD**!" cried a voice that could only be Sirius'.

Snape had hit him? The man had been on the point of collapse! Where had he found the strength to hit him like that? Lupin stood shakily, ignoring a sudden head rush and stared at Snape curiously. It seemed this man would never cease to surprise him.

Lupin stared at Snape expecting an explanation. Snape looked down at the floor, his breathing irregular, obviously ashamed.

"Don't **_touch _**me." He breathed quietly.

Lupin frowned, indignantly, "Would you have preferred me to let you just fall to the floor?"

The silence that followed answered the question. Lupin looked away in disbelief. Did Snape truly hate him? He sighed and shook his head subtly; he would never understand this enigma of a man.

Snape's wiry body was now undergoing violent spasms, which were hindering his breathing and making him cough. His hands were clasped on his upper arms, rubbing them as if very cold, and he was bent over slightly, closed in upon himself, his shoulders hunched protectively.

"Severus..."

"Can I **_go_**, headmaster?" Snape interrupted abruptly, retreating further into the shadows around the fireplace, trying to escape this confrontation.

"Severus, you are clearly ill, I will not let you leave this room until you tell me what is wrong with you..."

"Where to begin..." muttered Sirius typically.

"WILL YOU **_SHUT UP_**!" screamed Snape, unexpectedly deranged. He pushed past Lupin and Dumbledore, his hands still clenched tightly on his upper arms, making for Sirius, who was only too ready for him.

"WHY? So you can **_leave _**and report to your "**_Master_**"?" yelled Sirius, savagely, stepping forwards, welcoming the fight.

Snape **_spat _**emphatically****in his face.

"You have **_no_** idea what you're talking about, you **_worthless_** mutt."

Lupin watched in horror as **_blood _**trickled slowly down Sirius face. **Blood?** – Snape had spat blood! He had been coughing up blood...but that meant...Snape was bleeding internally...

Sirius exploded with sudden fury. Lupin and Dumbledore raised wands and started forwards simultaneously, incensed with urgency - but they were too late.

Sirius shoved Snape viciously in the chest.

An abrupt _crack_ split the air.

Severus let out a hoarse cry of pain.

Lupin gasped and recoiled in repulsion. The stench of blood overwhelmed him.

_That crack had come from Snape's chest._

Sirius hurriedly staggered away from Snape, as his slender body flew backwards and slammed into the wall.

Everything seemed to slow down. Lupin watched horrified, as Snape's face registered his intense agony. He gasped desperately, unable to breathe, and his tortured face contorted in a final cry of pain.

The thin, broken shell crumpled lifelessly to the ground beside the fireplace.

A porcelain face with haunting eyes shone from amid the sea of black.

A tear of blood slid from the open lips.

_**woah – intense!**_

_**REVIEW – next chapter should be up soon, so stay cool while I work like hell**_

_**Everything's just getting interesting...**_

QUESTION 

_**I was gonna ask if you would like the next chapter to be a flipside of this scene from Sev's POV showing why he reacted the way he did and what he was thinking the whole time, or do you just wanna know what happens next from Lupin's POV?**_

_**If you just let me know, then I'll work with my reveiwer's majority vote – okay!**_

_**faith**_


	14. Do you really want to ask that question?

I'M SORRY!

I'm so sorry people – I haven't updated in ages!

I can't apologise enough - I've been having major exams at school and I just got a new computer, so I had to upload all my files and stuff – it's been a nightmare but I'm BACK now and I will update regularly again...

Please find it in your hearts to forgive me?

_She gives heart wrenching puppy dog eyes J_

* * *

Lupin found himself frozen to the spot; his eyes locked in a dead stare with a pair of hollow black orbs.

"Damn you Sirius..."

Lupin stumbled as Dumbledore pushed past him, blasting Sirius backwards across the room and away from Snape with a flick of his wand. The headmaster rushed towards Severus, and Lupin was brought back to reality, as his eye contact with Snape was broken.

He moved aside as Dumbledore stood back from the body and murmured an incantation, gently levitating Snape's frail form out of the shadows, into a lying position in the middle of the room.

Lupin glanced at Sirius sprawled by the door, before moving quickly to Dumbledore's side, where he knelt beside Snape. Lupin felt desperate to help somehow, but he didn't want to touch Snape; he didn't want to cause more damage.

In such close proximity, Lupin could now see the reality of Snape's condition; his face was starved of flesh, his cheekbones jutted painfully through the skin and he was pure white, aside from the blue shadow around his eye sockets, that only enhanced his gaunt features.

Lupin's eyes were drawn automatically to Snape's hair, draped around his neck. Following the greasy strands upwards, he frowned to see the hair matted with blood. So much blood... what had happened to him tonight?

Robes brushed Lupin's shoulder as Sirius arrived at his side.

Sirius murmured in horror, seeing Snape clearly for the first time. "God, what did I..."

"You **broke** one of his ribs, _Sirius_ - did you not hear it crack?" said Dumbledore sharply, his eyes blazing with anger.

"It wasn't just that," Lupin said urgently to Dumbledore, "I could smell the blood as soon as he entered the room...I...I should have said something..."

Sirius was staring wide-eyed at Snape's torso in apparent shock.

"I can't have broken anything...I...I didn't even push him that hard..."

"Sirius, he practically flew across the room! You must have pushed pretty **damn** hard..."

"No, I didn't! He just..." Sirius fell silent, gesturing with his arms, unable to explain what had happened.

Lupin knew it was possible that Sirius hadn't pushed very hard; Snape was so thin that he couldn't have resisted much force. But Lupin could not comfort Sirius. They were only in this position now because Sirius had got carried away again because of that stupid childhood grudge, and betrayed yet another of Lupin's promises.

"No," breathed Dumbledore, his eyes closed in thought.

He was frowning and seemed to be feeling the air before him,

"Something else is very wrong here...his ribs have been broken for hours..." he opened his eyes and glared straight at Sirius, "when you pushed him in the chest..." Dumbledore withdrew his hand from the air, as if burnt, "...it was the pain that made him pass out."

Sirius was staring blindly, sickened by the truth of what he had done. If, as Dumbledore said, Snape's ribs had already been broken, Sirius must have forced the broken ribs backward into Snape's chest. Lupin felt sick. No wonder the man had collapsed...

Lupin frowned at Dumbledore in bewilderment, "Albus, how can you..."

A fresh trickle of blood oozed from the side of Snape's mouth.

"Sirius, you must have punctured a lung..." muttered Dumbledore under his breath.

Sirius recoiled from Snape's body.

Lupin felt his heartbeat get faster at the sight of more blood and was filled with self-disgust. This was **Snape** for God's sake - he had to pull himself together.

"I'll get Poppy," Sirius breathed in panic, standing and backing away.

"No!" Dumbledore commanded, his eyes not leaving Snape's torso. Sirius hesitated. "She isn't here. Stand back Remus."

Lupin rose quickly and stood next to Sirius. He didn't look at him. He was appalled by Sirius' actions and had no intention of forgiving him this time.

They watched as Dumbledore placed one hand on Snape's forehead and let the other hover above his chest. He began to mutter incoherently.

Lupin gasped in amazement.

"What's he doing?" murmured Sirius in his ear.

"He's invoking ancient magic," whispered Lupin incredulously, "I recognise the ritual, but... I didn't know there was any living wizard who could perform it..."

Snape's face was blank, his body motionless, and the air around Dumbledore's hand was burning a vivid shade of electric blue. Lupin hadn't known that the Headmaster was powerful enough for something like this, it was inspiring - perhaps they did have a chance in this war after all.

"Is he using this spell to heal Snape?"

Lupin nodded hurriedly, "It's the most _powerful_ healing spell in the history of wizardry; it works by enabling the caster to enter the mind of the injured person, thereby allowing them access to the victim's own knowledge of their injuries."

Seeing Sirius' frown, Lupin sighed impatiently.

"It basically means that Dumbledore will be able to see exactly how Snape got his injuries. The hand on Snape's forehead is reading his memories and his other hand is healing each injury in turn."

Lupin looked back to the small sparks escaping from beneath Dumbledore's palm, and whispered more.

"It requires a lot of energy to maintain, but it makes the healing process more efficient, because the healer can discover the true extent of the injuries without having to physically examine the wounds, which in some cases can cause more damage..."

Sirius interrupted, "Wait – so you mean Dumbledore's reading Snape's mind?"

Lupin nodded, his eyes lingering on Snape's face.

"What about all that occlumency stuff we were told about?" Sirius raised his voice slightly, "I thought Snape's mind was meant to be impossible to break into – isn't **that** why he's our spy?"

Lupin snapped a sharp retort on Snape's behalf.

"Nobody can keep their mind guarded while they're **_unconscious,_** Sirius."

Sirius had the decency to look ashamed; he fidgeted uncomfortably at Lupin's side.

"Besides," Lupin murmured remorsefully, "I think anyone could break into Snape's mind right now, given the state he was in a minute ago."

Sirius shifted again, "Well, yeah, but...aren't we sort of taking advantage?"

Lupin gave him an ambiguous sideways glance, and Sirius shrugged uncomfortably,

"I just mean...Snape didn't want us to know anything what had happened to him...and...now we're forcing our way into his mind to see his memories? ...That's...not right." Sirius finished lamely, fidgeting again.

Lupin turned back to Snape slowly, his teeth clenched in anger.

"You know," he growled slowly, "it strikes me, Sirius, that you have a very _strange_ idea of what is **right** and what is wrong."

There was a heavy silence as Lupin tried to control the emotions within him. "You beat an injured and unarmed man unconscious without any qualms whatsoever, and then **object** to the use of a powerful healing spell to save his life, on _**moral grounds**."_

"Hey, come _on_," Sirius tried to justify, "I didn't know he was **hurt**, did I?"

"_Even _if you didn't," interrupted Lupin furiously, "- which would make you a **terrible** judge of human behaviour - you **still** ensured that Snape _would_ be hurt by _attacking_ him like that! I gave Dumbledore my word, Sirius! How could you do that?"

Another pregnant pause followed. Lupin turned back to Snape in frustration, unable to look at Sirius any more. Dumbledore's hand was now hovering above Snape's shoulder, and his brow was deeply furrowed. Lupin stared in confusion, was Snape's shoulder injured too? Dumbledore certainly looked worried, or maybe he was just deep in concentration.

Entering Snape's memories of receiving his injuries; knowing every thought and every feeling Snape had undergone during his pain had to be a horrific experience for Dumbledore.

Lupin suddenly considered Snape's point of view. These memories had to be amongst the man's worst; Snape had been adamantly against telling them what had happened to him, earlier.

Snape had probably just been embarrassed that he had let himself be hurt, Lupin tried to convince himself. Snape always behaved like such a powerful person; it would kill him to admit that he had any weaknesses; that he was a human being just like everyone else.

Snape hated other people speculating about him. Lupin knew how that felt, ignorant people making assumptions about you without understanding your life at all. Maybe Snape had simply refused to tell them because he didn't want their pity.

But a part of Lupin knew that there was something more to this, that Snape had a very good reason for not wanting to share his memories.

God, what if something truly awful had happened to him - something Snape thought they wouldn't be able to cope with knowing?

Suddenly this ritual didn't seem so marvellous after all. If Snape had a real reason for keeping whatever had happened a secret, then Sirius had a point. It was unfair for Dumbledore to force access to memories that Snape had specifically refused to share with them. It could be dangerous.

But Lupin couldn't honestly imagine how. He tried to calm himself down; he was getting carried away.

Albus was only trying to help Snape, Lupin reasoned. Without proper healing Snape could die. Taking advantage of someone's momentary lack of defence in order to **save** them was justifiable, right?

Lupin didn't know why he was getting himself so twisted over this. It had been _Dumbledore's_ decision to attempt the healing ritual, and there was nothing Lupin could do to stop it from continuing, even if he wanted to; the magics involved were too volatile and dangerous to be interrupted mid flow.

Sirius words had just ruffled him - that was all.

The headmaster's opinion of Snape surely wouldn't be changed by anything demeaning that he saw in the man's memories. Dumbledore could be trusted with anything; he never judged anyone or used his knowledge against people.

It had to be hard for Snape though, thought Lupin wearily, the man was so proud. Snape never wanted anyone to see him in a vulnerable position - it was part of his whole stoic act – perhaps Snape thought if other people saw what levels he had to sink to, in order to do what was asked of him...

"I'm _sorry_ okay."

Lupin turned around in surprise, jolted out of his thoughts. Sirius continued quietly,

"I didn't mean for this to happen...he _just_..." Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his black hair, shaking his head. "...Look, I'm sorry, alright?"

Lupin stared into Sirius' dancing brown eyes. They held none of the dark knowledge or harsh memories stored far in the depths of Snape's black eyes. Sirius' still shone with that youthful look of hope and merriment. Snape's eyes, as far as Lupin could recall, had never shown either of those traits. Only hatred, regret, and fear ever registered in Snape's haunted orbs. Snape never let other emotions through. Then again, thought Lupin despondently; perhaps Snape had rarely felt anything else.

It was strange though, that despite Sirius' years of defiance in the formidable Azkaban prison, Snape's eyes showed the greater hunger for life. They shone with a primal desperation and determination to exist, almost as though Snape had survived something worse than Azkaban in his lifetime...

Sirius blinked. Lupin started and returned to the present. Sirius was frowning at him in concern. Lupin looked away, quickly. It must just be fatigue that kept making him lose track of reality like that; he had been awake for almost two days after all.

Lupin felt guilty for being so hard on Sirius. The man might honestly not have realised that there was something wrong with Snape; Sirius wasn't a trained healer like Albus, and he certainly couldn't smell blood. He wasn't particularly perceptive when it came to other people's feelings either.

Snape had been unusually aggressive too. He had knocked Dumbledore to the ground and punched Lupin before spitting at Sirius, so Lupin could see why, under normal circumstances, Sirius would have considered his actions towards Snape to be justifiable.

Lupin sighed. The ongoing feud between Sirius and Snape was notorious in any case; Snape would probably have done something similar if the situation had been reversed.

No, that wasn't true. Snape had much more self-control than Sirius, and he would definitely have recognised that Sirius was injured. Anyway, Lupin thought sadly; this situation would never have been reversed. Snape was the only one who put himself in danger like this.

Lupin shook his head gently. He was probably giving the man too much credit. Snape might well have attacked Sirius if he were in the position to. Lupin didn't know the man well enough to presume he would take the noble stand. The only thing Lupin knew for sure, was that Snape was highly unpredictable in **_any_** situation.

Lupin looked up in surprise as Dumbledore flinched, whilst healing some sort of injury to Snape's head. Lupin closed his eyes in a bitter grimace. Dumbledore had clearly just encountered a particularly sickening memory. Lupin sighed again, in sympathy for Snape.

Sirius placed a large hand on Lupin's shoulder, clearly about to apologise again. Lupin realised he hadn't replied the first time.

"Moony...I..."

"I'm not completely happy about invading Snape's mind either."

Lupin admitted quietly, not looking at Sirius. "I know he'll hate us for it. It's unfair to enter his mind without consent, but it _is_ necessary." He felt like he was trying to convince himself.

Another small shower of sparks erupted from the blue flame between Dumbledore's hand and Snape's forehead. Dumbledore was guiding his other hand through the air, inches above Snape's black shrouded body, searching for more wounds.

"This spell is to help him. If Dumbledore doesn't manage it, Snape will die."

"I know."

Lupin smiled at Sirius weakly. "Anyway, Snape already hates you and I. It's only Dumbledore who has anything to lose."

He was rewarded with a genuine grin from Sirius.

"Yeah, at least **we** aren't the ones performing the spell. Snape couldn't stand having **us** read his memories."

"Oh, whereas I'm sure you'd be happy with **him** reading _yours_," smirked Lupin sarcastically and Sirius threw an amiable scowl in his direction.

"Neither of you are anywhere near powerful enough to perform the spell anyway." Lupin yawned gently.

They stood in silence for a few more moments. It was obvious that there was nothing they could do to help Dumbledore. Lupin let himself sink into a soft chair, from where he could still watch the headmaster's progress. Sirius leant against Dumbledore's desk. Lupin's eyelids felt incredibly heavy as he rubbed his head in his hands.

"Moony, is it just me or is this spell taking a hell of a long time?"

Lupin almost smiled; patience had never been one of Sirius' virtues. But, looking at the clock, Lupin realised that the spell really should not be taking this long, unless...

"Snape must have been hurt much worse than we thought." He said in a hollow voice. "I already saw Dumbledore heal a nasty gash on his head, and some injury to his shoulder that I didn't know he had."

Lupin shrugged half-heartedly and rambled on, his shoulders hunching wearily.

"Maybe there was more damage to his chest as well. I mean, if Dumbledore has to mend a number of broken ribs **_and_** a punctured lung, as we thought at the beginning, well...that's going to take some time, isn't it?"

Lupin became aware of Sirius' odd look, but continued nonetheless, "Plus there could be more internal damage, and there's nothing to say that..."

"Moony, shut up," said Sirius firmly. "You're tired," he grinned knowingly, "and you're talking like a book."

Lupin smiled to himself, and yawned, then returned to staring at Dumbledore. He sat up suddenly. The electric blue flame at Snape's temple was now burning red. Bright sparks were spitting and cracking in the surrounding air. Dumbledore was sweating, his face contorted in concentration, as if fighting some invisible force. Dumbledore's healing hand was hovering somewhere above Snape' gut. The old man was obviously using all his strength to speak the incantation, his voice was jerky and hesitant; his jaw was clenched.

"STOP!"

The red flame erupted in a burst of light, engulfing Dumbledore's arm and projecting a deep red glow that illuminated the body in black on the floor. Dumbledore ripped his hand away from Snape, standing up in alarm.

Lupin leapt to his feet in shock. Had Snape just cried out? That wasn't supposed to happen – this spell could only be performed when the casualty was unconscious – Snape should never have known what was happening to him.

Lupin looked to Dumbledore for an explanation. The expression of utter sadness on Albus' face chilled him to the core. Something must have gone wrong.

A movement at Dumbledore's feet caught Lupin's attention. Snape gave a low moan and rolled his long body onto one side. He lay there silently; staring across the floor. His chest heaved as he inhaled sharply and his black hair sheltered his face, hiding his features. Lupin, Sirius and Dumbledore stood motionless; all eyes fixed intently on Snape, awaiting his next reaction.

After a few moments Snape gently placed a white palm against the floor and began to push his frail body upwards. Snape's thin arms shook as he supported his weight and Lupin started forward to help, but Sirius caught his arm and held him back. Snape rose carefully to his feet, keeping his back to the three of them and hanging his head. He wrapped his robes tightly around his skeletal frame, showing discomfort but not the familiar agony in his taut shoulders.

Lupin released the breath he'd been subconsciously holding. Sirius shifted uncomfortably beside him and turned his head down to the floor, but kept his eyes furtively focused on Snape, watching for signs of trouble.

Snape turned around. He kept his head bowed, but his dark eyes flickered evasively over Lupin and Sirius' faces, then stopped dead as they met Dumbledore's gaze.

Lupin glanced at the Headmaster, who was staring back at Snape, now with tears in his blue eyes. Remus frowned – what was wrong?

"Severus..." whispered the Headmaster, moving towards Snape, "How could you not tell me?"

Snape backed away, his eyes widened and his features contorted as he took in Dumbledore's words. Dumbledore was shaking his head, gazing imploringly at Snape.

"All this time...I've been so **_blind _**- why did you not tell me?"

"Headmaster you are...mistaken...I...don't know what you're talking about...I..."

Dumbledore stepped forward, his intense eyes fixed on Snape's face, "Severus, I **_saw_** what they did to you... what they do every time I...how could you not tell me?"

Snape was no longer looking at the Headmaster. He had pulled away from the old man and now stood before the fire, his sharp figure outlined by flames. Albus had put his head in his hands.

"I should have realised...I should have stopped it, I..." the Headmaster looked up suddenly, his eyes full of horror, "God Severus, how long would you have let it go on?"

Snape lowered his head and began to mutter slowly, his deep voice full of emotion, "I would have told you...I _did_ trust you...I was just... waiting for the right time..."

"No, Severus." Dumbledore cut him off angrily. "Do not lie to me. I know how far back it goes.You cannot make me believe that in **_thirty years_** there was never a right moment."

Snape's back stiffened abruptly and Lupin could smell his panic in the air. Dumbledore's tone softened in empathy and he shook his head, looking at the ground, ashamed.

"I am sorry you could not trust me, my child..."

"DON'T!" Snape spun around, his eyes bright and maniacal; Lupin and Sirius backed away, "Don't call me that **_dammit, _**you're **not** my father!"

There was a long silence; Snape finally tore his intense, flaming eyes back to the fire. His breathing was fast and laboured as he fought to control himself.

Lupin wrenched his eyes from Snape to look questioningly at Sirius. He had no idea what the **_hell_** was happening before him, but he didn't dare interrupt. It was clearly something momentous, to cause both Dumbledore and Snape such considerable distress. The Headmaster's soft voice spoke again.

"Severus, you will always be like a child to me." A tear ran down his ancient face, displaying a stronger grief than Lupin had ever seen there before. "But I will **_never_** behave as your father did."

Lupin frowned; who had Snape's father been? Was this all about him?

Snape wrapped his black robes more protectively around his sharp frame.

Dumbledore sighed sadly.

"You should have told me..."

"I _had _to keep going." Snape interrupted in a clear, dejected voice. His words echoed ominously through the room and left a silent void in their wake.

Snape sighed and leant heavily on the mantelpiece with both hands. "We needed **_any_** information we could get against the Dark Lord, no matter how small. If I'd told you what they were doing ...you would have stopped me going."

Snape straightened up and turned to look straight into the Headmaster's eyes.

"We will lose this war without my information. What happens to me is not important; I am just one man in millions. What sacrifice is that?" Snape's eyes flickered towards the ground. "In any case, I have done...terrible things. Many people would say I deserve this."

"No, Severus. The only person who would say that is you. We know you only did those things because you **_had_** to. What is happening now..."

Dumbledore faltered, then sighed and met Snape's eyes once more.

"You do not deserve it...you never have..."

There was a pause.

"I won't stop going, Albus."

"You _will_, Severus..."

Lupin retreated as their voices grew louder

"I will **not! **I won't let him win..."

"Severus..."

"**No!** If I stop spying we'll _lose_... " Snape hissed wretchedly, his eyes pleaded imploringly with the old man.

"I won't let you..."

"...the _Dark_ Lord will prevail and I **can't** live with that..."

The Headmaster's voice trembled with emotion,

"And you **can't** live with getting beaten and _**raped **_every time you..."

A blinding white light pierced the room, followed by a devastating crash that split the senses.

Lupin ducked instinctively, shielding his face with his hands. He winced as small, sharp cuts flooded over his back and shoulders.

The pain ceased. A sudden hush fell. After a few seconds he opened his eyes and straightened up warily. Then he gasped in disbelief. The windows, the vials, the fine instruments, the cabinets, Dumbledore's glasses, the ornaments, the vases, the mirrors...

Everything glass had shattered explosively. The carpeted floor was embedded with thousands of glittering shards.

Lupin watched Sirius and Dumbledore get up off the floor too. Their robes were covered with small nicks and slashes from flying glass, as were Lupin's own.

Snape was standing tall and alone, in the middle of the room. The air around him hummed and crackled vibrantly with magical energy.

Snape had obviously **not **ducked. Reflective shards of a mirror were embedded in his face and neck. Blood gurgled from the wounds and ran down into the black folds of his robes. Snape didn't seem to feel anything. His eyes were glazed. They stared, unseeing, in Dumbledore's direction. His body shook with tension.

"Severus..." The headmaster's hoarse whisper was full of remorse.

Snape swayed and began to fall. Lupin caught him – using magic this time – and lowered him onto the leather couch in the corner. Lupin couldn't think straight; his mind was desperately trying to process all the information it had just taken in, and the stench of blood was doing strange things to his senses.

"My dear child, what have I done?"

Dumbledore's voice broke as he spoke to Snape's motionless form. Lupin felt completely unnerved and disturbed by this entire display; he didn't know what to ask first. He decided to go for the easiest question.

"Albus..." Lupin spoke very quietly, his eyes fixed on Snape's face. The old man looked despairingly up at him, "what the **hell** just happened here?"

Dumbledore put his head in his hands slowly. "I shouldn't have pushed him...I should have..."

The poignant wail of a mystical alarm sounded through the room, interrupting the Headmaster.

"What's that?" Lupin asked in alarm, looking around the room.

"Some one's giving the password to the Gargoyle to enter my office," Dumbledore stood up hurriedly, "I'm supposed to be meeting with the Minister for Magic today! Merlin's beard, I didn't think he would come so early..."

Lupin's mind raced.

"But he can't see Sirius here! He'll be sent back to Azkaban..."

"I know. You have to leave – now."

"We've nowhere to go; they know where our safe house is!"

"You must take Severus with you, Remus; the Minister can't find him like this..."

"Of _course_, but where can we **go?**"

"You must take care of him he..."

"Albus! Where can we **_go?"_**

Dumbledore stood for a moment, then hesitantly took up a piece of broken glass and transfigured it into a port-key.

"This is just temporary," he handed it to Lupin, "you will go to Snape Manor. I will have some one cover Severus' classes tomorrow and I'll contact you over the weekend. Do **not **let Severus attend the meetings if he is called, I do not ever intend to let him return to Voldemort again..."

"But, Albus, he..."

"I'm putting a freeze charm on these cuts; they won't bleed until the spell is removed. Don't try to remove the glass yourself, Remus. Once you arrive at the Manor call a healer from the nearest village."

"Snape won't want to **stay** there with us, Dumbledore, _especially _after what we've witnessed here tonight..."

Dumbledore wheeled round to look Lupin in the eye.

"You must keep him with you, Remus. It is **imperative** that you do not let him leave by himself."

"But, Headmaster..."

"The Manor itself has wards around it, so this port-key will take you to the nearest muggle train station. Travel to the end of the line, then cast a guidance spell. Severus will probably remain unconscious until you arrive at the house; he has exhausted himself. I'll put an invisibility spell on him. I will, of course, refund any expenses..."

"**Snape** did this didn't he.He shattered all the glass."

Dumbledore stopped moving. Lupin took his silence as confirmation. He groaned in frustration.

"Albus, if Snape did this without even using his wand, there's no **way** that Sirius or I will be able to restrain him in the house. He's **too** powerful..."

"No. This was just emotional magic. It's a dangerous reflex that all naturally powerful wizards have, but Severus cannot control it; he will not be able to focus his power to harm you. It...it's my fault that this happened; I pushed him too far...but I promise, you will be safe."

Lupin did not doubt that Dumbledore was responsible for Snape's outburst. He was trying desperately hard to pretend he hadn't heard the Headmaster's last words, but bits and pieces of information were coming together in his head, forming a monstrous picture that Lupin couldn't bear to see.

A sharp knock on the door echoed through the room, ramming another surge of nausea and misgiving deep into Lupin's heart.

"Go Remus," breathed Dumbledore, pushing the port-key closer to Lupin's chest, "you **must** go!" He turned around and murmured an incantation. Snape's body disappeared, leaving no trace but the black hem of his sleeve, by which Lupin could locate him.

Lupin levitated Snape into the air and took hold of his sleeve in one hand, holding the glass port-key before him in the other.

Another rap at the door made Dumbledore's voice more urgent, "You must go, **now!**"

Lupin looked for his friend frantically, "Sirius, come **on!** What are you waiting for?"

Sirius stood motionless by the desk, staring at Dumbledore. Lupin's heart plummeted as he realised his friend had not moved since the explosion. Sirius' face was disturbingly focused. Sharp lines of tension defined his body. His fists were clenched at his sides; the knuckles had gone white. Dumbledore started forward in a rush,

"Sirius, you must leave, the Minister..."

"**Snape was raped."**

Lupin almost dropped the levitation spell in shock. Sirius had just voiced the sickening thought that Lupin had been desperately trying to suppress.

The silence hung so thickly in the room that it's oppression was almost tangible.

Sirius' black eyes forced Dumbledore's into submission. The old man blinked in shame and looked away, muttering.

"I should not have said..."

"No you're damn right you shouldn't, Albus - but you did."

The coldness in Sirius' voice stabbed at Lupin's heart and he tightened his grip on Snape's cloak. Sirius could barely spit his words through his clenched teeth.

"What did you mean, for _thirty years_?"

The Headmaster did not meet his eyes.

"I will not say more."

"That's longer than any of _us_ has known him..."

"Sirius..."

"That would make him about six..."

"I cannot tell you..."

"Are you saying, that since he was **six...?"**

"**Sirius,** I..."

"Who was it?"

The headmaster pursed his lips. He didn't say anything.

"Was it more than one person?"

Lupin shuddered in revulsion at the thought. How could Sirius ask such things? Surely he didn't want to know the answer?

The headmaster's silence was answer enough.

"And you never suspected? In **all** those years?"

"**No!** I...he never said a word..."

"You rant about how much Snape means to you, but you didn't even..."

"He didn't **want** me to know, Sirius! I assure you he is _very_ good at keeping secrets. He didn't trust me..."

"I can't imagine **_why _**– it's not as though you'd just blurt out his secret the moment you discovered it!"

Lupin flinched at Sirius' harsh sarcasm. There was a pause. Dumbledore was staring at Sirius in disbelief, obviously hurt by the cruelty of his words.

"I **won't** discuss this."

"We're already discussing it."

"I won't speak about the child while he lies **unconscious**, _Sirius_."

"He's not a **child, **_Albus_,"hissed Sirius,**"**and he's only unconscious because **you** dragged up his past!"

"If **_you _**hadn't knocked him unconscious in the **first** place..."

"But **me **and **Snape **are sworn enemies! You're supposed to be the sod's **friend!**"

"**_ENOUGH!"_**

There was a violent crashing at the door.

Lupin didn't know what to do anymore; this was too dangerous, they had to get out of here.

"Sirius..."

He tugged at the man's sleeve, but he didn't budge, his eyes remained locked in combat with Dumbledore's. The crashing began again.

"**Sirius!"**

Lupin jerked his friend backwards and thrust the port-key into his hand. Grasping Snape's sleeve in one hand and Sirius' arm in the other, Lupin felt the familiar tug of the port-key behind his navel as it began to carry them away.

The three of them were lifted from the room just as Dumbledore opened the office door and said, with an unusually shaky and subdued voice,

"Ah, Cornelius. Erm...sorry about the mess, it appears that I've caused quite an explosion..."

* * *

Was it worth the wait?

Please review with your thoughts

I will give you the next chapter very soooooooooooooooooon...

Faith xxx


	15. Lies, regrets intensity and broken lifel...

Yo! Welcome to chapter 15 - your exits are here here here and here.

I hope you have no reason to use them.

She smiles sweetly go ahead and read the pretty words

See earlier chapters for disclaimers and stuff

"I need your assistance. Please, you must come with me."

The young man opened his eyes groggily and blinked.

"What the...How the HELL did you get in here? Who are you...?"

"Sir..."

"Get out!"

"Damn it you will listen to me, man!"

"How dare you..."

"SILENCIO!"

The muted man gawked up at her towering figure in disbelief. She leant closer to him. He attempted to recoil but failed miserably, swamped as he was in a mountain of bedclothes.

"A...great friend of mine is seriously hurt. When I left him almost an hour ago, he had a dislocated shoulder and at least two broken ribs that I knew of. There was probably internal bruising and possibly some bleeding, but I cannot say for sure. He's perfectly capable of brewing any healing potion, but...the man has no medical training to speak of, other than...self experience."

She swallowed hard and continued. "I fear that he will overlook some internal injury and suffer the consequences. That's why I need you. But it must be now and it must be secret. He will have me Obliviate your memory of it afterwards."

She sighed heavily at the man's startled expression, although she felt secretly sympathetic towards him.

"I know the terms are harsh, but I will pay anything you ask, and..." she faltered slightly, "...and I will be in your debt - a position to which very few people can lay claim. What do you say?You will help me?"

The man stared uncertainly at her, distrust sparkling in his eyes. She arched an eyebrow and coughed expectantly, twirling her wand suggestively in front of his face. The man blinked, taken aback and hastily nodded emphatically.

"Thank you." She stood and walked stiffly to the door,

"Now get dressed. I'll give you five minutes."

She closed the door loudly behind her.

An enticing smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. She could be quite nasty when she needed to be. She gave a low chuckle; Severus would be so proud of her... if he ever forgave her for interfering in his life. Her smile faded. She sank heavily down into an armchair. Well, at least she hadn't told Severus' secret to Dumbledore.

She had not accepted Severus' resignation to his suffering, but she couldn't bring herself to put further pressure on the man by betraying his secret. She would encourage Severus to tell the Headmaster himself when he was more stable, both physically and mentally.

A shiver ran down her spine as she remembered Severus' cold threat. She shook herself; he couldn't have meant that. Severus would never kill her. He might disregard his own life, but she knew that Severus despised himself for every other murder he had been forced to commit for the Order.

Severus was not as comfortable with murder as he would have her believe, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. That was why he put himself through such torment; he felt that he needed to atone for his crimes, that he deserved less than other people.

Severus didn't realise how much respect he commanded from the people who knew what he had done and what he had learnt to cope with. He was the most courageous person she knew.

The young healer rushed out of his bedroom, panting slightly.

She smiled at him, slightly bemused. It hadn't even been five minutes. She must have been more intimidating than she'd thought. Or maybe he was just intelligent enough to spot a desperate person when he saw one.

The thin man was dressed scantily, in an almost threadbare grey robe with worn leather boots. There was a small brown bag clutched protectively under his arm. She felt slightly remorseful; she knew this healer was very badly off, but he was a good man and a skilled healer.

She had heard that he would heal people for no payment, if they could not afford it, and in this particular corner of Hogsmeade there were far too many wizards and witches who fell into that category.

He gestured frantically to his throat. She remembered his predicament and ended the silencing charm. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now we must go." She moved towards the front door of the flat. "It's almost dawn."

"Wait..."

She spun round at the unexpected sound of his voice and almost smiled to see him flinch instinctively.

"Would you tell me who you are, please?"

"...Minerva. Minerva McGonagall."

He hesitated, then nodded gratefully and gestured towards the door.

Minerva hurried along the cobbled path, her lips pursed in determination. Her fingers were wrapped tightly around her wand, which she brandished before her. Her other hand held a fistful of her robes off the ground, as she strode unladylike back towards the castle. She could feel the apprehensive young healer throwing nervous glances in her direction, as he scurried along in her wake.

Minerva felt for the young man. It was, after all, only a few moments since sunrise and they had been walking at this pace for ten minutes now. Still she had given him no further explanation as to what had happened to 'her friend', who 'her friend' was, or why she had chosen him to help.

She had given him no guarantee for his safety either.

Even now, as they strode out of the village and up the valley towards Hogwart's Castle, she knew he'd be asking questions, if not for the look on her face.

And possibly the grip on her wand.

After escaping Severus earlier, Minerva had returned unthinkingly to her rooms, in distress. She had paced frantically; attempting to clear her head of panicked thoughts; fear of Severus' threats, shock from her physical treatment, guilt concerning Severus' past, anger on his behalf and torment over his decision to keep it secret.

She had soon realised that no matter what Severus threatened her with, he was down in those dungeons alone and needed help. If Severus would not let her tell Dumbledore then she would have to get him proper medical help from the village instead. She had run to the edge of the school grounds and then apparated into Hogsmeade, before breaking into the healer's flat and dragging him out of bed and through the deserted village streets as the sun began to rise.

Now they finally reached the wrought iron entrance gates and silently set out across the desolate grounds. The atmosphere was one of unnatural calm; it seemed that they were being intensely watched and scrutinised by each blade of grass and wisp of air. In the score of Minerva's years, living within the castle walls, she had never met with an air of such foreboding and stifling secrecy, but she did not let herself be deterred; Severus needed her.

The castle's enormous silhouette grew at the summit of the hill, with the morning sun low behind it. The magnitude of tension that Minerva felt radiating from the castle walls only served to spur her on faster. Her eyes and thoughts were fixed so intently upon her mark that Minerva could actually envisage Severus' room in her mind's eye; she could see his troubled face frowning at their intrusion and hear his distinct voice berating her for being so foolish as to bring him help.

The healer could not suppress a gasp as Minerva led him through the Great Doors and into the entrance hall. The young man appeared to be utterly overwhelmed by the cavernous halls and corridors of the castle. He had clearly never been inside the school before. His face lit up as the great portraits smiled back at him and the suits of armour cocked their heads at him as he passed. Minerva could not help but smile at his excited behaviour. Even as the two of them hurried down the steps into the depths of the dungeons his face did not lose its childish glow.

A thought struck Minerva as they entered the corridor adjacent to Severus' and she slowed to a halt. The young healer almost walked straight past her, mesmerised as he was, but he caught himself quickly and turned to look warily at her, waiting silently for an explanation. She sighed and ran a hand slowly down her face as she considered what to say.

She couldn't just let this poor young man walk in there and confront a possibly irate Severus without some kind of warning beforehand. He had been decent enough to follow her here, when he realised how much she needed his help.He had trusted her. She couldn't just let this naive young man walk in there unprepared. It wasn't fair.

"Uh...Young man...There's something I ought to...I'm sorry I don't know your name..."

"It's Teige. Uh...Teige O'Riley, Ma'am."

"I...I have to warn you that you will probably find this man to be highly disagreeable and intimidating,"she paused sincerely, "but I give you my word that he is not a bad person and he will not harm you."

She turned away and muttered, " If only because I won't let him."

They stopped outside Severus' room. The young healer hung back in the shadows behind Minerva, clearly filled with trepidation. She could hardly blame him. Perhaps she shouldn't have been quite so honest about Severus' character. Taking a deep breath she knocked on the door.

"Severus? Severus it's Minerva, please let me..."

The door creaked open by itself.

Minerva frowned - Severus hadn't warded the door after she'd left? That wasn't like him. She cautiously entered the room, motioning for the healer to remain where he was.

"Severus? Severus are you...oh Merlin!" Thick black smoke was gushing emphatically in every direction from a cauldron in the corner. She disposed of the potion inside with a flick of her wand. Something had to be wrong; Severus would never ruin a potion like this!

Maybe he had collapsed...maybe the Death Eaters had returned...maybe the pain had become too severe...or maybe...She shook herself and tried to rationalise the situation. Where else could Severus be?

She spontaneously snatched up a fistful of floo powder.

"The Infirmary!"

Minerva whirled through the fireplace and stumbled, gasping into the dark hospital ward.

"Severus?"

She ran frantically from bed to bed, tearing open the curtains at each one. The ward was deserted.

She forced stray strands of hair off her face and desperately swept her eyes back over the empty ward, as she burst through the door and headed instinctively for the Headmaster's office.

Minerva hissed the password to the gargoyle and waited impatiently for it to move. It took so long that she was about to try another password, when the concealed stone entrance reluctantly began to inch open. Minerva pounded her bony fists against the stone in an attempt to speed up the process, but to no avail; the stone continued to move at snail's pace.

She felt like crying - why was Albus' office resisting her? She had to get in, she had to tell the Headmaster that Severus was missing - Albus didn't even know what had happened to Severus tonight; he'd have no idea that anything was wrong!

Minerva forced her way through the opening as soon as it became wide enough and began to climb the stairs to Albus' office, which she noted with anger were refusing to rotate, stalling her further. She should have told Albus before, Severus' feelings be damned! It was dangerous to keep something so important secret from the Headmaster, especially in situations as volatile as this.

Albus would never knowingly permit one of his children to endure such terrible suffering.

"Professor McGonagall!"

She jumped violently and glared back down the staircase. Harry Potter was hurrying towards her.

"Whatever it is, Potter, it can wait until later. I must speak to the Headmaster." She told him, staring anxiously towards Albus' office. "Get back to Gryffindor Tower, boy."

"Please Professor...do you know where Professor Snape is?"

Minerva stopped dead and spun round to stare at the boy."What?"

"Uh... Professor Snape." Harry repeated. "He...he's not in his room - and he's not in the infirmary... I checked."Minerva noticed his face was unusually pale. His black hair was tousled and there were dark shadows under his eyes. She pursed her lips in immediate suspicion.

"Potter, what on earth do you need Professor Snape for at this time in the morning?And why did you look in the infirmary, boy?" She snapped, forcing a tone of ridicule,"Professor Snape is perfectly healthy!"

How could Harry possibly know that Severus was injured?Had he had another prophetic dream about Voldemort's activities?She shuddered to think what he might have seen happen to Severus.

A look of utter confusion and disbelief flickered across the boy's face, "But... but Professor..."

"What, Potter?"

The boy shied and flicked his eyes towards the ground to avoid her gaze.She sighed and turned to continue up the stairs; this was taking up far too much precious time."Potter, go back to Gryffindor Tower, I will speak with you later."

She began to climb again.

"I know you're lying."He called soberly after her."I...I've seen him."

"What?" she murmured in disbelief, moving closer to Harry in avid anticipation, "When? - Do you know where he is now?Answer me boy!"

"No!I don't know where he went... I...I saw him before you arrived." Harry stammered, "I figured **you'd** know where he is now...didn't you help him...?"

"What were you doing down in those dungeons?What did you see?" Minerva interrupted, glaring threateningly.

Severus hadn't mentioned seeing Harry at all.That wasn't like him; surely Severus would have been outraged if he knew that Harry had seen him in that state.

"It...it was meant to be a joke..."Harry stuttered uncertainly, his voice quivering slightly,"...he was just lying on his bed...the door was open...I should've realised straight away, but it was dark...He didn't wake up, even when we moved him...I thought he must've taken a sleeping potion or something...and...by the time I realised...it was too late, I couldn't undo it."

Harry broke off, his green eyes darkening with his recollections,"His robes were drenched with blood...and...his face..."

Harry eyes seared into the ground.His voice had become nothing more than a hoarse whisper, filled with intensity.

"When he came round...he went mental...like something inside him just flipped. He started screaming...and crying.He couldn't bear to be touched. God...the way he shrieked..."

Minerva shuddered and closed her eyes; she had heard that haunting cry herself.

"None of us could touch him...he almost strangled himself trying to escape... there was nothing I could do!I tried, I swear I tried, but...it was like he was hallucinating or something... He was so terrified.I've never seen..."

Harry cleared his throat and grimaced, "Then...he seemed to have some sort of magical fit...he blasted all of us through the door..."he looked sheepishly at his feet,"and then you arrived, so..."

"You ran."

Minerva could not bring herself to meet Harry's eyes. Pursing her lips to control the furious tremor in her voice, she spoke coldly, barely above a whisper.

"You chained him up?"

There was a sharp pause, fraught with tension.

"...Yes, Professor..."

"Who else?"

"...What?" Harry breathed, moving backwards down a few steps.

"WHO ELSE WAS INVOLVED, POTTER?**_More_** of my Gryffindors?"

She felt devastated.It was **her** pupils responsible, it was **her** house, **her** fault.

"...No, Professor!No one else was involved!It was just..."

"You expect me to believe that you did this alone?That nobody else wanted a chance to hurt Professor Snape?"

Harry shook his head rapidly.

Minerva lowered her voice dangerously.

"You said he blasted **all** of you through the door,"realisation flashed across Harry's face and his eyes widened, "Who else **saw** Severus?"

"...We didn't...It wasn't meant to hurt him, it was just..."

"FIVE HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR..."

"What!Professor, I can't betray my friends..."

"Ah, so you remember your "Gryffindor **LOYALTY** "!What happened to your sense of **_courage_** and **_DECENCY?_**I'm not deducting the points because you remain loyal to your accomplices, Potter,I'm taking them because in all my years of teaching I have never been so **_sickened_** and disgusted by one of my students!

There is **_nothing_**, **NOTHING** more cowardly, than outnumbering and attacking an UNCONCIOUS and **_severely_** injured **unarmed** man, in his bedroom,in the dead of NIGHT!"

"We didn't **know** he was injured!And Snape hardly comes across as the most **_vulnerable_** person...I..."but Harry's voice broke weakly.He knew there was no excuse for his actions, as he looked into Minerva's eyes and found them restraining tears of disappointment.

She let her blank, unfocused gaze rest somewhere near Harry's heart and in a quiet voice said,"Congratulations boy.I think you have surpassed that callous childhood prank that your Godfather forced on Severus by a long way.Are you proud of yourself?"

Harry's head jerked up, horrified at this.He looked heartbroken; his eyes filled with the same tears of remorse that threatened to blind Minerva.

"It is one thing to play a vicious prank on your enemy, but quite another to unleash such cruelty upon a man whom you know has saved your life in the past.I am ashamed of you especially, Harry.Your friends may plead ignorance, but you know what torment Severus suffers and endures at the hands of Voldemort to keep our world safe."

She ran a hand over her face in despair and closed her eyes."I cannot imagine what went through his head when he woke from unconsciousness to find himself chained up with you standing over him.I'll bet he mistook you for James..."

"Oh my God..."breathed Harry in sudden, understanding.His eyes burnt into Minerva's so intensely that the air between them seemed to smoke.

"It wasn't me that he saw..."

"What do you mean?"Dread surged through her heart.

"We used a spell - to disguise ourselves...we cloaked ourselves in darkness..."

Minerva did not miss the implied significance of this action.She took a deep, shaky breath.

"Do you mean to tell me,"she began quietly," that you were stupid enough to attack our **_spy,_**who puts himself in mortifying danger and lives in constant **fear** of Voldemort,disguised as DEATH EATERS!"

She was breathing erratically by the time she screamed the last words and began to pace, running shaking fingers through her hair."Jesus, no wonder he screamed...he must have thought that they had come to kill him...or to continue whatever God awful things they were doing to him earlier..."

She stopped herself.Her voice was fluctuating almost hysterically; her tears had triumphed and now streamed down her cheeks.

She put her head in her hands and fought to regain her composure.After a few seconds, she swept around abruptly and began to stride up the stairs.

"...Professor...."

She paused but kept her back to Harry, staring defiantly at the wall.

"Harry Potter, get back to Gryffindor Tower now.And tell your friends that if a single rumour is spread concerning Professor Snape's condition tonight, or if he receives so much as one strange look from any student when he returns to teaching, then I will personally ensure that ALL the perpetrators of this prank are expelled."

Her voice resounded in the empty stairwell,breaking the silence with forbidding purpose.As she continued up the stairs, each footstep echoed coldly against the stone.

The spiral staircase seemed even longer than usual.She felt both physically and emotionally exhausted by the time she reached the Headmaster's door.

She tried the handle. It was locked. This was getting ridiculous; she had to tell Albus that Severus was missing, why was everything resisting her?

Minerva knocked impatiently on the door with her knuckles and waited.

Nothing.

What was Albus playing at?He had to be in there.She banged on the door with her fists again.

She waited a while longer, running over the conversation she had just had with Harry in her head.

Still Albus did not open the door.Why wouldn't he let her in?This was an emergency for God's sake!Severus could be under torture even as she stood there.

She beat desperately at the door with her fists.As the skin of her wrists began to tear she hesitated, but quickly began again;Severus could be in far worse pain.

The door handle finally twisted and Dumbledore's voice reached her ears.

"Ah, Cornelius. Erm...sorry about the mess, it appears that I've caused quite an explosion..."

Minerva forced the door fully open.

"Albus!Severus is missing, I think he's in serious danger - I saw him earlier and he was in such a terrible state - the Death Eaters are torturing him - he can't go back Albus!We have to help him - it's my fault, ever since school...his father..."

"Minerva stop!Severus is safe.Calm down..."

"He's alright? You've seen him?He's alright?"She exclaimed in a rush.

"He will be..."

"Did he come to see you?Did he tell you about..."

"Minerva!"Albus put his arm around her.She realised she was crying and hurriedly dried her face.She felt light-headed with relief.

"Minerva sit down...I'll explain."She nodded numbly and headed for the nearest armchair.

"Wait!"Shouted Dumbledore suddenly,"On second thoughts, perhaps you should stand until I clear up this mess."

Minerva glanced around the room for the first time and gasped in surprise.

"Albus!What have you done?Where did all this glass come from?"Minerva looked down at the armchair and realised that shards of glass were jutting out from the seat and back of the upholstery.

"It was not of my doing!"Dumbledore protested, then an ashamed expression passed his face.

"Well...in a way I am responsible.I...erm...said something...incredibly insensitive to Severus in front of Sirius and Remus and Severus...well, an explosion of emotional energy shattered all the glass."

"Gods, Albus, what on earth did you say to him?Severus' last outburst was triggered because he thought he was about to be recaptured and tortured by the Death Eaters!Merlin..."A sudden thought struck her,"Is it dangerous for a person to perform impulsive magic twice in one night?"

"What!Minerva what are you talking about?"

"Wait, why were Remus and Sirius here?"

They each found themselves facing a frustrated frown.Dumbledore exhaled loudly.

"Minerva, why don't you tell me what you're talking about and then I'll explain what just happened here, alright?"

Sorry this update took a while guys – I had to reinstall the 'word' program coz wouldn't let me upload the new chapters.

Next chapter will be right up - things are gonna get exciting again!

Keep up the reviews please - I love to get your insights

Faith xxx


	16. ashes to ashes, dust to dust

ASHES TO ASHES; DUST TO DUST

* * *

Remus and Sirius portkeyed instantaneously onto the deserted muggle platform.They stood in silence, staring forward at the gap where the body of a train should be.

Remus inhaled the cold morning air and stared upwards into the sky.It was disconcerting, changing from a situation of extreme chaos to one of utter calm so suddenly.

Remus could feel Sirius radiating with anger at his side, panting wildly.Remus twisted his grip on Severus' robes nervously and glanced down to where he knew the man's invisible body lay, levitated in mid air.

He felt extremely uncomfortable, acting as a physical barrier between Severus and Sirius, despite the fact that neither was attempting to kill the other at this moment in time.He couldn't bring himself to look at Sirius; he didn't want to think about anything that he had just witnessed.

Remus tried to concentrate on the beauty of the outdoor station.This seemed to be a very remote part of England indeed.Actually, he realised, it could be Scotland.Or Ireland.Dumbledore hadn't specified as to where they were going,although Remus presumed it would be somewhere in the United Kingdom.

Sirius sighed and threw back his head suddenly."Bloody hell."

Remus allowed the words to fade completely."Yeah,"he said softly, "that pretty much sums up our entire situation."

Sirius swept his black hair off his face in a violent gesture."I swear,I cannot believe Albus sometimes."

"Sirius..."

"No, I mean seriously, the way he just..."

"Leave it Sirius.It's not his fault; he's under a lot of pressure, you should try to be more understanding..."

"Understanding!Do you realise..."

"Yes!" Remus shouted, rounding on Sirius,"Yes, I realise,yes, I understand,yes, I know **_exactly_** what happened.I was right there with you and I saw _everything_ that **you** did."

Remus sighed and sank down onto a bench.Sirius seemed taken aback, but sat silently down next to him.

"I'm sorry, Sirius.I just... "He rubbed his tired eyes with one hand."I don't think you should have attacked Albus like that.None of this was his fault - you know that."

Remus tugged at the edge of Severus' robes again."You were just horrified to hear those things about Snape and needed to someone to blame.I know how you feel.It wasn't easy to absorb that...information..."

"God, I'm never gonna be able to look at that sod the same way again."

Remus threw him a careful sideways look, and ventured gently,"Perhaps, that's not a bad thing."

Sirius stared pointedly at him, but Remus had suddenly become fascinated by the floor.

After a few minutes, a large green steam train, not unlike the Hogwart's express itself, pulled into the open-air platform.

Sirius looked at Remus uncertainly,"Are we supposed to pay or something?"

"Uh... I think we probably should've done that before we got on the station, but uh... I guess we can probably pay at the other end."

"Okay, so we just get on?"

"Um...yeah."

Sirius opened a door and Remus carefully guided Snape's body through it and into an empty carriage, where he lay it across a row of seats.Remus sat heavily down in the opposite window seat, just as the train pulled out of the station.

"I'm guessing this is gonna be a long journey."Sirius said, sitting next to him, with the attitude of an extremely bored child.He hummed obnoxiously for a moment and then gave a sudden snort of laughter.

"Hey, can you imagine if the train gets really busy and someone wants to sit on Snape?I mean, what could we say? – 'er...sorry, my invisible friend's sitting there'? Hmmm..."he grinned wickedly,"or maybe we could just let them sit on him.Wouldn't do any harm - just give a few poor muggles a fright, eh?"

"Sirius,"moaned Remus, his eyes closed with a frown,"I am so exhausted.I'm going to sleep.You should too, you know - keep your strength up and all that..."

"Hey, the only strength I want is from food - I'm ravenous!Do you think they have somewhere to eat on this train?"

"I've no idea."

"Well, if you're just gonna fall asleep I might go and explore.See if I can get some breakfast or something."

"Good for you."Remus still had his eyes closed and had let his head fall sideways to rest against the window pane."Do you think Severus will be ok with neither of us watching him?"

"**_Watching_** him?That's a laugh!"Growled Sirius sarcastically, "The man's invisible, Moony.Also unconscious.It won't make the slightest bit of difference whether we watch him or not."

"You don't think he might wake up?"

"Not a chance."Sirius yawned confidently."Dumbledore said he wouldn't wake 'til well after we arrive."He turned towards the door and murmured bitterly,"Then we'll really have to face the music."

"Alright,"groaned Remus in submission,"but if you **are** gonna leave, at least seal the door behind you so nobody else wonders in here while you're away."

"I will.Have a nice sleep, mate - you might manage a couple of hours before we arrive."

"Not if you don't stop talking, I won't!"

"Okay, okay, I'm going."

"I'll see you later."

"Yeah.Don't worry if I'm ages,I'll probably just be chatting up some gorgeous young muggle to take my mind off things!Hey, you don't suppose..."

"Sirius, Shut up!"

There was silence.Lupin opened his eyes in surprise.

Sirius was staring at the spot where Snape's body lay.He glanced fleetingly at Remus.

"Do you think he'll be okay, Moony?I mean, you know, when he wakes up."

Remus shook his head sadly.

"I honestly don't know, Sirius.He definitely won't feel comfortable around us, now that we know..."

"Oh, yeah, whereas we were practically brothers before."Cut in Sirius, sarcastically, trying to hide his concern.

"...What I **_mean,_** is he'll be on his guard for anything you say or do that could be interpreted as..."Remus sighed, how could he possibly say what he needed to?"Listen Sirius, swear to me that no matter what happens, you will not turn on him with this information..."

"What? Remus!How much of a bastard do you take me for?"

"No, Sirius, just listen..."

"No you listen!Snape and me might hate each other, but I would never taunt him about being raped, like some sort of sicko, got it?I wouldn't do that to _anybody_!"

"I know Sirius, it's just...Severus isn't "anybody",he's **_Snape_** and you **hate** him!And the very next time you two fight he will quickly change from "Severus the victim" to "Snape the bastard" in your eyes.And that's not your fault! He purposely acts like a prick around you in order to hurt you before you can hurt him.Just... please swear to me, that no matter how terribly he behaves or what he says to you, you will not confront him about what happened, okay?

'He will probably dare you to challenge him about it, because he'll expect you to, sooner or later, but you mustn't, Sirius, you can't..."

"I won't, Remus.I never will."He yanked open the door."I'll see you later."

"Sirius!"But Sirius had already slammed the door, and was magically locking it behind him.Remus sank down onto the chair and stared bleakly out of the window.

After a few minutes, he let his eyes close.

* * *

"Minerva, I'm sorry you were so worried, but I think Severus will recover."Dumbledore said reassuringly as Minerva finished her retelling of the night's events.

"Are you sure?What exactly did he tell you?Do you know what they did to him?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath and balanced himself precariously on the edge of a chair.

"At about four o' clock this morning, Remus and Sirius contacted me in panic. Their safe house had been raided by Death Eaters during the night and they were both very shaken.It was completely unexpected; they had a very close escape, what with Remus still suffering the after effects of his transformation and all."

Minerva nodded her understanding.

"Neither of them had any idea how they could have been tracked or ambushed, they'd used all the usual methods of discretion.They insisted that I summon Severus.

'Sirius, especially, felt that Severus should be held accountable for their lack of warning at the very least.Of course, Sirius imagined that Severus had 'forgotten' to inform them of their perilous situation intentionally.He even suspected Severus of enthusiastically taking part in the attack, and suggested that Severus had been the one to reveal their position to Voldemort."

Minerva sighed in exasperation.Sirius was always so petty, she doubted that he would ever get over his grudge for Severus.It was dangerous; Sirius let his hatred cloud his judgement.

"I tried to convince Sirius that Severus hadn't been informed of the attack beforehand; he would certainly have warned them otherwise, but he wouldn't be swayed. He wanted Severus to answer for the Death Eaters' actions.

"Remus was exhausted but insisted, quite correctly, that it was necessary for them to speak to Severus about the attack, if only to ask whether they were still in danger or not.

"I **expressly** told them to tread carefully around Severus; I knew he had just come back from a Death Eater meeting and he always returns unsettled and jumpy.

"Remus gave me his word that they wouldn't start any trouble, but as soon as Severus arrived, Sirius started insulting him and accusing him of treachery.It was obvious that Severus wasn't himself, his behaviour was...uncharacteristic of him.

"It was like he couldn't focus, couldn't think straight.I said...something about gentleness to Sirius, in an attempt to calm him down, and Severus, for whatever reason, overreacted enormously and...well...he rather knocked me down in fact."Dumbledore admitted sheepishly.

"He cursed you ?"Asked Minerva in astonishment.

"No, he sort of... threw himself at me.From behind. I don't actually think he had his wand with him, he didn't reach for it or use it once.Then later Severus seemed to be on the point of collapse; poor Remus attempted to help and wound up with a nasty black eye."

Minerva frowned, Severus rarely resorted to physical violence; he just wasn't that type of man.

"As you can guess, Sirius was outraged and eventually attacked Severus, who then _did_ collapse..."

"...What!You let Sirius attack Severus right in front of you?"

"...I had only prepared to combat a magical attack on Severus - Sirius shoved him in the chest!There was a crack...then Severus fell to the ground and passed out in pain..."

"Oh God..."Minerva shuddered."Severus already had broken ribs when I left him."

"Yes, I discovered that later.Sirius had forced them backwards into Severus' lungs, so he was almost unable to breathe, but...there were other injuries too."Dumbledore explained gravely.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully, as if considering the best way to continue.

"Are you familiar with the ancient medieval techniques of healing?"

Minerva was taken aback.

"...Well, only by reputation.Why? Did you have to perform one?"

Albus nodded seriously,"I couldn't see any other way of finding all Severus' injuries.Anyway...uh...do you know how the technique works?"

Minerva nodded, a look of horrified realisation dawning on her face.

"You had to relive it all..."

Albus grimaced in confirmation.

"I had to use his own memories to determine the true extent of his injuries.His experiences were...very disturbing and... traumatic, but...ahem...the spell also provides images of past injuries to the damaged areas - to give the healer all the background information which may be needed to treat the current injuries..."

Minerva nodded, urging him to get to the point.

" and... uh... well, I saw..."

The Headmaster trailed off. He was looking at Minerva strangely, as if judging her mental state. She crossed her arms indignantly.

"Albus, what are you trying to tell me?"

He remained silent, weighing up the situation.

"Dammit Albus, will you just tell me!What did you see?"

There was a pause.Minerva braced herself.

"The Death Eaters are using rape to break Severus."

Suffocating silence.

"No..."Minerva couldn't breathe.She swayed and grasped at the wall for support, staring incredulously at Albus, willing him to deny it.

"They began this...they began this method of torture, knowing that it was Severus' only weakness..."

"God, no..."Minerva knew what Albus was about to say.She closed her eyes and shook her head violently.This was what Lucius had been referring to.This was what...

"...because as a child,"Albus took a breath to steady his voice,"Severus' father would..."

"**_No!_**"She cried,"Oh God, Severus... Albus, **_how_** could we have let this happen?"Her voice cracked with suppressed emotion."How is it **_possible_** that we missed this?I never even considered...It was going on **_all_** those years?"

Albus nodded regretfully, his blue eyes brimming with sorrow.His voice cracked with emotion as he explained.

"The previous damage was... very extensive, which ... which would lead me to believe that it happened when Severus was... very young."

There was a pause.Albus wiped his eyes with his a trembling hand.

"How young?"

Albus jerked his head up and stared into her eyes.

"...What?"He whispered.

"You heard me."Her voice sounded emotionless."How young?"

Dumbledore swallowed and fidgeted uneasily."Six."He said quietly."About six."

Minerva sank into a chair."Six..."She breathed in horror and disbelief.

Albus moved to comfort her."Minerva..."

" His father..." Minerva spat, "...That bastard! I'll..."

Albus put his hands on her shoulders.

"He's not been seen for years now. For that matter, neither has Severus' mother."Albus hesitated and shook his head sadly."We can't be sure that Severus was still being abused while he was at Hogwart's, Minerva."

"He was." Minerva interrupted in a slow, hollow voice.

She stood up, but did not look at Dumbledore.

"Lucius Malfoy knew.He spent a **_lot_** of time in Severus' house.He figured it out."

Dumbledore frowned questioningly and Minerva explained her knowledge in a bitter voice.

"Since their school days, Severus and Lucius have... grown apart."She sighed, disillusioned."There are few friendships strong enough to withstand the corruption of Voldemort."

_Severus and Lucius had been impossibly close as children.They had clung to one another like lifelines._

"I recently...overheard Lucius threaten to reveal Severus' secret to Voldemort, so that he could 'interrogate' Severus more thoroughly."

She paused in disgust."Lucius knew the only thing Severus had ever been afraid of was his father.I didn't know why at the time, but..."

She swallowed hard. "Severus seemed terrified at the prospect...Lucius knew Severus had been unfaithful; he was just looking for an opportunity to promote himself in Voldemort's esteem.He realised he could use the key to breaking Severus as his leverage."

They stood in absolute silence, absorbed in their own thoughts.

"Severus never asked me for help in **_all_** those years, Minerva.Why didn't he trust me?"

"I don't know."

"I should have made him feel that he could tell me anything.Didn't he think I'd believe him?I would have done all I could to help him."

Dumbledore sighed helplessly and put his head in his hand."I just presumed he knew that."

"Maybe he was too ashamed."Minerva reasoned softly."Abused children often blame themselves."

"He was so young.I don't know how anyone could find it in their heart to hurt a child like that."

Minerva pursed her lips in anger.

"I met his father.More than once.I would never have imagined him to be capable of..." She looked away.

"You know, Albus, when I found Severus in his room,I removed his robe to treat his chest injuries.As soon as he regained consciousness, all he could think about was covering himself up.At the time I berated him for his ungratefulness, but now I... understand."

She stopped talking.She didn't need to say more.

"Merlin,"Albus sighed, regretfully,"of all the people Severus needed to see when he arrived in my office,Remus and **_Sirius_** must have been last on the list."

Minerva remembered what Albus had said earlier, that an 'insensitive' remark of his had caused Severus' outburst.

"Gods, Albus...tell me you didn't let Remus and Sirius know what had happened to Severus."

Dumbledore's silence was answer enough.

"Albus, no..."The old man closed his eyes and put his head in his hands."Severus must have been devastated..."She looked away.

"I behaved in the worst possible way."Dumbledore whispered. "I confronted Severus and...I blamed him for not telling me, or asking for help."

His blue eyes showed a deep regret."I had forgotten that Remus and Sirius were still in the room, all I could think about was Severus."

"When I..."He cleared his throat."When I entered those memories, in Severus' mind...It was as though he could sense that I was in there."

"...Is that even possible?"Minerva murmured, frowning in alarm.

"He guards those memories constantly."Albus explained softy.He shook his head in pity."I believe that I finally understand Severus' obsession with Occlumency."

Minerva remained silent.She had never associated Severus' skill in Occlumency with a need to conceal horrific experiences.She had just presumed that he'd acquired the skill to hide the Order's secrets from Voldemort.She'd never considered the possibility that Severus had trained himself in Occlumency to hide the secrets of his mind from the **_entire_** world.

"As soon as Severus sensed my presence in his head,my mind became swamped with his panic and desperation.He forced me out so fast that I barely managed to hold the spell long enough to heal the internal damage.I was expelled backwards across the room and Severus regained consciousness."

Minerva stared at him in surprise.He nodded to confirm his statement.

"I have never known such a thing to happen.It is unheard of for a man to awaken under such conditions..."

They both fell silent again.

Minerva suddenly realised she still didn't have the information she had come here for.

"Albus, where is Severus?"

"I sent him with Sirius and Remus.The Minister for Magic urgently requested to meet with me today, so naturally when you gave the password I assumed Cornelius..."

"Is that why the entrance to your office kept stalling me?"

"Er... yes.My apologies Minerva,but if it had been Cornelius it would have been necessary.What with Sirius...and Severus was unconscious, so..."

"Yes, yes of course,"Minerva interrupted in frustration, "but where did you send them? You said Remus and Sirius' safe house had been discovered..."

"Yes.I sent them to ..."Anxiety flashed across Dumbledore's face, inspired by a sudden thought.He continued slowly, with a glazed expression.

"I... I sent them to.. Severus' childhood home..."

"You're joking."

"Oh my God..."

"Albus!"

"What have I done..."

"I'll go after them."

"You can't..."

"We've got to stop them!"

"Minerva! You **_can't_**!The house has apparating fields around it, it's **only** accessible by muggle train and you can't possibly catch up with the others now - they left almost an hour ago."

"You said Severus was unconscious...?"

"Yes... Oh Merlin..."Albus' eyes bore into Minerva's."Severus is going to wake up in his old house..."

* * *

Severus slowly returned to his senses.He felt nauseous and weak.He forced his body into a sitting position and put a hand to his head.The world around him seemed to spin, disconcertingly.No, wait. It actually _**was**_moving.

Trees. Trees covered in snow were flashing past his eyes.He was looking through the old fashioned window of a train.His head was pounding with the constant sound of its rickety movement.

He glanced momentarily down at his legs and did a retake.He was invisible: where he could feel his legs, there was nothing to be seen but a row of seats.

Why was he invisible?And where the hell was he, for that matter?

He swung his legs over to the floor and started, in alarm.A man was asleep on the opposite chair, a man who closely resembled...Remus Lupin.

Severus leapt to his feet.Everything flooded back to him - the pain, the fear, the hate, the betrayal, it all crashed down upon him.He leant heavily on the wooden doorframe, swaying ominously with the rocking of the train.

God, what could he do?He couldn't stay here with this man, this man who now knew everything about him.There could be no more hiding, no more protection.

Lupin knew what Severus had kept hidden all these years; everything would be different now.There would be disgust and scorn and pity and revulsion...

Black.

Sirius Black.That man knew too.Albus had told them all.Everybody knew. He had to get away.

How could he live with all these people knowing he had let himself be abused; he had let himself be raped?He had been too weak to fight them off.

He couldn't face them.He couldn't take their taunting and their hatred.Not now.

They had never known what they were talking about before.He had been able to stomach it, to tell himself that at least he was strong enough to withstand their jeers and insults, he had never given them any real information to hurt him with.

Now they had it all.Everything they needed.

He couldn't let them find him here.

He reached for the door handle.It was locked.Magically locked.

His fingers tore at his hair in frustration.He didn't have his damn wand.How could he survive alone, without his wand?

Everything had gone wrong.

In the space of an evening, the pitiful remnants of his wretched life had been washed away.Everything he had worked so hard to maintain had fallen into ashes.

Ashes to ashes dust to dust...

This was Minerva's fault - he thought angrily - and Albus'.They had interfered, if they had just left him alone he could have...

No.

This was entirely his fault.

They may have caused it, but Severus knew he was to blame.He had let them get close.

Too close.

Close enough to care.

He knew it was dangerous to surround yourself with people who gave a damn.

It makes you weak; it makes you vulnerable.It can make you dependent, reliant upon a lifeline.

Ashes to ashes dust to dust...

He wouldn't make that mistake again.He should have learned from the first time it happened.Had he really been so stupid as to let that situation arise again?

He had to get away from these people.

He eyed Lupin warily.The man's wand was jutting out of a pocket in his robes, but it was obvious that Severus could not remove it without waking him up.

Severus looked at the door again.As he turned his head, sharp pains ruptured in his neck and he could not restrain a gasp of pain.

His eyes moved cautiously to Lupin.The man had not stirred; he was clearly in a deep sleep.

He studied the door again.A long, narrow strip of glass ran the entire length of the door.It looked pretty sturdy, but if he could break it, he might just be able to force his body through the gap.

He began to hit the glass panel repeatedly with the heel of his hand, attempting to keep the noise level to a minimum.If Lupin woke up then Severus wouldbe unable to escape him.

He guessed that Dumbledore must have sent him and Lupin somewhere (probably St. Mungo's mental ward)and if that was the case, Lupin would have been told to guard him.

Severus couldn't understand why they hadn't just apparated there though - surely that would have been easier?

Anyway, Severus knew Dumbledore would have made sure he was constantly mentored after what had happened, and Lupin was, after all, the one with the wand.Severus would be powerless to defy him once he woke up.

Nonetheless he wasn't getting anywhere with this pounding; he would have to use more strength.Bracing himself, Severus smashed his hand against the glass over and over again, using more force than before.

Just as he was about to give in, a sudden pain in his palm alerted him to the fact that the glass had cracked.A long fracture line ran halfway down the glass pane.

Applying pressure to a specific point on the glass, he managed to spread the crack further.There was a slight clatter as he broke through the pane, and glass fragments rained down upon the corridor floor outside.

Severus began to break away the remaining glass; piece by piece, until the main body of the pane had disappeared, leaving only a border of long glass spikes protruding inwards from the framework.

Just as Severus carefully pulled away another large, jagged shard, sharp pains struck in his neck and he cried out, dropping the glass.

He gasped.Lupin stirred and groaned; his eyelids fluttered.Severus panicked instantly; the man was about to wake up!He had to get away, now - or he would never manage it.This was his only chance.

Closing his eyes, he shoved his body through the thin gap, disregarding the remaining spikes, and putting all his effort into forcing himself through.He had to grit his teeth to stop himself crying out, as cruel edges carved shallow cuts across his face and torso.

He stumbled into the corridor wall, panting and grimacing in pain.Looking back into the compartment he saw Lupin opening his eyes, and took off along the corridor at a sprint.

He ran through the carriages until he came to the last one.There was a door at the very end.Going through it he found himself standing on some sort of balcony, suspended above the railway, surrounded by thin gold railings.

He leant heavily against the bars.The pains in his neck had grown worse as he ran.He raised a hand to his invisible throat, and was shocked to receive a deep cut along his fingertips.

There were glass fragments embedded in neck!But where had they come from? Not the door, he had been in pain before that...

Oh God... he remembered the bright light and the flying glass, and the outrage and hurt as Albus had screamed his secret to the world.

What the hell had caused that flash? And why wasn't there any blood?Being impaled on sharp objects generally caused bleeding, right?

He raised his eyebrows bitterly - of course it did, he had some experience in that area.

This was just too much.

He should have turned around the moment he'd walked into Dumbledore's office and come face to face with Sirius Black.In fact, he should never have met with Albus in the first place - wandless and injured - what had he been thinking?It had all gone downhill from there.

He teased a sharp fragment out of his neck and looked down at it.The glass was invisible too; it must have been hit by the same spell that had been placed on him.That would be a problem.

Until he got another wand he would have to remain invisible.There were numerous potion remedies for invisibility of course, but his equipment was at Hogwart's.He could not return there.

Invisibility.It wasn't so terrible.

It could set him free...

Nobody would flinch when he approached.

Nobody could judge him by his appearance.

Nobody would accuse him without reason.

Nobody could confront him with their hatred.

Nobody would talk to him or try to touch him ever again...

He removed another piece of glass.

His fingers felt wet.

If only he could change the past.Perhaps, if he stole a Time Turner from Dumbledore he could restrain his past self before he entered Dumbledore's office.

No, that would never work.His past self would almost certainly attack him, and if one of them died then...

...Then what?

Would it really be so bad?This was no kind of life anyway.

He pulled out another jagged shard.

The front of his robes felt slightly damp.Was it raining?He gazed dolefully up at the sky.Maybe it was sweat.

He had run quite a long way.

Only the truly strong can afford to be gentle, Sirius.

He had attacked Dumbledore.

That had been so stupid.Albus hadn't meant anything by what he had said.Those words held no significance for Albus.He hadn't seen the images that Severus had, as he had spoken those words.

Nothing is so strong as gentleness

He had taken his mothers words to heart.He had been gentle.He had not resisted.He had not fought against his father's touch.He had thought he was being strong.She had betrayed him.

Her words had destroyed him.

Nothing is so strong as gentleness

No.

Gentleness is weak.

"... "

_The snow_

_the carriage leaving_

_running_

_exhaustion_

_his mother's face_

_a gloved hand waving_

_so far away_

_desperation_

_despair_

_wrought iron gates_

_imprisonment_

_coldness_

_tears_

_waiting_

_darkness_

_his father's voice_

_pain_

_hurt_

_harsh words_

_crawling flesh_

_creeping hands..._

"**STOP**"Severus screamed, doubling over and seizing his head in claw like hands.He grasped viciously at his hair, using the pain as a distraction.

He screwed up his eyes, his face contorted and he panted frantically, all his energy focused on the pain.He listened for the silence he prayed would come; his saving grace...

His cry was lost amongst the trees; the thoughts corrupting his sanity faded into nothingness and he was left.

A lone man standing.Trapped on a stage by iron bars.

The world soared by, and, in his head, all was silent.

He straightened up.He forgot the pain.

He leant against the iron bars and watched the snow.Severus smiled.He didn't feel cold.His body felt warm.

And wet.

He absently removed another glass fragment from his throat, and let it fall from his fingertips onto the railway below.

He listened to it, smash down onto the track.

Lupin would be looking for him now.There was no other escape.

If the train didn't stop, he would have to jump.

Smash down onto the track.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...

* * *


	17. sunlight distorted by glass

* * *

"Moony!Remus!Damn it, wake up man!"

"Wha...what?"Remus opened his eyes reluctantly, and hurriedly shrank back upon finding Sirius' face only inches from his own.

Sirius grabbed him by the collar and yanked him off his seat.Remus struggled to find his feet, grasping desperately at Sirius for support as his friend indicated towards the door.

"Would you look at this!"

Remus blinked in the direction that Sirius gestured to.He took a moment to focus his bleary eyes, before he saw what Sirius was talking about.

"My God...What...?"

The glass window in the train door had been smashed.Broken glass covered the ground, both inside and outside the compartment, creating a disturbingly beautiful sheen of colours, where sunlight was distorted by glass.

Remus could smell something unpleasantly familiar.

"Somebody smashed the bloody glass!"

"Yes, I can see that, Sirius."Remus growled, hoarsely."Where's Snape?"

"How do I bloody know?That prat's invisible!"

"You can still feel him!"Remus groped around on the seats to demonstrate this ability, praying that his fingertips would come into contact with the man's bony frame.

Nothing.

"He's gone."

"Shit."Sirius bit his lip, anxiously forcing his fingertips through his hair."What should we do?"

Remus sighed deeply and stared at the broken glass."Well, he hasn't got his wand, so he doesn't really pose a threat to..."

"Aw, come on!" Sirius yelled in exasperation, flailing his arms around violently."Do you really believe that?This is Snape for God's sake - and he's invisible!"

"Well I can change that, it's just a simple spell, I don't need to have contact with him."Remus pulled his wand from his pocket, trying to stay calm.

If he had lost Snape, Dumbledore would kill him.Remus kicked himself. He shouldn't have fallen asleep;he had known there was a remote possibility that Snape could wake up.

He wouldn't have had any idea where he was.

Remus shuddered.How much did Snape remember?

Sirius knelt down in front of the shattered window, examining the frame.

"He must've broken the glass to get out when he couldn't unlock the door."

Sirius stood back and eyed the gap."Did he seriously get through there, though? Remus, look how narrow this space is - Severus must be built like a twig!"

Remus moved closer to the door.The space was indeed very narrow; Remus doubted that he would ever be able to get through there.Sirius certainly couldn't have fit; he was much too broad.

But Severus...Remus knew Severus was exceptionally thin, but could he really have squeezed through this space?

Remus exhaled, feeling dispirited.

"Well, he isn't here, Sirius, so he must have got out through there - if the door was still locked when you returned...?"

"Yeah, it definitely was."Sirius muttered with his eyes still fixed on the glass.He shook his head."I can't believe you never woke up, Remus - I mean, he must have made good bit of noise while he was doin' this!"

"Hey, I haven't slept decently in days..."Remus protested, hurt by his friend's judgmental attitude."You know I'm exhausted!Anyway if you hadn't gone off to find breakfast you would've been here to help me."

Sirius had the decency to look guilty at this point.He shuffled uneasily in the silence.

Remus looked at the floor.

"I did wake up once,"he admitted unhappily, "- but I didn't look towards the door; I just glanced over at Snape, who I presumed at the time was lying there invisible, but..."

"It wasn't your fault Remus.I didn't mean what I said."Sirius mumbled indistinctly, keeping his eyes on the door.

There was a moment's pause.

"I'll do the anti- invisibility charm and then we can go find him."

Remus closed his eyes and recited the incantation.There was an abrupt shout from Sirius, and Remus started in alarm.

Sirius had scrambled away from the door.It soon became clear to Remus why.

The tip of each protruding piece of glass was now covered in blood, as were many of the discarded shards on the floor.

"What the hell..."

"Jesus..."Sirius murmured slowly, his husky voice trembling with shocked understanding. "D'you know why that's there, Remus?"

Lupin stared at his friend's expressionless face and remained silent.

"You just removed the invisibility spell on Snape's body."

Sirius picked up a red incrusted shard."This is his blood."

He let the piece crash to the ground.

"He's crazy..."

"Sirius, come on.We've got to find him."

Remus wrenched open the compartment door and looked up and down the corridor.A number of blooded fingerprints were smattered across the wall a few metres to his left.

Remus and Sirius looked at one another, and then swiftly strode off in that direction.

They took it in turns to barge in and check the compartments for any recognisable sign of Snape.

They eventually found themselves in the last carriage - alone.

Remus could feel the air around them vibrating with nervous tension.

"Do you think he could have got off the train?"He asked Sirius quietly.

"Are you kidding?The train hasn't stopped once, what do you think he did, jump off?"

His smile faded rapidly as the words sank in.

They stared at each other, both sharing the same terrible thought.

"He wouldn't..." someone breathed.

But neither of them was convinced.

Sirius ran a hand violently through his long hair."Maybe he went the other way down the train."

"Sirius,"Remus began soberly, trying to reason with his friend,"the bloodstains were leading in this direction.If Snape didn't come this way, then how could his blood..."

Something over Sirius' shoulder caught Remus' eye and he lost track of his sentence."...his **_blood_**..."

"What?"

Remus grasped Sirius' elbow.

"Look, what's that?"Remus pointed to the door handle of an exit at the very end of the train, and propelled Sirius around to face it, not relinquishing his hold on the man's arm.

The handle's gleaming gold finish had a red tinge about it.

Sirius frowned warily, arching his neck back towards Remus. "Where does that door even lead to?"

Lupin took a deep breath and used his grip on Sirius' arm to steer the reluctant man forward.

"Looks like we're gonna find out."

Sirius looked at Remus, his face showing the same sense of foreboding that the werewolf felt.Then, avoiding the bloodstains, Sirius hesitantly reached to open the door.

Remus blinked as they stepped outside into the sunlight.The surrounding land tore past them frantically, smothered in bright white snow.

It was excruciatingly cold out here, the added exposure and rushing wind seemed to penetrate Lupin to the core and his threadbare robes did little to prevent it.

Remus squinted to shelter his eyes from the harsh wind.The strong air currents whipping around his face combined with the violent rattling of the train cart over the tracks rendered Remus almost unable to hear anything above the din.

A black movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention.Remus spun around.

A tall, wiry figure was leaning heavily on the railing.The man's back was turned to them, but it was clearly Snape, identifiable by his sweeping robes, raven hair and distinct outline.

Remus marvelled at the stark contrast between the black abyss that was Snape, and the pure white snow settled all around, which somehow seemed to be the warmer of the two.

Snape's head was bowed and he was shivering slightly, both hands grasping the railing.His knuckles were white.Remus and Sirius exchanged anxious glances.Remus stepped carefully towards Snape, keeping his hands flat at his sides.

"Snape?" he called gently.

The man took one hand off the railing and raised it to the front of his neck.He was leaning dangerously over the barrier.

"Severus..."

The man lowered his hand.He was staring at an object in his palm, which Lupin could not make out.

"Remus,"Sirius called almost inaudibly, nudging him discreetly in the back.

Lupin turned his head; Sirius gave a meaningful nod towards the railway. He was staring wide-eyed at some something.

Remus peered at the track, frowning slightly.Then he saw it.

A smeared, red line ran parallel to the railway, marring the white snow derisively.

Remus stared at it.What was that? He followed the trail with his eyes along the moving ground and up to the train.It seemed to be coming from the earth beneath Severus, where his body was tilted over the railings.

Remus frowned with sudden realisation.He looked swiftly back at Sirius, then down at the platform floor.There was a pool of blood at Snape's feet.

"Severus!"Remus grabbed his shoulder impulsively and spun the man around.Snape staggered, losing his balance; a glass shard flew from his palm and smashed loudly.He tried to steady himself on the railings behind him.

"God, what have you done?"Sirius hissed in disbelief.

The man's neck was riddled with wounds, fervently pumping blood.

Remus gaped speechlessly at him.

The front of Snape's robes and the ends of his hair were saturated with blood.His face glittered eerily as pieces of glass embedded within the skin caught the sunlight.

Snape's face was utterly expressionless; he didn't seem to see Remus at all.But Remus couldn't take his eyes off Snape's.

They were so empty.

Tears ran silently from the black orbs, slipping over his cheekbones and mingling with his blood as they ran down his neck.

Severus stared blankly beyond Remus.His body was still shivering violently, from what Remus now realised was blood loss.

Those shards had come from Albus' office.Dumbledore had said that his blood-freezing spell would be broken if they removed the glass themselves.

Remus would have to reinstate the charm.

Snape blinked slowly, his eyes on the ground and another tear ran down his cheek.Sirius had fallen deadly silent behind Remus.

Lupingripped Snape's arm tightly.Snape flinched and backed away, seeing Remus clearly for the first time.

"Severus..."Remus began, but was cut off as Snape slapped his hand away wildly and forced his own, bloodied body back against the railings in retreat.

"Severus, please listen to me.We just want to help you!Please...I... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

The man had mounted the railings, and was now standing up straight, balancing precariously on the moving train, staring down at the track.

Lupin gasped in disbelief, Severus couldn't balance like that; it was impossible – he'd fall!

"No!Please don't do this, I...Constrictus Eos!"

As Lupin cast the spell, he took two steps backwards and Snape was torn down off the railings.He landed on the rocking platform and cried out in pain as the back of his head struck the wooden floor.

Sirius and Lupin moved to help him up but he hurriedly pushed himself to his feet and desperately avoided their hands, swaying with light-headedness.

"What...what have you done to me?"Snape mumbled quietly not making eye contact with either of them.He was cradling one arm protectively.

"I'm sorry."Remus said gently."Dumbledore told me not to let you out of my sight.It's for your own safety.It's a binding spell.I'll remove it when we arrive, I swear.Now I need to do a freezing spell to stop your bleeding until I can get a healer's help, okay?"

But Severus was no longer listening.He had wrapped his arms around himself and let a curtain of rank hair fall down to shield his eyes from theirs.

Remus sighed, and with a remorseful glance at Sirius, whispered the freezing charm.

The train finally seemed to be slowing down.There was a station up ahead.This was the end of the line.

"Severus?We've got to go."The man didn't move.Remus shook his head sadly at Sirius over Snape's shoulder."I hate to do this, but..."

Remus turned and walked resolutely back inside the carriage.Sirius watched as Snape's body was jerked away from the railings and forced inside the carriage by the binding spell to Lupin's body.

Severus did not even attempt to resist the powerful bond in his weakened state.

Sirius followed the pitiful man warily into the carriage, being mindful to keep his distance, so as not to appear overly threatening to Severus.

The train came to a stop.

Lupin paused thoughtfully before getting off the train and looked back at Severus.Sirius hesitated too.

Remus moved towards Snape, his wand raised, causing Snape to freeze, his eyes wide, captivated with foreboding. Lupin realised his mistake and began to speak in a slow soft voice, lowering his hands before him in a submissive gesture.

"Severus, I'm just going to clean up the blood, okay?Otherwise we will cause a panic amongst the muggles.Do you understand?"

Snape didn't move.He seemed to be concentrating hard on just breathing; his forceful gasps were shallow and laboured.Lupin glanced at Sirius who shrugged sadly, then whispered under his breath,"Porus Limpius."

The blood evaporated from Snape's robes, hair and skin.He suddenly appeared incredibly pale without the dark stains colouring his face and neck.

There were dark blue, charcoal smudges below his closed eyes, and the gaping hollows in Snape's gaunt face and neck were more obvious than ever.

"Come on, Severus."Lupin encouraged kindly, but there was a frantic edge to his voice."Please?Will you please come with us of your own accord, Severus?"

Snape let his head drop to his chest, his hair shielding his face from their gazes, clearly unwillingly to be a party to what he considered his own demise.Sirius' heart went out to Lupin; he knew his friend hated to make people act against their will, but in this situation what choice did he have?

The whistle blew to signify that the train was about to leave.

"I'm sorry, Severus."Lupin shook his head downheartedly and stepped off the train and Severus was dragged with him, almost falling onto the platform in his unsteadiness.

Sirius shook his head, grimly.He would never have thought there'd be a time when he would see Snape fall down and not laugh.

He put his hands on his hips and let his head fall back slowly.He sighed, staring despondently at the ceiling.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

Taking a last look up and down the empty carriage, Sirius abandoned his rigid stance and leapt down the steps onto the snow-covered platform, just as the train pulled out of the station.

* * *


	18. a hopeless smile through tears

* * *

"Remus, are we almost there?"Sirius moaned, ambling slowly through the snow behind his friend.

"I don't know, Sirius.For the last time; this spell only tells me the direction of the place, not the distance to it."

"Moony, my toes are numb!"

Lupin sighed exasperatedly and turned to face him.

"Sirius, there's nothing I can do about tha..."He broke off, noticing Sirius' devious grin.

Remus punched him on the arm and walked forward again.

"Will you stop winding me up?"Lupin chided impatiently, but the corners of his mouth twitched reluctantly, despite his angry tone.

Sirius had been making a conscious effort to lighten the mood for the past half-hour. The animagus jogged to catch up with his friend and threw an arm roughly around his shoulders.

"Aw Remy, you just make it too easy for me."Remus shook his head, good-naturedly."Now, tell me again, why can't we can't use magic?"

"In case the wards around Snape's house pick up the energy waves and somehow deflect this guidance spell..."

"Huh.So in other words, the only one who's allowed to do magic is _you_, then?"

Remus scowled wearily at him, and Sirius shrugged, jovially.

"Hey, I ain't complaining!"

"I'm sure we'll be there _soon_, Sirius."

"Yeah, I should bloody hope so -if we walk much further north we'll be trippin' over penguins!"

Remus snorted."We haven't been walking that long! And don't penguins live in the south...?"

"Well, whatever. You can hardly call this 'walking', anyway."Murmured Sirius under his breath, gesturing at their shuffling feet."I've seen three-legged tortoises hopscotch backwards faster."

He snickered at his own joke.

"Shut up, Sirius.Severus can't walk any faster.He won't let us touch him; we can't use magic, and I refuse to exploit the fact that he's bound to me to drag him along quicker than he can manage, ok?"Remus' words tumbled out in a rush, taking Sirius by surprise.

He gave a short, bashful nod and sighed seriously.

Remus straightened his robes, and walked on, keeping his eyes fixed resolutely ahead."Anyway, we aren't moving that slowly."

"Oh, no - of course not,"said Sirius in a gruff, sardonic voice, rolling his eyes and bouncing after Remus."I didn't mean to imply that we were!"

Sirius nudged his friend in the back, genially, and gave him a pacifying smile; "Some of those tortoises can be quite frisky."

Remus' eyes shone with gratitude."It's awkward, I agree, I just...I don't want to push him, you know?"

Sirius nodded again, not meeting Lupin's eyes, as they drifted through the snow side by side.

As they wandered on, the stifling silence of their surroundings became more oppressive.

"Are you sure Snape's still back there?"Sirius whispered discreetly, catching Remus off guard.

"What? Yes, of course I'm sure!"

"Yeah?"Sirius asked doubtfully,"'Cause I haven't heard him make a sound in ages."

"I can feel him there. Turn and look for yourself!"

"No...I don't want to."

"What?Don't be so ridiculous - why ever not?"

"Probably for the exact same reasons that you won't look at him!"

"What do you mean?" asked Remus, abashed, "I..."

"Come off it, Remus!Don't think I haven't noticed - you haven't looked at him since you put those energising spells on him when we got off the train."

"That's not true!"Remus shouted indignantly, stopping to face Sirius.

He let Remus' cry fade in to nothing before replying softly,"Yes, it is."

The werewolf held his gaze fiercely for a moment, before sighing and glancing away.He looked worn out.

"I just...I can't bear seeing him like this, Sirius.It's as though there's nothing left of him; he's just... empty, just a shell."Remus gave a short, bitter laugh."You know... he doesn't even hate us anymore; that passion... he used it to anchor himself with. But it's gone.It's just... gone."

"I know."Sirius said, keeping his voice as low as Lupin's had been."I can't look him in the eye. Snape would **_hate_** for me to see him like this; I mean, he's so... vulnerable, so undignified.

'I...I feel like I'm taking advantage of him, somehow, just by looking at his body in this state... because Snape isn't **here** to protect himself. He's... somewhere else.It's like he's got lost inside that _bloody_ head of his."

As he spoke the last sentence through gritted teeth, Sirius _did_ look back at Snape.The man was standing about twenty feet behind them; as far away as the binding spell permitted.He had stopped walking the moment they had; utterly disinterested in their destination, he was merely allowing them to tug his body along as they moved.

Sirius frowned in surprise; Snape's eyes seemed to be focused on the sky.Sirius could never fathom what that man was thinking; he was always so intense.He followed Snape's gaze upwards.A solitary raven soared high above them, stretching its wings powerfully over the earth.

Sirius rolled his eyes sullenly.How perfect.

He sighed, and dropped his gaze in shame.Some messages were too obvious to ignore; it was wrong for Snape to be restrained like this.

Sirius spurred himself onwards, marching smack into Remus and spinning his body around, roughly.

"Sirius...?"

"Moony, let's go. Snape's really pale; he needs help."

Remus followed him with effort, Snape in tow.

"I know he does.I think I can see the place now, anyway.Look.It's just there on the horizon.That shadowy mass over there."

Sirius peered into the misty white distance willing his eyesight to equal Remus' heightened lupine vision and, sure enough, saw their destination, just as Remus had described.

"Bloody hell it looks creepy.Built in true 'Snape style'."

Remus sighed nonchalantly. "Don't be stupid, Sirius.You can't tell anything from this distance.Besides, we'll be safe there.Look how remote it is! And Voldemort would never suspect that we'd hide at Snape's house, anyhow."

Sirius hesitated."What if... he isn't looking for us?What if he's looking for Snape?"

Remus stopped.

"We'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.Hopefully, they'll all presume that Snape is still at Hogwart's."

It took almost an hour for them to reach the Manor, with Snape's footsteps faltering behind them all the way.

As they rounded a final clump of trees, the stark mansion reared up before them, and they halted instantly.

"Woah... Snape must come from a line of millionaires! Would you look at this place?"

"I know."Remus moaned in awe, his wand humming as the guidance spell accomplished its aim."Imagine how many galleons a place like this would cost.There must be a hundred rooms!"

Sirius gave his friend a sheepish sideways glance.They both knew that, as a werewolf, Remus would never be able to hold down a job with a decent wage.The wistful look in the man's eyes as he beheld the life he could never have, saddened Sirius immensely.

Remus deserved to be fortunate.He was one of the few truly good people in this world.

How was it, that a family as despicable as the Snapes enjoyed such riches, and a man like Lupin - a borderline saint - wound up with nothing?

"Well don't get too worked up about it, mate."Sirius sighed, light-heartedly,"Snape is practically a walking advertisement for the 'money can't buy you happiness' slogan!"

"I suppose."Lupin still seemed to be mesmerised by the mansion before him."Still, it's such a waste for a place like this to be empty when there are so many homeless people in this country.How long do you think it's been since anyone lived here?"

"Err... Remus, how do we know that this place is empty?"

"Well... we don't, I guess... I had just presumed that... surely Albus wouldn't send us to an inhabited place?I mean, everybody thinks you're a serial killer, most people _know_ I'm a werewolf, and it's obvious to anyone that Snape – in his current condition - is mentally unstable!Who on earth would willingly welcome us three into their home?"

There was a pause.

"Point taken.So, do we just... walk in?"Asked Sirius uncertainly, eyeing the imposing wrought iron gates at the entrance of the property.

"Uh...yes."

They walked towards the snow-covered gates.There was a terrible grinding as the hinges worked and Sirius pushed against the enormous iron bars.

Remus strode forward to help.

His body suddenly jerked, and he was wrenched backwards off his feet with a cry, as though hit by an invisible train.

Sirius whirled around, wand at the ready, meeting nothing but... Snape.

He was resisting the bond at last.He had pulled backwards, away from the gates, recognising his surroundings for the first time.

Snape tore his eyes from the iron bars and caught Sirius with the most desperate and unwavering stare the animagus had ever endured.

"Where the hell are we?"Rasped Snape, emphasising each word fiercely.

Sirius took a deep breath to prepare himself before answering.

"This is your home Sna...Severus."

"Why have you brought me here?"Snape's voice shook with suppressed emotion.It was clearly draining all of his energy just to form the words.

Sirius' eyes flickered to Remus on the ground, silently pleading for his help, but none came.Remus was staying as still and quiet as possible, to avoid outnumbering Severus.

"We... need a place to hide.Albus said you would be brave enough to protect us, and that you would let us stay in your home..."

"You're lying."The words were strangled viciously from Snape's throat."Albus has no idea how brave I am."

And yet, his face contorted with fear and he struggled to get away from the daunting gates threatening to imprison him."Please don't make me go back... not in there..."

Remus found his body being tugged through the snow suddenly.

Sirius started forward,"Snape..."

"No!You don't understand, I can't..."

"There's no one here except us, Severus."Remus said quietly, rising slowly to his feet,but his gentle voice drew a worse response from Severus.

His eyes grew wilder and warier, his thin body was fraught with tension and he appeared unable to speak.Remus took a step towards him.Snape had frozen where he stood.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Severus, it's just us.Okay?"He put a hand on Snape's arm.

"Please don't do this..."Snape's voice was nothing more than a whisper, his eyes downcast.

"Listen, will you just..."

Snape yanked his body out of Remus' grasp and ran.

"Snape, wait...STOP!"

Sirius grimaced as Snape's body was yanked backwards horribly. He had reached the boundary of the binding spell.

Snape lay panting on the ground, his chest heaving, and his face against the snow.Neither Sirius nor Remus dared move to help him.

It was an eternity before Snape staggered to his feet.He kept his back to the mansion. Remus and Sirius watched him intently.

Slowly, the spy stood up straight and dragged his head high; the shaking of his body had subsided considerably.He faced the wild, open span of the white countryside before him.

"You must think me mad."

A sound. A soft, bitter sound, part laugh, part cry, was carried by the wind out into the hills. Sirius glanced uneasily at Remus behind Snape's back.

The man stood before them.The wind sweeping from the outside world whipped his long black hair across his features, and his defiled robes billowed in the powerful breeze.

"I'm really not."His tone seemed to be smiling. A hopeless smile against tears."I... I'm not insane."

He turned and reluctantly looked back at the gates. The fear returned to his eyes.

"I'm not. I _swear_. You don't have to lock me away..."

He had lost control over his breathing.

Snape's usually eloquent voice was getting quieter and faster with every word, stuttering with an almost electrical energy, his words slurring in haste.

"I...I kn... know I behave strangely, b..but only when I forget myself...It doesn't happen very often I swear. I..I won't loose control again...and - I'm **_sorry_**. I didn't kn..know that **that** would happen..."

Sirius tried to interrupt, but Snape leapt to defend himself, his eyes pleading and desperate again.

"I kn...know you hate me, Black – and you probably a...always will – but...please - you underst...stand what being imprisoned d..does to a person..."

Sirius' eyes grew darker and his voice failed him.

"I'll try harder, please, just talk..t..talk to Dumbledore - I won't fail him again, I'll w..work harder, I won't fail him again..."

"Severus, stop this!"Remus cried, shaking his head in astonishment.

"NO! Please - I'll leave! I'll disappear; he'll never have to s..see me again - I'll never return to Hogwart's, j...just talk to him, please! Don't l..let him lock me up again..."

"STOP IT!"

Sirius jumped in surprise.Remus had never shouted like that before.

"Snape, you **don't** understand." Remus insisted firmly."None of us think you're crazy.You were just under too much pressure, and you needed help."He shook his head and closed his eyes with a sigh."You **_still_** need help.You're hurt. Look, Sirius and I really do need a place to hide, and... we just want to help you. You didn't '_fail_' anybody - least of all Dumbledore. He...he just sent you here out of concern."

"He... sent me **_here_**?"

Remus nodded.

Severus' face darkened. "He should have known better."

"Snape, it's not supposed to be a prison, or a punishment.It's just a place that we need to stay for a while, okay?"Sirius said, pronounciating slowly and gesturing crudely.

Snape stared at him, blankly."Don't patronise me, Black.I thought we just agreed that I wasn't mentally deficient?"

Sirius was about to make a cutting retort, but Remus elbowed him resolutely. Sirius sighed. "Right. Sorry..."

"Severus, please will you take us inside?Sirius and I are completely drained; we all need to rest."

Snape eyes were fixed on a high window, beyond Remus. He was making an obvious effort to keep control of his body and convince them of his sanity.

"How... how long do we have to stay in there?"

Sirius frowned at this odd question. Remus hurried to reply.

"Dumbledore is going to contact us. Not very long."

Snape nodded pensively, his eyes still locked on the window. He stepped forward hesitantly, then broke his gaze and walked reluctantly through the gates.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus, and they followed Snape at a slight distance.

"So." Murmured Sirius, bewildered.

"Yeah."

"That was... weird, huh."

"He just...snapped out of it."

"He's talking again. Not making a lot of sense, but..."

"No," agreed Lupin, "he was certainly having difficulty functioning properly."

"So what the hell did that?"

"I've no idea. He's still not completely himself, but at least he's not... whoever he was earlier."

"What did he mean about Dumbledore locking him..."

"I don't know." Began Lupin quickly. This was what they had really wanted to discuss. "I've never heard anything about that. Nobody's ever mentioned it. Strange..."

"And he's gone crazy before? What is this, like, a regular thing?" Frowned Sirius, insensitively, attempting to regain a sense of normality.

Remus shook his head, nonplussed.

"Remus, how can you be sure we won't be here long?"

"...I can't.I just told him what he needed to hear."

Sirius nodded. "I was afraid of that. Did you see him staring at that window?"

"Yes."

"I cannot express how much I do not want to know what it reminded him of."

"I know – this was a bloody stupid idea of Dumbledore's, you know."

Sirius regarded his friend in surprise.

"I mean it, Sirius!What inspired him to send Severus back **_here_**?"

"I...don't know...it was an emergency, I guess - he just suggested the first place that came into his mind."

"When he said we were going to Snape's house, I didn't realise he meant his **_family_** estate, or I would've said something..."

"You'd have thought Dumbledore would've sent us to wherever Snape actually **lives.**I mean, obviously Snape hasn't been here in years, judging from the way he reacted..."

There was a silence.

"Unless Snape doesn't have another home."

More silence.

"Moony, that's absurd!Snape can't live at Hogwart's..."

Remus shrugged, but said nothing.

"Merlin, he's been working there for like **fifteen** years - ever since he left school! You think he's lived there all that time?"

"He's safe there."

"Well... **_yeah_**, but... that's no way to live!"

Remus did not answer.

* * *

Thank you very much, reviews would be welcomed. 


	19. an exceptional view of broken fingernail...

Sorry! I know you've all been waiting a lifetime, but life has been so hectic the past few weeks – I'm always thinking about this story, but finding time to **write** it is my problem!

Sooooooooooooooooooo... to reward all of you lovely, dedicated people, here is an INCREDIBLY long chapter for youz all!

I hope you enjoy...

CHAPTER 19 –man this story is getting long!

An exceptional view...

* * *

Snape closed his eyes and with a steadying sigh, raised himself onto the balls of his feet. He pressed his lips gently against the enormous wooden doors and whispered intimately.

"What's he doing?" Sirius hissed at Remus from a distance.

Lupin shook his head uncertainly. "Must be some sort of incantation on the doorway."

Snape stumbled away as the doors flew open, and stood, staring wide-eyed into the space beyond.

Lupin and Sirius edged forward in trepidation. As they neared Severus, he flinched and closed his eyes, steeling himself for what he had to do.

Inhaling sharply, Snape strode through the doors with determination.

Lupin followed him out of the daylight, watching anxiously as Snape's body was swallowed by the darkness of a huge, cavernous hall. Sirius stepped over the threshold with anticipation.

There was a crash as the heavy doors slammed shut and bolted themselves behind them.

"Lumos!" bellowed Sirius.

Light blazed through the room, exposing the obvious signs of antiquity and neglect that had fallen upon the mansion. Lupin eyed the menacing portraits that linined the walls with distaste. The ceiling was very high, but the magical illumination could not penetrate the blackest corners, and the lack of natural light enhanced the feeling of a lingering presence within the room, that could not be banished.

These walls had seen too much.

Lupin felt Sirius' cautious approach at his side.

"If I'd known those bloody doors were gonna lock us in as well as out, I would've demanded the password before I crossed the bleedin' threshold!" He murmured, trying, as always, to dampen his fear with an aggressively jovial attitude.

"There's more than one of us who ain't desperate to get locked up in here!" Sirius paused. " ...Snape..?"

The man's back was arched distortedly against the banisters of the stone staircase with his forehead resting on the bars.

Lupin frowned, "Are you al..."

Snape laughed harshly then coughed with the effort. "No." He grimaced in pain and defeat. "I rather think not."

Lupin frowned in concern. His eyes remained on Snape as he gave orders over his shoulder. "Sirius, we need to get help. Check if any of the rooms have fireplaces on the floo network. It's unlikely, but it's our best shot. If you find one, get a healer. From anywhere – I don't care, just...get one here quickly."

Sirius nodded. Lupin moved quietly to the staircase, and sat on a stair parallel to where Snape's body was propped up against the bars, knowing better than to touch him.

Lupin looked unobtrusively at the ground between his knees. "Severus, you're hurt. Will you sit down."

Snape gave a low moan and rocked his forehead back and forth against the bars.

"Severus, please..."

"BLACK!"

Sirius leapt in surprise; his hand frozen on the door handle he'd been turning.

"Don't touch anything."

Sirius exhaled in exasperation and rolled his eyes, "Snape, this is hardly the time to be bloody petty..."

"I mean it. Don't...don't touch anything in there."

Avoiding Sirius' eyes, Snape straightened up hesitantly, then sank down onto Lupin's step, as far from the werewolf as possible. His slender wrists clutched franticly at the iron rungs of the banister as he braced himself against a jolt pain.

Sirius stared at Snape for a moment, then raised his eyebrows at Lupin and pushed open the door, stepping inside. A second later, Sirius' terrified scream echoed through the hall and Lupin gasped, his heart in his mouth.

"Holy shit! What in the **_hell_** are you doing in here? You nearly gave me a sodding heart attack!"

Lupin relaxed in annoyance as he recognised the relief in Sirius' voice.

"Shush, Sirius!" A familiar Scottish voice met Lupin's ears. "I've spoken with the headmaster, is Severus here?"

"Yeah, he's here - not looking so great though. The pain spells we put in place seem to be fading..."

McGonagal's stern face appeared, as she hurried into the main hall; her hair was swept tightly back as always and her robes were dark green. She looked unusually haggard, Lupin noticed.

"Minerva." He smiled fondly.

She nodded in greeting.

"ARGH!" They both jumped as Sirius screamed again from inside the room. "What the...? Oh for cryin' out loud! Come here, you!"

"Sir! I..."

Lupin frowned as Sirius dragged a young man out into the hall by the scruff of his robes, and shook him roughly at McGonagal.

"What's **_he_** doing here?"

"Sirius Black, this is Teige O'Riley." Minerva said briefly as she rushed over to Severus. "He's a healer."

"Oh, thank goodness." Remus breathed. "Sirius! Put him down for heaven's sake!"

Minerva crouched next to Severus, who, much to Lupin and Sirius' surprise, did not shy away. She eyed the shards of glass embedded in his face and neck with deep concern, seeing the pain etched on his pale features.

"Severus," she uttered quietly, in a tight, restrained voice, "you'll be alright now, I've brought a healer from Hogsmeade."

The man's eyes flickered open weakly, "Minerva?"

"Yes?" She answered seriously.

"You're an insufferable meddler."

She smiled in relief, and shook her head, amazed at Snape's frivolity. He was trying to distract himself.

"This is nothing." She whispered, conspiratorially. "You wouldn't believe what I did to get him here, Severus."

Snape raised his eyebrows weakly. "Went a little outside the box?"

"Well, not besides breaking into his house in the middle of the night, hauling him out of bed in his pyjamas and marching him straight to Hogwart's at wand-point under a silencing spell."

Severus grinned appreciatively, despite himself. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

Minerva's smile faded as Snape groaned suddenly.

His face contorted as another wave of pain surged through him and Minerva recoiled as his fingers twisted in their desperate grip on the banisters.

The healer hurried forward nervously, but as Minerva turned to move out of his way, a cold hand clutched at her wrist.

"I'm **_sorry_**."

Minerva stared into the pleading eyes of the man at her feet with confusion.

"For hurting you earlier. I'm **_sorry_**. I had no right."

She shook her head. "Severus, it really doesn't matt..."

"It does. **_Please_**?"

He studied her face with searching eyes.

"I forgive you." She promised, sincerely. She was surprised that it mattered so much to him.

Snape's eyes filled with gratitude and he let go of her arm, respectfully.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Snape, there's no need to clear your conscience. You're not gonna die - stop being so dramatic."

"Well I **would** if you stop _screaming_ like a woman long enough for me to try. Ahh..." He hissed, bracing himself against the pain.

"HA! Who's screaming now?" Said Sirius, petulantly, leaning towards Snape with his hands on his hips.

"At least I've got good reason, you prat!" Snape growled through his teeth.

"Yeah?" Cried Sirius, obviously unable to think of a comeback, "Well I..."

"Stop it! Shut up the both of you - Severus you're only making it worse for yourself!"

Sirius nodded, smugly.

"As for **_you_**, Sirius," McGonagal admonished, "if you continue to fight with Severus, I shall personally devise an extreme punishment for you!"

Sirius paled. Despite the years since he'd left Hogwart's, Minerva still commanded enough respect for her threats to be taken seriously.

The young healer spoke up at last. "I can't do what is n..necessary _here_. We need to get him to a bed or something."

"Alright." Nodded Remus in agreement, moving to help the healer with Snape. "Put your arm around me, Severus."

"Why - are you feeling lonely?" Snape attempted to mock, but his expression was distant and there was no venom in his voice. Remus bent down.

"**_Please_** don't touch me..."

"Severus, I have to, you can't walk."

"I can..." Snape's voice caught in his throat and he broke off, clutching at himself and doubling over in pain.

"Snape, just remember who we are, and what's happening here. You'll be fine."

"If you say so..." replied a dejected whisper.

Remus ignored him and pulled Snape's arm around his shoulders, tensing as he felt Snape's body stiffen at his touch and his breathing grow harsh and erratic. The healer supported Snape's other arm and together they lifted him to his feet.

Snape cried out in agony as his body was moved, and his head rolled backwards unsupported by his muscles. His black hair fell back over his shoulders; his face and neck were no longer hidden in shadows.

Minerva gasped as Snape's throat was bared. Thick, dark blood had started oozing from the cuts on his neck and face, where disfiguring glass still protruded or had been carelessly removed.

As she watched, the pale skin of his neck disappeared entirely within seconds, consumed by the flow of blood. Snape's white face was marred by dark streaks of the substance, which trickled over his sharp jawbone to join with the steady stream already seeping down his chest.

"Merlin..." Remus moaned, in barely contained frustration, as his bare flesh came into contact with Snape's blood "Take him, Sirius...SIRIUS TAKE HIM!"

Both Sirius and Minerva rushed forward to grasp Severus as Remus stumbled down the stairs away from him and collapsed to his knees, panting wildly.

"Remus?"

"Look, we must get this man to a bed **_now_**!" Shouted the healer, interrupting Sirius' concern, annoyed by the delay. "I don't know what your friend thinks he's doing," he glared at Remus, fallen to his hands and knees, "but it's clear that whatever spells were put in place to prevent the pain and blood-loss of this patient have given way..."

"It's this place..." Severus whispered faintly, "it corrupts and corrodes all magic. Only the strongest spells can survive it..." His eyes closed.

"He's fading. I need to heal him fast, he's losing too much blood and I cannot reapply the spells, it's too dangerous. Quickly!"

"No unnecessary magic until we know more."

Minerva hurried ahead up the huge staircase, as Sirius and Tiege carried Severus' now unconscious form behind her. Opening the first door she came to, opposite the staircase, she entered the most enormous and least welcoming study she could ever have envisaged. It must have spread the entire length of the manor. Books lined all four walls, almost making it a spectacular library, but Minerva was chilled by the unnerving feel of the room.

The air was so dense and still. The books themselves seemed to whisper with hatred of her. It was suffocating: the tense knowledge of being unwanted.

She hurriedly retreated and moved along the corridor, searching each room she came to and being greeted by the same eerie resentment in every one. But it was not **_that_** that prevented her from entering - what did she care if the house was unhappy with her presence when Severus' life was at risk? - it was the sheer technicality that none of the rooms had anywhere suitable for Severus to be placed; none contained beds or even sofas, only straight-backed wooden chairs or armchairs, which were of no use to them.

Just when she had decided that Severus would have to be lain on the floor or on a tabletop somewhere, she found a small room that contained a long, wooden bench, like those used in muggle churches. It would have to do.

"Sirius! Bring him down here! There's a bench in here."

The others were still a good way down the corridor, having only just overcome the obstacle of dragging Severus up the staircase without magic, impeded by the fact that the unconscious man was easily the tallest of the three.

"Oh thanks, Minerva! Don't do us any bloody favours!" said Sirius, sarcastically, seeing the distance between them, "Weren't there any rooms in the highest tower? Possibly guarded by large, violent dragons..."

Minerva ignored him and stepped hesitantly inside the room.

This place had a very different feel to it. It seemed to draw her in, as though the room was desperate not to be empty, not to be alone.

The floor was dark mahogany, but in patches far darker than others, as if the sun had bleached parts of it...or some dark substance had stained the wood.

She noticed how bare this room was. Apart from the hard bench, the only other object was a simple wooden cross, nailed beside the large window filling the opposite wall. There were no curtains, but in the far corner lay a black, ornamental chandelier, which had obviously been torn from the gaping hole in the middle of the ceiling. Its candles were scattered around the edges of the room.

The walls were a dark, rouge colour, and in many places Minerva noticed odd cracks and dents in the plaster, as though heavy objects had been thrown at it, carelessly.

Minerva moved the bench away from the wall, with a flick of her wand, to make it more accessible for the healer. As an afterthought, she removed her heavy green outer robes and placed them on the bench, so that Severus would be more comfortable.

Glancing out of the window, she noticed with surprise there was a clear view of the front gates and the white landscape beyond.

An exceptional view in fact.

From here, the gates seemed so small and fragile - like the scenery in a snowy whirlwind, that drowned, imprisoned within the glass of a crystal ball, the sort of that children play with in winter.

But no child had ever played near those gates.

"You know, Minerva, you **_could_** give us a hand!" Sirius had arrived in the doorway.

Minerva hurried to help in the attempt to position Severus on the wooden bench. The healer knelt on the floor beside Snape and began rooting urgently through his bag, in search of a potion.

"Madame McGonagal, I would prefer it if I could be alone. I need to concentrate now, to help your friend. This should not take long; other than the serious arterial wounds on his neck, the rest of his cuts are largely superficial. I will inform you the moment it is done."

Sirius and Minerva stared at each other in surprise as they found themselves out in the hall with the door closing behind them, momentarily.

Each stared at the door, and then back at the other. Sirius raised his eyebrows and Minerva frowned.

"What on earth took you so long?"

"Well other than having to manoeuvre the **_lankiest_** man in the world up the **_longest_** flight of stairs EVER, we also had to stop and break the binding spell between him and Remus - bloody thing nearly yanked us _straight_ back down the **_damn_** stairs!"

"Where _is_ Remus?"

"Downstairs." Sirius shuffled awkwardly. "I think he wants to be left alone. He had a...uh...werewolf thing."

"Oh." Minerva nodded, her eyes widening in understanding. She glanced towards the stairs. "Is he okay?"

"I'm sure he will be. He just gets these...um...guilt issues." Shrugged Sirius, uncomfortably.

Minerva sighed, shaking her head sadly. "He and Severus are **_so_** alike."

Sirius frowned at her, sceptically, "Right, _yeah_, except for Remus not being crazy or filthy rich or a death eater or..."

"They both expect _**far** _too much of themselves. Neither understands that they have done the very best they could, with the circumstances life has given them.

They fight the good fight for others - so hard that they rarely remember to look after themselves. And they punish themselves for _ridiculous_ 'failures' **_so_** far from their control that they could never **_possibly_** be held responsible!"

"Yeah, well, at least _Remus _isn't cracking under the pressure..."

"Sirius." Minerva cautioned firmly. "You know that's not fair. Remus is lucky. He has you, and Harry, and a family that **loved** him. He's so open and agreeable; so easy to like, even when he shouldn't be. Severus on the other hand is almost _incapable_ of making anything but enemies. He has no one in the world but Dumbledore and I. That boy has **_never _**known how to behave around other people."

"He seemed to get on alright with the other Slytherins."

"No. The closest friend he ever had led him straight to Voldemort, and has never held any respect or compassion for Severus. Not to mention how _that_ **_bastard_**..."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise and she trailed off. Minerva took a deep breath and controlled herself; she wished to avoid a conversation about the evils of Lucius Malfoy with _Sirius Black._

"My point was: Remus and Severus are both **_very_** similar and very foolish. They need to share their pain. It does no good to hide so much hurt in your soul."

Sirius sank down against the wall, pressing the heels of his hands against his forehead, soothingly. He wasn't sure what to do now; Snape had the help he needed. Their plan hadn't covered more than that.

He was surprised when Minerva sat down next to him, gently leaning her head against the wall. Sirius smiled, unable to muster much enthusiasm.

"Ah, Minnie. How did we get _here_, eh?" he teased, softly.

She answered slowly. "I think...people rarely realise the impact their behaviour has. On other people...I mean. Just one action can have such a huge effect. It can completely change the course of someone's life.

You have to think about the things you do, _so_ carefully..."

Sirius joined her in staring cryptically at the ceiling. He wondered if Snape's father knew the true extent of damage that _his_ actions had caused - that such an early breach of parental trust had nearly destroyed his son.

"And Sirius?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't ever call me 'Minnie' again."

He laughed quietly.

"Minerva, how did you _actually_ get here? - It wasn't the muggle way like us."

"No." Minerva admitted. "I had someone at the Floo Department create a temporary connection. I had to pull some strings of course, to keep it fully confidential - there were some _dreadful_ wards guarding this place!"

"That hardly surprises me." Sirius murmured sourly.

"No." She sighed, looking sadly down the imposing corridor. "Nor me now.

- As I said, the Floo connection is only temporary: just the next couple of days or so. We can't create a permanent one without the risk of it being detected."

Sirius nodded in grim understanding.

"So we're stuck here."

"**You** are, yes - but you would've been anyway. Dumbledore and I are needed back at the school and Severus cannot be left unattended in this state." Minerva pushed herself to her feet.

"You aren't gonna stay and face the music when he wakes up?" Sirius suggested innocently.

Her eyes crinkled, and she smiled knowingly down at him. "As much as I'd _love_ to, I can't risk my absence being noticed at Hogwart's. But I daresay the Headmaster will be along to check on things in the next couple of days before the connection is destroyed."

"He wants to see Snape." Sirius stated dryly.

"Yes. He's incredibly worried about him."

"He ought to be _apologising_ to him, after being so damn insensitive."

"Yes. I heard about that... incident."

Sirius grunted.

"Albus really does regret what he said."

"It was just so unlike him..."

"As is this new found concern for Severus on _your_ part. Not that I'm finding fault with it." She watched him carefully. "Has something changed?"

"Everything's changed."

He exhaled in frustration.

"I don't know... something just gets to me about this whole damn situation. It's just so messed up – I can't help feelin' sorry for the sod, but he still bloody hates me, so it's like, **what** the bloody _hell_ am I s'posed to do?"

Minerva pursed her lips uneasily.

"Exactly." Sirius growled, miserably. "I can't act any differently around Snape without him thinking that it's only 'cause I found out that he was... raped -"

"Isn't it?"

Sirius caught her eyes sharply. She held his gaze.

"I...I don't know." He shook his head. "All I know is that I can't keep treating him like I did. Especially not while we're in _this_ house...where..." He broke off. "I just can't do that. And not only because of him. It... makes me feel a certain way about myself that I... That I don't want to feel." He shrugged, half-heartedly. "It's stupid."

"Yes it is." Minerva's voice was cold. "You shouldn't consider your treatment of Severus to be especially contemptible because you're in his old home." Sirius nodded – he knew it was ridiculous.

"Your actions are equally despicable everywhere else."

Sirius looked up in surprise. He hadn't been expecting such an abrupt tangent.

"You feel uncomfortable in this house because you know that any cruel behaviour on your part will be disturbingly reminiscent of Snape's father's. However, your being spiteful and malicious **_elsewhere_** doesn't make it any less so."

Sirius frowned in denial.

"Sirius, you could be as far from this house as is humanly possible, and your behaviour would still remind Snape of his father. You bully him, Sirius - attack him while he's down, when he can't fight back..." Minerva poked a sharp finger hard into Sirius' chest.

"You are too _good_ a man to behave so despicably, Sirius! You lower yourself to **_Cajan's_** level. That is unacceptable - you are a Gryffindor! For years I have tried to make you see through this pathetic feud with Severus, and yet it took a catastrophe like **_this_** for the truth to finally hit you.

You have your answers. You know what has made Snape what he is. You understand. Now... perhaps at last you can show a little mercy."

Sirius did not move. He had nothing to say. This was what it had come down to – the the way it would always be.

Minerva would never defend Sirius over Snape. Never again. - not after the Shrieking Shack incident. Not after what Snape had done in the face of her original betrayal.

Sirius had always considered himself stronger than Severus. Especially after what Snape had done that day. But Snape had survived things Sirius had never even imagined.

Perhaps **_now_** Snape was stronger, but back then, he'd been weak, and Minerva had been too blind to protect him.

Minerva closed her eyes. "I need to go."

Sirius could not stop her.

She turned to leave, and walked down the corridor.

"Cajan?"

Minerva hesitated. She bowed her head.

"Snape's father. I must've met him a dozen times. At the ministry, in Hogsmeade... I never suspected a thing. He was so intelligent - a genius most would say. Surpassed in the art of Potions only by his _son_, who no doubt detests every potion he ever brewed, on _his_ account. But... **_what he_** **_did_**..."

Her voice cracked with disgust and disbelief. "Cajan seemed so _above_ that. He wasn't **_courteous_**, but he had a pride and confidence about him that - well..." she murmured despondently, " It just shows you never can see what filth lies within a person's heart..."

"Or what good. You just need to have faith that it's there. Inside everybody, right? You told me that once – gotta say, I never believed it, but **_you _**sure as hell did. You can't lose faith in the whole damn world because of **_one_** sick sadist. For every person like that, there are hundreds that they disgust, even if they don't show it. I mean look at Snape. Crusader for the side of light - who'd have guessed it?"

"Severus' public persona is an act, Sirius..."

"Who's isn't?! You think _Cajan_ ever showed his true face?"

She shook her head. "He was always a mystery - not a Hogwart's student. I don't think anyone ever found out where he came from, such intelligence – an almost obsessive streak for discovery within him. It was awe-inspiring..."

"It was an **_act_** Minerva. That sick tosser may well have had those qualities, but he used them to inspire more than just awe. The things he did are reviled, even in the lowest circles. I honestly can't account for what I'd do it I ever met the bastard - but you can't blame yourself for not suspecting foul play. People can surprise you - for better or worse. Snape is living proof that us humans are the grea'est deceivers, after all. And the talent for deception seems to run in **_his_** bloodline more deeply than in most."

Minerva did not reply, but she seemed unnaturally still. "I must go."

Sirius nodded with resignation.

"Ask Mr. O'Riley to follow me back once he's finished here – he should report Snape's situation to Dumbledore, and...I'll want to know that he's out of the woods."

"Of course."

Minerva smiled, sadly, taking a few steps back towards him. "It was good to see you again, Sirius. It's been too long."

He tilted his shaggy head in agreement.

She hesitated. "I won't disturb Remus. Tell him...well, just give him my regards."

"What, no hug?"

His sarcastic attitude melted under her glare.

"Remus is just embarrassed." Sirius said quietly. "He thinks we don't understand - that we don't realise that **it** isn't really him - but we do. The werewolf is just a part of **_what_** he is. Its not **_who_** he is. It doesn't change anybody's opinion of him." He snorted angrily. "Well, nobody **_decent's_** opinion, anyway."

Minerva rubbed her eyes, wearily. "Decent people seem to be in short supply nowadays, Sirius."

"Speaking of..."

They looked up, as the healer emerged from Snape's room.

"How is he?"

"Everything alright?"

"He'll be fine. I've stopped the bleeding, given him replenishing potions, strength potions - everything that I had. Seeing as how he's a potions master, I imagined he would have a fairly high resistance to the concoctions, so I used the strongest possible dosage.

His...er..cuts and wounds are bandaged - they should heal within a few days, but what he really needs is rest. He needs time to repair psychologically, and I would strongly suggest that you do not wake him or...remain around him for too long. His instincts are very good, even in his subconscious state; he'll know you're there. However, he is...emotionally unstable and his imagination will be running riot. Undoubtedly your presence would have a perversely negative effect on his mind."

"Right then. No bedside visits. Anythin' else?"

"Uh...nothing specific really. With the potions I gave him...he should sleep for a few days. He'll wake once his body has healed."

Sirius nodded. Minerva shifted uncomfortably beside him.

"Do you I just... see him, before I leave? I mean...just to check...you know..." Minerva blushed as the men looked at her.

"Of course. You should put your mind at rest. I'll wait downstairs."

Minerva nodded in relief and headed for the door. Sirius made to follow.

"You're coming too?" she asked in surprise.

"Well, I...er...just to make sure you're safe!" Sirius insisted, looking flustered.

Minerva raised a sceptical eyebrow, but otherwise played along with Sirius' excuse.

As Sirius entered the room he took in the aesthetics for the first time. The room seemed to have been hit by an earthquake, the chandelier torn from the ceiling, cracks and large abrasions had crumbled paint from the walls, exposing the damaged plaster underneath and candles lay scattered on the floor.

"Bloody hell - did I miss the apocalypse?"

"Don't be so dramatic, Sirius. It was like this earlier. I don't know what happened. Bad construction?"

"More like disastrous..."

Minerva slowly drew nearer the bench.

"Gods, he looks so young. With all he's been through...I forget he's only a little past thirty."

Sirius stayed silent, uncomfortable with how vulnerable Snape looked in his bandages. So pale, so thin, so still. Unnaturally still...

Sirius frowned. "Is he breathing?"

Minerva stared at Snape.

"MERLIN!" She started forward in fear.

Snape twitched fearfully and Minerva stopped. She dropped her head into shaking hands.

"Gods, Sirius, don't you _ever_ do that to me again!"

He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

Minerva's cloak slid to the ground from Snape's body.

"He's beginning to sense us. We should leave." She said, turning dutifully.

"Let me just grab that." Sirius swooped down and seized the cloak.

Arranging it gently over Snape's thin shoulders, Sirius turned to leave. He glanced fleetingly out of the window and was surprised to see the gates they'd entered by, across the snowy courtyard.

"That's odd. I hadn't realised we were on this side of the house."

"I know, _I_ felt disoriented earlier, but logically it _is _the only place we could be."

"...Yes." Agreed Sirius thoughtfully, "I just... I hadn't realised how high up we were, I suppose."

"What, even after carrying Severus up 'the longest flight of stairs EVER'?" She asked playfully, quoting his exaggeration from the doorway.

Sirius ignored her pointedly, and with a last glance at Snape, walked past Minerva and out of the room.

Minerva watched Snape for a few moments before closing the door behind her. She found it strange that all the doors opened out into the corridor, but said nothing of it as Sirius motioned her towards the stairs.

* * *

Minerva had left the fire burning after using the floo connection. Remus stood by it now, attempting to draw some comfort from the meagre flames.

He could not forget the feeling. The thirst for blood. It filled his mind. Even whilst in human form, the bloodlust was overwhelming, utterly consuming, so soon after the full moon.

He was sick with it.

For a moment on the stairs, Snape had been nothing more than meat to be savaged. Remus closed his eyes. He was an animal.

His senses flared as footsteps approached, and he turned expectantly, only to see the healer enter the room. He stopped dead as he came face to face with Remus.

They watched each other uncertainly.

"How is he?"

"He'll be fine." Lupin released a quiet sigh. "Madame McGonagal and your friend are with him now."

Lupin gave a slight nod of acknowledgement. His gaze returned to the flames.

"Are...you alright, sir?"

Lupin smiled a little at the unexpected title.

"Please, call me Remus."

"Tiege. I'm Tiege. And you didn't answer my question."

Remus frowned.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Do you want to...talk about what happened earlier? I might be able to help?" The healer offered.

Lupin said nothing.

This man was good, he was honest - Remus couldn't bear to lose his trust so soon.

"I saw your reaction to the blood."

Lupin shuddered: his flesh crawled.

"Am I right in thinking it's more than a phobia?"

Silence.

"You're a vampire then, perhaps?" The healer took a hesitant step towards him.

"Or maybe...a werewolf?"

Lupin stared at him in shock.

"You aren't entirely human, I can see that much." The healer explained, smiling gently at Lupin's expression. "From your physical appearance I would guess werewolf, but the blood trait, as far as I know, is purely a vampirical tendency."

Lupin merely held his gaze, weighing the character of the man before him.

"So, which is it?"

Lupin took a deep breath.

"Werewolf."

The healer nodded, thoughtfully. "Care to enlighten me? I was unaware that blood had such an effect on werewolves in their human form."

"I ...I believe it has to do with the proximity of the full moon..."

"Oh."

The healer nodded again, considering this.

There was a long silence, before Remus ventured his question.

"This... it doesn't bother you?"

"Of course not, sir. Lycanthropy is a condition, not a personality attribute."

Lupin couldn't help but grin contentedly at the man's open-mindedness.

"A few of my patients are werewolves. I generally treat them once a month for self-inflicted injuries."

Lupin's smile faded rapidly. He had personal memories of brutal wounds acquired whilst locked away for the full moon.

"Yes..." he murmured. "I almost forget how lucky I am, to be able to avoid all that."

The healer frowned. "Avoid it...?"

"I am...currently privileged enough to receive a supply of the Wolfsbane potion..."

"The Wolfsbane? It exists? I thought it was a myth!" The healer exclaimed, incredulously.

"It was, until most recently." Remus admitted, "But, I happen to be an... acquaintance of the inventor."

Tiege gaped. "Are you serious?"

"Perfectly." Lupin grinned. "He's upstairs."

The healer stared, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "That man...he..."

"Severus is quite possibly the greatest Potion's Master of all time - his name would be known throughout the Wizarding World, if not for..." Lupin faltered. "certain... extenuating circumstances."

He shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah. Yes... I saw." The healer whispered, awkwardly.

Lupin felt panic threatening to rise in his gut. "Oh...you..? Er...Listen, it's not exactly..."

"Please don't solve the mystery for me, sir. In my position, one acquires far too many secrets." The healer smiled, regretfully. "That the man is worthy of concern from people like yourself and Madame McGonagal, is knowledge enough for me."

Remus nodded appreciatively. He understood the burden of secrets only too well.

Their attention returned to the flames for a while.

"Tiege." Remus contemplated suddenly. "Is that Irish?"

"Yep. Born and raised."

"Really? Where about?"

"Dublin. I only left a few years ago."

"Oh." Remus smiled wistfully. "My mother was Irish. I wasn't aware that they had a Wizarding school there, though?"

"They don't. I never went. I became an apprentice to an apothecary at eleven and went on from there."

"Oh."

The fire crackled loudly.

"I'm glad Severus is recovering." Remus mused quietly. "Although, honestly, I don't know what we'll do now. Dumbledore will undoubtedly charge Sirius and I with looking after Severus, which would be fine if the two of them weren't bound to be a nightmare before long. Especially now Severus knows that Sirius found out about..."

Remus glanced at the healer and wavered, "Er...what happened to him." There was a pause. "I just... I don't know what I can do..."

He ran a hand over his face in despair.

The healer smiled at the fireplace.

"Well, if you'd like a suggestion, I think you ought to start by cleaning up some of these rooms and making them habitable again. You might want to consider changing the colour scheme too. Red and black are hardly the most uplifting combination."

"Severus isn't really a man who'd appreciate bright colours." Lupin chuckled, shaking his head.

"It would at least give you and your friend something to do while you wait for him to wake up."

Remus smiled in acceptance. "I'll talk to Sirius." He sighed grimly, and looked around the room. "We should try to get rid of anything that might hold bad memories for Severus, I suppose."

"He's been here before?"

Remus winced uneasily. "It's...sort of a childhood thing. Trust me, you really don't want to know.."

"Spare me the details then."

The healer cast his eyes sadly about. "If there's one thing I do know, it's that you're going to have your work cut out for you." Remus looked up at him. "I'd say it's fairly impossible to predict what people will react badly to, no matter how much you know about them. The most innocuous object could hold bad memories for Severus. You'll just have to watch his behaviour and play it by ear."

Sirius' low voice drifted down the stairs.

The healer slumped with a sigh of finality, and offered his hand to Remus.

"I guess I'm going then."

Remus grasped it firmly and they shook.

"I hope to see you again."

"Yes. Good luck with your friend. If you ever want me, or need my services, ask around in Hogsmeade. I'm easily found."

He grinned broadly. "Or just ask Madame McGonagal – the women broke into my bedroom!"

Lupin smiled, with a genial nod. "I might just do that."

He and the healer shared a disturbed frown.

"Er... not **_that_**," Remus hurried to clarify, "but I will get in touch with you, if I'm ever in the village."

He blushed slightly. The healer restrained a laugh behind his smile and turned towards the fire.

"Oh, one more thing." There was a pause. "Er...do you think... could I ask your friend for a supply of Wolfsbane? I...I can get the money, I'll pay anything he wants."

Remus watched him awkwardly, contemplating a suitable response.

"My patients... they would benefit so much." The healer shook his head. "I can't even express...I..."

Remus put an end to the man's desperate rambling. "Severus is an...enigmatic man. He is capable of incredible generosity... and great cruelty. If you get his respect you will gain enormously from his allegiance, but his good regard once lost is lost forever."

The healer raised his eyebrows nervously and Remus continued regretfully, "I have not yet discovered a way to regain his trust, and I've been trying for twenty years."

The voices in the hall grew louder.

"But, if he considers himself to be in your debt, rest assured, he will stop at nothing to repay you."

Minerva and Sirius entered the room silently, their conversation over.

Remus leaned in towards the healer, with a conspiratorial whisper.

"It's an honour thing."

"Dammit! I just broke my nail!"

Remus burst into loud guffaws, leaning heavily on the oak chest they were attempting to shift.

"Sirius, tell me I didn't hear that right! First the screaming, now the nails – spending quality time with your feminine side, are we?"

Sirius scowled at him, whilst sucking feverishly at a nail on his right hand. Lupin laughed freely.

"Just you wait until I tell Severus..." He seized his end of the chest again.

"You wouldn't!" Sirius cried in horror.

"I most certainly **would**. Now, help me move this!"

Sirius groaned and shoved himself against the other end of the huge chest. They heaved and shoved, and the thing moved slowly closer to the door.

"I wouldn't - care about my finger-" Sirius growled, the words jerking out between laboured breaths, "but I found an entire **_pot_** of - broken fingernails, on the bookshelf in that other room. - Some of them were whole - ripped out right from the root! Eurgh. It really - unnerved me."

A dull, worn look flashed through Lupin's eyes.

"I got rid of them of course. They're packed away with everything else." Sirius hurriedly assured him, staggering under the weight of the chest.

"I'm glad to hear it." Lupin said quietly. "God knows what all that stuff was... doing here. I'd like to think they're all... simply unknown potion ingredients, but I admit... I'm inclined to believe otherwise." His voice was strained.

Sirius gave a final shove and a moan, before sinking to the floor, his back against the chest, panting furiously.

"Moony, WHY can't we just use magic?"

Remus dropped his end of the chest and collapsed over it. "Because..." he gasped, "we are **not** taking the risk... until we know what Severus meant... about the house corrupting magical... energy!"

Sirius watched in amusement as Lupin fought to control his breathing.

Lupin sighed glumly. "Besides... the exercise is good for us."

"Not for you, you're exhausted! You shouldn't over-exert yourself, like this. Anyway we've been at this for **_hours_** and the place barely looks any better!"

"That's not true!" Lupin insisted indignantly, looking around the room they were clearing. This was the third one they had cleaned so far, since Minerva and Tiege had left and it was only just past four o' clock. Remus thought they were making good progress.

"And stop pretending to be concerned for my welfare when all you really want is to skive off yourself!" Remus grinned at Sirius' outraged look. "Look, we've already made two good rooms next door, if we finish this one, we'll have three separate bedrooms by the time Severus wakes up. At least, then, you two won't be sharing! Perhaps we could start on the library too, and try to find the kitchens..."

"You realise we still haven't found any beds ?"

"...I'll ask Severus about conjuring some. We can make do for tonight, or, well... for as long as it takes."

Sirius sighed and Remus jumped to his feet. "Right! Come on, let's get this out into the hall, then we can have a break."

"Ahh **yes**, at**_ last!" _**Sirius forced himself to his feet and hoisted the chest off the ground with Remus.

They began to move the chest through the door, towards the small room at the end of the corridor, where they were storing all the dark or ambiguous objects that they had discovered in their search of the nearby rooms. They had decided to put the excess furniture from the rooms they were clearing in there as well.

"Bloody hell, Remus, watch my fingers!" Sirius yelped, as his knuckles collided with the doorframe on either side of the chest.

"Put your hands underneath the chest, like mine are. And be quiet! Severus is asleep just across the hall." Remus reprimanded, motioning at the door behind his back.

The chest teetered dangerously as Sirius switched position. "Why do these damn doors have to open outwards? Of all the bloody -"

"Calm down, Sirius." Remus said, condescendingly. His face showed a mischievous grin. "How's your nail by the way?"

Sirius glowered. "It bloody hurts actually! Damn thing's cracked right the way..."

He broke off as a loud crash sounded from downstairs and echoed throughout the entire mansion.

The two stared at each other in sudden anxiety.

Remus put his corner of the chest gently on the ground. He withdrew his wand and put a finger to his lips. Sirius tilted his end of the chest backwards, so that it rested against the door on the opposite wall, thus allowing himself room to get through the doorway into the hall.

He caught Remus' eye and gestured tensely along the hall towards the staircase. Remus nodded resolutely, and they made their way warily along the corridor, wands raised.

They had unwittingly left the heavy chest leaning on the door of a small, red room.

A room, with an exceptional view of the front gates...

* * *

End of chapter 19

UH OH! We all know what's gonna happen now!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, okay, none of you guys knows what's gonna happen, but I do, I do, I do!

Sorry. I'm excited. The next scene will be v. intense.

I hope you're all enjoying the story, I'll update very soon, I promise...the next bit will be fun to write!

please review!


	20. the mistaken mutilation of a mind

Hey guys, I had a great review from somebody the other day. They were complimentary about the story and its telling, but as an afterthought remarked that the characters did not sound like 'the British'.

This amused me greatly, because I am a British girl and I assure you that my characters speak exactly as English people do. Obviously, accents vary depending on the exact area people are from, but I am a Londoner, and so most of my characters are from there, (with exceptions in Minerva and Tiege) - just as they are portrayed in the films, and as I envisage them to be in the books.

Thank you very much to that reviewer. I appreciate your intention to provide constructive criticism, and I enjoyed my little giggle. I apologise if my characters' speeches have destroyed your expectations for the British dialect - we aren't all actually insanely posh and stuffy, despite our reputation, sorry to disappoint!

This chapter is _way_ out there. **Please** let me know what you think. I have no idea how this is going to be taken.

* * *

Sirius poked Remus hard in the back and the man twisted silently to glare at him. He frantically mouthed a whisper to him.

"Remus, what are we doing? You said it was too dangerous to use magic!"

Lupin ran a hand over his mouth in agitation, and stared at Sirius, motionless for a moment.

"Put your wand away." He said eventually, tucking his own back inside his robes. Sirius gaped at him in disbelief.

"WHAT? But…"

"Our wands won't help us if this place is going to corrupt every spell we cast. We'll try to surprise whoever's downstairs and tackle them. They're going to try to use magic, they don't know the risks - they'll only hurt themselves…"

"Remus! That's just a theory – what if there's more than one of them?"

"If there's more than one then we won't fight." Lupin decided quickly. "We'll get back up here, get Severus and see if there's another way out of this place."

"And just _leave_ whoever's down there **in** the house?"

"YES!" Lupin hissed determinedly. "The house means _nothing_, we have to protect Severus. Don't you dare pull some reckless stunt while we're down there and get us all killed, or I **swear** I'll…"

"Woah! All of a sudden there're people getting **_killed_**?" Sirius protested nervously.

"_Not_ if you do as **I** say!" Remus insisted fiercely. "This is strictly reconnaissance. If it's one man, and we can overcome him, then we **_will_** after I give the word. If it's more than we can handle, we retreat. Got it?"

Sirius nodded impatiently and moved past Lupin to continue down the corridor.

Remus grabbed his arm, "And… Sirius? **_I_** decide whether or not we can handle it."

Sirius agreed reluctantly, and, ending this energetic but barely audible exchange, the two men crept towards the marble staircase, listening for further sounds from downstairs.

* * *

"…_Wild winds of nothing but torment and tears,_

_May sink upon night and relinquish their fears._

_But the smallest of petals can linger untouched,_

_And be unharmed, untainted, if their strength is such... _

_So hush my fair child, for the fate is not yours,_

_To be summoned, unwilling, to their whims and caws..."_

Severus closed his eyes happily, rejoicing in the slow, pure song of his mother's voice.

Her hands cradled his head to her chest as they sat intertwined. He felt the warmth of her touch; the gentle weight of her head as it rested upon his; her soft breath on his cheek.

This was their last embrace. He would be gone for months.

His mother's tears fell upon his brow…

"Know that I _love_ you, Severus."

Something was wrong. She should not speak like that…

He forced his head upward; her face and all its beauty faded instantly into blackness.

Her forgotten tears burned into his face.

"No…"

Severus jumped violently, wincing as his elbows connected with the hard surface beneath him. Sunlight met with his eyes and he blinked furiously.

Rolling over slowly, he pushed himself weakly up onto his hands. Dark green material slid faultlessly over his body and pooled on the ground beside him.

Severus glanced down at it. A candle lay discarded beside it.

Images flashed through his mind. His breathing grew intense and arms shook in fear.

Scattered candles.

A chandelier ripped from its source by an impossible weight.

Her empty eyes.

"No…" he choked. Scrambling to his feet, his eyes swept the room in uncontrollable urgency. His head throbbed overwhelmingly and as he turned, his mind retched with memories at every inch of the room.

Cracks in the walls where his body had hit them.

Stains on the floor, both his blood and hers.

Battered dents in a door, from his perseverance.

A view of the gates - his only escape.

A window yielding a mockery of freedom.

A window he knew could never be opened.

A window that held unbreakable glass.

A reminder of all that had once been…

A window that knew too much of his past.

"Please…" he whispered wildly, clutching at his hair, his mind and reason mutilated by memories.

His eyes fixed fiercely on the cross upon the wall.

"Please God help me…"

* * *

Sirius and Remus stood on one side of a doorway that led into a living room on the ground floor. Their backs were pressed against the wall as they prepared to peer around the edge of the doorframe.

Remus closed his eyes to gather his courage, then looked at Sirius and raised three fingers. Sirius nodded in readiness, fidgeting and twitching with nervous energy.

Three…

Two…

One.

They poked their heads into the room.

Nothing.

"Ahem…excuse me?"

"ARRGH!" Sirius bellowed, leaping into the air and backhanding Lupin smack in the face.

"Are you two looking for something?" The gentle voice of the old man behind them glowed innocently with amusement.

Lupin slumped against the wall, moaning in pain and grasping at his nose in shock.

"Bloody **_hell_**, Albus!" Growled Sirius, furiously, "What in Merlin's name are you trying to **do** to us!?"

"I do apologise my boy," smiled the old man, his eyes twinkling amiably, "I merely wished to pay you a visit, and to enquire after Severus?"

"You couldn't have owled ahead?" Sirius grumbled bitterly, bending over to tend to Remus, who stubbornly refused to allow him anywhere near his face.

"Well… not without endangering our whereabouts." Albus explained cheerfully.

Sirius sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes.

"Remus, let me… look, I'm _sorry_ mate, just **show** me."

Sirius wrestled the smaller man's arms away.

"Ow! Remus stop it, just let me see… Oh – _ahh_, **damn** that looks painful!" He flinched apologetically.

Remus glowered unwavering at him.

"Sometimes I really hate you, Sirius."

His nose seemed to be swelling with the intent of taking over his face.

"I'm sorry mate, I didn't mean to-"

"Yeah, you never mean to hurt _anyone_, Sirius, but you always seem to manage it somehow…" Remus complained, pressing his palms to his forehead and willing away unwanted tears. "**_God_**, Sirius, I can feel my brain pushing against my eyeballs…"

"I'm so sorry, Remy!" Sirius repeated, his embarrassed tone almost laughing.

He extended a hand and squeezed Remus' hunched shoulder, in a supportive gesture. Remus pushed him away automatically.

"What are you _doing_ here, Albus?" Remus asked, his voice sounding tired and impatient.

"I came to assess the housing situation." Dumbledore said calmly, smiling sweetly at Remus. "Minerva is adamant that Severus must leave here. I merely wished to be certain that this safehouse is not an option."

"**_No_**. It's not. It really wasn't a good idea to send us here, Headmaster." Remus said, coldly.

"You should 'ave _seen_ Snape's reaction to this place. The man almost had a fit at the gates, Albus! He sees things that…"

"But, Sirius, Remus, _please_ take a moment to consider the safety assets that this place offers." The headmaster said, imploringly. "Severus has never been _known_ to visit the Manor, and few people are even aware of its existence, let alone its location! It would be _enormously_ useful to keep Severus here - we **_cannot_** be sure of his safety elsewhere. The Minister and his Aurors are still visiting Hogwart's; every other member of the Order is otherwise engaged and unable to house or care for Severus. Most of the Order **_also_** has responsibilities to families and jobs to consider, that don't currently concern _either_ of **you** and…"

Remus could see where Dumbledore was going with this. "Headmaster, Severus cannot stay here. I promised him he wouldn't have to remain here long."

Dumbledore looked at Remus' prematurely lined face, and shook his head sadly.

"My dear Remus. You should not have…"

Dumbledore was stopped abruptly by the raw scream that rang through the house. A violent thumping was crashing through the upper halls and echoing through the foundations of the house.

The three men looked at each other in trepidation and dismay, and ran for the stairs.

Severus' frenzied pleading became louder, as they drew closer. Remus and Sirius recognised the solid chest barricading Snape's door shut and stopped dead, shocked by the enormity of their mistake.

"Damn it…" breathed Sirius, before sprinting to the chest and attempting to heave it off the door. Remus was at his side within seconds.

* * *

Severus' body smashed into the door for the final time, before he collapsed to the floor, unable to stand.

"**_Please_**! Please **don't** _leave_ me here…I'm _sorry_! Dear **God**, I'm so sorry… I won't do it again - I didn't _know_ what I was **doing**, I couldn't think straight – I'm **_sorry_**, please…"

His fists pounded weakly against the wooden door.He glanced fearfully over his shoulder.

"_Don't_… you **can't** _leave_ me here with **her**…Please don't do this - I'm **SORRY**! She's so _close_…please **help** me!"

Severus shrieked imploringly, dragging himself up the wall and flinging his body against the door again. He cried out in pain and frustration.

"**Stop** this - I can't see anything but _her_ - please… Her eyes… I **_can't_**, not again please!"

Breathing in terror, he turned and slowly looked at the bloodied woman hanging behind him. He threw himself desperately back at the door.

"I **_hate_** you, I hate you! Please, don't leave me alone with her. I _can't_ keep seeing her face… How could you **_do_** this to me? I **hate** you, Dumbledore – I trusted you, you _bastard_! How **could** you betray me again? I _gave_ you my **life**!"

He screamed, scratching his voice raw, and sank to the ground, his bleeding fingernails scraping tracks down the wooden door.

Dumbledore steadied himself on Lupin, struck viscously by the words being yelled through the door.

"I **hate** you, Dumbledore – I trusted you, you _bastard_! How **could** you betray me again? I _gave_ you my **life**!"

The passion and hatred in Severus' voice tore his heart from his chest. That the boy he had grown to care for so much believed he would intentionally hurt him, was devastating to the Headmaster.

Dumbledore had spent the last fifteen years desperately struggling to gain Severus' trust, to convince him that not everybody in this world needed an ulterior motive to be caring or respectful. He had tried to make Severus feel **_safe_** in _his_ presence.

The Headmaster had almost believed that he'd been making progress with the boy, creating a small gap in his hostile defences and gaining hard-earned access to the man inside.

Had he now done something to destroy any trust that Severus had ever felt for him?

Dumbledore knew he had failed the boy before. He should have known about the behaviour of Severus' father, realised that there was a _reason_ for the haunted, untrusting expression in Severus' young eyes.

Was **that** the betrayal Severus was referring to? But Albus had not repeated that treason, there had to be something else. The Headmaster's insides filled with dread. Either he had made some other, unforgivable mistake in his treatment of Severus or…

"Albus, don't listen to him." Lupin panted through gritted teeth, noticing the stricken look on the Headmaster's face. "He's not in his right mind, there's no one in there with him, he must be hallucinating…"

Sirius yelled in frustration, ramming his shoulder against the chest. "**Damn** it! Why won't this bloody thing _move_? Something is keeping it against the door – I swear, this goddamn house is **_possessed_**!"

Another scream tore through the wall.

"My **God**, we've got to get him out of there…"

Remus grabbed Sirius' arm suddenly. "Sirius, look! The handle's caught under the doorknob – _that's_ why it won't **move**, quick, unhook the…"

A brilliant flash of light burst through the door, blasting the chest from its path. The heavy object flew narrowly past Lupin and smashed Sirius into the opposite wall.

"Sirius!" Remus and Dumbledore cried in unison, rushing to the injured man and dragging the chest off him as he yelled in agony.

A whimper and frantic movement behind them caught their attention, and they turned to see Severus' terrified face, as he scrambled to his feet and tore away from them as fast as his damaged body would allow.

"Severus!"

Albus followed the child who was beyond reason, with the desperate speed of a much younger man.

Remus looked after the running men in despair, before forcing his eyes back to the man in his arms. "Sirius, are you…"

"I'm fine…it's just my _bloody_ arm – go help Albus."

Remus nodded gratefully at his friend, and, relinquishing his grip, he sped down he corridor after Severus.

From the top of the marble staircase, he watched Severus' impossibly thin arms rip open the huge front doors below, flooding the entrance hall with light.

"Severus, wait!" The Headmaster called, reaching the foot of the stairs, but the black figure was already breaking out into the daylight.

They followed Severus, watching as he staggered through the snow, his speed wavering, shock and fatigue setting in as the adrenaline began to drain from his blood.

They were gaining on him.

"**_Severus_**! Severus, my _dear_ child…" Dumbledore's loving cries were weary against the wind. "_Please_ stop, my boy! **Severus**…"

The faltering man did stop. He collapsed. Right in the middle of the snowy courtyard. Before Dumbledore could say anything more, Severus had buried his face in the snow. His fingers had intertwined protectively over his head. Dumbledore moved no closer.

Remus slowed to a defeated halt at the Headmaster's side. A moment later, to Remus' surprise, Sirius arrived panting at his shoulder, his left arm hanging awkwardly at his side.

Seeing Snape on the ground, Sirius looked anxiously to Dumbledore for his example on how to proceed.

Severus seemed unusually small and vulnerable with his limbs pulled into a tiny, defensive ball, so dark against the white snow.

The three men standing did not move. The only sound against the wind was the quiet sobbing and moans of the broken man, fallen in their path. Severus' thin back shook with tremors and gasps, over which he had long ago lost control.

"Severus, **_please_**, talk to me. What is _wrong_?"

There came no answer.

"I only want to help you, my boy. You said I betrayed you. I…I cannot express how it _grieves_ me to learn of your resentment. I would do _anything_ to set it right – there is no one that means more to me than **you**. But, my child, _please_, I **do** not understand how I have _harmed_ you."

Dumbledore did not attempt to breach the gap of security between himself and Snape, appreciating that it would be selfish to force intimacy on this man. He was emotionally unable to cope with such closeness; he would misinterpret it.

Severus made no attempt to get up, but his breathing calmed under his will and his air was one of forced control.

"You should **_never_** have sent me home." Snape said slowly, his voice taut and low.

Nobody moved.

"You should have _left_ me in that bathroom to **die** after what that werewolf _did_ to me."

There was a stunned silence. Remus looked at Sirius in absolute horror – nobody had ever told him what Severus had done because of their encounter in the shrieking shack. He had just thought Snape had been given a couple of weeks off school to recover from the ordeal!

Sirius determinedly avoided Remus' eyes and watched Dumbledore's shocked face for his next move. Just as Dumbledore steeled himself to make a levelling comment, Severus' blank tone began again.

"I wouldn't have **cut** my own _wrists_ for no **_reason_**. - If nothing else, I did, at that point, have a little _ambition_ for what might become of my life."

He sank his head onto his chest, despondently.

"I **had** to do it. I _knew_ what my father's reaction would be. It was only a matter of time before you told him, and once he discovered I'd allowed myself to be _tricked_ by four mindless Gryffindors…"

A shudder ran through the man's fragile frame.

"I had to get out, _fast_. He was getting **_worse_**…so much darker…so much more powerful – out of control. The summer before I'd returned to school had been… _utterly_ unbearable. The things he **did**… my _mother_…"

Severus' voice broke and he swallowed, bitterly. Sirius shot Remus an uneasy glance.

"I was sure I was destined for **hell**, but when you found me in that cubicle… I _knew_ there was no escaping it. I was so **_stupid_**. I should've realised how much blood there'd be…thought of some way to _channel_ it… but it spread. It covered the entire floor. So much **blood**…"

A horrible, choked laugh escaped the man on the ground.

"I was surprised at just how **alive** I truly _was_. You **ruined** my only chance of escape. You told him every _shameful_ detail and then _sent_ me **to** him. He was so **_disgusted_**…by my suspension from school, my naivety, and… that I'd been _touched_ by an **animal** so 'unclean' and tried to take the _coward's_ way out, instead of facing my _punishment_ like a **man**."

Severus covered his head with his hands again.

"I was unconscious within five minutes of stepping off that train."

Sirius dropped his head, his features contorting in anger on Snape's behalf. Remus merely stared at Severus, his face as white as the snow.

Dumbledore closed his ancient eyes in guilt and regret; his wet eyelashes brushed his cheeks.

Severus gazed emotionlessly at the snow in front of him, seemingly unaware of the three men behind him, listening fearfully.

"When I awoke, he was standing over me, _smiling_. He dragged me up the stairs, saying he had a surprise for me. I was still dazed and…**terrified** – I didn't believe him for a second, but…what was _really_ in store for me…I could **_never_** have…"

Snape broke off, taking a shaky, harrowing breath.

"He lead me to a study that had become a sort of _refuge_ for my mother over the past couple of years. The more abusive he became, the more she would retreat to the religion of her people. She used to tell me stories…of angels"

His voice sounded oddly innocent, for one who had born witness to such evil.

"I remember thinking _she_ could have been an… So beautiful, so gentle." Severus paused entangled in memories, before shaking them away abruptly.

"He forced me into the room. She was hanging from the chandelier. Her neck had snapped and… blood stained the floor beneath her."

Sirius heard Remus' gasp and Dumbledore's strangled cry as if by echo. Sirius himself did not make a sound. Severus rocked compulsively, back and forth; Sirius was numb.

"I screamed. He hit me and hit me, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't _hear_ him. I couldn't **feel**…anything. The mark of my body is still clear on the walls. But I don't remember the pain. I don't remember the blood. All I could feel were her _eyes_."

He shook his head.

"They drove me **crazy**. That room is… so small…"

A whispered strain impersonated Snape's silky, infamous voice.

"He locked me in there with her. I tried **so** _hard_ to escape. I crushed my shoulder trying to force the door. Her **eyes**…they _screamed_… watching me constantly. Always, so _beautiful_."

Sirius recoiled, his flesh creeping. That Snape, at his young age, had found his mother's corpse so enchanting, provoked within Sirius a disgust and pity for the man, that was beyond all words.

"Her body dripped… blood…and other matter onto the ground. Its reach grew wider, until it seemed to **_seep_** into every _crevasse_ of the room, and I dared not move from the corner for fear of touching the pool. Her eyes **cut** into me. Every second….unrelenting…drawing far more than just blood and tears."

Severus straightened up, gazing down in revulsion, seeing something other than snow before him.

"On the third day…she fell. The weight of her body tore the chandelier from the ceiling and she… fell. To my feet."

Dumbledore's distress finally manifested in a flinch. His features remained distorted with emotion at the words of this so badly damaged man, considered most precious of sons.

"Her eyes voiced her apologies…over…and **over**. She had _wanted_ to take me with her. Promised, in fact, not to…abandon me… to him. How could I **not** forgive her? - I had attempted the same sin.

"I **so** regretted my failure; I _needed_ to **be** with her. I **_should_** have been.

"…I do not know how many times I was sick."

Sirius frowned at the abrupt change in tone; Snape's voice became devoid of all emotion.

"I watched her _beautiful_ body decay in minute detail. To see the way the flies _disfigured_ her **flesh** was mortifying. My father had magically induced the speed of decomposition.

On the sixth day…I collapsed. Either from dehydration or pure exhaustion. My father delighted that I had almost **_drowned_** in my own mother's _blood_. When I awoke two days later, my body was pumped full of potions… courtesy of my **father**. I could **_feel_** them in my blood. I lay upon the bench, but the distorted angle of my mother's neck meant that we maintained eye contact. By then, her gentle eyes were _pulsating_ with **maggots**. Humming with potions, my body was paralysed as it repaired. I couldn't help but watch as her eyes were _eaten_ from her face and…her muscle rotted to the bone.

Just in time for your assessment visit."

Dumbledore scraped his mind anxiously for the memory. He felt repulsed by the unimaginable absence of emotion expressed in the retelling of these horrors. The boy was hollow, gutted by experiences.

"I had prayed and pleaded and _screamed _for you to come, to release me from the punishment you'd imposed. But you would never save me. Not until the day before I was to return to school did you arrive. And…somehow, you **_looked_** at me, and you **_spoke_** to me, without realising that my body was imprisoned under Imperius, without perceiving the glamour that hid my broken _teeth_, and bones, and bruises, without noticing the wand at my back, keeping me upright…

"_Somehow, _you managed to gaze into my eyes and not_see _that I had watched my mother's **_rot_** in their sockets…that my eyes held horrors at _twelve_ that **no** man's ever should.

"And I **_hated _**you for that.

"…I think, I almost…**hate** you, for that."

Dumbledore's head fell into his withered hands. There was utter silence. Lupin and Sirius had forgotten how to breathe. It didn't seem so important now.

"I spoke to nobody when I returned to school that year. Not students, not teachers… not **you**…regardless of the trouble it caused. I couldn't think of anything but her. She disappeared. He destroyed her. And I never told a soul. How could I hope to find anyone to save me, when you yourself could not?"

Severus' voice cracked under sheer emotional stress, his previous trance-like state wavering. Tears punctuated his words as he fought to suppress his own grief.

"…'upset me… that you would do that… make me **watch**her…just hide me and my _fucked _up mind from your **_perfect_** children, lock away any signs of **distortion** within Hogwart's…

"I **_begged _**you not to tell my father. Did you laugh in my **_face_** when you told him anyway?"

His sobs smirked in self-contempt and irony. "For my own best interests!?

Dumbledore opened his mouth in anguish, but Snape's ranting could not now be quashed, as it had been for twenty years.

"You always knew best, right? I saw my mother hang herself at twelve. You knew **_everything_** that happened at Hogwart's.You didn't _know_ what my father was **like**?!"

A silence of shame. There could be no adequate excuse.

I pray…I prayed even then that you didn't know - that you'd never find out. It is so terrible, believing that you knew and did nothing. Did you think I _deserved_ it?"

The words rang out. Knife blades clashing in the still air.

"…always my father's opinion. I think, at some point, it became mine too. But it was so much _worse_, knowing that it was **your** judgement too. In your eyes, _everybody_ had some redeeming quality. And yet you did _that_ to me.

Hysteria was trickling into his voice over his imposed calmness, making his words twitch with energy and a horrible, black note of amusement.

"I've no doubt you had your _reasons_. And I suppose, something good did come of it. My father never touched me again.

"But…somehow, the price of that one small mercy was too much to pay."

The wind swirled. Sirius heard nothing more. He swayed from sudden exhaustion deep within his chest; his own uselessness tasting bitter in his heart. He closed his eyelids, forcedly blocking out the scene before him, stepping back from its horrors.  
From Lupin's open and unspeaking lips, his wide eyes so full of empathy and dismay.  
From Dumbledore's shaking shoulders, his aged tears and withered, outstretched hands.  
From Severus' crouched black form, shivering and trembling, crawling silently away from the men. The heralds of his assumed destruction.  
From the cruel white snow that scorned the purity of this place. 

From the wind that punished all that stayed standing.

Dumbledore raised his head, allowing natural integrity and duty to a lost son to overpower his own shame. The force of his words was unprecedented, their intention perversely remarkable.

"Severus. There is so much I cannot say, and I will not try in vain. You _must_ stay here. You must face the fears that you associate with this place, and with your childhood. It is unforgivable that what was done to you remained unseen and unstopped. It destroyed your childhood, but you _cannot_ let your past control your future. You will never be free in spirit unless you confront this. Your **life** and your very _position_ in the grand scheme of things demand that you find the strength to endure. You can't do this _alone_, and you won't find it easy. But it stands as incredible testimony to your own character that you have survived this much. You **will** do it, child."

The headmaster turned his back. The child's invisible tears melted holes in the snow. Sirius watched the Headmaster go. He viewed the man's character with a sudden corrupt clarity.

* * *

End of Chapter 20

Thanks to everyone for waiting so long for this post. I really do apologise.

I'm so nervous about your reaction to this chappie! Please send all insults and hate mail my way…;(

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM REVIEWING FOR THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE SAYS YOU ALREADY DID (if you answered the rape question i posted before) PLEASE GO TO ANOTHER CHAPTER AND SEND A REVIEW FROM THERE! -thanks.

I'll be glad to answer/explain any questions or queries that you have too, in cased anybody is feeling lost (which with any luck ain't all of you!)

Hopeful (Any nice comments are also welcome! : )

Hope you all had a fabulous Christmas, regardless,

**_Happy New Year 2005 ! ; )_**

_**Accent Info, for any randomers who are interested:**_

_Severus has a North London accent: precise and detached. I had imagined that Severus' mother was a northerner, perhaps Scottish, or maybe Irish and that Severus' father was brought up strictly to have perfect English elocution. During their marriage his father grew to abhor his wife's accent and Severus was forced into speaking in the strict manner of his father._

_I have given Sirius a more common English accent – south London/borderline cockney, because I think it helps to bring out the down to earth, headstrong and reckless side to his personality. Remus is more softly spoken, his manner and speech is more reserved because of his shy and pensive nature, although he relaxes his accent slightly around Sirius out of familiarity and want of acceptance._


	21. either world

See earlier chapters for disclaimers! 

Chapter 21: Either World.

Severus swallowed. He was concentrating on staying still, willing himself to disappear into the depths of the armchair. He could not bring himself to raise his eyes to meet Sirius' stare. The man sat opposite him, dark eyes boring into Severus' skull, his arm in a makeshift sling.

Severus prepared to reply. He was still reeling from the realisation that he had exposed himself completely, not only to Dumbledore but to Lupin and **_Black_** as well. However, all three men now awaited Snape's reaction to Dumbledore's suggestion; he had no option but to speak. He did so, quietly, keeping his hands twisted tightly in his lap and his eyes fixed deliberately on his knees.

"_How_ can you ask me to give up my magic? It is all I have."

"Severus, it will not be permanent. Surely you see that we cannot allow you to keep performing wandless magic, however unintentional it may be: it is too dangerous. You cannot control it. Nobody can help you if they can't trust you enough to get close. You can't keep attacking people."

"What…what if something happens, I mean anything could..? Headmaster, it leaves me _helpless_. What am I to **do** if…"

"Remus will have control over your magical flow. If there is any emergency, he will release it and your full power will return. Do you not trust to that?"

Severus' jaw clenched. He shook slightly under the pressure of his taut muscles.

"And… what if… what am I expected to do if I am attacked from… the inside?"

Dumbledore paused uncertainly. "You truly believe Remus would use your magic against you?"

Severus missed the werewolf's hurt look in his direction. "Perhaps not Lupin, but…"

"Me."

Severus chanced his first glance at Sirius, who had, until now, been unusually quiet in Dumbledore's presence.

"Given our track record, you can hardly consider my concern to be…unfounded." He reminded Black, coldly.

"Situations change, Snape - "

" - The situation is the same, only your knowledge of it has changed, **_Black_**."

There could be no argument. Sirius' eyes drifted down to his arm; he needed to prove his worth to Snape. The man still thought of him as the child he had once been… and perhaps his mind did not wander so far from reality as Sirius would have liked.

"I'll surrender my magic too." All eyes were on Sirius as he engaged Snape's stare, willing him to see the sincerity with which he spoke. "Would you then submit? If Remus alone had power?"

Severus peered cautiously at Sirius, trying to discern his intentions. It made no sense that Black would offer to do that, he had no reason. He watched Black's face for any sign of deviousness. He found none.

Without magic, Black would still be more powerful than Snape, but this did give Severus a better chance. He had no choice. There would be no better offer.

"What do you say, my child? Will you let me do this?"

Severus' eyes flickered closed in defeat. He forced a weak smile that was more of a grimace. "Of course, Headmaster. Have I ever refused you?"

Dumbledore hesitated uncertainly, then nodded sadly, his eyes falling.

That was not the response had hoped for. But it would suffice.

Dumbledore placed a hand gently on Remus' forehead and murmured a few words. The werewolf shuddered as the spell engulfed his body and Dumbledore placed a hand firmly on his shoulder.

"I entrust you with the spell's completion, Remus. I must return; I feel that my presence is needed at Hogwart's."

He looked to Severus, who avoided the Headmaster's burning gaze " I have faith in you my child. I will keep an eye out to your progress and your safety…whether you see it or not." He began to back away from the young man, who dared not meet his eyes.

"I hope to re-establish contact soon."

The Headmaster opened the door to the hallway, pausing to throw a last, worried glance at Severus. "Trust that I have left you in capable hands. I would do no less."

Sirius and Remus exchanged lingering looks as the man left.

Snape was surprised to see Black nod grimly to himself, then stand and follow Albus without a word, closing the door sharply behind him.

Severus' attention was then drawn immediately to Remus as the man stepped closer to him. He recoiled into his armchair and focused on his own knees, waiting for the werewolf to do the inevitable. It never came. Lupin stayed silent, but his eyes spoke volumes.

Severus gripped his own arms, steadying himself to ask what he most feared.

"Do you need to touch me?"

Sirius yanked the door closed behind him, barely controlling his anger. The Headmaster was halfway down the hall already, his long white hair shinning, the only object untouched by the darkness.

"I see you now."

Dumbledore stopped abruptly.

"I do not understand how I could ever have done otherwise." Sirius hissed slowly, his voice cold and calm. "I have never before seen so clearly the ruthless way in which you exploit the people bound to you by circumstance."

The Headmaster turned slowly towards him, but Sirius did not give him chance to speak.

"I do not doubt that you care. I do not doubt that you feel the shame you deserve. But such manipulation and strategic manoeuvring dishonour you, Dumbledore. You act with your mind and not with your heart. One would be hard pushed to believe you a Gryffindor.

Perhaps age and cruel experience has made you more willing to be sadistic in your realism, but your treatment of Snape was deplorable; do you not **see** his condition? I refuse to attack you in his presence and neither would I wish to upset Remus - I am aware of their unwavering respect for you; I have had my fair share of it - but I cannot allow my present contempt for your actions to go unexpressed.

In my eyes you are not fit to be our figurehead in this war if you would lose sight of the suffering of individual warriors in the name of the greater good.

Such behaviour is **not **worth fighting for; it is what we struggle against. Never lower yourself to believe that it's acceptable to cause immoral suffering, on any level, regardless of the scale. It is irrelevant that Snape is just one man, and that our fight will benefit from his ordeal. If you start thinking like that, you lose sight of our aims. You forget which side you're fighting for, and _they_ win.

I'm not saying that I haven't slipped up, or betrayed our values - far from it, in fact - but **you**… quite honestly, I'd had higher expectations for you."

The Headmaster breathed furiously. His blue eyes smote lividly. In all his years of troublemaking, Sirius had never invoked the Headmaster's wrath so successfully.

"Do not ever attempt to judge me Sirius. I am far beyond your understanding. My actions take into consideration a great multitude of harsh truths, few of which you will ever comprehend.

I do not lead this fight out of dumb luck or trickery! I have earned the respect of our world, despite my eccentricities and nonconformity, which alone stands testimony to the excellence of my actions.

I am not so foolish as to believe that the idealism and courage of Gryffindors is enough to win this fight, I employ the qualities of all four houses in my leadership. Intelligence, cunning, determination, and bravery all have their place behind my actions."

The Headmaster paused as emotional weariness rushed over him, replacing his previous, futile anger. He elaborated, dejectedly, the animagus remaining quiet in the wake of such fury.

"I have lost none of my morals, Sirius, only my naivety. The actions I took tonight are the ones that Severus himself would have taken, were he in his right mind. I have learned to think a certain way, by his example. He is an extraordinary man. He appreciates the harshness and resolve that is necessary for victory. I would not have him mollycoddled or treated like some sort of helpless fool. I will not destroy the vital dignity that is already slipping so quickly from his grasp."

Dumbledore paused again, and still Sirius could find nothing to oppose the man with. He was being 'cruel to be kind' - the only argument against it was emotional, not rational.

Dumbledore recognised Sirius' familiar predicament of self-doubt, and nodded grimly.

"It is not the way in which I would have dealt with any other child in his situation… but then there is none that will ever be. Severus is unique in every way. He is not to be treated with the same patronisation and overprotection that most victims would rightfully warrant. His character and his honour demand more.

Severus is losing his mind. If he is not treated with the respect that his true self deserves, he will never be that person again. His suffering now will prevent future pain - not only his own, but the entire Wizarding World's. For, mark my words, he will emerge from this more powerful in mind and soul than ever before. Such demonstrations of resourcefulness and endurance as he will later need, in light of his future choices, will be all the more remarkable for this gruelling experience.

He is strong Sirius. Given the chance, he will prove himself."

Dumbledore grasped Sirius' shoulder firmly. Sirius felt his resolve wilting under the man's stern gaze.

"You need not question my motives again." The old man's eyes travelled along the hall behind Sirius, coming to rest on the closed door. "Protect him."

Sirius nodded heavily.

"STOP!" Snape slapped Lupin's hand away and scrambled out of the armchair, placing it as a physical barrier between himself and the werewolf.

Severus was ashamed of his reaction, but

Remus did not move, leaving his arm frozen where it had been thrown.

Sweat ran freely down Snape's forehead and he was shivering with fear.

"I cannot allow it… I… I cannot!" Severus choked, feeling utterly ashamed at his involuntary reaction, but shaking his head in distress.

Remus gently lowered his arm. "It's alright. One touch was all I needed."

Severus sighed in frustration, willing himself to calm down. He ran a hand over his face.

"This is getting ridiculous, Lupin. What can I do?"

Remus could make no suggestion.

Both men looked up as the door opened and Sirius stepped through, pausing to assess the unexpected scene before him.

"Sirius." Remus smiled fleetingly after a moment. "Come, I need your magic too."

"Yup." Sirius consented, casually moving to Remus' outstretched arm.

Remus let his fingers linger on Sirius' forehead as he spoke the incantation. Sirius caught Snape's eyes over his friend's shoulder, and to his surprise, found them filled with a strange, longing.

Suddenly, Severus flinched, squeezing his eyes shut and breaking their brief contact.

"Snape?"

A hiss of pain.

"…I must go."

"What?" Exclaimed the simultaneous reaction.

"I must go to him…"

"You're jokin' mate!" Sirius scoffed in disbelief, slipping his accent back into place defensively.

"Errr…Severus, I truly think…"

"No…no," Severus laughed caustically, "you've no idea, you don't understand…"

"We _understand_ alright," growled Sirius - having been told that too often today - "and we've got **no** intention of lettin' you go back to him. Do you think we'd send you back to get hurt again? Quite apart from the fact that Dumbledore's forbidden it, _we're_ the ones that are stuck lookin' after you, and we've enough bloody problems as it is!"

"Problems…you think you've got problems? You don't know the meaning…" Snape snarled, gripping at his forearm in agony. "If you don't let me go, they… they will come for me themselves."

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. "What do you mean?"

"They won't simply let my absence go unheeded or unpunished." Snape edged cautiously towards the door, his eyes twitching between Sirius, Remus and his exit.

"They won't find you here."

"Don't you believe it. If they want to, they'll find me anywhere."

"Look mate, you are not going."

"Listen you mangy dog – by stopping me, you're equally endangering all three of us! If they come for me neither of you will be shown mercy…"

"We accept the risks." Sirius declared stoically.

"You fool." Snape sneered viciously. "You think you're so brave and honourable. But it's not a risk you're taking, it's a suicide pact."

"Enough with the dramatics!"

"Do I look like an actor?"

"The best in the world…"

"Appearances are deceiving."

"Family motto, Snape?"

"Enough!" Lupin shouted, stepping between Sirius and Snape, both equally distanced from the exit. "Severus, why would they recall you so soon? It's been less than a day…"

"Either he knows I have been removed from Hogwart's, or there's some other emergency."

"But how could he possibly know you..?"

"I am not the only 'spy' within those walls. The Dark Lord does not tolerate insubordinance of any sort."

Sirius muttered sardonically. "Is he unaware that 'to forgive is divine'?"

"He does have a tendency to be somewhat _unconventional_." Snape retorted, his voice becoming increasingly waspish.

"Rules through fear rather than divinity..?" Sirius mocked challengingly.

"I assure you it's an effective method."

Snape now stood before the door, with both Sirius and Lupin facing him determinedly. He could not pass without physically moving the men.

And it was no longer within his power to do so.

Another shot of fire burst through his scar and he groaned in agony.

Lupin caved from his position of machismo. "Please, Severus, you must appreciate that we cannot, and will not, ever concede to your leaving. Even if we did, you would never make it in time; there are apparating shields for miles around the house and you no longer posses your magic!"

The pain was sucked suddenly from Snape's scar.

The spy stared at Lupin with a growing fear, as he felt the terrible nothingness of anticipated consequences in his flesh.

"May we all pray that we are not found."

"Snape, try to have a little faith in us, we will protect you."

"Sirius." Snape whispered, closing his eyes seriously.

Sirius was so taken aback by the use of his first name that his mouth opened slightly in consternation.

"You cannot protect me from the Dark Lord."

Such a silence followed that Sirius struggled vainly to find good reason to break it.

"You…should not call him that." He managed, almost angry at his situation. "You should not show such reverence for him."

Snape's features twisted slowly into a frown, as he began to truly comprehend the sheer ignorance of the man before him.

"Do you honestly imagine that I can risk treating the Master with less respect?

"Master! You would award a vindictive murderer such dignity and recognition?"

It seemed the more aggressive and volatile Sirius' behaviour became, the increasingly calculated Snape's answers, and the deeper penetrating his thoughts.

Lupin found himself morbidly enchanted by such a pronounced development in the men's' relationship.

"Do you not believe the man deserves some title, after all he has done?" Snape inquired, disconcertingly.

"I can think of some titles for that bloody _monster_, but 'Lord' and 'Master' aren't among them."

Snape raised his eyebrows and murmured softly. "Count yourself lucky. Some of us do not see so clearly." A slow despair was creeping over him now in the aftermath of the pain.

It was too late. They would all suffer now.

"Stop trying to impress me with your 'superior complexity' or whatever the hell you're tryin' to convey by honouring that maniac. If you had that much damn respect for him you'd never have turned spy in the first place, Snape, – or are you just using this to console your conscience whilst still allowin' you to enjoy _his_ soddin' company? You're sick. Choose a goddam side!"

"Sirius!" Lupin interrupted fervently, thrusting a hand towards Sirius, but too late.

It seemed that Remus never intervened in time to stop Sirius overstepping the mark. Not ever. And not now.

Everything rested on Snape's reaction.

The man moved slowly. There were so many people like Sirius in the world. People who saw in black and white - enjoyed the clarity of ignorance and passion. People who could not understand the relationships of a many splintered mind, in which colours fragmented like sunlight through prisms, distinguishing only between right and wrong as far as the possible and the impossible.

He turned his back on the men, standing like strangers in his parlour, blissfully unaffected by the memories of a life spent here. This was all in vain. No good could come of their interaction here. Despite their close proximity, the men were worlds away.

He caressed his throbbing temple gently.

"You're so far beneath me, Black." Snape's voice swept softly. He walked stiffly to the window ledge. "Always, such a fool."

The sentence was allowed to sink fully into the dust, before a restless shuffle and a low growl succeeded it.

"I'm serious, Snape. You can't have the best of both worlds."

The ex-death eater stared out into the darkness.

"I'd settle for the best of either."

Thank you for reading. Please let me know your thoughts:)


	22. One Final Deception

Hey guys – apologies for the delay, I've been working on a charity project called 'Star School' in Africa for a few months and have scarcely been able to update, but I have the next few chapters written now, so watch this story :)

CHAPTER: 22

One Final Deception

* * *

Lupin rubbed his eyes gently as he finished slicing the cucumber, tossing the slices into the large salad bowl, in which he had combined a number of the peculiar entities that Dumbledore had taken the liberty of filling their kitchen with during his visit, entirely unbeknownst to the three men. These included aubergine, pumpkin, squash, pomegranate and a multitude of other fascinating examples of vegetation - most of which Remus had never encountered in his frugal lifestyle, let alone tasted. 

Remus noted gratefully that the Headmaster had left them no meat to prepare, only a variety of rices, wheat biscuits, oat-cakes and similar items. Remus had not eaten meat since becoming a werewolf over twenty years ago. The very thought of acquiring 'a taste' for it repulsed him beyond his own limits. He was aware, however, that Sirius was a strong meat eater, and prayed that the man would not object to this limited food selection.

As for Severus, Remus had no knowledge of his eating habits whatsoever – presuming, of course, that the emaciated man _did_ eat.

Remus extended his mug to pour tea from the china pot, then seized the large bowl with one arm to carry it to the main table.

Carefully turning, he jumped violently to find Snape standing immovably at his elbow.

They stood hesitantly, the air between them stiff and silent. They were so close that both had to lean back to allow their eyes to focus on the other's face. Lupin's fingers tightened on the glass bowl.

Severus stepped aside.

Lupin exhaled discreetly in relief, and hesitated before walking past the watchful man into the dining hall.

Severus had been like this since Dumbledore had left. Originally Lupin had imagined that the man wanted to keep within his range because Lupin was currently in possession of his magic, but it had soon become clear that Sirius was equally subject to Snape's constant lingering.

The spy's presence was incredibly unnerving; Sirius especially found it disconcerting.

Remus' lips twitched as he remembered the weary escapades of their first night spent in the house.

* * *

_Lupin lay upon one of the campbeds that Dumbledore had supplied them with - a fine example of a 'marvellous muggle invention', according to Mr. Weasley. Remus felt he had to agree. Although hardly a luxury, the campbed design was highly practical, and Lupin had roughed-it under much worse conditions in his time._ _Yet, Lupin could not sleep. Sirius had been right – the unnerving atmosphere and unrest within the house ensured that neither of them would find sleep easily that night. Remus turned over fretfully and considered, once more, going next door to Sirius' bedroom._ _Following the incident in the red room, Remus had thought it best to let Severus decide the sleeping arrangements. Thankfully, his choice had allowed Remus and Sirius to have rooms next to one another._

_In truth, Lupin thought it would have been easier for all of them to set up beds in one room, for safety and assurance, but he was sure that Snape would want his privacy and that Sirius would scorn the idea. Still, Remus wished he wasn't quite so alone in the thick, whispering air of his room._

_His fingers tightened on his wand; he was the sole guardian of the others' magic, and therefore fully responsible for their well being, but he felt utterly helpless stranded here in the darkness._ _A tremendous thud suddenly reverberated through the door and Remus jumped so violently that his campbed capsized. An agonised, high-pitched and penetrating shriek instantly followed._

"_SIRIUS!" Remus yelled in panic, leaping gracelessly from his covers. He shuffled frantically across the floorboards, then swung through the doorway into the hallway to emerge panting and dishevelled, clutching fearfully at his wand, with his ankles still deeply entangled in his sleeping bag._ _He found himself well within Sirius' personal space, as the man stood shaking, tightly grasping at Remus' doorframe, with one hand clutched at his forehead, engulfing deep breaths._

_Severus' fragile figure was fallen against the opposite wall, his hands white, holding his head tightly as if in severe pain._ _Lupin stared in utter bewilderment, instinctively backing away from his friend._

"_Did you hit him?" he asked Sirius, frowning._ "What_?" Sirius looked up, his face contorted with effort. "**No**!" He insisted indignantly. "Snape-"_

"_-Gods, Black, I think you perforated my eardrums!" Severus moaned, apparently traumatised._

"… _He just… screamed at you?" asked Lupin in disbelief, both relieved and deeply confused._

"_Just screamed?" Severus began to push himself up the wall with difficulty. "Didn't you hear that unearthly din? I'm surprised my ears aren't bleeding!"_

_Lupin shock his head subtly, his heart lighter. A small smile played around his lips. "More screaming, Sirius?"_

"_-Seriously, Black, you ought to consider therapy… and voice training. Or perhaps some _male_ hormones…" Severus muttered, trailing off sarcastically._ _Sirius sighed in exasperation. There was a silence as Snape struggled fully to his feet. The three men glanced uncomfortably between one another and the ground._ "_What were you **doing** out here?"_

"_This happens to be my house, Black." Severus retorted quickly, his eyes fleeting down Sirius' body. "What's **your** excuse?"_

"_As if yours is remotely adequate? What were you doing, just soaking in the atmosphere? Rekindling fond memories?"_

"_Wait!"_

_The two interrupted men paused comically, both open-mouthed as Remus pleaded in frustration. "For pity's sake will one of you explain what just happened? Why that scream, Sirius?" All three men glanced down at Remus' sleeping bag, bunched at his feet, and Remus blushed slightly. "It was an unnecessarily rude awakening - literally taken…"_

_Snape's swift, silky voice slit between them._

"_It's perfectly simple. Black saw fit to steal from his room in the dead of night, tip-toe to you door, and then upon seeing me in the hallway promptly reject all previous knowledge of my existence and scream himself **senseless** before-"_

"_That's not how it happened!" Sirius protested, interjecting with fierce indigence. "I was coming to _**talk**_ with you, Remus, and as I neared your door, Snape's ugly great mug loomed out of the shadows and I… uh… was slightly startled, bellowed at him…" _

"_Bellowed! **Shrieked** you mean…"_

"_At which point, Snape threw himself melodramatically against the wall and proceeded to sink to the ground, having knocked himself unconscious no doubt…."_

"_**No**, I was _**thrown**_ backwards by the sheer magnitude and _pitch_ of your shriek, and purposely retreated to the ground in an attempt to protect my hearing, at no point during which did I lose consciousness!"_

"_ALRIGHT!"_

_The barrage of sound faded._

_Remus sighed. "I get the picture."_

_The two other men shifted uncomfortably, sharing awkward glances, in this enormous and undeniable anticlimax. The only illuminating light came from a still-burning candle further down the hall.

* * *

_

Lupin's fingers shook slightly as he placed the heavy bowl down on the dining room table. He smiled genially to himself, noticing that Sirius had set three places around the head of the table with white plates and glasses: the knives and forks had been arranged backwards.

Discreetly, Remus redistributed the cutlery into its traditionally accepted position, shielding his actions from view of the kitchen, with a fond grin on his face.

Sirius traipsed in from the hallway, carrying a jug of water, which he set down in the middle of the table with an obnoxious 'clunk', humming spiritedly. 

"Are you sure that water's alright?" Lupin asked after a moment, placing his huge bowl beside the jug on the table.

"Yep." Sirius smiled self-assuredly, sinking into the chair at the head of the table. "I found a tap in that littl' pantry off the kitchen. It must've been enchanted to stay fresh – it weren't rusted or anythin', though it can't 'ave been used anytime recently!"

Lupin nodded absently, fiddling with the place settings, his mind now contemplating another problem to be combated. He threw a slight glance over his shoulder towards the kitchen doorway, and found to his relief that Severus had disappeared again.

Sirius frowned in surprise as he found Remus bending over him subtly and murmuring almost sarcastically in his ear, "Sirius, do you not think it might be somewhat insensitive of you to sit there? This is Severus' house; he isn't feeling particularly powerful at the moment, and your sitting at the head of _his_ table is only going to be interpreted as a challenge. I think it's pretty unnecessary for you to make a declaration of status in the face of his vulnerability."

Sirius' frown intensified as he considered Remus' perspective. Remus sighed weakly. "Would you move, please? Just humour me, Sirius, I ask you."

Sirius pulled out of his reverie, nodding quickly, and springing into motion from his state of surprise, much to Remus' relief.

Sirius settled himself in one of the other chairs and looked expectantly at Remus, who smiled gratefully and turned away. "I'll get Severus."

"I'm already here."

Remus felt dismay creep into his chest, as he turned slowly towards the voice and found Severus standing behind him, having entered via the hall doorway. Remus managed a faint smile, but his eyes darted to the floor, uncertain as to how long Severus had been in the room.

Remus moved hurriedly away, taking the seat opposite Sirius.

He thought he saw a flicker of uncertainty cross Severus' features as he realised that his guardians expected him to sit at the head of the table. Frowning gently, Severus slid silently into the chair, allowing his shoulders to clench protectively inwards, whilst his straight spine leant backwards, as far from the table as possible.

Remus smiled nervously, "Okay, now bear in mind that I've never prepared most of the things we're about to eat before, so please, just…be open minded, about how they taste in this combination?"

Sirius grinned, "I'm sure I can manage that, I'm starvin'!"

"Well, start then!" Remus smiled, reaching for the jug as Sirius delved hungrily into the enormous bowl. "Water, Severus?"

The thin man was startled by Remus' courtesy, and nodded in surprise.

Remus passed him a tall glass, mindfully setting it down upon the table and removing his hand, preventing Snape from feeling inhibited to take it.

Severus raised the edge to his lips and swallowed gently, then returned the glass to the table, focusing his attention upon it as he ran a long finger around the ring of cut glass.

Sirius peered into the bowl, having filled his plate. Digging out some small, fleshy red seeds, he asked curiously, "Remus, what on earth **are** these things we're eating?"

" 'Pomegranate seeds', according to the Headmaster's intricate labelling system."

"What about these squished orange blobs?"

"Ironically enough, I do believe that's 'squash'." Remus smiled, raising his eyebrows.

Sirius seemed delighted. "You're kidding?"

"Nope."

"**That** is _brilliant_."

"Well, would you care to _share_ the brilliance?" Remus asked, passing Sirius his empty plate in amusement.

"..Oh. Of course." He seized Remus' plate and began to heap it with the huge variety of texturous colours swamped at the bottom of the bowl.

Snape stood up abruptly, his chair scraped painfully backwards, away from the table. Remus and Sirius jumped instinctively at the sudden movement. Nothing followed it, however, and the awkwardness was quickly palpable.

"Erm..? Severus, what…?"

"I'm sorry. I just need to… I think I've forgotten something. Actually…I'm not that hungry, I think I'll just…"

"What! Don't be absurd, you can't have eaten in like twenty-four hours! –You were nowhere to be found yesterday when…"

"And after what your body's been through, you _need_ to eat, Severus. Even with the healing potions, you've lost a lot of blood – food can only do you good…"

"No, Lupin, I…"

"Snape, sit down! Stop being ridiculous…."

"You can't force me to eat, Black, nor indeed to do _anything_ I refuse to; no matter what power you may think Dumbledore has granted you!"

Remus stood up, but Snape shrank further away at the physical advance. "Severus, please, what's actually the problem? We can make you something else to eat, if…"

"There _is_ no problem here, must you over-analyse everything I do?"

Remus moved towards him in concern, but Snape's breathing raced and he shook his head.

"Listen to me, Severus! You need to look after yourself, if not for your own well-being, then at least for Albus and the people depending on you – "

"Shut up. Don't you think I appreciate my responsibilities? I am looking after myself. It's a consuming priority of mine."

His eyes narrowed.

"Twelve _years_ of spying, Lupin. Do I look so dead to you?"

Remus lowered his head in embarrassment.

Snape inclined his head, coldly. "As I thought. Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, Remus, but I'm going nowhere. I would never take the easy route out, not now."

Sirius stood up slowly, resting his hands on the table.

"Things are going to get better, Snape. I know this feels like a terrible place, but - "

"-It's nothing compared to hell or Azkaban, which are my only alternatives? Yes, thank you, Black, I _have_ considered the matter, and yet I always find your perspective so **very** enlightening."

Snape turned and strode determinedly from the room in a swirl of black robes.

There was a prolonged pause as the room's remaining inhabitants reflected on that conversation.

Remus flopped back into his seat and sighed wearily, rubbing his brow.

"Well."

Sirius sighed emphatically. "Yeah."

"He effectively managed to change the subject at hand _there_, didn't he?"

"Doesn't he always? He's ridiculously adept at manipulating conversation." Sirius deadpanned; his tone was despondent.

"So, he's not eating." Remus stated blankly.

Sirius looked at him and sighed. "Bloody hell. What do you reckon that's about then?"

Remus breathed slowly, "I have no idea."

Sirius glanced again at the doorway, as he considered a new possibility, with hushed enthusiasm.

"Oi, you don't think he might be a vampire, do you?"

Remus gave him a tired look, but Sirius continued unperturbed, "Oh _man, _if he **is**, I just won about fifty substantial bets and need to get to a floo right now!"

"He **isn't**, Sirius." Remus insisted at length, and Sirius' conviction withered under his frown.

"But that floo thing is an idea. We're both way too close here to talk about this with him. We can't keep fighting. He won't trust us and we can't make him, but something's got to be done."

"Is the fireplace across the hall still functional do you think?"

Remus shrugged optimistically. "Minerva said a couple of days, right?"

* * *

"No, no, Sirius please, I cannot talk to Severus about this _again_! I have tried and I have _tried _to reason with that young man, it is of no…" 

"Poppy, pleease!" Sirius groaned. "For goodness _sake_, what's wrong with you, why won't you hel…"

"Sirius!" Remus shouted angrily, pushing his friend aside and kneeling before the fireplace himself.

"I'm so sorry, Poppy." He apologised with soft remorse. "We're just…frustrated. Everything that happens here seems to have some kind of catch - we simply… we feel that we're being less useful than we could be. Our every effort with Severus is met by some sort of hindrance."

Poppy's face, floating in the flames, crinkled with compassion. "My dear Remus, I know you have the best of intentions, but I _cannot _help you. Medical conditions and complaints are absolutely confidential, without exception! Especially with Severus, how could I expect him to confide in me again, if I divulged such information to the likes of…"

Poppy's eyes flickered over Remus' shoulder to settle on Sirius. She dropped her gaze out of common courtesy, realising the blatancy of her action.

"Yes…well." She looked imploringly at Remus, who nodded to himself, feeling jaded.

Sirius looked outraged. "Wha-!"

Remus rose forcedly and seized Sirius' arm, steering him gently out of the room, much to Sirius' protest.

Remus turned calmly to face him as they entered the corridor. "Listen, Siri, would you let me speak to her alone for just a moment? I…"

"What?" Sirius interjected indignantly. "Remus, no! You know I wouldn't…"

"Of course I do, but you _have_ to understand that Poppy has no reason to believe that you mean well for Snape!"

"Then I'll damn well go back in there and tell her exactly wha –" 

"**No**, Sirius!" Remus fought against him with a firm hand on his chest. "Look, I can't afford to let you offend her - she's one of the only real people who accept me for what I am. I don't want you to drive her away…"

Sirius slowly stopped moving, his eyes growing cold and dull.

"One of the only '_real'_ people? " Sirius shook his dark head threateningly. "You don't think I'm a real person..?"

Remus closed his eyes, lowering his shoulders in deep-set regret. "No, Sirius, I…"

"Don't."

Remus flinched.

Sirius snarled angrily. "You're right. Who am I in the _real_ world? A fucking murderer. I don't even exist anymore."

"Sirius, that isn't true! Your situation is only temporary - you know you mean more to me than…"

"- You know _what_, Remus? You're **bloody** lucky that the worst thing you have to deal with is werewolfism...-"

Remus muttered quietly. "It's lycanthro.. –"

"- because at least you can still walk down the street, and speak to strangers and be accepted by anyone worth their salt! You're so _goddamn_ lucky Remus, and you can't even see it. The only person who has a problem with your condition is **you**. - Don't take your paranoia out on me, just 'cause you know I'm not going anywhere!"

Sirius' narrowed eyes glinted as he turned and strode up the stairs, throwing his back to Remus, leaving him speechless.

"Do whatever you've got to do… werewolf."

* * *

Sirius broke into a sprint as he reached the upper landing, tearing along the long corridor, allowing the physical exhilaration to lessen the raw emotion coursing through his veins. He did not notice a dark shadow slip immediately into a doorway ahead of him. 

Portraits and rooms flashed past Sirius on either side as he fled, eventually slamming into the imposing mahogany door at the end of the corridor. He was propelled backwards as the wood refused to give way even slightly. He kicked angrily at it, throwing his shoulder against the door, but, on reaching for the handle, he realised none existed – the door appeared to simply be a section of wooden panelling...

His struggles were in vain, the strange door would not open, and he slumped against it in frustration, before pushing himself off the wood and jogging recklessly back down the hall, frustrated.

Sirius finally burst into the library, running his hands through his hair, and stopped, throwing his head backwards in release.

After a while, he moved slowly across the room to the window and lent upon the sill, gazing out at the persisting snow. His anger ebbed slowly away, to be replaced by regret.

Sirius sighed repentantly. "Ah...Remus." He turned, leaning back to rest against the sill.

A dark armchair faced him. Far within its depths a familiar skeletal figure sat, perfectly still.

Sirius stared. Neither moved for a moment.

"Hello." Sirius' voice was unusually deep. A chess-set lay delicately arranged on a low table before Severus. Sirius curled his lip into a sneer and moved forward, resting a finger on the black king.

"Fancy a game?" He asked with smirk, expecting no answer.

Severus stared at him for a moment.

"I'm not busy."

Sirius hooked an eyebrow in surprise at the peaceable gesture. He gave a slow, genial nod to convey his understanding, and dragged a nearby armchair to sit opposite Severus, who only recoiled slightly at the physical approach.

The darker man stroked the edge of the table hesitantly with a long finger.

"I play white."

Sirius smiled.

* * *

Remus turned, numbness seeping painfully into his chest. He walked slowly back into the room with the fireplace. 

He was deeply shaken by Sirius' harsh words. However, being familiar with his friend's rash temper, he prayed that Sirius had not been sincere in his sentiment.

Steeling himself, he faced Madame Pomfrey's floating face once more.

"Poppy. You have my word that Severus will not learn of your involvement in this, but I must _insist_ that you tell me his problem. All our efforts here are in vain if he's going to starve himself to death! He's halfway there already…"

The mediwitch nodded in sad acceptance of that fact.

"If you can't tell me what's wrong, at least tell me how I can help him?" Remus dropped his eyes. "I… won't tell Sirius, if you ask me not to."

"Remus…" Poppy sighed, her features full of empathy. "What Severus suffers from is… serious. It is almost a…a _phobia_ of food."

Remus frowned, listening intently to her hesitant revelations.

"It can be perceived as his mind…punishing his body. He associates images that are personally… intolerable, with food." She swallowed hard. "The effects for him are utterly horrifying, Remus. When he first came to me with this, years ago, he'd not eaten properly in weeks and was convinced he was losing his sanity."

She grimaced as Remus' face showed he still didn't understand the actual problem.

"He sees…" The woman broke off, shaking her head.

"Poppy." Remus coaxed gently.

"- the insides of children, fingers, tongues, - bodily fluids extracted via Cruciatus, eyelids, genitals, the lungs of muggles… all in the most… _innocuous_ of foods-"

Poppy faltered in a sob, the emotion evident in the forced speed and wavering tone of her voice.

Remus' face felt stiff and tight.

She gave a shaky, futile shrug. "...It comes and goes, varying in intensity throughout the years. But the man has _seen_… such things, Remus…"

She shook her head jerkily, unable to elaborate.

Remus dropped his eyes respectfully, and remained silent.

"...In all honesty, I do not recommend that you confront him on this; Severus is incredibly defensive on the subject -quite understandably...of course. Just... use this information to make his life a little easier. The best you can do for him is to make meals as clean as possible. Crackers are good. Apples are…fine. Just use your common sense when selecting food."

Remus nodded seriously.

"-And for Merlin's sake, avoid spaghetti bolognaise. That recently provoked his worst attack in many years...No meat at all is best, unless you are in a position to use glamours?"

Remus shook his head sadly, thinking of the ban on all non-essential magic that Minerva had imposed.

"I thought as much."

Remus stood up with a certain melancholy finality.

"I wish you the best of luck, my _dear_ Remus. Keep Severus safe in your hands, and do treat him well. He is a good man. Dumbledore has trusted you."

"I know Poppy. I know.

* * *

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. His efforts at conversation had died long ago, along with the usual harmless competitive comments and Hogwart's related insults. 

Severus was _thrashing_ him at chess if Sirius was remotely honest with himself, and whilst Sirius struggled to make some worthy retaliation on the board, Severus seemed withdrawn in some all-consuming internal deliberation.

Sirius wondered whether Snape was contemplating his earlier behaviour at the dining room table, and shifted uncomfortably. Sirius really did not feel that he was the right person to have that conversation with Snape: he was aware that he was not the most comforting or understanding of people. Then again, would Severus actually trust him enough to discuss _that_ with him? And the man looked so very serious…

Sirius studied the pale man's tense, sharp features from beneath his lashes. His concern peaked as a muscle spasmed in the hollowed cheek of the man whose thoughts, less than an hour before, had been only of mocking Sirius' lack of 'Slytherin strategy'.

Sirius braced himself and took a plunge he'd avoided in twenty-five years of knowing Severus, in offering his support and rendering himself vulnerable.

"Severus, is there anything you want to talk abou-"

"Did you ever have family Sirius?"

Sirius hesitated at the abrupt interruption, concerned at the direction of this unexpected tangent, and slightly indignant that his gesture had gone unrecognised.

"Well…_obviously_. Whatever misguided, and most likely unflattering, impression I may have given you, I **am** human and therefore did, at one point, have family." Sirius muttered, moving his knight without true motive.

"No I…I meant someone close, someone…" Severus' subtle voice seemed to flounder uncharacteristically. "Did you ever have a friend who…"

Sirius frowned and waited patiently, watching Snape, whom he was pleasantly surprised to see taking the initiative. However, his patience was diminishing fast, replaced with anticipation, as Severus seemed to think the better of asking.

"Who what?" Sirius prompted. "Jumped my bones, betrayed me..?"

- "Scared you?"

Black paused at Severus' peculiar word choice, the thought crossing his mind that Severus was indiscreetly referring to _him_.

"Uh…no? Not scared me, no." 

Snape seemed unlikely to continue.

"Why ask?" Sirius prompted.

There was a substantial pause.

"Your brother, were you afraid of _him_?"

Sirius blanched. Severus had spoken so sinisterly…

He must have met Regulus after all.

"Only in the sense that I feared to _become _him." He reflected with quiet bitterness.

"Is that not a perfectly legitimate reason to fear somebody?"

"Do you think so? Isn't that really just a fear of yourself?"

Sirius thought Severus looked somewhat bemused at that philosophical statement, coming from him, yet he did not interrupt so Sirius continued.

"…A fear of your own weakness? Nobody _else_ actually has the power to change your behaviour."

Severus' eyes narrowed sceptically. "Do you actually believe that?"

Sirius looked at Snape, considering his question within their current context.

"I've never been given reason not to." He finally replied, with uncertainty.

Severus stared at him intently, before retreating into himself.

"You're a very lucky man, Sirius."

-"Who is it that frightens you?"

Snape fell silent, taken aback.

Sirius cocked his head and Snape's lips twitched sourly.

"An old… friend."

Snape's reply was cryptically sardonic as always. "Tell me, Sirius, in your Gryffindor opinion, is it more noble to die for those you love, or to save yourself while you can?"

"Are you seriously tellin' me that that you can't see which of those acts is the most noble?"

"No I see clearly enough." Snape's voice was dark. "I was just curious as to your opinion, believe it or not. I was sure our views would differ, and… I need them to. I want you to convince me that some things are more important than others."

"But..why, if it will make your situation more difficult?"

Snape seemed genuinely unsettled by his own lack of surety. "I need to know…I don't understand what it is that makes people…" He shifted uncomfortably, "..._react_ the way they do."

"Look Sna…Severus, I cannot simply give you straight answers. Hogwart's House ideals have no place in the real world. We don't share friends you and I; we aren't alike in circumstance, and I appreciate that you live in…_difficult _conditions, Severus.

'I wouldn't presume to advise you in a moment of.. self-doubt or.. uncertainty. I can't take the responsibility for the consequences of such words.

'I know how you want me to react to what your saying, but I won't do it. I won't let you use me to punish yourself - I'm sick of your hating me.

'You have dangerous friends, Severus. And, though 'friends' they may remain in your eyes, you must ultimately remember that your debt is to yourself and to what you believe in. You cannot regret disloyalty to friends who don't stay unconditionally loyal to _you_."

Severus had been watching Sirius in silence from atop steeped fingertips. A stray smile teased his lips.

"You are learning, Sirius. And yet it has apparently not occurred to you that unconditional loyalty must go both ways. If a man, despite personal loyalty, will not fight for a friend's values, is that not an intolerable deceit? Doesn't it warrant retribution of an equally hurtful magnitude, if only on a physical level?"

Sirius shook his head, sighing. "Politics are a bad foundation for friendships..."

Snape frowned. "Politics are the _only_ basis for friendship, you fool. Why else do you think you and I are only recently associating?"

Sirius stared at Snape in disbelief at what he had inadvertently revealed.

He managed to hold the sharp retort on the tip of his tongue and took a deep breath.

"I will choose to ignore that comment. Look, Snape, I can't justify your friends' betraying you by implying it was inevitable. That isn't true; it doesn't depend on politics or a trigger, it's just in a person's nature. That's why little _shits_ like Pettigrew are bound for ninth circle of hell…" He muttered harshly as an afterthought.

Snape nodded grimly, his eyes on the ground. He exhaled firmly. "I thought I could depend on you to say that."

Sirius immediately realised his mistake and opened his mouth to…apologise? But closed it again.

Severus' betrayal had been just, hadn't it? Surely if you betrayed the right side…

Severus took Sirius' bishop with his knight. Sirius sighed wearily. Three prawns left to defend his king. He needed to think carefully on that one. 

"Severus, you're doing the right thing."

"That would depend upon whom you ask, wouldn't it?"

Snape watched him avidly. 

Sirius sighed, desperately searching for some new conversation. "What's behind that door at the end of this corridor."

Severus recoiled deep into his armchair, his eyes smouldering like coals, inviting Sirius to explain himself.

"Earlier I tried to –"

"Don't go down there." Snape's silky voice was surprisingly neutral. Perhaps he was regaining his impeccable self-control at last…

Sirius looked up in surprise, but composed himself before responding.

"Well there doesn't seem to be any chance of me doing harm; there's no door handle."

Snape's voice was deceptively quiet. "Don't go near that door, Black."

Sirius paused in the wake of Severus' gentle threat.

"Why?"

"Because I just told you not to."

Sirius raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"And _why_ might you do a thing like that?" He asked, mockingly.

"Some of us are better informed than others," Snape spoke in a calm, cold voice, "as to the dangers of certain… actions."

"Uh _huh_." Sirius replied doubtfully, stretching back in his seat. "Why this sudden interest in my well-being?"

"You believe any misfortunes you might encounter in this house would not _directly_ affect Lupin and myself?"

Sirius twirled one of his pawns casually along the board, looking at his fingers. "Where does it lead?"

He felt Snape's eyes upon him. "Why does it concern you?"

Sirius gave a purposely non-committal shrug. "Simple curiosity."

"Curiosity is treacherous." Snape remarked ominously. "Don't play the cat, Sirius - Mutt suits you better."

Sirius glowered, and moved his pawn out of sheer frustration. Snape took it, sacrificing one castle from his almost fully intact army. Sirius seized it with glee, and in doing so squandered his final pawn.

Snape hooked an eyebrow. "Do you concede?"

"Not 'til the last."

"Checkmate." Severus said flatly.

"Ahh." Sirius hesitated painfully. "Yes. This would be the last."

Snape interlocked his fingers silently and lowered his chin to rest upon them.

"What's in the room, Severus?"

Snape didn't flinch. The subject had remained firm in both their minds.

"Perhaps it's a secret." Snape suggested at length, making his weariness of the topic evident in his tone.

Sirius studied Snape's eyes fervently.

"Everything's a secret 'til you tell somebody. Is it worth keeping inside, Snape?"

Severus arched an eyebrow scornfully. "Stop trying to be insightful, Sirius. I consider it a responsibility. Why would I risk telling you?"

"To stop me from going there to find out myself?"

"Do not attempt to give me more power than I am due; I have no jurisdiction over your actions. You have your own self-control; I would merely suggest that you exercise it."

Snape tilted his head in subtle provocation and added, "Perhaps then you might actually gain someone's trust. The Order might even pay you something remotely resembling respect."

"Sod off, Snape." Sirius scowled. Severus sneered, leaning forward slightly, his lips pursed in mocking.

"Admit it, Black." He leered, "You need to keep yourself on a tighter _leash_."

Sirius leapt to his feet in anger.

"If you did, Lupin might loosen that choke chain and give you the slightest bit of independence. - If you could actually _control _yourself, Black, Dumbledore wouldn't have to trap you in your own house with magic, 'cause you can't be trusted to **stay** there when he…"

"Shut **up**!" Sirius cried in outraged disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you all of a sudden?"

"Does the truth displease you so?"

Snape raised a finely skilled eyebrow.

Sirius started forward. 

Severus leapt out of his chair and stumbled backwards immediately. Sirius could see the thin man's chest rising and falling rapidly, sending shivers down the black robes.

Sirius stopped.

He restrained himself, seeing instantly where the power lay between them. He frowned at Severus in wonder, hurt by his sudden charge in attitude and exploitation of his own talented mean streak, and bewildered as to its motivation.

Sirius hardened his gaze into the black eyes, forcibly imposing the tension between them upon Severus.

Then, very slowly, he walked past the weaker man and out of the room.

Severus did not move as Sirius passed him; his gaze remained stoically focused on the window opposite. He waited until he heard the door click shut behind the other man.

Severus dropped his head.

"There it is." He murmured softly, knowing Black would never hear this in person. "Your control is right there, Sirius. You just need to hold onto it."

* * *

Sirius ran his hands violently through his hair, exhaling furiously in his frustration and strode down the corridor without a backward glance. 

This mistake made him miss the dark shadow of Severus slipping into the corridor behind him.

* * *

Severus lingered in the shadows at the bottom of the staircase, his arms wound between the banisters comfortingly in the darkness. When Sirius had stormed into the room with the fireplace an hour ago, he had taken the only hall candle with him, unwittingly stranding Severus in the dark behind him. 

Snape watched the orange firelight flicker eerily under the door, painfully torn by both wanting to escape the other men, and yet desperately not wanting to be alone in this house.

Severus could not bring himself to trust either of the men fully. Despite his current subdual in outward animosity, Sirius in particular seemed to Severus a serious liability. Nevertheless, Severus appreciated their uses to the Order and was reluctant to see them exposed to the dangers of his life and home for his sake.

Still, he could force himself no closer to the living room, he did not wish to evoke Sirius' familiar ridicule and debasement. Sirius had been caught off-guard in the library, if Severus faced him now, his response would be far more cutting. He would not break their peaceful façade. There was time enough for that yet.

Severus found himself growing increasingly agitated. The atmosphere in the hallway was painfully electric; the dust-soaked air tingled and Severus was tense with anticipation.

He had tried to warn the others earlier. Their denial and their stubborn arrogance were to be despaired of. The manor was better warded than Hogwart's, but if Lucius was to aid the Dark Lord in gaining access, there would be no escape.

But his protectors doubted him. So let them wait...

"SNAPE!"

The living room door burst open, splaying a dark patch of illumination out into the hallway. Sirius charged through it, his face white and panicked; he passed Severus in an instant, and careered up the stairs two at a time. "SEVERU..-!"

" - I'm _here_, Sirius!" Snape yelled on reflex, slipping from the shadows to reveal himself in concern. Sirius pivoted on his step to stare down at Severus, ignoring his own surprise at finding him there.

"The flames are black!"

Severus stood shocked for a moment. He snapped his head back to the open doorway, and saw indeed, to his grim dismay, that the warm glow of orange had deserted the flickering light.

He closed his eyes as his heart sank.

"Severus!" Sirius grasped the banister, peering down at him over it. "The fire burns black! What does…"

"- SEVERUS!" They both leapt as the cry echoed through the corridors, magnifying itself horrendously in the cavernous hall.

Running footsteps halted and manifested to reveal the haggard figure of Remus Lupin at the top of the staircase.

"Severus - look outside!"

He didn't need to. Snape knew the unnatural phenomenon to be discovered there.

Sirius looked frantically between his dishevelled friend and the gaunt man blanching at the bottom of the stairs. "What is it, Remus?"

Remus hesitated, watching Severus intently.

"Towers of snow…swirling up, high above the Manor, lined with thick veins of -"

"-Blood." Severus acknowledged bitterly. Remus shuddered.

Severus looked up at Sirius, his eyes filled with fear.

"He is here."

"_He_..? But...he can't get in here… surely?" Sirius pleaded with his eyes.

Severus smiled hopelessly.

"Of course he can." Snape said, his voice almost childlike as he thought wistfully of the man who posed his greatest threat. "You should have got out whilst you still could. He knows everything about me…"

"Quickly! To the upper library – we must prepare ourselves."

The two men leapt up the stairs.

Severus turned slowly towards the huge beaten front doors.

"Don't you, my friend?"

* * *

Severus heard the raised voices before he had even reached the library. He froze in dismay, realising with a sudden sharp clarity that, whilst he had not _expected_ this plan to work, he had perhaps dared to hope..? 

Sirius' voice boomed down the extensive corridor. "What the hell are you talking about, Remus? How is that possible?"

"I don't know - I mean...it **isn't**!"

"Remus, what the bloody hell is Snape going to think?"

There was a pregnant pause. Severus exhaled reluctantly and edged closer to the door.

"Where _is_ Severus?" Came the first voice of concern.

Remus swung through the doorframe, halting just inches from Severus' body. Snape jerked, but managed to stand his ground, shuddering slightly. Remus stepped back respectfully.

"Wha…uh…Sever…"

Severus manoeuvred himself neatly past Remus into the library, defensively reinstating his own personal kinosphere. "What is it?"

Severus watched as Sirius crossed his arms uncomfortably and looked to Remus, who bowed his head solemnly.

"I've lost my wand." The remorseful man admitted simply. "I cannot reinstate your magical essence."

Severus' lips parted. He turned around sharply, placing his back to the men. He was horrified to find something akin to _tears_ blinding him. He subtly raised his hands to his face. The prospect of facing his true foe unarmed, apart from what strength his feeble body could offer, was devastating.

Sirius spoke quietly from across the room. "It's worse than you think. He can't restore _my_ magic either, and Remus cannot perform wandless." He shook his head in agitation. " - Damn it, I _knew _this was a terrible idea from the moment Albus suggested it -What a..!"

"The Headmaster is **not **responsible for this. Don't throw your accusations at that man."

There was a pounding pause. Remus shifted in the tension. "We should search for.."

"-You don't to bloody _idolise_ Dumbledore so ridiculously, Snape! It's wrong for you never to question him - undoubtedly he's a wonderful human being," He scathingly conceded, "but all men are liable to making mistakes, and Albus is nothing more!" Sirius insisted angrily.

"Forgiveness is divine." Snape muttered tightly. "Albus Dumbledore is no mere man. I would risk my life for no mere _man._" Snape sneered horribly. "You would not give the Dark Lord such a meagre title, and yet is Dumbledore not his equal?"

A slight tremor shook the books upon their shelves. There was the sound of something smashing upon impact with the ground. Panic descended upon the hearts of the three men.

"He's coming…he's coming now." Snape murmured. Sirius and Remus were peering around themselves, looking to Severus for some explanation, obviously unnerved.

He turned to them quickly and gravely caught their eyes.

"He's in the house."

Remus watched intently as Severus clearly steeled himself towards some sort of decision.

"Severus..?"

" -We have to hide…" Snape strode determinedly to an area of panelling and ran his spidery fingers rapidly across the wooden frame.

There was a stunned pause.

"Are you joking!" Sirius barked, advancing upon him. "How on earth do you expect..."

The wood sprung back to reveal a large void behind the surface.

Snape's dark eyes were shining. "I swear to you, nobody inside this will be found. There is no magic at work here; the hole is entirely undetectable, and I can make it soundproof."

Remus stepped forward hurriedly. "Severus, I'm not sure about this…"

- "You expect me to trust you completely, and yet you refuse to return the sentiment? How in the _hell_ is this supposed to work?" Snape demanded hoarsely.

A red surge of light flashed through the room. Severus' head snapped towards the door in fear. "He's on the stairs!" He mumbled, then turned to Sirius and Remus desperately. "Please, get in the hole now! Trust me…" His eyes implored them.

With a backwards glance at Remus, Sirius lunged into the dark abyss. Remus hesitated, "Severus, do you realise how close together we'll be in there?"

Severus swallowed heavily at Remus' concern. "…I know how to solve that problem."

Remus shook his head in resignation. "If you're sure…"

He joined Sirius awkwardly in the hole.

Severus smiled sadly into the darkness. "Thank you."

He stepped carefully backwards… - and slammed the door shut.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER -please read below 

Thanks for reading:)

Some other chapters are written, i'm just proof-reading them, so keep a look out this week! In the meantime, i recently posted the beginning of new Snape story, with sirius, remus, fred, george, harry, hermione and ron all playing major parts. It's called 'NOS MORITURI, TE SALUTAMOS', and i'd really appreciate your giving it a glance and telling what you think...

Please review and get me back in the story-writing mood – if you have queries about anything that seems like an inconsistency in this story, I'll be happy to explain (or correct if it's a mistake)!

:) Thank you all!


	23. CHILDLIKE

_Author's Note:I must have written and rewritten the latter part of this scene (sans Sirius and Remus) thirty times. It's almost wholly unrecognisable from the original draft, which fuelled my decision to write this story. This key relationship between Severus and his nemesis is, in my opinion, the explanation behind everything that Severus has done in his late teenage/adult years. The twisted interaction, loathed-love, and deep respect shared by these two characters, combined with their inbred acceptance of immoral behaviour, sacrifice and above all deceit, mean that they are effectively the most important influences over one another's lives and decisions. I am strongly of the opinion that this man is responsible for driving Severus to confide in Dumbledore, whether he did so subconsciously or not. I think, deep down, his affection for Severus was too great to see him wither into nothingness in the Dark Lord's clutches._

_The original interaction I wrote for Severus and his nemesis was wonderfully dramatic and angst ridden, I really was in love with it, and I was devastated to have to edit it so ruthlessly; I simply had not realised to what extent Severus would have regained his strength, or at least his pride, by the time this scene actually took place -it's funny how, in the end, all stories seem to write themselves._

_Bloody annoying too!_

CHAPTER 23: CHILDLIKE

* * *

"Snape! God damn it, Snape, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Sirius swore, smashing his shoulder violently against the metal-backed panel.

"Stop trying, Black. I promise your efforts are entirely futile. There is no escaping from the inside."

Sirius stopped, his head slumping miserably against the panel. Remus closed his eyes. His forlorn voice rose softly through the wood. "I'm such a fool. You never had any intention of joining us in here, did you?"

"None whatsoever." Severus replied gently. Regret flavoured his voice.

"I'm sorry, Remus, but you have to understand I could never have got in there with you. - Even _without_ this insane intention to save your lives that I seem to have developed…"

He gave a soft smirk.

"You _just_ said you wouldn't risk your life for 'mere men', you bloody liar!" Sirius protested furiously.

"It wasn't a lie – just a manipulation of your perspective." Severus countered, rationally. "In doing this, I'm simply stopping you from dying in some 'noble' distraction dedicated to my name. I'm the only person capable of preserving my existence now…"

"-Listen, you arrogant prig..!"

-"You can't just leave us in here, Snape." Remus interrupted pointedly, praying he'd found a legitimate weakness. "If you arekilled – as you seem to _expect_ to be – Sirius and I will die locked up in here!"

"Ahh, Remus. Always so practical. Actually I discovered that the crafters installed a failsafe. If anybody is locked inside for seven days, the door is rigged to unlock itself."

"Seven days! But…"

"Shut up, Black. I assure you that you can survive that. It's not a problem for adults-"

"Is this really how you want to say goodbye?" Lupin entreated earnestly. "I can see your _face_, Severus, you shouldn't have to do this alone. Please let us help you - we promised Albus. Don't make us disappoi-"

"He's a very understanding man," Severus snapped tightly, "and… I've promises of my own. Keep my face from your mind, Remus - in a moment you won't recognise it."

"I will always know your true face, Severus, and I will watch it… whatever happens."

Severus frowned in concern. "You can't see me _now_?"

"There's a crack above the panel.." Remus replied.

"-There is?" Severus looked perturbed, and murmured. "I never noticed that. I suppose I could never see out through it."

Severus moved closer to the panel with a tight, jerky energy that was unfamiliar to his movement and worried Remus profusely. "At least it isn't visible from _this_ side. I'm sound proofing you now, Remus. Be grateful you won't hear anything more."

Sirius' mouth opened again in protest, but Severus had touched a knot in the wood, and Remus leapt backwards as a sturdy plastic film shot fast across the inside panel.

Remus and Sirius pushed together to watch Severus' next actions through the crack. Remus felt sick with anxiety. He could feel Sirius' clenching his fists beside him.

Severus ran his hands through his hair, now alone in the daunting library, and stepped towards the window. Then he hesitated and turned, making for the door.

Remus realised that Severus was trying to escape their view, to take the inevitable confrontation elsewhere. But he suddenly froze before their eyes, his hand reaching for the door-handle.

Severus had obviously heard a noise outside. He backed up rapidly.

Remus swallowed in sympathy, Severus' face was white as he staggered backwards, and jumped as his back collided with the bookshelf opposite the door.

Remus flinched as Sirius elbowed him gently and revealed his enchanted pocket-knife from inside his boot. Nudging Remus aside, Sirius silently lent against the soundproofing and slit deftly through the material. He cut a long slash parallel to the crack of light that provided their view into the room.

In the absolute quiet outside, they could almost hear Snape's fingernails gouging tracks in the wooden shelves behind him. Severus was still positioned near the back wall of the study; he seemed to take a little comfort in the closeness of the surrounding books as he watched the door in trepidation

All three men stiffened as it opened.

A graceful figure, shrouded in light, stepped warily into the room. He closed the door quietly behind him. The man wore shining grey, almost _silver_ robes, that shimmered eerily, and his hair was white blond and striking.

Sirius gave a low gasp of surprised recognition, and Remus put a restraining hand on his chest, drawing him back away from the gap in the panel.

In the immediate silence that greeted him, the visitor grew ill at ease and his piercing eyes darted around the dim room for a time, before catching their target.

"Severus."

The man gave no answer. His hands groped at the wooden panels of the wall behind him in a fight against panic.

"Severus. You did not come."

Severus' eyes displayed some unknown fixation with the ground, and his head twitched stiffly from side to side.

"No… _Lucius_." He hissed, keeping his voice purposely calm.

"That was foolish."

Lucius' whispers were harsh in the darkened room.

"You know the price better than any, Severus."

"I've paid it a thousand times…" Severus rasped, sneering at his own cliché.

Lucius stepped towards him but hesitated, perturbed, as Severus jerked away.

"Why recoil from me, Severus? Your secret is told - I have nothing more to hurt you with..?"

" -You _need_ nothing more."

Lucius stopped. For a moment, there was complete stillness.

Then, inclining his head slightly, Lucius softened his voice to address Severus once more.

"Our Lord is searching for you."

"Need I be expecting him?" Asked Snape, dryly.

"No-" Lucius shook his head, a bitter half-smile twisted on his face. "I would never tell those mindless savages he has hunting you of your whereabouts."

"Ah, now Lucius… do not be so arrogant as to proclaim 'never', else it would appear that never has become a considerably more common date."

The beautiful man remained silent, disconcerted.

"Was it not in this very room that we swore loyalties thirty years ago? Never to betray the other..?" Severus spat in abhorrence.

"We were children, Severus."

Snape sneered horribly and shook his head.

"No, Lucius. We were never 'children'. Beings defined by purity and innocence?" Snape laughed, austerely. "Not you and I, Lucius. Not in this world."

Lucius made no reply.

"We understood the implications of that oath…"

"We had not taken the course of our lives into account! We did not know the trials or torments set before us, nor the prejudice we'd have to endure…"

"You were expecting roses and joy? Love for all eternity? I think not, Lucius. Even at that age we possessed some acceptance of our destinies, however bitter."

There was silence in recognition of that fact. Lucius could use no more defence. He moved slowly forward.

"Severus, my friend… I'm sorry."

"Don't! You couldn't even _begin_ to… Don't." Severus shut his eyes in anguish. "Your apologies appease no one but yourself, Lucius."

"It will be worse for you now, when you return. You should not have…"

"I _could_ not apparate. I was in… too bad a state."

Lucius winced.

"Was it so bad?"

Severus looked up, his eyes wide.

"How dare you even ask me that?" His words were barely audible.

"Merlin, Severus... I'm sorry." Lucius reached out, moving to grasp him.

"Don't…"

"I am sorry…"

"Lucius _don't_!"

"Severus –"

"STOP IT!" Snape cried desperately, "Don't come any closer!"

"I'm _so_ sorry…"

"ANOTHER STEP, LUCIUS, AND I KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND!"

Snape was trembling, pressed flat against the wall, his wiry arms tensed and outstretched before him. Lucius paused, stricken by this wreck of the man he had helped create. The wretch seemed not even to have a wand; his pitiful threat was implausible to the point of absurdity.

Only the wildness of Snape's expression and his heavy breathing filled the now silent room.

Lucius exhaled shakily. "In mercy's name, look at the state of you…" The pity and horror was undisguised in his voice.

Behind the panelling, Sirius turned bitterly from Snape's indignity; his faithless gesture meant that only Remus saw Severus raise his head in cold defiance…

"In _mercy's_ name?" Severus hissed scathingly; his dark eyes burned with a passion.

Lucius drew back fearfully.

"What **mercy** is that, _Lucius_? Did you have mercy, _Lucius_? WHAT IS THIS MERCY YOU SPEAK OF?"

Lucius gaped in anguish, struggling gracelessly to reply.

When he did speak, his voice was hoarse with emotion.

"On my _life_, I am sorry. I should never have told your secret. It was too rash - I had not considered to what end…to what extent…"

Severus crushed his hands over his ears, shaking his head violently. "No."

"I hadn't realised how many of them he would let…"

"NO!" Snape slammed his head backwards against the wall, his face contorted, eyes forced shut.

Lucius surveyed the damage he'd inflicted, and his voice withered quietly.

"… I didn't realise it would do this to you."

"_Yes_. _You_. _Did_." Snape hissed through his tears.

Everything fell dead in the stillness; a vast contrast to the previous chaos.

"You did this, Lucius."

Lucius' frame went rigid at the stinging ice in Severus' voice.

"**Look** at me. I can't eat… I can't _sleep_ without addictive potions or a decent blow to the head! I've lost control over my body, my mind, my… _memories_... I can't just hold it in anymore. I can't find reason; I can't find reality. I can't be **touched** – _I am lost_."

There was a hollow silence. Severus continued quietly.

"Look at me, Lucius. Look what you've done."

Something snapped.

"DON'T CLOSE YOUR FUCKING EYES! **DAMN** YOU, LUCIUS! **Look what you've done to me!"**

Snape's distraught demand lingered for a moment… and died. He collapsed against the bookshelves, his head in his hands.

Lucius lowered his voice in utter regret. "I'm sorry, Severus.. I was just so angry with you I…"

"You had no right... no right to tell him… not about my father." Severus sounded feeble, suddenly lost and childlike. "I know our friendship has never been kind, but _this_ is some new level of cruelty…" His eyes were clouded with hurt. "You're the only one who knew. They would never have found out…never have known! And now, every _one_ of them…"

"Severus –"

"SHUT UP!" His abrupt bellow caught the Malfoy by surprise. "Get away from me, Lucius."

Severus shivered and his soul stared imploringly at his betrayer. "- There were so _many_ of them… So many hands, so many Masks..-"

"_Severus_ -"

"And I'll never _know,_ Lucius." Severus' voice ground to a halt, and Lucius' attention grew absolute.

"It won't ever be as it _was_, because I'll never know. And I can barely stand to ask you… when you lie so damn _beautifully_ that either answer will be a curse to my mind! Gods, it is a cruel fate that forces me to ask this, at a time when your word means so _very_ little…but… so many fingers, so many bodies…"

The voice deepened in fear. "Were you one of them, Lucius?"

Lucius recoiled as if Severus had struck him. His head spun in dazed dismay.

"How can you think that I would…"

"How can I **not**? Why else would you expose my secret? What else could you _possibly_ hope to gain…" Severus' face contorted in sickness, "other than –"

"No, Severus!" Lucius lurched forward as his mind rejoined his body, in fierce protest. "I swear to you, with everything in me, I didn't touch you…upon my soul I didn't..."

"Upon your _soul…_?" Severus staggered sideways, sneering hopelessly. Emptily. "Well, you are mistaken, Lucius." His voice rang unnervingly clear and quiet, slicing with cruel precision into Lucius' already grieved heart. Lucius held his breath in morbid anticipation, as the paw of dread stroked his throat.

A shiver ran noticeably down Severus' spine. His voice was horribly gentle.

"They were all so rough, Lucius. So terribly vicious. They scratched. And bit…and strangled, and screamed and tore..."

Snape raised his eyes to catch Lucius' unsteady gaze.

"And in my head…every _one_ of them, was you."

Lucius inhaled in slow horror, his stare becoming glassy and forced.

"I saw your mind behind every blank Mask. So many bodies, so many hands: one face…just one. Cold white. Expressionless, beautiful… -Yours."

Lucius' crystal gaze shattered, the pieces drifting slowly out of focus. So many years of…understanding… of saving one another. What desperate beauty had he undone with this one final betrayal?

"Why wasn't it you, Lucius?" Severus swayed with the sheer apathy of a man who has lost all hope, and sank gently to the ground, resting his head on the bookshelf behind him. "Tell me why it wasn't you." Severus shook his head violently, as if trying to dispel conflicting thoughts. "Please. Please convince me…please. There must be a reason why it wasn't you…"

Lucius cringed at the sound of this once proud man pleading. It was the clearest indication so far that his damage was irreparable.

"No, Severus... You're right." Lucius said steadily.

Severus looked up in dismay.

"You are right to blame me. It could have been me. Had the Dark Lord ordered me directly to participate… then we both know it _would_ have been. I -"

Severus winced. "- Don't, Lucius. Don't tell me this."

"You already know it. You shouldn't delude yourself, Severus."

"Delude myself?" Severus snarled defensively, distracting Lucius further from his confession. "How long do you think I've been _deluding_ myself, Lucius? Delusions are the only things I haven't los-"

"If ordered to I would have raped you." Lucius stated, sounding suddenly shaken, appalled by this sudden clarity of character. "I never even considered the possibility. What I did was..so far beyond blind that I could not pardon your forgiviness."

He gritted his teeth against shivers of self-loathing. "I seem to earn your hatred with every move I make."

Lucius snatched air viciously through his teeth in contempt.

Severus watched, staring up with jaded eyes.

"If only… if only we weren't the same person, Lucius." Severus closed his eyes with a quiet sigh. "If only hating you wasn't a pathetic parody of my own self-loathing."

Lucius crouched down gently in front of Severus, and noticed only a slight recoil on his friend's part. Severus lowered his head.

"I don't hate you, Lucius. Not for…what happened. Not for the flashbacks, or…or the pain."

Severus shuddered, breathing in the exhausted aftermath of tears. "I just hate that we're…so much of each other…that I now know I could have done what you did… And… I must have prayed somewhere deep inside, that you would never go so far as to show me what I…what _we_ are truly capable of."

Severus ground his head angrily back into the wood, as Lucius stared down at him with newfound lucidity. "And I abhor _myself_ for hating my own _damn_ immorality through some harsh twist of conscience!"

Lucius shook his head fervently.

"Either one of us could have been short-sighted enough to do what I did, in spite –that doesn't change the fact that we, neither of us, would ever revere the consequences. And I _am_ sorry for what I did… but you can make me so _very_ angry, Severus."

"I know." Severus said quietly. "I know, Lucius. "

"-And you do it on purpose, every time. Don't think I haven't realised. … It upsets me."

Lucius frowned to shadow his affection. "Your masochistic streak angers me more than the things you say to indulge it."

"I'm aware of that," Severus cut in quickly, sensing the sincere emotion in Lucius' statement and seizing a chance, "and I know that I shouldn't be so foolish as to taunt you. The last time…you came to my rooms, you left believing I had loyalties to Dumbledore. I _led_ you to think so," Severus insisted fiercely, "or at least did not defend myself adequately enough to disprove your belief. My 'betrayal' was what led you to retaliate by divulging my weakness, was it not?"

Lucius nodded guardedly.

Severus sighed with sadness. "I beg to assure you that I have _never_, and _will_ never betray you, nor would I abandon the beliefs we have ever held dear, to bend to the whims of that fool. You mean too much to me, Lucius."

Lucius' gaze narrowed for a contemplative moment, before he shifted and lowered himself to sit on the ground before Severus. "I believe you. I don't know how I was so easily misdirected."

A lesser man would have drowned long ago in his own denial.

"My loyalty is, as always, yours for the taking. I should not have let mine fall, even when I believed you had discarded your own." Lucius fell to his knees in the dust beside Severus, all beauty and dignity forgotten.

"I will **not** violate your trust again. Now let me touch you. I will _make_ you believe it."

Lucius grasped Severus' emaciated frame and wrenched it into his arms, holding Severus tight as he struggled, writhing in rabid desperation.

"NO! No…no…no…no…no…Lucius…"

The stronger man only embraced him harder, physically suppressing Snape's instinctive repulsion.

Inside the panelling there was movement for the first time as Sirius fought to escape the wooden chamber and rush to Snape's aid. Remus, however, seized Sirius' arms and watched the scene with baited breath.

A black arm flailed out from between the entangled figures and reached blindly backwards for the bookshelf, the thin fingers straining for a moment before wrenching the books from their shelves with a desperate cry.

"Argh-!" Lucius was knocked backwards as the ancient books descended upon their embrace, one catching him brutally between the eyes.

Cradling his nose, he glanced down to see blood dripping between his white fingers. His hurt gaze darted at Severus. After all that had been said, how could Severus not _trust_ him?

Snape now sat far from Lucius, pressed deep into the bookshelf. His watchful expression was one of resigned regret. Under Lucius' scrutiny, he dropped his head against the wood and moaned.

"Damn it, Lucius. Why are you never happy until one of us bleeds?"

Lucius inhaled ferociously, yanking himself off the ground and wiping his bloodied face, impassioned. His eyes blazed as he seized Severus' arm once more and hissed in his face.

"We will _both_ bleed."

Severus gasped as he was hurled to his feet. "Lucius…"

Tearing his wand from his robes, Lucius cast aside the nearby chess set with one arm and pinned Severus' hand to the low table, crushing it beneath his own.

"Lucius!" Severus' eyes were wide as he studied the larger man's face. Lucius returned the gaze to acknowledge Severus' question, which startled their hidden observers. "…Again?"

Lucius titled his head silently. Severus closed his eyes, nodding in grim and helpless acquiescence. "So, we remake the vow."

"SANGUIS FIDELIS SEMPRA!"

Lucius stabbed his wand through their joined hands.

Severus _reeled_ as Lucius' blood gushed into his wound, and Lucius lunged forward, gripping the back of Snape's neck one-handed and forcing their foreheads together in an intense connection that steadied them both against the agony.

"I swear it!" Lucius' eyes implored Severus as they burned with fierce faith.

Severus closed his own, disconsolately, against them. "I swear it."

They sank to the ground as one, their foreheads crushing together, and stayed, simply fallen, for a moment. Then Lucius lent back in release, allowing Severus' forehead to slide down onto his chest, and reached slowly across him to free their hands with a sickly sucking wrench.

Severus whimpered gently, and drew his hand in to his chest. Lucius allowed his own, bloody hand to settle upon Severus' bowed back, caressing the coarse material of his robes tentatively.

"You trust my touch _now_?" There remained a slight, sad uncertainty in his low voice; Severus was motionless for a moment, before sitting up, his face dry. He placed his injured hand on Lucius shoulder in an undeniable gesture of trust.

Lucius smiled, and reached for his ally's pale face, brushing the tousled ebony hair gently from his eyes.

"-You have to leave here, Lucius." Severus countered inevitably, although genuine concern coloured his voice. "Dumbledore is also undoubtedly searching for me. It won't be long before one of my _masters_ find me, and whichever it is, you can't afford to be here when they do."

Lucius stared, but finally nodded. "Give me your hand." He extended his own injured palm in reassurance. Severus watched it, calculatingly.

Lucius' voice was inescapably snide as they slipped into their comfortable pretence. "I know you've no wand." Severus' gaze faltered. "All I need is your hand."

As their cold palms met, their wounds healed wordlessly.

Severus gave a sharp nod of gratitude, retracting his arm. But Lucius' eyes were occupied over Severus' shoulder, flickering uneasily.

"I don't know how you stand to be alone here with the memories." Lucius shook his head - Severus knew without looking that he was watching the far corner of the room; some scenes don't pass beyond recollection. Lucius shuddered. "I was only ever watching and I find it difficult enough."

"I don't know how I'm doing it in honesty. I've avoided this place for over twenty years and still it has not forgone its old cruelties. The... **my** wand, just… _disappeared_ from my person. If it goes unfound, I don't hope to survive my next..encounter."

Lucius grimaced in understanding. Severus raised his eyebrows bleakly.

"But it's not the first of the Manor's tricks and it won't be the last. Certain…coincidences - doors jamming… gods, it's been a bloody nightmare. My father's spirit didn't leave this place with him, Lucius…and you only ever saw the very _slightest_ of his capabilities."

Lucius blanched visibly, and made a desperately thoughtless suggestion. "You should come _with_ me, Severus. I'll stop this; I've more power than you know…"

"_No_, Lucius. I know your power. And all I ask you to do, is leave."

Lucius nodded stiffly, and attempted an untouched leer. "I will do as you ask. But it's pure folly to stay here, Severus. You cannot do it for long."

He made to turn, but Severus was in front of him in a heartbeat, his long, fragile fingers frantically entwined in Lucius' shinning robes.

"Do nothing foolish! You do not dishonour the oath by protecting yourself; do not become a needless sacrifice in giving the Dark Lord reason to punish us _both_. I will convince him in time that you were mistaken and I am loyal, but never let him see you doubt yourself, Lucius. You were not the one at fault, you do not deserve it!"

"Severus -" Lucius' argument fell as he was shaken roughly by his robes.

"Tell me you will say nothing!" Severus' thin wrists shook with veiled emotion against Lucius' chest, and Lucius was touched by the sincerity of his intention.

Lucius covered the clasped fists with his hands and Severus lowered his head to hide his own vulnerability, utterly exhausted in both body and mind. Lucius rested his chin lightly against Severus' lank hair, his expression sad, filled with hopelessness, as he drew Severus' thin frame closer to him.

"We aren't the same person, Severus." Lucius murmured pensively. "You are a far better man than I. You make me look a coward, yet I will not strive to prove otherwise. You don't ask it of me. The greatest injustice I have done you, is not in betraying you myself, but in believing that you would ever betray me.

You have courage beyond words. And every time you save me, I forget more and more who you are - this person you've struggled to become - because it _isn't_ you. Nobody knows you, Severus; nobody sees who you really are. And it devastates me that you have survived the sufferings of our kind, and emerged intact, unlike we, corrupt animals, to have _I,_ alone, recognise your achievement. I, alone, care.

And on seeing the moral disarray of this monster, your state of being probably seems entirely futile. But it isn't… and don't you believe it. One day it _will_ matter and you'll be the only one of us who can stand tall."

Lucius smirked softly.

"I think I almost view you as my redemption, Severus. One last chance to respect an innocent."

"Don't mock me, Lucius," Spoke a quiet, muffled voice, "I've never been innocent."

Lucius smiled, sadly familiar with Severus' sense of realism. "Then, a violated, but worthy soul." He stroked the mussed black hair with one, firm hand and felt Severus recoil inexorably, straightening up to face Lucius and slowly withdrawing his fingertips from the silvery robes.

Lucius watched the younger man's deep silence fondly, and smiled. "I'll lie low, as you ask." He glanced towards the doorway, knowing the path through the Manor that awaited him. "You've got about thirty seconds to decide to come with me."

He brushed a hand to Severus' chin. "Think about it."

Retreating with a slight bow, Lucius burnt his eyes into Severus' dark orbs for the last time.

"Fare well, Severus. I mean it."

In a slow haze of silver, he walked determinedly from the library, leaving the door pointedly open in his wake.

Remus and Sirius studied Snape's face as he watched the man walk away. There were long, aching moments in which Severus just stared at the open door, his jaw set hard, as though bracing himself, forcing himself not to follow; willing Lucius to return, or at least for the door to disappear.

Finally he spoke, the words gliding softly from his lips into the emptiness.

"You're so very wrong, Lucius. I lost myself years ago, in my attempts to save _you_. Don't do the same, damn you. Nothing's worth it, least of all me. Your _redemption_, indeed! Bloody fool, Lucius, - I will be your **undoing**. Your one true threat… and so close that I'm invisible. My judgement day has been and gone. Nobody knows me. Nobody recognises me. Not even you."

Severus walked slowly to the door and ran his delicate fingers down the edge. Carefully, and decidedly, he closed it, letting his hand fall away.

His head swivelled suddenly sideways, and he unknowingly caught Remus' gaze through the crack in the panel, as he remembered the concealed presence of the two men.

Striding to the wall, he slid the panel and film aside, and quickly sidestepped as Sirius launched himself out of the gap, flustered and blinking furiously. Remus staggered awkwardly through the hole behind him, and stretched subtly to ease his limbs.

Sirius rode out the dizzying rush of blood to his head in the bright light, and looked around as though blessed with first sight. "Bloody hell." He nodded uncomfortably at Severus. "You all right, mate?"

Severus watched him disdainfully. Lupin interfered before Sirius could say more. "Do you want to tell us what you discussed, Severus?"

Sirius looked at Remus in surprise. Were they to pretend they had not heard?

Severus' eyes were dull and quiet. "He said little of relevance to you. Lucius will not reveal my position to the Dark Lord. We can therefore presume to be relatively safe… at least from _him_, for the moment."

Sirius fidgeted in the silence, glancing between Remus and Severus, until he could no longer contain himself. "But, what in the hell was going on out here? - One moment you seemed to be screaming, and tearing at one another's throats, the next you were clinging to each other like the world was going to end!"

"Sirius-" Remus warned in reprimand, but Severus seemed somewhat dazed; he barely seemed to have registered Sirius' aggressive outburst.

"No, I mean, why did he come? How did he find us? And since when have you two been so chummy! – That's gotta be like the weirdes-"

"Sirius!"

In his agitation, Black was unresponsive to anything but Snape, and continued to vent his caged frustration upon him. "You seemed to _hate_ him when he first entered, and then all of a sudden-…Ugh, gods! How can you stand him! Who **_is_** Lucius to you, Snape?"

Even Remus' eyes turned uneasily towards Severus for the answer.

"He is in many ways responsible for my current situation." Severus admitted with gentle detachment. "But it is difficult for me to resent a man I have used as mercilessly as I have Lucius. So often has he defended me to the Dark Lord, in earnest, whilst I have endeavoured to sabotage the missions entrusted to him. I owe him more than I shall ever admit. And he has not erased my debt with this one act of treachery."

* * *

thankyou. 


	24. IN THE WAKE

It's unravelling now...

Chapter 24: IN THE WAKE

* * *

Sirius clattered loudly about the kitchen the morning after the Lucius incident. The foul mood he had woken up in was compounded by his newly acquired headache. His surly demeanour was evident as he handed Remus tea, and set about making coffee for himself and Snape. 

It angered Sirius that the werewolf and that madman could sit staring across the table at each other in silence, _comfortably,_ like this, without the terrible awkwardness that tainted Sirius' every move.

Sirius was growing increasingly agitated by Severus' aloof and contempt-filled behaviour towards him, now that Sirius found himself genuinely concerned for the man's wellbeing. Snape was polite enough to _Remus_; Sirius had even interrupted a few decent conversations between the two of them, but Snape hadn't spoken to Sirius since their conflict yesterday, except tersely in response to questions or prompting.

There was no milk left, but Sirius preferred his coffee black, and as far as he was concerned Snape could make do. He swept sullenly back to the table, seeing Remus holding his tea cup contemplatively in his hands, whilst Severus watched in detached contentment.

"Here." Sirius barked coarsely, making Remus purse his lips, and Snape jump slightly, out of his thoughts. "Take it!" He thrust the cup into Severus' tentatively outstretched fingertips. His fingers brushed roughly against Snape's. The man snatched his hand away, and Sirius, despite admirable attempts, could do nothing to stop the cup as it hurtled towards the ground, and smashed spectacularly against the stone.

Remus covered his eyes with one hand. "Sirius…"

"SNAPE!" Sirius bellowed, fury flashing immediately in his eyes, as the coffee spread across the floor. "Will you get a grip, for cryin' out loud! What's wrong with you? I'm not goin' to attack you with a soddin' cup of coffee, am I, you bloody moron?"

"Sirius!" Remus snapped more firmly, getting to his feet and attempting to pacify the situation. "It was an **_accident_**, alright?"

"This is bloody ridiculous, Snape! What! - are you going to jus' turn on this pathetic 'phobia' whenever it's convenient? We saw you yesterday, hangin' all over Lucius _bloody_ Malfoy - the very **git** responsible for the damn state you're in – and yet this mornin' you have a fit because we brush fingertips? What in hell's name are you tryin' to pull here, Snape!"

"Sirius, enough!" Remus cried.

Sirius didn't spare him a look.

Severus had kept his eyes on the table through Sirius' vicious rant, an expression of mingled shame and understanding deadening his gaze.

Silently, he rose, gliding away from the table, unhindered by Sirius' avid stare. He lingered decisively in the doorway for a moment then murmured harshly over his shoulder.

"You are not Lucius Malfoy, _Black_. Do not wish that your fates were exchanged."

Sirius frowned, his lips parting slightly as Severus left the room. He turned indignantly to Remus, who was leant solemnly against the table.

"Is he completely mad? He thinks I'm soddin' jealous?"

"How would you explain your behaviour?" Lupin asked quietly, his countenance openly expressing his disappointment.

Sirius searched for some excuse, his arms flailing in frustration. "I'm just _pissed_ that he keeps messin' me around, when -"

"It's nothing personal, you fool - don't be so childish! He is trying to overcome his fear..."

"And he thinks I envy his twisted affection for Lucius!"

"That is not what he said," Lupin countered, his voice tired with exasperation, "only that his relationship with Lucius is as far from his relationship with _you_ as is humanly possible."

"Well, obviously -" Sirius scoffed, defensively, "we all know Lucius is a certified psychopath..."

"Aye, and what reflection does it bear on your character - that Severus has more reason to trust such a man, than he has you?"

Sirius considered this, his veins swelling painfully with self-doubt, and protested uncertainly, "There's no truth in that - he'd have reacted equally had _you_ touched him!"

"But exactly my point, Sirius. - _I_ never would have."

…. "It wasn't intentional-"

"Is that truly the case? I swear I never know with you, Sirius, - you get so consumed by your resentment, that you do not know what you do!"

"I was not thinking."

"And does that not reflect your sentiment exactly? I myself can think of nothing else whilst in his presence. Don't attempt to justify your mistakes with forgetfulness. Such ignorance could fuel Severus' taunts for years to come, were he not the unfortunate brunt of it."

Sirius cast his eyes down, shifting in irritation

Lupin sighed and shook his head. "I shall go and find him. He shouldn't have to be alone in this house on our account. I'll see you later."

Sirius said nothing.

* * *

An hour later, Sirius was still pacing the kitchen, his frustration and bitterness heightening with every stride. He didn't know what to do with himself; he was so full of anger. He hated Snape for causing this trouble, he hated Remus for always taking the other man's side, but mostly, Sirius hated _himself_ for having such conflicting emotions and for always reacting the way he did.

Catching his reflection in the spilt coffee for the eighth time, he swung open the door and strode away from the scene.

Sirius found himself becoming more and more agitated with his inability to resolve the difficult situation and subsequent tension that the three of them shared. He understood Lupin's unwavering support for Snape perfectly; Remus was trying to atone for the years in his youth when, given the opportunity, he had done nothing to defend the man.

Sirius knew it had been a source of incredible guilt for Lupin, which had only been enhanced by their traumatic sixth year experience in the shrieking shack, and which Sirius felt was entirely undeserved on Remus' part.

But Snape's close encounter with Remus' furry counterpart had been the true foundation for Lupin's continual humility and compassion. His desperate desire to be accepted and liked, and to be disassociated with the wolf, had grown far more prominent since that unfortunate episode.

What Remus simply didn't appreciate was that the only person uncomfortable with Lupin's situation was the man himself. He constantly tried to distance himself from the beast, unable to come to terms with fact that he _was_ the wolf - they shared one being, only, _Remus_ predominantly held the control, when the moon wasn't at its peak.

Sirius desperately wanted to help Remus make peace with his own existence, and put an end to his constant self-depreciation…

Sirius became painfully aware of how far his thoughts had deviated from the events of an hour or so ago, and wondered, disconcerted, whether this had been a deliberate action at his mind's behest.

Sirius had been unsettled since Remus' suggestion that he had purposely touched Snape and initiated such distress in some selfish attempt to gain physical contact. He could not but wonder whether this was true on some level, and the thought disturbed him horribly. He didn't like to think himself capable of such a malicious deed, and yet, he felt privately sure that he was.

Sirius' thoughts returned to the present and he realised that he was passing the library in which he had used the guise of a chess game to challenge Snape. Their interaction had only resulted in another sharp argument, he reminded himself.

The room was of course empty now, with Remus and Snape no doubt talking intimately in some deep corner of the mansion, Sirius fretted resentfully.

A sudden clarity hit Sirius, and he slowly raised his head. He was facing the forbidden, unopenable door at the end of the corridor, which had been the cause of his initial discrepancy with Severus.

Sirius felt himself being drawn irresistibly towards the door with no handle, failing miserably to remember Snape's cryptic reasoning against it. As he drew near, Sirius shivered undetectably inside his chest, and then stopped dead in surprise.

The door was very slightly ajar.

"My God..." Sirius breathed softly, stepping forward in surprise. "Snape?" He called cautiously into the room.

There came no reply.

Sirius considered going search of the others, but then registered that if the door had opened, one of them must be responsible.

He slid a hand into the dark crack and levered the heavy door open a little wider, before sliding his body inside silently. He hesitated in the darkness that surrounded him within, remembering that he was wandless, but, within seconds, sight stones had ignited, dotted as they were around the room, and were illuminating its contents with their harsh glow.

Sirius' mouth flew open as his sight returned.

Before him stood the most vast laboratory he had ever seen. The entire workroom was strewn with notes, and _thousands_ of potions, stacked on shelves, desks, books, floor space - any accessible surface.

Sirius gazed in awe at the sheer extent of the work that had evidently been conducted here. Taking a highly cautious step forward into the mass of littered papers, Sirius examined a row of bottled liquids, each intricately labelled and signed in a neat, precise hand, that entirely contrasted Severus' elegant scrawl.

Sirius' eyes widened. This was not Snape's workshop.

Sirius wandered warily between the bottles, marvelling at many of their titles, before an orange mixture, not bottled, but resting in an open test tube, inexplicably caught his eye.

He moved towards the beautiful mixture, avoiding the mass of equipment stacked precariously along the wall beside him.

Sirius now understood what Snape had meant – for a potions' master, the use of this room would be a cruel temptation indeed. Yet Sirius wondered why Snape did _not_ use the laboratory, and why he had thought it would be of such interest to Sirius, who had never shown any particular love for potions.

Still, the glowing orange liquid intrigued him. Upon reaching its set-up, Sirius nudged through the stacks of notes laid before it, half-heartedly attempting to discern its intended purpose.

He shuddered on observing the uniformed lines of notes. A soul had been emptied utterly into these pages.

_Not Severus'_ - he reconciled himself grimly. _His father's…?_

A stark heading caught his eye. '_Infuses Drinker with the Power to Achieve his Aims…'_

Sirius snorted gently. Who would not pay dearly for such a concoction? Especially when trapped in such an impossible situation as Sirius, unable to help a friend accept his nature, whilst failing equally to help a lost enemy regain his strength. Still, Sirius strongly suspected that in his instance the price would be too high.

Sirius shook his head; Severus would be screaming could he see Sirius at this moment. Of course, even without Snape's warning, Sirius would never have taken the potion. Despite his 'Gryffindor stupidity' – he could not imagine a more imbecilic action.

Glancing back across the sea of labour at the door, he resolved to leave; to close that door, forget its contents, and the very memory of having stolen inside… But something in the potion's shimmer again drew his attention.

He reached to touch the glass, with a mind to swirling its contents in the mainstream light.

But without warning, at contact with his fingers, the crystal imploded, and the orange engulfed his fingertips, stinging with a bite born of acid – acid which had corroded the glass during long exposure - Sirius realised, on some rational level superior to that of pain register.

Sirius felt suddenly dizzy with shock and staggered backwards, cradling one hand into the stomach of his robes. He turned and reeled across the room, lurching violently through the door that slammed shut in his wake…

* * *

Remus sighed and smiled with relief to finally catch sight of his friend in the corridor. 

"Sirius!"

The tall man turned and Remus grinned, jogging towards him.

"Where did you go? I've been looking for you everywhere!"

- "Will you relax, for crying out loud? I just went for a walk – I can't spend every sodding _second_ with you!"

Remus stepped back instinctively, and frowned in slight surprise.

"Uh…Siri, that's not what I meant… it's up to you what you do, obviously… I just thought, with everything that's happened… I was worried." He dropped his eyes, and his voice grew softer. "I wish you'd told me where you were going - that's all."

"Yeah?" Sirius leered, Well it's not my bloody fault you're so fucking oversensitive. Merlin, you'd think being a werewolf had made you emotionally _deficient_ or something – you could at least _pretend_ to be a man, you know!"

Remus shrank further from Sirius, tensing warily.

"Are you..? Si…what are you…_why_ are you -"

"Shut **up**, Remus, stop being so _pathetic_! Gods you make me sick - grow a spine for Merlin's sake!"

Remus stood up defensively straight, but his clenched fists betrayed his crumpling insides. He chose his words carefully.

"What's wrong? Why are you acting like this?"

"Oh you _simpering_ moron," Sirius snarled in disgust. "You're so damn _full_ of self-pity. You needn't even talk about your problems! – You might 'ave the good sense to be ashamed of yourself and keep 'em inside, but I still feel your constant **bloody** misery." He spat.

Sirius' face contorted into a crude, mocking mimic. " 'I have no _friends_; I've got no _money_; I can't afford decent _robes_; I'm going to **die** of hunger! I'm exhausted – being a _werewolf_ takes so much out of me!' "

Sirius snarled into Remus' mortified face. "WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTION TO SAY! 'Oh, in that case, why don't you just **EAT **US?' Ha! You'd show how much you **BLOODY** care about your 'friends' _then_!"

"How dare you…" Lupin was frozen, his voice incredibly quiet. "Your friendship has meant everything to me. I would _never_…"

"**_Yes_**. You. _Would_. And you **know** it. You have no control. You are _weak_. You'd kill us all in a second."

Sirius' repulsive leer was inches from Remus' face, as he breathed heavily, watching Remus' eyes as his words cut their wounds.

There was a silence, as Remus stared with shocked devastation into the gleeful face of his truest friend. His eyes stung with humiliation; he couldn't bear this any longer.

He couldn't believe this was real.

"Sirius." He choked. "You go too far…"

"**Bite** me, Remus!" Sirius spat quietly, and a malicious smirk passed his features as he taunted. "You know you're dying to…"

Remus jerked out of his reach, and turned, walking hurriedly away down the corridor. His composure shattered as Sirius continued to hurl abuse at his turned back.

As Remus disappeared from sight Sirius was seized by a violent shudder.

The blood in his veins pumped painfully.

* * *

ooh. :) Next chapter's my favourite! Enter harry. And snape collides with sirius….

/winks/

please review xxx


	25. The Slighter Man

Merry christmas guys! here's a little prezzie for youse...

Chaptr 25

_The Slighter Man

* * *

_

"SIRIUS! REMUS? Confound it _all_…" a shrill female voice cursed in frustration, growing muffled as withdrew her head slightly from the flames in the darkened sitting room. "Where are those boys? Anybody would think I was trying to contact them on a mere whim! SIRIUS…?"

* * *

Sirius trumped through the enormous entrance hall, tossing his head erratically about his shoulders, trying to rid himself of the sharp buzzing that nibbled the edges of his mind. 

He thought back to Remus' hurt face with stubborn glee and pride. _Finally,_ Sirius felt that he was getting through to the man - getting Remus to confront his nature and accept that he was destined to live but a half life - to embrace the wolf with all its tribulations.

A slight sound caught his ear and Sirius turned brusquely towards it. Cocking his head, he strode for the parlour door, flinging it open and striding inside. "SNAPE?"

The fire flared in the sudden draught and hissed loudly in the otherwise silent reply. Sirius grunted and threw himself into a stiff armchair, massaging his temples as a deluded ringing and the throbbing of heightened senses tormented him. A wave of lucidity ensnared him, and he realised with a sinking horror what madness it had been to reach for that potion…

"ARGH!"

Sirius leapt to his feet at this sudden roar from the fireplace. His head swam with noise as the flames swelled, and the crumpled form of his Godson was cast out onto the hearth-rug at his feet.

"Harry?" Sirius exclaimed, blinking incredulously.

"Sirius!" Harry scrambled eagerly to his feet, readjusting his glasses, and found himself drawn into a fierce hug.

"Harry! -What are you doing here! You're supposed to be…"

"- I had to see you. Is…Snape here?"

Sirius paused, frowning into his Godson's wide, imploring eyes. "Harry, - this is serious- how did you find me here?"

"I followed Professor McGonagal into her office, under my cloak - she didn't know - she's been trying to contact you for the past _hour_, Sirius! She can't leave Hogwart's with the Headmaster in London, but…Pomfrey said something to McGonagal 'bout Snape earlier, in the hospital wing and McGonagal rushed straight off to contact you; she was worried off her head!"

Harry panted hard to stay standing after this outburst, and raised his eyes desperately.

"So he **is** _here_, isn't he?" Harry demanded, "Is he here?"

Sirius narrowed his gaze. **Damn** that woman. Nothing stayed a secret for long in that bloody school. He'd have to have a severe word with _Minnie_ about her discretion. He rolled his eyes angrily - what was he thinking - she'd probably lead the boy to them on purpose…

"What is it that you want?" Sirius asked curtly, crossing his arms in an unmistakeably cold gesture. Harry looked at him in slight surprise, and continued, his enthusiasm failing.

"I…really need to tell you something…err – I mean, I need to talk to Snape… but I wanted speak to you first…"

"What is it?" Sirius asked intently, his eyes fixed on Harry, who shuffled in discomfort and enquired awkwardly again,

"Is Snape here?"

"I can't tell you where he is."

"Have you seen… h- how he's been behaving?"

"He has his reasons." Sirius retorted, defensively.

Harry stared at him for a moment, fazed by his aggressive attitude, before recovering with a start, "Y- yes, I know he does – but Sirius I… _I'm _partly responsible. I-"

" –What!"

"… - I can't stop thinking about what we did – I can't believe I was so stupid…"

"Harry, what did you – "

"I didn't know he was hurt or anything! – It was just a joke; a bad prank…"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Sirius bellowed impatiently, suddenly livid at his Godson's pathetic moping. He could feel his face turning white with anger at the prospect of Harry being responsible for the shell-like remains of Snape.

Harry backed away from his Godfather, uncertainly.

"It was an accident," he insisted quietly. "Me and…some others broke into his quarters - we just wanted to make a fool of him… to take a photograph…" His voice faded numbly. " We chained him to a wall but, he was hurt… He woke and just started… _screaming_ - he couldn't recognise us, he…he thought… Merlin, I don't know what he thought. But it was enough to drive him crazy."

Harry's head was in his hands. He did not see that every muscle in his Godfather's bloodless face was taught; a blue vein in Sirius' temple pulsed violently, and his rigid body trembled with rage.

Harry mumbled, "I can't believe I had any part in it - knowing what I do about his importance to the order and the sacrifices he's made, I just… I figured you're the only one who could possibly understand…"

Sirius' fist hit him fast in the jawbone and Harry fell hard against the wall, dazed.

* * *

"Severus?" 

"Remus." Snape nodded quietly as the werewolf entered the room.

"I'm glad to have found you."

Severus looked silently up at him, his dark eyes serious and inquisitive.

Remus shook his head futilely. "It's nothing, I… I just…" He sighed. " I was worried that Sirius might have got to you first."

Severus rose slowly from his seat in mute alarm, still watching Remus' face.

"No, no… don't be - I mean, it was most likely he was just angry with me for…"

Severus raised an eyebrow as Remus failed to think of an excuse.

"…something."

There was a silence.

"Remus. What has he said?"

Remus raised his head quickly, catching Severus' dark eyes, before immediately lowering his gaze. He gave a shake of denial. "Nothing… I just… I ran into him in the corridor and he seemed, edgy and… aggressive. It's not like him to be cruel without provocation."

Snape's eyes flickered and dulled. "Oh, really? You've never seen him do any such thing?"

Remus' expression melted into regret, and Severus closed his eyes firmly. "Uh – that's not…. Severus, I'm sorry. I know how he's behaved towards you, but… this was different, I mean… he and _I_…"

Severus raised a hand apologetically, ending the awkward struggle. "No, Remus, I am well aware of your close acquaintance. If you believe the man is acting out of character I'm hardly in a position to contradict you."

Remus nodded grimly; his brow creased. "I admit to being more than a little concerned. I mean, I know Sirius was angry this _morning_ – he has a deep temper - but it's quick to reconcile…" Remus raised his head, studying Severus discreetly, "You haven't seen him since - "

"No, not once; I thought _you_ would have returned to him, but… you say this was your only encounter?"

Remus confirmed his fears, gravely.

Severus frowned. "Where the devil has he been..? Unless…" His eyes sputtered and lost their focus as he gazed from within his thoughts. "No. Surely not, not after I… Oh, Black, you fool."

Visions of the door which could not be opened against its will swam into Severus' mind as he recalled Black's fascination with it. That room could explain everything… **_if_** Black had been lured inside.

Severus turned to look back at Remus. – "In which corridor did you collide with him?"

Remus frowned. "First floor, almost opposite the panelled library."

Severus shut his eyes in despair, "Damn you Black, you moron."

As Remus made to move towards him, the dark orbs snapped back to reality. "We must find him. For all we know he's a danger to himself, hurry Remus…"

* * *

Harry whimpered and gasped as Sirius' continual blows pounded him down and back into the wall. 

Harry struggled feebly to defend himself with his arms, but the pain just kept coming and he was still dizzy from the initial impact against his temple.

Harry breathed hoarsely in relief as Sirius relented for a moment to yank him to his feet by the front of his robes.

"You little shit!" Sirius hissed, his voice cracking with emotion. "My one chance to help Snape - to get his forgiveness – and I find _you_, my accursed Godson, hurt 'im in the first place 'cause you're too _selfish_ and **stupid** to _listen_ to the Order when we tell you he's OUR BLOODY SPY!"

There was a loud crack as he punched Harry in the head once more, utterly shattering the mangled frame of his glasses. Harry's impaired, bloody vision swam over Sirius' shoulder, and he saw darkness slip in through the door.

Sirius drew back his fist once more, but within seconds found thin fingers clawing at his arms like spiked vices, wrenching him backwards away from Harry…

"NO! NO, BLACK, YOU **CAN**NOT!" Severus pulled at Sirius' shoulders with a might born of desperation. "Not here, not in this house…You are not yourself -you **love** this wretched boy… don't do this! It's the Manor; you're possessed-"

Sirius turned suddenly, grasping Snape's thin wrists and twisting them viciously, Snape flinched and gasped involuntarily. "Stop this! Release me at once…" Sirius did not answer but smiled at the irony, as he realised that the only way to _help_ Snape… was to hurt him. "Do'nt touch me! Black… _Sirius_ - let go of me!"

Severus writhed and thrashed compulsively, but Sirius did not relinquish his biting grip, nor did he lose his smile. "Snape, when will you learn that not every touch is intended to hurt you? Not all physical contact is dangerous or terrifying. You must _learn_ to accept help from other men. Lupin and I are here to _help_ you…"

Severus bucked in fear. "Don't-"

"You are **ill, **Severus. You must harden yourself. Learn to fight _against_ your instinctive reflexes, to react will reason and _logic_."

Severus struggled to breathe in his panic, and his thoughts raced with adrenaline, seeking some route to escape. "Yes…Black, you're right. You're right, of course you're right. You know I respect reason and logic above all else. If you would only release me, we could talk…gha!" Severus winced in pain and horror as his arms were forced behind his back and he was drawn so close to Sirius that he had to fight to stop their chests from touching.

"My _dear_ Severus…" Black murmured, to a perversely intimate effect. "There are some situations…in which I know and understand your behaviour all too well. And too often have you deceived me with your…manipulations." Sirius leaned closer.

"No, please, Sirius!" A glimmer of Severus' panic now seeped into his voice tainting its quality… "Black, listen to me, you understand my circumstances – I cannot be forced! I will conquer this but… I need time to… overcome memory. You _cannot_ help me and I do not want your efforts – release me!"

Black shook his head slowly, his cruel clench tightening around Snape's wrists, causing the slighter man to cringe in pain.

"You are wrong, Severus. I _can _help you. You should not be afraid…"

"Your Godson!" Severus exclaimed suddenly, staring over Sirius' shoulder, still shaking at Sirius' forced closeness.

Sirius glanced behind him, and in that moment, seizing the unique opportunity, Snape head-butted Sirius wildly in the temple, and fled towards the door, flinging it open and rushing into the hall, as Sirius' grip weakened fleetingly.

"LUPIN!" Severus roared, his voice guttural and raw with dread as it echoed through the entrance hall, resounding in the upper corridors. Severus hesitated in despair, pleading internally with every inch of his being for a reply.

Hearing none, he attempted to bolt for the entrance doors, but was stopped abruptly by a fist in his hair, which snapped his head backwards as he tried to run.

"No Severus, do not call for aid. How can I be expected to help rid you of this bloody phobia if you attack me every time I _try_?"

"Sirius…"

Snape was hurled violently through the opposite door, and crashed into a large, heavily decrepit storeroom, sprawling gracelessly through the dust to fall against one of the huge shrouded objects. He moaned in pain, "Please, Sirius!"

"Shut up, Snape! I will _force_ you to overcome this."

Sirius swept down upon Severus' cowering form, and wrenched him upwards, thrusting his frail body sharply against the wall and pinning him there, grinding Severus' body into the wall with his weight. Sirius then slowly and maliciously ran his hands over Severus' face, neck and collar bones, as Severus trembled in shame as he lost control of himself, and overwhelmed by fear, descended into frenzied, pleading whimpers.

Sirius leered as Severus stammered; barely able to form words, so extreme was his state of terror at Sirius' forceful, invasive caresses. "S-top this, Sirius…you're ins-sane… don't realise what you're doing..?"

"I'm _help_ing you! Do you not understand that?"

"Gods, please stop, Sirius – this is _beyond_ cruelty…never have I grieved you enough to warrant _this_…" Severus' voice deteriorated into whispered pleas.

"It is what you **need** to recover-"

"It was the means of my _destruction_! Do not _lower_ yourself to this… there can be no return, Sirius!"

Sirius smiled, shaking his head at his captive's foolishness. Severus shuddered with agonised compulsion, and gagged, unable to breathe, as Sirius tore at his robes, ripping a slash across Severus' delicate collar bone and sliding his calloused hand beneath the fabric.

* * *

Lupin walked the third floor corridor deep in thought. This was in fact unexplored territory; Severus had avoided the higher floors since their arrival, and so Sirius and Remus had followed his example out of respect, however Remus felt that given Sirius current attitude, such considerations would be beyond him. 

His eyes raked the dark depressions of the corridor with detached scrutiny; his mind could think only of the hollow that Sirius' words had gouged inside his chest. As he passed a particularly grim painting of a chained Thestral, he wondered whether, to some lucky innocent, the canvas would appear empty…

Remus wondered at what age Severus had first been able to see the writhing beast.

Suddenly he tensed, listening intently; Remus thought he had heard his name being called faintly. He waited, but the call did not sound again, his eyes still on the painting, he began to retreat his steps back to the first floor.

"Severus?" Remus felt a little unnerved as he called softly down the corridors; this house really was far too large for just the three of them, it was simply becoming impractical.

Remus tried to convince himself that he had imagined that voice…

He slowly descended the main staircase into the entrance hall, lingering uncomfortably at the bottom. The great antechamber was empty, but Remus could sense something was amiss, his instincts were screaming with the wrongness of this situation. A shiver of disgust ran down his spine; Sirius' remarks rushed back to the core of Remus' thoughts. He _was_ an animal.

As he surveyed the darkened edges of the hall, he realised that the living room door on his right was slightly ajar. He moved to it, and entered cautiously. "Severus?"

A moan flickered from the darkness behind the bright, blinding firelight, and Remus retreated in shock as a figure hauled itself up the wall and slumped against the mantelpiece.

"H-help..m…"

"Harry?" Remus exclaimed in disbelief, as another pained sound from the boy brought Remus to his side, "My God, Harry," the boy's nose was bleeding profusely and his face was swelling gruesomely in anticipation of extensive bruising.

Harry clutched at his gut grasping Remus' arm with his other hand, clearly winded.

"I'll find, Sirius," Remus assured Harry, imagining how distressed the man would be to find his Godson so brutally beaten.

"NO!"

Remus stopped in surprise, staring at Harry, who swallowed gingerly, "H-he did this to me." Harry's grip on Remus' arm intensified, tightening painfully. "Snape stopped him, but S-Sirius went after him…You must help him…I don't know what Sirius'll do…"

Remus stared at Harry, wide-eyed with incomprehension, but believing the urgency in Harry's eyes. "Where did they go?"

Harry shook his head in pain and despair. "P-please…"

Remus nodded quickly. "Will you be alr-?"

"-I'll be _fine_, please..!" Harry pushed Remus towards the door, and staggered sideways against an armchair.

Remus turned and ran back into the hall, where he hesitated, flailing in circles as his eyes scanned all the surrounding doorways in mounting panic. Severus could have fled in any direction…

As Remus made for the nearest room, a dull crash thudded through a door across the hall, and he twisted on the spot starting towards it.

Remus burst through the door to see Sirius deliver a brutal punch to Severus' abdomen, before catching him in a savage kiss and crushing him backwards against a sheeted object. Remus stood, horrified, not believing what he was seeing.

As Sirius snatched again at Snape's robes, tearing them further across his bruised chest, Severus' body spasmed violently and he began to retch uncontrollably.

"SIRIUS!" Remus launched forward frantically, seizing his friend's shoulder and wrenching him away from Snape's contorted form, screaming at Sirius to stop.

Remus staggered backwards as Sirius elbowed him in the jaw. Sirius ensnared Severus' emaciated waist and dragged him to his feet with little resistance, weak as Snape was with fear.

As he pinned Severus' body back against the object with his hips, Remus realised he had to take more drastic action.

Sirius was already forcing himself single-mindedly upon Severus' trembling form as Remus snatched the brass table-leg of a broken stand from the ground and steeled himself to hit Sirius with it.

Remus lunged forward to strike Sirius' head, but Severus' fingers had been grasping desperately at the sheeted object behind, twisting in the material, and at the most inopportune moment, the sheet slipped from its quarry, revealing the object for what it truly was.

A mirror.

Remus froze; his face twisted in horror as his eyes met Sirius' in the reflecting glass, and he realised that Snape had inadvertently exposed his position.

Sirius' eyes turned cold with resolve.

Remus panicked and attempted to finish his original attack with a cry, but the animagus was too fast for him, turning, catching Remus' arm and twisting it viciously to release the brass rod into his outstretched hand. Remus tensed fearfully, his eyes on the raised weapon. "Sirius-" he pleaded.

The bigger man swung powerfully at him and Remus ducked, shielding his head desperately. "Sirius! It's me! It's _Remus_-" but his protests were cut short as Sirius re-established his aim and this time hit his target.

Remus was smashed to the ground, reeling in horror as he watched Sirius raise the brass bar again. Sirius sneered.

"I know well who you are, _Moony_. Glad to see that you're keeping control of the wolf as you claimed to be! Attacking your friends? Nice touch. I swear, you make me sick, you disgusting animal…" The candlestick crashed down upon Remus' unprotected head again.

Darkness swam before Remus' eyes and he gasped, choking, unable to lift his head from the floor. "Please..." His head rolled helplessly to one side and in his blurred vision, Remus watched a black shadow advancing upon Sirius from the left.

"You know, Remus," Sirius' ponderous voice turned unexpectedly soft, "in all the years I have known you, I have never felt this way before – it's as though being in this house has suddenly opened my eyes!"

Remus closed his eyes bitterly against tears, "Yes, Sirius, that's exactly what it's done. Even in your state of delusion you have realised it- "

"Then I must've finally _grown_ as a person!" Sirius leered aggressively, his tone converting to its former roughness, "After your prolonged pleading for me to be more _mature_ in my dealings with Snape! Well, when I'm done with him, we'll see what happens – I'll _force_ him to overcome this; he can't escape me now." Sirius tilted his head in mock compassion, swinging the bar above his head, "Sadly, _Moony_, you'll not be here to see how it ends. "

"NO!" - Sirius was shoved from Remus' line of sight as a darker man careered into the frame, throwing himself wilfully against the burly shoulders. The force threw both of them to the ground, where they rolled frantically over and over one another, the table leg disguarded in the fray. As they hit the wall, by some happy twist of fate, Severus emerged on top, gripped in a sudden seizure of passion.

As Sirius snarled, reaching for Severus' throat, Severus sank his fist into his temple with all his might, gripping the front of Sirius' robes to steady himself with a desperate fervour.

"I _hate_ you!" Severus spat blindly, his voice cracking with emotional hysteria; his fist crashing blow after blow into Sirius' face. "It has been _so_ long since I could _possibly_ have caused you the slightest of offences and still you seek to wreak nothing but havoc and cruelty upon my existence!" His tear stricken face was disfigured with loathing, and as Sirius lost all consciousness, Severus took to frantically shaking him by his robes, pitiful in his own distress. "I wish you were dead, you bastard, I wish you had _died_, I wish I had not been so utterly _terrified_ of you as to kill when I had the chance!"

Severus wiped his face with one hand, forcing himself to take deep, laboured breaths.

"But you can't touch me now, _father_."

He struck at Sirius' chest with one final, feeble, _needed_ blow.

"You won't ever touch me again."

Silence descended into the dust of the lofty room. Exhaustion overcame Severus, and he collapsed onto Sirius' chest, closing his eyes in this last release, and burying his face in the shoulder of the man his father had effectively pitted him against.

Remus watched from where he lay on the stone floor.

A feeling of closure overcame him and he breathed with a sudden emptiness; a weight missing from the depths of his heart. He almost smiled slightly at the sight of his friends' prone forms, as Severus' breathing calmed at last, and his chest began to rise in perfect harmony with Sirius'.

A moan escaped from the back of Remus' throat as he attempted to get to his feet, and Severus' head rose from its nested position in the cusp of Sirius' neck, and he opened his eyes. In moments he was standing over Remus, having gathered his torn robes around himself, and under the pressure of Remus' deep brown eyes he did something unprecedented.

Severus offered Remus his hand.

Remus took it without hesitation, and Severus pulled him gently to his feet. Their eyes locked, and in a shared moment, made somehow more powerful by the dizzy pounding of blood in Remus' ears, they recognised the significance of such an action.

Neither of them broke the contact, and to Remus' amazement, a rarer occurrence followed. Severus smiled at him.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER 

- PLEASE FEEDBACK WITH ANY IDEAS ABOUT HOW YOU'D LIKE THIS FIC TO END AND SPECIFIC STUFF/ REMINDERS OF WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE RESOLVED! THANKYOU xxx

_Incidently, anybody who maintains that the events of the HBP proves that Severus has returned to Voldemort is either a fool, or did not read the HBP. No offense. ;-)_

_Not only did Hagrid tell Harry of a conversation between Snape and Dumbledore in which he overheard Snape telling Dumbledore that his latest request demanded too much of him and that he could not bring himself to go through with it (Dumbledore replied that Snape had promised to do it – to complete Malfoy's assignment through the Unbreakable curse that Snape had taken to prove his loyalty to Bellatrix, a favourite of the Dark Lord - and therefore had no choice). But it also makes SO MUCH SENSE as a tactical move._

_-Dumbledore was going to be killed by Voldemort in one way or another, even if he could have gained a little more time, it would have meant Voldemort killing Malfoy, and I believe that Dumbledore truly wanted to save Malfoy from having to commit murder, and thus falling inescapably into the footprints of his father_

_- It was the ultimate way in which to prove snape's loyalty to Voldemort, thus strengthening his position as a spy (I believe that in later books, snape will pass information anonymously to the order until he regains their trust)_

_- If malfoy's assignment had not been completed with snape's help, snape would have been murdered under the terms of the Unbreakable curse, and the order would have lost their only spy – their most powerful weapon against voldemort._

_And when snape initially took the unbreakable curse he was bluffing about knowing the true nature of Malfoy's mission, and simply trying to consolidate the trust of his fellow death eater's in his loyalty to their cause._

_cough cough , sorry, bit of a rant just happened! I just feel very strongly about these things :-)_

_Oh and also, didn't everybody think that the description of where snape was living in spinner's end was SO SAAAAAD and endearing? Poor guy. I love him!_

_-I WILL UPDATE MY OTHER STORY V. SOON, PLAEASE CHECK OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS. I MAY ALSO POST A FEW SHORT SEV SKETCHES / ANGSTY INTERACTIONS..._

_THANKYOU!_


	26. TURNING POINT

TURNING POINT

* * *

Remus sat down at the rounded table kitchen table. The sunlight streamed across the face of the drawn man opposite him, highlighting his firm bruises as he gently lifted the teapot from its stand and poured two cups.

"Hello."

There was a silence in which Remus nodded his thanks. Severus' dark eyes studied the features of his long awaited ally for a moment.

"How's your head, Remus?"

Remus grinned slyly. "As well as can be expected. And not as painful as your face by the looks of it."

"My face is fine, my _back _bloody hurts though. It seems I kept getting…_thrown_ against things…"

Remus made a show of suppressing another grin. "Quite."

"Is the boy to be alright?"

Remus laid his elbows upon the table, considering the matter in a strangely detached manner. "Do you know, I think he will? Harry is…remarkably resilient. He seemed perfectly prepared to understand that Sirius was magically intoxicated; that he would never consciously behave the way he did-"

"Is…that the truth?"

Remus paused serenely, recalling Sirius' character. "I think it _is_, where Harry is concerned."

Severus' calm eyes watched the relaxed expression on Remus' face, and believingly, he nodded; unconscious of the illuminating effect that the early morning light had on his swollen his features. "The boy was not overly traumatised, I trust?"

"Less so than you might hope, in truth. It's almost sad…his loyalty to Sirius just makes everything worse somehow. It shows his own desperation to hang on to him; demonstrates how few people Harry feels he can trust unconditionally. If only it had been you or I that attacked him."

Severus arched an eyebrow in surprise, but Remus continued before he could be interrupted. "Harry doesn't deserve to have his relationship with _Sirius_ tinted with violence. It's as much of a violation as he experienced with his muggle guardians."

"Children are most forgiving creatures. Rest assured, Potter will reconcile himself, Remus. What about Black?"

The unspoken foreboding was there. Sirius was not a man who would make such a discovery lightly. There could be serious repercussions.

"I don't know what he'll do. I don't know whether he'll remember what happened when he wakes up, and if he doesn't…I don't know that we should even tell him. This will tear him apart." Remus shook his head, staring at his fingers, stretched out on the table before him. "I keep asking myself…what if Sirius had killed Har- "

"Don't do that, Remus. Don't let your mind conjure such thoughts. That potential catastrophe was averted and is unlikely to arise again."

Remus stood in sudden agitation. "I cannot help but think what an unlucky coincidence it was that Harry collided with _Sirius_ on his very arrival! I mean, in a mansion of this size -"

Severus leant forwards, cutting Remus off with conviction before the man's frustration could escalate further. "Certain things _resonate_ within a house. When I walked in upon the scene, I almost believed that I had foreseen its eventuality. I cannot conceive of a more suitable way in which those ghosts could have manifested themselves. Harry and Sirius were perfectly positioned, to their own unsuspected misfortune."

Remus shook his head despairingly. "Thank God you intervened. At least you were able to draw Sirius away…"

Severus shifted in his seat, with a self-depreciative snort. "I assure you I was not thinking in such terms at the time."

Remus raised his eyes seriously. "Don't put yourself down. You handled yourself astonishingly well, Severus- "

"_Remus_, we both know that if you hadn't arrived I'd have succumb to my own panic. You overstate my strength."

"No I don't." Remus responded coolly, leaning heavily on the table as he bent low across it to address Severus. "Not for a minute. You're an impossible man to overestimate. And you demonstrated that once more last night; you cannot deny that something changed. You regained control last night, Severus. You were able to overcome your instincts and see to Sirius as I tended Harry, and I saw you _sleep_, I mean really sleep soundly last night. Amount it up to sheer exhaustion if you will, but do you really think your mind would have let you sleep if you were not feeling safer…feeling more confident in your emotional capabilities?"

Severus stared upwards from his furrowed, pensive brow, into Remus' fervent brown eyes, disquieted by the truth in his words.

Severus had successfully steeled himself to remain alone with the unconscious Black last night, as Remus had returned to Harry's aid, and stemmed the bleeding gashes to Sirius' left eye and nose that he himself had inflicted. Severus had then returned to the study in which Remus was still talking at great lengths with Minerva, having sent Harry back to Hogwart's in so terrible a physical state, and Severus had actually _fallen asleep _in an armchair behind Remus only to awaken hours later to find himself alone and snug beneath a heavy blanket.

Severus could not remember when he had last relaxed his guard in company to such a remarkable and compromising extent.

Severus lowered his eyes, tilting his head in silent acquiescence to Remus' words.

"You're a fighter, Severus... Voldemort himself hasn't gauged your strength."

Remus noticed in the long moments afterwards, that Severus did not raise his head, and wondered, in astonishment, whether the private man had not been overcome by some powerful emotion at his words.

He lowered himself back into his seat at the table, watching Severus' bent head.

When the dark eyes finally resurfaced, there was no trace of what Severus had sought to conceal in them. He was not unaware of Remus' attention.

"Did you sleep yourself, last night?"

Remus started slightly. "Uh…yes," He smiled, "I caught a few winks. I had a lot of explaining to do to Minerva, she'd apparently been trying to contact us for _hours_ before Harry showed up here, she was panicked by something Poppy had said, but couldn't leave the school in Dumbledore's absence. She was horrified to discover that Harry had gained access to us via _her_ office! "

Severus frowned once more. "Did he mention why he was _trying_ to find us?"

Remus open his mouth, but then hesitated, unsure of exactly how to proceed. "Uh…y-es." He decided to be honest. "That is… Minerva was able to enlighten me. In light of Harry's injuries, I didn't ask him myself before sending him to Poppy."

Severus waited, increasingly aware of Remus' unease.

"And?"

Remus grimaced gently. "I…that is to say…it's really not my place to tell you, Severus."

Severus stared. His face blackened bitterly at the thought of his being mistrusted once more. "I see."

"I think you need to hear it from Harry directly."

Severus' expression changed sharply. "He came here to see _me_?"

"Indeed."

"Well. That is…unexpected." Severus understated softly.

"Indeed." Remus repeated quietly. "He has good reason though. I'd suggest you find him, once we return to Hogwart's."

Severus' head snapped upwards and Remus started. Severus lowered his eyes again, attempting to lessen the impact of his former reaction. "Do you mean… I _will _be allowed to return to the castle?"

There was a moment of stunned silence on Remus' part, before he exclaimed vehemently. "Of course! What had ever given you the impression otherwise?"

"I…I just thought that this might have been a convenient opportunity to have me removed."

"Who would want you _removed_?"

"I…I had thought perhaps….Dumbledore-"

"-Dumbledore?"

"He seems to think me unstable…he is always trying to convince me to give up my responsibilities within Hogwart's, to admit that I need help…"

"The Headmaster is deeply concerned for your _well-being_, Severus! He wants you to help _yourself_ by releasing some of the unnecessary pressure steeped upon you! He only acts out of affection for you…not out of misgiving."

Severus wrapped his fingers around his hot teacup, steadying himself. He stared into it's depths. "I am not so sure. But…perhaps I have been reading too far into his actions. You see, this past year…I have been doubting my _own_ ability to continue in this. There have been points at which-" He broke off. He shook his head, keeping his eyes shielded.

Remus did not need him to continue. He sighed almost imperceptibly with sadness. "Severus- "

"Where's Black? Did you return to see him last night?"

Remus was taken aback at this sudden change in tone and topic. Clearly Severus had decided he did not want to discuss his problems further.

"I just left him on the floor actually." Remus said simply, trying to raise a smile from Severus. "I was too tired to move him. I gave him a blanket, and a pillow. Still, he'll be a bit stiff when he wakes up. I…thought it would be best to let him sleep as long as possible, else I would have woken him earlier. We need to let the potion wear off. Plus it's not like he has anything but unpleasant recollections awaiting him when he wakes up."

"_He _is awake."

Severus and Remus leapt to their feet at the voice from the doorway. Neither of them moved, unsure of what to expect. Sirius gave a grim nod, and moved further into the room, his eyes roaming the walls, unable to quite meet their gazes. His left eye was very swollen, and slightly bloodied. His nose also seemed a little wider than usual.

"It's…okay. It's me an' everything-" He stopped, his eyes finally alighting on Severus' pale face, still bearing the vicious marks of last night's beating. "Shit." Sirius inclined his head imploringly at Severus, and ran a hand roughly through his hair in agitation. His face contorted and he gasped in sudden pain, clenching his fist as he inadvertently contacted his busted left eye.

Remus heard what was unmistakeably a sad snort of laughter from beside him. He turned, and a slight, incredulous smile crept welcome across his face. Severus' eyes were smiling at the spectacle of Sirius with a mixture of ironic mirth and sympathy, and as Sirius caught his expression, he raised his eyebrows in amazement, allowing a tentative smile to grow uncertainly across his face, disbelieving.

Severus walked from the table, heading for the door, and clapping a hand firmly on the shoulder of a stunned Sirius as he passed. "Have some tea." Sirius just gaped at him, then turned his astonishment upon Remus, who merely shrugged with an impish grin. Severus hesitated just outside the room, one splayed hand still grasping the doorframe. "Do you know, I think you were right, Remus? Something did change last night. Would either of you object to our leaving this place today?"

Sirius and Remus looked swiftly at one another, raising their eyebrows. Sirius' mouth was still slightly open. Then, simultaneously, they turned back to Severus, grinning.

"Nope."

* * *

"Remus!"

Sirius and Remus turned to look back down the corridor. Severus stood at it's end.

He shifted withperceptible concern. "Where are you going?"

Remus glanced uncertainly at Sirius, before stepping forwards slightly. "We were just going to get the campbeds that Dumbledore lent us. We didn't think we should return without them."

Severus nodded cagily; Remus felt himself frowning.

"Alright." Severus accepted at length. "I'm going to the downstairs library...there are some books there that I…" He lowered his head, embarrassed. "Well, I would never have returned for them otherwise, but as we're here…"

Remus hesitated, not understanding the problem. Then he forced an agreeable nod. "Okay..?"

"I just…wanted to ask..." Severus looked about him uncomfortably,"Will you not leave without me?"

"Oh," Remus grasped, relieved, and nodded, "Of course. We wouldn't do that."

Severus nodded, looking less tense. "Alright. It will only take me a moment, I know which books I'm looking for, so...I'll meet you upstairs?"

"Yep, sounds good." Sirius confirmed, turning away already, "Come on, Moony."

Remus turned hesitantly to follow, pulling his eyes from Severus, who watched as they walked away.

* * *

"Oh bloody hell, I can't _do_ this!" Sirius groaned, wrenching at the unyielding campbed. "Blasted thing!" He kicked at it unhelpfully.

Remus sighed in amusement. "Sirius! I've _got_ this, why don't you go and drag the other beds in here. We'll fold them all up together."

"Fine." Sirius sighed, striding next door and snatching his light campbed up from the floor, stowing it under his arm. Leaning back through the door of Remus' room, he tossed it carelessly inside. "One!"

Sirius heard Remus' outraged exclamation as he strode down the hall to where Severus had slept. "Oh, for crying out _loud_, Sirius!"

"You're _welcome_!" Sirius bellowed back over his shoulder with a grin.

He opened the door and crossed the darkened room. As he turned with the campbed beneath his arm, he froze, horrified, and let it slip from his grasp with a crash.

"_REMUS_!"

Along the hall, Remus looked up from dismantling Sirius' campbed as he heard the scream. "**What**?" He leapt over the tangle of metal and swung out into the hall. "Sirius?"

A blue flash burst from Severus' room, the magical surge knocking Remus back slightly.

"SIRIUS!" He yelled, terrified, but running towards the flash regardless.

As he hurtled into the room, he stopped short, coming face to face with a stocky, unshaven man with coarse, grey and black streaked hair and a thick, hooked nose.

Remus' eyes flitted to the corners of the room: Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

In Remus' moment of hesitation, the man flicked his wand silently, and with a blinding blue flash, and a sinking, tingling sensation, Remus felt himself becoming hopelessly immaterial. As Remus felt the spell's energy engulf him, Sirius suddenly appeared to him, and Remus watched, gaping, as the apparition of Sirius cast himself at the burly, smirking man again and again, with no consequence whatsoever.

Sirius' body simply accommodated the other's for a moment, before slipping fluidly through the solid. The look of fury and sheer frustration on Sirius' face, as he turned to reface the intruder each time, was a sight to behold.

All of a sudden, from the very corner of his eye, Sirius realised that Remus was staring at him, and turned, panting, towards him, stepping forwards cautiously.

"Can you hear me, Remus?"

Remus struggled to make his voice work. "Yes."

"Oh, thank Merlin, I thought I'd be lost like this forever! I tried to warn you…to stop you entering, but you couldn't hear…I'm so sorry, Remus…"

Remus' eyes fled fervently back to the man who stood flexing his wand arm with a smirk of glee on his face. His attention was on the door, waiting.

"My God." Remus breathed, inaudibly.

Sirius looked at Remus, his eyes wide and muscle taut in his cheek. "That's him. That's him, isn't it?"

Remus was unable to answer. He could not wrench his eyes from their mark.

"Remus." Sirius tried to regain his attention firmly, "Remus!" His hand flew out, but merely sank intangibly through Remus' shoulder.

"What?" Remus' voice sounded dead.

"Listen to me. We've got to do something! We can't let Severus walk in here. Can you hear me? Damn it, Remus, come on!"

"-Sirius," Remus did not even move to look at him. "Don't you understand? There is nothing we can _do_. We've been rendered _non-existent. _These are the darkest strands of magic.

We cannot help him. We cannot _save_ Severus." An odd look possessed his features. "He always said we would be unable to…in the end."

Sirius at his long-time ally in sharp disbelief. Then he was overcome by a more desperate anger even than before, and strode past Remus, moving through the wall into the corridor without looking back.

Whizzing along to the end of the corridor, Sirius stood still, feeling horribly disoriented in his immaterial state, and listened desperately. He thought he heard footsteps to his left and hurriedly pursued the sound.

He found Severus walking up a small back flight of stairs towards their makeshift bedrooms. There were a number of ancient, well-read books in his arms, and he was hugging them close to his thin body, clearly demonstrating his deep affection for them.

There was an aura of control and a pride in the way Severus held himself that had not been exhibited since Sirius' first glimpse of Severus in Dumbledore's office. Sirius exhaled in desparation at the idea of Severus being forced to lose these cherished qualities again so soon.

"SNAPE!" Sirius hollered desperately, waving his hands in front of, and indeed _inside _Snape's face with frantic velocity. Snape just kept walking, deep in thought, his eyes lowered with peaceful composure. "SNAPE! **Oi**! Come _on_, you GIT! PLEASE!"

Sirius jogged along in front of Severus keeping up a constant pleading tirade, to provoke any sort of awareness of Severus' part. "I thought you were supposed to be hyper_-sensitive _to magic, or whateverCome_ on! _Show some of that emotional awareness **now** - I'm trying to help you, Snape!"

Sirius stopped, dropping his arms and exhaling in disillusionment, "Oh, Severus, _please_.."

Severus walked through him.

Sirius shook his head in despair and turned to catch up, but was forced toleap backwards: Severus had stopped in his tracks and was staring at the spot where Sirius had passed through him, bracing his books protectively.

Sirius stood frozen in anticipation, his eyes were wide and a tentative smile of hope spread across his features as Severus' eyes studied the area, a look of great seriousness on his face.

"_Yes_…" Sirius breathed in excitement. "Listen! It's someone's here: he's here. I don't know how or why..or even how long he's been here, but he's here now and you **must**…"

Snape turned away and kept walking, giving no sign of response.

Sirius started, "Damn it!"

He ran through Snape's back to stand in front of him, and again Severus stopped, his features contorted in discomfort at the sudden influx of magical energy. Sirius clenched his fists in anxiety and held them out before him, waiting on Severus' next action.

Severus looked directly into his face, and Sirius' heart _leapt_. Severus' mouth fell open slightly and he murmured, "This is not good." His expression changed abruptly into one of fear. "Sirius…"

"_YES_! Thank _Merlin_!" Sirius exclaimed in ecstasy, . "Listen Sev-"

"Remus…" Severus whispered again, and Sirius broke off uncertainly, realising his hopes had been unfounded.

He closed his eyes in misery and hung his head as Severus rushed through him once more and hurried along the hall, grasping his books as he made for the sleeping rooms.

"Damn it, Remus. Why are you _always_ right when I least want you to be." He stared over his shoulder as Severus disappeared into the next corridor, callinghis name,and Remus', opening and closing doors in succession as he searched.

"I can't help him."

* * *

AsSirius entered back into Severus' room through the wall, he met Remus hovering directly behind the dark intruder, who was leaning calculatingly against the wall, eyes stillfixed on the door. As Severus' calls grew increasingly frantic, and he could be heard nearing the room, a vicious leeroverpowered theman's thickfeatures.

Remus looked pale and sickened, disgusted by the other's obvious enjoyment of Severus' panic. He lowered his head slowlyas Sirius approached him, and a silence ensued.

Remusspoke, lifelessly, at last.

"You could not deter him?"

Even as he asked the question, Severus' searching cries could be heard through the door.

Sirius shook his head. His eyes now shared the deadened, crushed emotion that Remus' had exhibited from the moment he had first grasped the entirety of their situation.

"I'm _sorry_, Sirius. Please don't think that I did not want you to succeed."

Sirius did not turn his eyes from the door. "I can't believe what we're about to watch happen." He could feel his breathing fluctuating nauseatingly. "I don't know if I can do this, Remus…"

"It's all my fault." Remus' voice rang cold.

Sirius stared slowly at him.

"Look at his fingers, Sirius. He's holding my wand."

Sirius felt a dead weight plunge down upon his chest.

"Remus?"

The door clicked open, and Severus stood highlighted in the doorway, his thin twisted at the books in their clutches as his eyes searched the room anxiously. Sirius and Remus felt their hearts flutter in agony as they watched Severus step unsuspectingly into the room, unable to see the powerful man, standing as he was in his blind spot.

"Sirius?" Severus called hesitantly. Neither Remus nor Sirius could move to his aid; theymerely viewed him silently from beneath troubled brows, beseeching his immediate retreat..

There was a slight shift in energy and Severus suddenly spooked, backing away, before turning fast. As he stepped through the doorway a flame of fire erupted in his path, and he jerked backwards, tossing his body round to protect his face, and staggering almost to his knees. He turned in his crouching position, to look back at his precious books. They burned brightly, cracklingon the ground where they had fallen. Jets of dark smoke bled from their ancient covers.

Remus and Sirius had flinched backwards instinctively at the sudden burst of light and heat, and now as they recovered themselves, they saw the man approaching Severus' unaware, crouching formfrom behind.

They knew Severus had not seen him; his focus was still seized by the flames; the manwas moving closer and closer, his fingers clenching and flexing nastily.

Just as Sirius was about to close his eyes, there came a low voice from the man huddled at the ground.

"So you are here…father."

* * *

END OF CHAPTER

I'm _so_ excited about the last two chapters, you guys are going to love'em :)I know how this is all gonna end now. -I can't wait!

Lucius, Harry, Minerva, and Albus will reappear before the end…


	27. Somehow smaller?

SMALLER

* * *

"_Severus_. It's been so long." Severus tensed in his crouching position, as his father's sharp footsteps approached him from behind. "I'd almost feared you wouldn't know me." 

The fire of Severus' precious books burned deep in his black eyes. "Such mindless cruelty. It gives you away, father."

"_Insolence_, Severus? That is less than I expect of you. I will see to it that you _lose_ that unbecoming trait before the evening is out."

"Where are they?"

"Of whom do you speak?"

"Of the werewolf and the pureblood that brought me here!"

"Ah, _they _have been...banished. You'll not be seeing them again." The sneering man moved to stand between his son and the flaming books. Severus recoiled at the sudden closeness of the man's powerful body, outlined by flames, but still he did not look up to meet his father's gaze.

"You hold a wand. A _recent _acquisition, father? I vividly recall your last being snapped by the aurors-"

"Naturally you _would_." The older man conceded, with an unpleasantly disingenuous, indulgent tone. "However, I considered it no less than my duty to remove this wand from the claws of that…werewolf. Such abominations should not be granted _life_, let alone power. To imagine the extent of pollution in the wizarding world, that it should find me _here_!" His pitiless eyes fell back upon Severus' bowed head, and his lip contorted in a sneer of disgust. "But then again, I should have known I could depend upon you to besmirch and smear shame upon my ancient name and legacy."

Severus coughed a broken laugh. "What _legacy_, father? Am _I_, the child that never failed to dishonour you, not the only pathetic proof that you ever existed - ?"

There was a blinding flash and an unworldly scream of pain that pierced Sirius and Remus to the very core, leaving them gasping, mortified, in shock. Neither could imagine what silent incantation had inflicted such anguish upon Severus, but the sordid, sated smile upon his father's face as he released Snape from his torment brewed such a fury in Sirius' that for a moment he imagined he could feel blood pounding through his intangible veins.

"To think that you dared to bring those blood traitors to this house!" The father seemed oblivious to the fact that Severus was not even responding to his words, lying stunned and spread-eagled, recovering from the agony as tremors wracked his emaciated body, and he struggled to raise himself from the ground. "This ancient, pure, _heart_ of wizardry! It is a violation."

"_Father_…" Severus pleaded hoarsely. "It was beyond my choice-"

"Weakness beyond words! You are the very epitome of all that I _abhor_. You have been nothing but a source of shame to me from your youngest age. Something within you has always been _unsound_. You were a worthless child, _Severus_; your very existence demeaned us all, and your public behaviour was inexcusably derisory, with your pathetic, _laughable_ intolerance of company and your sheer inadequacy in dealing with all social situations that did not permit you to _skulk_ and cower beneath your _greasy_-"

"_Stop_!" Severus staggered to his feet, his face contorted in distress, the anguish in his eyes unlike any Sirius or Remus had seen there before, something deeper, something older, some ingrained pain that would never be dispelled. "Father, _how_ can you imagine that my social behaviour was ever anything other than a direct result of the way you treated me? The things you did… I couldn't…" Severus faltered, shaking his head, unable to elaborate. "You destroyed me, father, I could have been everything you wanted, but your base _gratification_ was more important to you!"

Forgetting in his fury the wand he had acquired after so many years of deprivation, Snape's father merely lunged for his son, and swung his fist with enough power to backhand Severus' fragile body into the wall.

"You would attempt to blame _me _for your terrible shortcomings of character -!"

"I will not be blamed for your sick mistakes!" Severus shouted, quivering at his own daring, as he scrabbled at the wall to remain upright, blood trickling down his chin, and feeling his breathing grow erratic as his father glared at him in disbelief. "It could not have been **so** difficult to foresee what consequences your actions held for my future, _father_! ... I could have lived another life."

The larger man drew himself to his full height, brandishing his wand ferociously in outrage. "Who would have raised you if not I? I did not _choose_ you, Severus. You were a burden I need not have bourn; I showed mercy in not killing you outright, being the rat that you were!"

"DO YOU THINK I DID NOT PRAY FOR DEATH? You did but indulge your own _malice_ in keeping me alive!"

"I gave you your purity, you ungrateful wretch, you will _not _pass me the responsibility for your utter failure as a wizard!"

"Whom else could I blame for my _childhood_? You killed my mother!"

"Don't delude yourself! **You **brought her more trouble than she'd ever dreamed of! She had more reason to hate you than anybody - "

"To her I was a raven..." Severus snarled in anguish. "What name could you give me, father. Your _whore_?"

"CRUCIO!"

As Severus' body warped and contorted, collapsing against the wall and ricocheting to the ground, wracked with spasms, Sirius swore violently beside Remus, and lashed out viciously with his intangible limbs, muttering curses in intolerable frustration.

Finally Snape's father lifted the curse, his lips drawn back hideously to reveal a snarl of loathing. Released from his torture, Severus rolled slowly and defensively onto his side, curling in upon himself to gather his strength, as his father advanced, twirling his wand between his fingertips.

"One more outburst like that, _Severus_, and I **will **kill you."

Severus coughed blood from his bitten tongue, and struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on the wall. "So kill me... You think death could matter to me now, father? I have prepared myself to die every day for the last twenty years..."

"No, indeed." A savage grin spread across his father's face. "Death cannot touch you, Severus. There was only ever one way…to touch you."

The life drained from Severus face and he slumped backwards against the wall. His voice was slow and weak, as he managed, "Father…no…"

"As spineless as ever you were. To think I had hoped you'd better yourself! But nothing is different. You've not changed in the slightest, _Severus_."

Smirking, keeping Remus' lost wand trained on Severus, Snape's father slowly began to unbutton his extensive outer robe. It was an unnecessary gesture; he could have spelled the material open in a moment, but this was evidently a technique to instil fear within Severus. It did not fail in its intention.

"How wrong you are father," Severus' voice was almost inaudible, his eyes glazed over as he sank hopelessly down the wall to the ground. "You know nothing of my life now. _You _are no longer my overriding fear, I live amid such a feast of horrors that I do not know in which direction to erect my defences. The pressures I am under are almost enough to crush me in themselves, but there are other…factors."

Severus' face crumpled and he shook his head in shame, lowering his eyes from his father's deliberate undressing and the impending implications thereof. His voice was painfully beseeching to Remus and Sirius as they stood invisible and helpless.

"You saw my condition on arrival here, father. I _know_ you did, it was what inspired you to set up Black. I do not understand what you aimed to achieve in doing that - to imagine that I might consider Black capable of assaulting me like that of his own accord is laughable! No matter what enmity existed between us in the past, it takes a certain type of man to _rape_ another. Sirius is not of that kind."

The older Snape raised a challenging eyebrow; he remained unruffled by his son's accusations. He had finished the long trail of buttons on his robes, and now, eyes fixed on his son, he slowly shed the heavy material from his shoulders. Severus recoiled, writhing back against the wall, the pace of his voice increasing in panic, as he continued his pleading.

"Father...you stated it so plainly yourself, I have never been admirably sound! I am not even so strong in mind as I once was..." The older Snape descended upon his son with a silent sneer. Severus' eyes widened desperately as he thrashed away from his father's outstretched hands. "I could not withstand it..._please_, father! It will break me... I cannot afford to descend into madness; I already walk a fragile line in the opinion of those who control me! I'll locked away…" The imploring look on Severus stricken face was wasted on his father, but the impact it was having upon Remus and Sirius was devastating. "Father..._please_...?"

"What ever makes you think you'll _leave _here again?"

Severus crumbled as, inside, he gave up on any chance of escape; in their hearts, both Sirius and Remus found they too had lost all hope. How cruel fate was, that on this final opportunity for Severus to confront his father, despite the valiant and much needed verbal attacks waged against his destroyer, Severus was so incapacitated in both spirit and power as to be inevitably beaten down.

"There is such a flaw in your logic, father..." Severus whimpered, almost compassionately, so consumed by helpless frustration that his eyes shone with unshed tears.

---To Sirius' disgusted surprise and incomprehension, as the older man descended upon him, Severus outstretched his delicate, long-fingered hands, and clasped his father's face, his fingertips caressing the chiselled, ingrained features that held for him such horrific memories almost _tenderly_. Unmoved by the slight trembling of his son's fingers against his skin, Snape's father allowed his face to be drawn closer to his son's, their black eyes locked together by Severus' desperation, and by his father's morbid _fascination_ for it.

The older man began to breath heavily, his eyelids fluttering with tainted lust as Severus attempted once more to sway him from his intentions with _reason_, his lips moving mere inches from his father's. "You pose so wilful a threat to my sanity and well-being, father, yet despite your demand that I represent your name with the respectability it deserves, you persist in seeking your…pleasures..." Severus shook his head, at an absolute loss. "To think so many have questioned the origins of _my_ self-destructive nature... Father," The older man's eyes opened to meet his son's sensitive, tearful gaze. "…you shoot your own 'legacy' in the _foot_."

There was a silence, in which Severus' father closed his eyes.

Sirius shuddered, it was as though the weathered man was _relishing_ this intimacy with his son, and with sudden, cold clarity, Sirius knew that Severus was purposely using this to his advantage. Sirius realised that Severus was willing to give his father a little of the twisted sexual intimacy he so craved, in an attempt to pacify him and manipulate him from his final goal, and it was not until that moment, as he watched Severus allowing his breath to gently brush his father's lips, and his gentle fingertips to stroke the rough outline of his father's jaw, that Sirius appreciated the true extent of Severus' desperation. Sirius could not understand why Severus did not try to snatch the wand that was still aimed at his heart from his father's lap, but he conceded to himself that he did not know the speed of the man as Severus did, and that perhaps it was too terrible a risk to take.

When Snape's father eventually spoke, it was with a grave sincerity that cut his son's hopes down viciously before the hidden eyes of his friends.

"No, Severus." There was a smirk. "I do not care now for my _legacy_. I no longer have hope for you. I have lost all that could ever have meant anything to me." His hollow eyes bore into Severus, as he wavered before him, and he whispered, so that his rough lips grazed against his son's pale cheek. "Prepare to lose yourself."

Severus' hands fell from his father's face and he crumpled blankly against the wall. Snape's father reached for the front of Severus' mended robes, and systematically began to unravel them. To Remus and Sirius' disappointment, Severus did not move. In fact, he slid sideways unresponsively, in such a fashion that he wound up lying on the ground in an extremely advantageous position for his father. The older Snape, however, to Sirius' disgust in particular, with one hand still fingering his wand, was refusing to rush the proceedings, and cherising his son's prone, unresisting body with horrifying reverence.

"It's been so long, Severus," The dark voice purred, "my, how you've changed..."

Sirius' mouth had fallen open...what the hell was this? When _he _had attacked Snape, albeit under magical influence, Severus had fought like the blazes to escape from him, and yet here was the same, tormented, broken man indulging his father's identical perversion, with what was almost..._compliance_?

He could not understand what travesty was being played out before him. He had imagined these terrible incidents in Snape's past as short, violent violations, not as this...twisted, horrifying mess...the lines were too blurred, was Severus as entranced by his father as the man clearly was by his son? If not, _how _could Severus be so unresisting? Did he not understand that it wasn't _rape _if he complied, merely... some disgusting scene of incest? How could he condone his father's behaviour, when that same behaviour from other men was enough to destabilise him? Sirius squirmed as a further onslaught of thought struck him...would his father reward Severus for his co-operation? Would he...Sirius exhaled in disgust...would he make it pleasurable for Severus? It must be possible...gay men wouldn't have sex if there was no pleasure to be gained...but how could Severus accept such pleasure knowing that the perpetrator was his..._father_? Sirius wanted to tell himself that Severus had passed out... that he had suffered a mental breakdown and was currently unaware of what was happening around him... but the way that Severus simply watched, detatched, as his father trailed his huge, rough hands over Severus' slim, and still mostly-clothed body with unconcealed excitment, left Sirius with no doubt that Severus was aware of his father's sexual exploration of his body.

Perhaps as a child, Severus had always been trained not to fight back, and was simply unable to break the habit? Paralysed by fear? But Sirius was brutally reminded that childhood _habits _did not later constitute incapacitating compulsions, and that Severus, in his adult form, would be fully aware he was no longer a defenceless child, and would have a far better chance against his father now...

And then Sirius' mind went blank: Snape's father was running his fingers along Severus' closed mouth. He then allowed them to trail down and entangle themselves in his son's dark hair, sweeping it away from the pale skin of his elegant neck. As Sirius watched, with Remus frozen at his side, Snape's father gave his sons's chin the slightest nudge, and Severus immediately responded, raising his chin silently to allow his father access to his unprotected throat. The man immediately latched onto the pale skin, kissing it desperately, and with such force that Sirius saw Severus' features tighten with pain, enforced by the tight fist in his hair.

Sirius found himself almost relieved to see Severus in pain, to see him hurting was one bad thing, but to see him willingly indulge his father was far more of a trial for Sirius. Severus' pain made everything clearer.

As Snape's father reached Severus' jawbone with his lips, he used the anchored fist in his child's long black hair to hoist himself on top of Severus' prostrated, emaciated body, and to lower Severus' chin so that his leering face was suspended above his son's. This maneouver was clearly causing Severus intense discomfort and difficulty breathing (to Sirius' further relief), and not unsurprisingly, given that Severus' thin frame was being crushed beneath a man who could quite easily be twice his weight, and who was making no effort whatsoever to ease his bulk off of his child trapped below him.

With no regard for Severus' desperate, but silenced, struggle for air, his father, studying Severus' still bloodied face and dark eyes in a most invasive fashion, sank his mouth upon Severus' unsmiling lips, taking advantage of his son's surprise to force his tongue savagly inside. Severus' shock was evident, and he stared into his father's dark, hollow eyes, which were glued upon his, even as his mouth worked vigorously, watching with cruel relish for all and any signs of Severus' reaction to his molestation. Then, to Sirius' absolute disgust, Severus began to kiss back, his bloodied tongue slipping gently into his father's mouth, in horrible contrast with the vicious way in which his father bit and shoved his way back into Severus', but as Snape's father began to grind mercilessly atop his son's frail, motionless body, crushing him into the ground, the ordeal of simply watching grew too much for Sirius, and he turned to Remus with determination born of revulsion.

"I'm leaving, I can't watch this perversion."

And lowering his head, fuming with emotion he strode across the room to the door, thinking that he had never been more disgusted with Snape in his entire life.

At that very moment, Snape's father rolled off of Severus' body, and moved to turn him onto his front so that he could sate his growing need, however, misjudging the action, due to his own great strength and Severus' intensely low body weight, he rolled Severus over with a shove forceful enough to send his body sprawling across the floor, completing three complete turns to land painfully back facing the ceiling once more, in the middle of the room.

Just as Severus' body rolled to a stop, Sirius, intangible and striding towards the door in fervent protest, whilst deliberately obstructing his own vision, unintentionally walked throught the middle of Severus' body, from his toes to his bloodied face. And Remus, who had been watching Severus and Sirius throughout the enitre proceedings in despair, suddenly gaped to see spirit surge back into Severus' body, as he forced himself to a sitting position and spun to gaze after Sirius' invisible form.

"_Sirius_?" Severus called incredulously towards the door, but naturally gained no reply. Looking back at his father in disbelief, realising to his horror that he had orchestrated the entire thing so that he might be publically shamed, Severus suddenly realised that he was out of his father's reach, and that the older man was still struggling to his feet. In a split second the decision had been made; Severus was scrambling along the floor and hurling himself out into the corridor, just in time to hear his father's curses hit the walls behind him.

"SIRIUS?" Severus cried again, but there was no response of any kind, and Severus realised that his companions were not currently his priorety. The stairs to the entrance hall were a long way down the exposed corridor, and so long as Severus was trapped in this house, his father would always have the control. It took nothing more to launch him sprinting desperately down the long, narrow corridor, hurtling around the bend towards the staircase just as his father swung out of the room to see him.

Severus started down the huge marble staircase as his father thundered down the corridor, his footsteps and curses growing ever more deafening in Severus' ears as he fled.

Remus emerged from the room to find Sirius standing motionless with surprise in the corridor, staring after the running men. A grin split across Remus' face from ear to ear in delight as he greeted Sirius. "You might just have saved him! Merlin, Sirius, I really think you may have just saved him! Quickly!" He darted up the corridor after Severus; Sirius followed numbly. They emerged at the top of the stairway just in time to see Snape's father get within aiming distance of Severus, as Severus reached the bottom of the stone steps.

"Too slow, _Severus_!"

To Remus' horror, Severus had no sooner registered the words than he was hit with a silent Crucio so extreme and fuelled by such rage and power that the spasms as he collapsed were enough to toss his emaciated, angular body off the ground with each contortion. The black, thrashing mane of hair and the white flashes of bare skin as Severus writhed, where his robes had been torn across his chest, made the sight an abomination to watch.

Remus and Sirius could but stand and watch helplessly, as Snape's father began down the stairs towards the Severus' defenseless, flailing body.

"I'll teach _you _to run!"

Suddenly, almost without anybody having noticed, absorbed as they were, the great entrance doors had opened, and a figure stood in the gap, snow whirling about his feet. The doors slammed shut with a resounding crash as he took a further step into the great entrance hall, and Sirius and Remus leapt from their skin, although the stranger did not flinch.

The tall figure was hooded and cloaked in black, and his eyes moved from the still disfigured and thwarted body of Severus, where he lashed uncontrollably about on the ground, up the white marble steps to the unmoving figure of Snape's father, his wand outstretched, even as he maintained the crippling curse on Severus. "Who are you to enter my Manor? Reveal yourself!"

The dark stranger bowed his head in respect, and extended his pale fingertips to remove his hood. A shock of white-blond hair was loosed from its confines to splash around a thin, aristocratic face and neck.

It was Lucius Malfoy.

Snape's father lowered his wand in surprise and delight at the familiar visage that greeted him, and began to descend down the huge staircase towards him. "Why, Lucius! My boy, how is your good father? And your mother? Still as influential as ever, I'd imagine!"

Lucius smiled flawlessly up at the familiar social figure from his childhood.

"It has been so long since I last saw you, boy."

Lucius inclined his silvery head in acquiscence.

"I know, sir. I confess I am ashamed of myself."

His eyes flickered back to Severus' twitching limbs.

"I should have come sooner."

And in that moment, Lucius allowed his black travelling cloak to slide seamlessly from his shoulders, revealling a striking, embroidered, emerald green robe that accentuated the remarkable colour of his hair and... a well aimed, 11inch ivory wand clenched in his left fist.

"AVADA KEDAVRA."

There was but a breath of horror as Snape's father acknowledged the betrayal, and then nothing more than the clatter of a wand as it fell, followed by the thud of knees hitting stone steps; his sturdy body buckled, and tumbled gracelessly down the staircase to land, lifeless, within inches of his son.

Lucius strode forward to kick the body heavily away from Severus with his boot. He knelt beside the gasping man, cradling the black, matted head, bracing his thin frame against the after-tremors of his father's curse, lifted only in death.

The black spots on Severus' retinas began to fade, and Lucius' composed face swam into vision above him. "Lu..." Severus murmered weakly, a bloody smile playing around his lips.

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm in agony..."

"My concern is for lasting damage."

"..Not...necessary."

Severus allowed himself to be pulled gently to his feet.

Lucius steadied him, clutching his thin shoulders tightly as he surveyed Severus with a growing smile.

"I am glad to hear it."

"Lucius..."

Lucius inclined his head curiously and Severus' courage failed him.

"What...what are you doing here?"

Lucius took a long time in answering.

"Is it of any importance now?"

Severus did not reply.

"Tell me that he wasn't here when we last met. _Tell _me you did not hide him from me in your hollow pride-"

"_Lucius_..."

"I _know _you, Severus. You don't ask for help." Lucius' eyes closed. "_Tell _me you didn't let me leave you here with him-"

"I wouldn't do that to you."

Lucius grimaced; there was a long pause in which he stared at the weaker man.

"It's never been about me, Severus."

They both stared down at the body.

"...He didn't - ?"

"-Not this time."

There was a long silence.

Lucius cocked his head.

"Funny. He looks...smaller, somehow."

"I was just thinking that."

* * *

End of chapter... 


	28. The Understanding

Severus sat, huddled silently on the marble step. It seemed Lucius had left hours ago.

The body had not moved.

Naturally. 

Severus did not know what he had expected of it.

He rose and walked slowly across the hallway. His footsteps precise, echoing hollowly in the desertion. Entering the study, he knelt before the fireplace; the fire was burning low; the floo connection was dying. He tossed a pinch of powder into the flickering light. "Hogwart's... Deputy Headmistress' Study..." His voice cracked as he called through the flames.

"Minerva...help me?" He glanced hesitantly behind him. "Everyone's…gone."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Silently, Minerva waited. She stood cautiously before Severus, where he still knelt numbly on the hearthrug. In time; without attempt to meet her eyes or answer her question, Severus rose, and Minerva followed him from the fire-lit study.

The two somber figures emerged into the cavernous hallway. Minerva saw the body, small and withered amid the great space. She repeated her question.

"Severus. What happenedhere?"

His dark eyes avoided hers. "Too many things. Lupin and Black are invisible, but they're here. Cast the Priori Incantatem." He handed her Remus' wand. "It will give you what you need. I can't help you, Minerva."

"You don't have to. Go back to Hogwart's, Severus." Her voice was unusually soft as she nudged his shielding hair aside to stroke the pale hollow of his cheek. "Not to those dungeons of yours, you hear, go to my rooms. Wait for me there."

Without once raising his eyes he nodded, inclined his head in gratitude, and with one final glance at the prone figure of his father backed into the study.

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#

Remus stumbled on the hearth as he was launched through fire into Minerva's study; Sirius hurtled through after him, careering into his back and jolting Remus forwards against the desk. Remus turned, rolling his eyes at Sirius who quipped mildly, "Smooth." and ran a hand through his tousled hair.

Remus shook his head in amusement but stopped short, catching sight of Severus in a dark armchair. "..Hello."

"Where's Minerva?"

"She – she flooed to get Dumbledore." Remus reassured him softly. "Just in time too. The floo connection was deteriorating."

Sirius said nothing to Snape. He moved past Remus, further into the room.

Remus' gaze flickered after him, before his attention returned to Severus. "Are you alright?" Severus nodded, his eyes downcast. "There was nothing we could do...to help you, I mean – I…I'm sorry. It always seems to be the way."

"Your…your wand…is it alright?"

"Wh...oh, yes." Remus sighed, patting it where it lay concealed within his robes, fondly.

"I'm glad."

Sirius shifted sharply. "That's it? That's all you've to say?"

Severus looked over at him, nonplussed. 

Sirius scorned in disbelieving frustration, "Lucius Malfoy just _killed_ your dad- "

"-Yes." Severus cut him off sharply. "Thank you, Sirius, it hadn't escaped my notice."

"Well you could've fooled me, _Snape_! He just killed him outright-"

"I was _there_, Black!" Severus shouted, angered by Sirius' unexplained, unprovoked aggression. His voice softened in his confusion. "What is it that you -?"

"Did you not even care!? Not enough to want vengeance?"

"On _Lucius_?"

"On your _FATHER_!"

Severus quavered, collecting himself.

"You would rank vengeance over respite? He is dead! It is _over_!" Severus allowed his voice to lower. "Am I to fault Lucius for acting on my behalf? I will not quibble over the method of my father's demise…" 

"You…you just _lay_ there, Severus." Sirius' voice was hoarse, weakened to a rasp by emotion. "You _let_ him touch you…you even _responded_- "

"-How dare you!" Severus was on his feet in a matter of moments, seizing Sirius' robes and shoving him hard up against the wall. "How _dare_ you presume to judge me? Do you think I have not fought his advances enough times to understand the _futility_ of such resistance? When he wants to take me, he _takes_ me - he has never once failed or been successfully distracted from that aim! This has been my whole _life_; you think you have some source of perspicacity that I _lack_?" The spirit seemed to drain from Severus, even as he held Sirius, unresisting, before him. In misery, his grip slackened, and he tore his eyes from Sirius'.

"At least with compliance it need not be so violent." There was a void of movement in the room.

"Don't you _look_ at me!" Severus shoved himself from Sirius, his head lowered in shame. "He has _always_ been stronger than I; he has always been more powerful. I have never had a chance…and you would presume to judge me _now_, for attempting to utilise the one _slight_ advantage I ever had over him? For using his attraction to my advantage?" Severus' dark eyes implored Sirius' understanding from beneath the limp strands of his hair, before disappearing into their depths once more.

His aching voice added brokenly, "I do not _need_ you to be disgusted by me fro my compliance, Sirius. I am disgusted by myself, that I considered it worth it."

With his last words, Severus was already fumbling with the door handle, wrenching the door open and surging into the passageway, the door rebounding off Minerva's office wall in his wake, as his thundering footsteps signaled his hasty departure. 

Sirius turned to Remus, his eyes black with dismay, and Remus, motionless, pre-empted him. "Not a damn word. You go after him, and you do it now."

Sirius was gone. Hurtling down the corridor, Severus' black form staggered before Sirius.

"Severus!" Sirius threw himself after his fleeing opponent, "_Severus_-"

As he caught the thin man by the wrist, spinning him about to face him, Sirius saw, to his shame, that blinding tears had been the source of Severus' unsteadiness.

Sirius crumpled with guilt. "Please…" He begged, unreservedly.

Severus' eyes clouded with confliction.

Sirius shook his head, overwhelmed by desperation to express himself. "I was…way out of line. I just… had this idea of…what he had done to you…in my head, and seeing you…behave as you did… It just threw everything into conflict; who to believe; who to blame; what to feel…"

Severus choked. "Not the black and white distinction you so prefer..."

"-Exactly." Sirius sought desperately to dispel the wronged man's tears. "What I _said_…it was a failing of mine that I was so outraged. Your submission to him…not only was it purely business of your own, but equally I… I've no doubt that in calculation it was your best option- I-"

"-Oh **SHUT UP**, _SIRIUS _!" 

Sirius recoiled in surprise as Severus slammed his palm against the wall with a cry, before sinking his head desperately into his hands.

Sirius stood in stunned silence.

"It isn't what you _said_. It's…that I _agree _with all that you felt, despite the vehemence of my...protestation ..." Severus took a shuddering breath, his eyes clenched closed as he leant in defeat against the wall, "_That_ is what has me so devastated; not your _words_, but…that I share your sentiment."

Sirius gazed at Severus hopelessly, floundering under sheer incomprehension. Severus shielded his face.

"I lied to you, Sirius. I have fought him. _Always_, since my mother died, no matter the consequences. _He_…all of it…has always sickened me. I have been unable to lie still and bear it. But…last night...last night I felt nothing as he began to touch me, I just…fell away. Do you understand? I felt _nothing_, I felt utterly hollow…dead. Inside. Just detached, as though it had all reached some point of absurdity beyond reality.

He broke my spirit. He finally severed it. And I was just…_blind_ to it. I saw it only through your eyes, when I suddenly realized that he had contrived to have you watch, and…it tore me back into myself. Last night marked…something. And I don't ever want to feel that way again. I won't let it happen. It frightened me - I have never failed myself so completely, and I won't do it again."

Severus' hand fell from his eyes. "Still, it is…upsetting to me; to be sure of the depths to which my acquiescence might have sunk…had you not…" His lip trembled, and he shook his dark head hopelessly. "There is no such disgust."

Sirius stood silently in the deadened air of the corridor.

Severus' tears had abated with the substitute outpouring of his hidden explanation. Sirius was not sure that this second outpour on Severus' part had not touched him the more deeply. He drew a long, much-needed breath.

"You've…just got to let it go."

Severus looked sideways at him.

"You have to let it go. You internalise all this… _anguish_, and you think you're hiding it, but you're not. It's the first thing people see about you. It's just…there. In the way you hold yourself, in the way you respond to-" He broke off at a loss, shaking his head. "People don't even know what they're seeing. How could they..? Most people wouldn't even be able to - " His eyes found Severus' once more. "This has…defined your entire life, Severus - the way people have treated you…the way _I_…" Severus' eyes dropped, his mouth tight, and Sirius' words faltered. "It frightens people - threatens them - to see those kind of experiences in a person, that sort of… _knowledge_. And it isn't your fault. But _you_ have the power to free yourself from it. Just let it go. It isn't who you are it's just…something that happened to you. Don't let people know it."

There was a prolonged silence, and Sirius realized suddenly that Severus was vibrating with anger, visibly struggling with the internal decision not to walk away.

"I…think you are under some _illusions_, Sirius." His voice was tremulous with intensity, as he backed delicately away from Sirius before asserting quietly. "I think you would _like_ to excuse us, both of us, by attributing our shortcomings to… events outside of our control. But...the way you treated me…the way you _continued_ to treat me until…" Severus swallowed tightly. "That was never about me, Sirius, that was _you_ and your problems - if you had never met me it would have been another man. And I'm not looking for an apology, you didn't know me, _couldn't_ know who I was… just as I didn't, and _don't _know what it was about you that made you find my behavior so repellant. What has _changed_ your attitude towards me is your shame, now that you know more about my life .

As for myself, I am not a nice man. I cannot prove that without my father I would have been a better one. Regardless, it doesn't change the person I am now, and without that person, I'm nobody else. I don't understand how you can expect me to dismiss my personality.."

"It is not your personality, it's your _behavior_-"

"Oh, _damn_ it, Sirius-"

"No, _you_ listen to me, you're right that I didn't know you, I'd never been close to you, I hated you purely because of your behavior – _and_ the way it made me feel, alright?" Sirius rolled his eyes at Severus' attempt to interrupt, "I admit, it's may have been more me than you, but everything you _did_ - exasperated me! No, Sev don't – what I'm telling you is since I…I've known you, your circumstances, - your behavior doesn't makes me feel…unsure of myself, or…angry at you any more. It makes me angry at myself for having misinterpreted it in the past-"

"Sirius." Severus sighed, "These are lovely words, and I'm aware that Gryffindor's are prone to such flamboyant gestures, but I assure you your reaction is one of temporary shock only, and that before long you will find my character inexcusable, because _you_ have a low level of tolerance, and _I_ am uncontrollably defensive. Whatever you may reason out in your head, I will inevitably provoke you to outrage, you will instinctively attack me, and with little change we will doubtless continue our conflict of-"

"There will **be** change." Sirius set his jaw in anger. "I attacked Harry in your defense. I wish to god I hadn't - because don't get me wrong, he means, and will always mean, a damn sight more to me than you – but I attacked him in defense of you. Because my feelings towards you have _changed_, and I am determined to see that you are treated differently, beginning with myself and with those close to me."

Severus' countenance had changed entirely. After a moment, Sirius shifted under the unwavering concern expressed by Severus' features. 

"I'm sorry." Severus said into the quietness. "That must have been…" He broke off. "He is…with Poppy still?"

Sirius nodded his grim, downcast affirmation. "Minerva has told me he will be perfectly fine in a couple of days. She says he…understands, _but_-"

"You should go to him." Severus said, interrupting Sirius' anguished debate. "He…_Harry _loves you, Sirius. He's a perfectly intelligent boy; he will understand. Children are…most forgiving."

"That's what devastates me the most…he's been through enough, he shouldn't have to forgive me… he should be able to depend on me, I-"

"The world of magic is an unpredictable one. Its dangers are as limitless as its possibilities and we must all accept the unreliability of the people within it. He will _forgive_ you, Sirius, he will have forgiven you already, and he will not allow what happened to taint your subsequent relationship, do you understand?"

"And I apologise for your having been placed in a situation that so compromised you. That is entirely my responsibility, you were there only to help me, and it endangered the person most precious to you-"

"_This_ is what I'm talking about, Severus!" Sirius insisted fervently, " I'm past all that! I don't resent you for what happened –you were no more responsible for my decision to enter your father's potions laboratory, than you were for your father's contriving to lure me there, or for his designing that potion in the first place! – My fury at Harry was fueled by anger at myself for having so often treated you just as badly in my ignorance. Besides, Harry should not have bloody been there in the first place, the inquisitive little sod," Sirius rolled his eyes with half-hearted frustration, "and once you find out what it was he came to apologise to you for, you'll be even less convinced that _anything_ that happened is your responsibility."

Severus was still silent as Sirius breathed heavily having finished his emotional tirade. Severus raised his eyes seriously. "Still...I do see now why it should be so important that this… newfound understanding between us should bring about a revolution in our relationship. It was…more costly for you than I had understood."

"And I just feel that…with so much being out in the open now, it's an opportunity for you to…_relax_ a little. It must have been such a terrible burden upon you, and now there will be some of us with whom you don't need to be so…guarded. I just think that it's too important a chance to let it slip through your fingertips, Severus. I really do, I mean – all that defensiveness - this could free you."

Severus' eyes were averted again. His lips were pursed with self-restraint and gnawing unease, unwilling to discuss his personal life in such serious terms, however absurd he recognized such prudence to be, given what had so recently been exposed to Sirius about himself. Nonetheless, Severus nodded his affirmation of the sense behind Sirius' assertions.

Sirius smiled, sighing with a blanket emotion of relief. A sudden intangible exhaustion seemed to overwhelm them both; there remained so little tension between them; so much had been said; so many emotions vented, there seemed suddenly a gulf where before there had been such hostility separating them. They looked at each other, suddenly feeling the formality of their standing staunchly opposite one another in the open corridor to be slightly superfluous and absurd. They nodded at one another, they smiled in the strange, floating relief of the freedom between them, and Sirius' grin, and his fondness for the strange bond they seemed to share escalated to the point where he almost felt he was going to laugh inexplicably. He fancied internally that Severus may have been experiencing close to the same sensation, for the other man suddenly gave a definitive nod, and insisted, "Right, I need to –" gesturing his continuance along the corridor. He looked back at Sirius with a grimace, "In all honesty, I'd rather avoid Minerva, I cannot see myself relating to her all that has happened. If she wishes to have details I will…select certain memories with which to provide an overview of our time in Albus' pensive." Severus raised his eyebrows sardonically.

Sirius nodded. "But you're going to be okay?"

Severus smiled. "I'm going to be fine."

Sirius leaned in the opposite direction down the corridor. "I'll get back to Remus, then. I'll…see you around, Severus."

"Indeed." Severus smirked, good-naturedly.

Sirius inclined his head, and began to walk away.

"Bye."

Severus stood in the corridor, watching Sirius walk away, his head swimming with thoughts, as the light-hearted ease of company faded back into darker, more powerful memories of the last few days. A little while after Sirius had rounded the corner of the corridor, and been lost to Severus, Severus turned to walk away, without any more definite intention, than to drift in the general direction of his dungeons, taking advantage of the school's current student-free state. 

He barely had time to turn around, however, before he was brutally torn from his melancholy reverie.

"Severus Snape!" The shrill voice reverberated through the empty corridor, as the plump, red-faced Mediwitch stormed towards him up the corridor.

"Poppy!" Severus exclaimed, half delighted, half terrified.

"What _have_ you been doing to yourself? Minerva has had us both _beside_ ourselves with worry! I returned immediately when she managed to contact me – oh, look at the state of you, you impossible man!"

"Poppy, I assure you-"

"Don't you dare!" Poppy cried, raising a finger in warning at his attempts at resistance. "_You_ are coming with me this instant." She seized him by the arm and began to steer him briskly down the corridor, undoubtedly in the direction of the hospital wing.

Severus sighed, and resigned himself to her inevitable care and charge of him. Her grip softened as they neared the end of the corridor, and Severus looked down and the fondness displayed in her soft features with trepidation. "Incidentally, my dear, I am, as always, so glad to see you safely returned to us."


End file.
